The Best Mistakes (The Amherst Sinners Series Book 3)

by Elena Monroe

  Facing the mirror, I took inventory of myself. I was invisibly marked as Oliver’s.

  Reaching for the shower door, I felt his hands pull my hips backwards into his hard cock, minus the boxer briefs. His length pushed into the small of my back, and I had to bite down on a whimper trying to escape when I felt his lips against my neck.

  “Showering without me?”

  I snickered through my teeth holding down my bottom lip. “We just got back together, let’s not be one of those inseparable couples.”

  His lips left a trail of kisses from my shoulder to my ear, and each kiss burned as he left it behind. I didn’t even have time to laugh following my sarcasm. He had a talent for making me react against his touch. No matter how hard I bit my lip, pressed my thighs together, or forced myself to think of the most unattractive thoughts… I melted for him.

  “How did we do it? Go so long without each other.”

  He normally had all the answers and never asked much.

  “I guess we got to the hard part, huh? All the dirty details. All the answers. Sex is easy; that part of us wasn’t broken.”

  Walking around me, he stepped backwards into the shower. “I’d like to skip talking about Hunter or the abortion. Thanks.”

  The door closed behind him on its own, and my body was left vibrating from his touch still. I knew falling into my bed after running out on Thanksgiving dinner wasn’t some fix-all. I knew the real hard part was what came after: reality.

  My life for the past five years was all a mystery, and holding it captive made me feel dirty.

  I stepped into the shower, eyeing him carefully, as he just stood under the showerhead and let the water beat him down. He slowly turned around to face me, pushing his hair back with the excess water dripping down him. He held his hand out, beckoning me closer. I leaned into him, hands against his chest and my hips flush against him. I wanted to soak up every part of his six years, like I wasn’t ever really gone.

  “You overthink too much. No matter how much we talk, we’ll never get those years back.”

  A single tear ran from my lashes; mixing with the moisture of the shower it felt like one giant tear.

  “I have so many questions—”

  He cut me off as his hands wrapped around me, keeping me close. “I know. Jade? Yes, but it wasn’t often, only when I was dire need. Why didn’t I call? Caden told me about seeing Hunter here one morning, and I guess I was mad about it. The game? I was reckless. I didn’t care what the consequences were if it meant you were mine.”

  Oliver read me like a book, answering every question I had, like I said them out loud. I didn’t expect him to have questions too, when he changed our position and pushed me against the tile. His strong, covered-in-tattoos arms boxed me in before he spoke.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

  My eyes dropped down from his instantly, landing on his chest, while I choked out the answer: “That couldn’t be what fixed us. You would have dropped everything and been mine again. But not for me… for a baby.”

  He corrected me with a tight jaw, “Our baby.”

  My hands slid down his chest further when he clutched his hand over mine, keeping my hand in place. “I forgive you Layla. We can make more babies… but I can’t replace you.”

  I could still see the thoughts swirling around his head. I let my head fall back against the tile, as Oliver leaned down, leaving more kisses down my neck, chest, stomach… and something between a moan and whimper escaped me.

  “I don’t wanna know the dirty details. I have an imagination. Just tell me you don’t love him.”

  Pulling away from me, I saw his sad eyes—ones he kept private, even from me. My arms snaked up to his neck, pulling him further into me as I whispered between us. For some reason, the memory of us in that bar bathroom flooded to my mind. Oliver felt threatened by Hunter and demanded I tell him I was his. I didn’t mean to whisper my same reply from that day as I thought it.

  “I’m yours, Oliver.”

  He leaned further down, pulling his body away from mine as his hands skimmed the back of my thighs, and he lifted me up to his waist. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around him and gasped. We were closer than we were before he licked between my breasts up to my throat, and before he whispered, “No, I know you’re mine, Layla. Say you didn’t fall for him. Tell me you didn’t let him have what’s really mine... your heart.”

  My clit ached with so much fury as I rubbed myself against his stiffness. I could have come without any of him being inside me.

  “I never fell for him. I always fought him.”

  With one hard thrust, I felt myself hug his length, and I couldn’t catch my breath as I clung onto Oliver’s now more muscled arms. He nipped at my ear when his lips traced his words against me, so low I almost couldn’t hear him.

  “Come to Amherst with me.”

  Was that his plan? We live happily ever after in Amherst? I’d give up the bookstore and give up being close to the people who hadn’t ghosted me for years?

  I stayed silent, making sure I wasn’t risking him leaving me high and dry. Oliver loved the chase, the waiting game, so much so that I didn’t want to give him a reason to play it now.

  I shook against his girth as he finally pulled out just to push back inside of me, reaching the hilt of how far he could go. His hands held me up, while our chests rubbed with each thrust.

  I was already coming undone, feeling just as inexperienced as I was when I met Oliver. His lips crashed against mine in this messy way that wiped away all my thinking.

  His tongue was soft, unlike his animalistic jerks of his hips between my legs, which were still wrapped tightly around him. He lifted me higher before placing me down, and suddenly I felt crushingly empty, like nothing about this was permanent. I spun around, placing my hands on the tiles under the shower head and shoving my ass back into him. He guided himself into me from the new position, and I felt his knuckles brush between my ass cheeks, making me jump slightly.

  His chest pressed into me, whispering into my ear lobe, “Have you… not? Not with him?”

  I shook my head silently, cautiously, with my mouth open and my hips impatient for him to finally move. I knew he was basking in something that was only his and felt his lips smirking against my neck.

  “I’m not sharing you anymore. Your ass is mine. We are permanent, Layla.”

  A quick hand between my ass cheeks felt wet and I knew he was taking something I had reserved purposely, but every ounce of me was his to restore or destroy. He wanted the victory of owning all of me, even my virgin ass.

  I wanted to push myself back into him, but I remained still as the nerves built inside of my ribcage. All I ever knew about this was from B, my ex-best-friend, who raved about it hurting when her and Adrian took that next step our sophomore year. After her play by play, I agreed with myself that I was steering clear.

  There was a mounting pressure as he pushed himself in-between my ass cheeks that felt so much tighter than anywhere he had ever been. He was breathing heavily, and my hands made small fists against the tiles. A small part of me told me to clamp my eyes shut and take the punishment; it was well deserved for hiding the abortion and letting Hunter take his place all these years.

  With my eyes clamped shut, I heard him whisper my name, grabbing my attention. “Baby, you okay? It’ll feel good after a few pushes.”

  I tried to be still, breathing slowly, waiting for that moment. None of this was aiding in the ache that was now fading between my legs until his hand snaked in front of me. His long, tattooed fingers, were in search of my clit when I looked down. A big exhale and he was toying with my bundle of nerves pushing me closer to the edge of coming.

  “Your so damn tight. Fuck.”

  He moved slowly, no matter how much I knew he wanted to tear my ass up. Neither of us lasted very long and eventually his size didn’t feel so foreign inside my uncharted territory. Oliver had finally had a taste of everything I had t
o offer—all Sinner and not much saint left.

  After we came, I stayed back, letting the water hit me as I turned it up to a more scalding temperature that I knew he wouldn’t appreciate. I knew I had to let go of the negative, all the questions, that I held onto for years. It was all I had to keep me company. The cost was holding onto all of the bad and losing Oliver or letting go of the guilt of never letting go. The water cascaded down me, and I pushed my face into the steam, letting it wash away my overthinking, until I felt a smile tugged at every corner of my face, all consumingly, and the emptiness was replaced by this full feeling.

  I was getting out, reaching for a towel, when we both turned our heads at the same time towards the bedroom, where his phone was ringing and vibrating against the wood of the nightstand. I watched him storm over to it, like it purposely had it out for him. His hatred for phones was obvious, as he pulled it to his ear, with a short and curt, “What?”

  I watched him secure the towel around his waist, and his body language didn’t loosen up any.

  “What do you mean you haven’t seen her?”

  My overhearing from the bathroom felt intrusive, and it should have prompted some guilt. On one hand, I had just let the water wash all my guilt away, so I wasn’t going to build those walls up so soon. When I heard her I knew that meant Jade. Hiding in the bathroom in a towel with prune skin wasn’t really an option any longer, so I crossed the obvious threshold into my room, where I didn’t have to eavesdrop with him only inches away.

  I dropped the towel in search of clothes that I could just throw on and deemed a pair of leggings and baggy hoodie worthy. He pulled on his boxer briefs in a frenzy, and I now felt like an asshole, instead of just innocent eavesdropper. Something was obviously wrong, and he was clearly caught off guard with this phone call. I didn’t even question who was breaking the news that Jade was just more than flaky now, she was crossing over to being a bad parent.

  I made a focused route to the coffee machine, when I had to do a double take at Caden sprawled out on the couch. His entire body was on display, until the balled up sheet hit his hips, and I wondered if every time he was shirtless a girl was crying somewhere. This man wasn’t gorgeous or handsome, but he was made up of the same shit gods were comprised of. He was damn-near perfect, especially now with the stubble and glasses he wore in his off time.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping it came off as more shocked than rude.

  He sat up and put the TV on mute, and I poured him a cup from my average machine. He had the entire Starbucks professional grade setup put in his and Aspen’s kitchen, when he first got signed.

  “Aspen and Maddison were trashed after Thanksinning and would not stop arguing, so… I crashed here.”

  I laughed at his newly-named holiday. It was perfect, because none of us had any thanks and all we did this year was sin profusely. I handed him a cup of coffee before sitting in the chair near the couch.

  “Arguing about what?”

  He rubbed his eyes under his glasses aggressively, “The same shit. She wants to be free, and his entire family is pushing marriage. They want different shit.”

  This wasn’t new information to any of us. They had been having this same fight for pretty much the past three years, and I wondered when it would come to an ultimatum.

  “Yeah, but they love each other.” That was always my romantic heart’s excuse and justification for dealing with their fighting.

  Caden leaned back, sipping his coffee. “It’s not enough, Layla. Being guilty about shit from college isn’t enough.”

  I mulled over if he really thought that was Aspen’s only motivation. I wasn’t convinced he was simply making up for the biggest mistake of his young adult life. We moved past it, and they built a life, interwoven. I dropped it, transitioning to a lighter topic.

  “Why aren’t you with your family? Today is actually Thanksgiving.”

  Caden kicked his feet up onto the coffee table when I noticed Oliver was still in my room, probably sorting out whatever Jade did this time.

  “My family? Hell no.”

  I analyzed his face for some kind of clues, but came up empty. Caden was right up there with Oliver when it came to concealing everything—professional grade everything.

  “Better than this living room, right?”

  He stood up, tossing the sheet on the couch when it fell down his legs. At least he had boxers on when he sauntered to the kitchen in search of food. He pulled out whatever scraps he could find. Maddison and I weren’t the best at adulting, and right now it showed.

  “No. I’ll take an empty living room, any day. My mom is still best friends with her.”

  He said her like I’d know what he was talking about. Caden didn’t date. He didn’t invite the same girl to the same place twice, and he certainly didn’t gush about anyone. The last time I saw a repeat offender was in college: B. It took me a minute to realize his sins from when he barked them into my face like an insult. Her was the women who took advantage of him when he was younger.

  “Oh,” was all I could mutter. I understood why he was alone on the holidays now, and it broke my heart, but explained his strong ties to the Sinners. They were all he had now.

  “Don’t cry for me, Argentina. I made out okay. Just makes going home hard. I’m legendary, in the bad way.”

  My memory snapped into action, recalling the rest of his sins: bullying someone relentlessly to the point that they decided to take their life and the less sinful way around his poor grades to get into Amherst in the first place. I gave him a small smile from the chair I cozied into.

  “Where’s Oliver? Can’t sneak out this high up.”

  I jutted my head towards my room wordlessly, only adding after a long pause. “Someone called. Something with Jade.”

  I snatched the book off the coffee table, opening it up where my bookmark stood above the pages. It was a book about flawed characters and love that didn’t come easily. It was real, too real that I hurt along with the main character. I saw his Vans before I shifted my eyes up to Oliver standing next to me.

  “Gotta go. Drama back home. You gotta change or anything?”

  I closed my book, “You want me to go with you? Isn’t it about Jade?”

  He picked up my coffee mug, draining the contents in one shot. “Did you plan on living without me again? I just got you back.”

  My heart smiled before my face could at his confession. He was so tough, but he never hid how he felt about me. My head motioned towards Caden, who would literally be all alone. My still functioning conscience and moral compass kept me from being a full-fledged Sinner.

  Oliver rolled his eyes, maintaining eye contact with me, while his words were clearly for Caden. “Get dressed, man. Road trip.”

  Caden dumped his eggs, veggies, and sausage into a Tupperware container I didn’t even know we owned, as he made his way around the island. “Already ahead of you. I’m travel ready. Oh, shit… wait, I need pants. Can’t have girls fainting everywhere.”

  I didn’t bother changing since I pretty much fit into college casual already, and forgot campus would be pretty much empty this time of year. His toy car made us both laugh, as Caden shoved himself into the back. I made him a deal to trade on the way back, after Oliver demanded I sit next to him.

  W hen I pulled up to the guest house I still occupied, I saw Layla’s face go paler than her complexion, which was hard to do; she was pale as fuck.

  My babysitter pretty much called in the cavalry, short of the police. I walked into a storm of panic and stress when I saw my mom coddling my son, my dad cutting a cigar, and my babysitter on the verge of tears, like she had lost Jade, when she was only responsible for my son. I was liable for Jade.

  “What the fu— What happened?”

  Layla and Caden walked through the door, but they didn’t move past the foyer when they assessed the mood. I almost felt bad dragging them into this without any real background information. When my babysitter called in a fragi
le state of annoyance, I had to come running. Arson had already been through enough, me not being there in moments like this wasn’t going to be added to the list.

  I leaned over the island, while she explained that Jade left shortly after I did yesterday, and she hadn’t heard or seen her since. I had to control not laughing in her face. The best I could do was a smirk to keep my judgment to a minimum.

  “Are we kidding? It’s Jade. It hasn’t even been 48 hours.”

  My dad shot me a glare meant to melt metal; good thing I was stone, thanks to his heavy hand all those years. All our progress was seemingly put on hold when I confronted him on hiding the fact that I had a child. Now we were civil and awkward, as my anger bubbled under the surface still.

  “It’s not like her… well, at least, not since you and she started raising Arson.”

  I lowered my voice when I saw Arson look over at me, smiling. “It’s fucking Jade. She isn’t reliable enough to have someone say that ‘isn’t like her’.” I let my voice get slowly louder when I let my babysitter know she could leave, get some rest, or whatever kids her age did to unwind from this fake alarm. My dad plopped down in an armchair, and my mom was talking to Layla like she had never left. I kneeled down to my son, who was blissfully unaware that life wasn’t perfect. I envied that kind of ignorance. He didn’t say anything as he shifted himself into my lap and continued to play with his cars.

  I looked at Layla, who was watching me interact with him closely, while Caden sat down across from him wielding another car. Caden was just short of amazing with kids. There really wasn’t a skill involving people that he hadn’t perfected.– Women, socializing, sex, reading people, advice, kids… he could do it all.

  Arson looked at Caden with his face scrunched up in confusion. “Who’s dat?” I could hear all the judgment in his voice. Cruelty came easy to him, and I dreaded him learning how to use it to his advantage.

  He learned quickly to ask people the questions when he wanted a straight answer. Something that Layla, the love of my life, still hadn’t mastered.