The Best Mistakes (The Amherst Sinners Series Book 3)

by Elena Monroe

  Someday.

  It’s funny how much someone’s success prompts you to take a critical look at your own life—not out of jealousy or petty behaviors, but because somehow your friend figured out life successfully before you did. I was directionally challenged after college, and I was still just trying to get my hands on a damn map. Oliver was a compass—one I had lost for years. Even without a map, I could tell you my true North was always him.

  I looked over at Arson, who was playing with his cars, wrecking them together, quietly. He was quiet, just like Oliver. He only spoke when absolutely necessary, making his words too impactful for his age.

  Never thinking too much about having kids of my own until last night, Arson forced me to think about it. Moment by moment, I found myself adoring him more. I had never had much interaction with kids before Arson. I kept wondering if I simply loved the parts that I clearly connected to Oliver, but there were parts of Arson that were simply his own. He liked drawing cars, dragons, Amherst, animals… The focus I saw him point at the blank page and turn it into magic was his and only his. He was Oliver’s son, but he was his own person that I couldn’t wait to see grow.

  When Oliver didn’t text and time was flying by, I realized the nanny wasn’t going to make it in time, not before the wedding. I checked my phone almost every minute, waiting for a message, directions, any hints to where he was or what to do with Arson… No one planned for him to be in the wedding, but being the best maid of honor I could be, I made a last minute decision, since we didn’t have a ring bearer.

  All he needed was to lose the chunky knit cardigan and get a bow tie. For a toddler, he already dressed like a middle-aged New Englander. I wondered who he got that from, considering Oliver probably hadn’t bought any new clothes since college.

  “Layla…?” he tugged my arm, like I had a faulty wire and him jerking my arm around would help.

  I looked down at him, and his glossy eyes were waiting for what he wanted to say.

  “It’s itching…” His little hands roamed his neck and chest, itching all over like a mad man. I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Well, Aunty Liz, would be really happy if you wore it anyways.”

  His face turned into a scowl that was too good for his age. By the time he reached pre-teen age, it would be downright terrifying. Another smile broke out on my face when I took his hand and offered to bring him to the boys room down the hall, where they were getting ready. With a wild shake of his head, he held my hand and started for the door.

  Even he knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to get it.

  I was so terrified of messing up and losing Oliver that I found myself monitoring what I said, what I did, what I felt… I wasn’t going anywhere this time, but I also wasn’t giving myself a chance to sabotage this, because I was more used to being alone.

  My knuckles lightly knocked on the guys’ room, and Aspen opened the door abruptly. “Have you seen Maddison? I need to talk to her.”

  My face turned into that emoji with a stretched smile, like a physical “eeek”. I hadn’t seen her all morning. She wasn’t in the bridal party, but I expected her to be around. He pushed by me, leaving the door cracked widely. I peered in, watching the guys tie their ties, while I scanned what I could to try and see Oliver.

  Caden appeared in the doorway. “Excuse me, miss. This is the man cave. Can I help you? Looking to do some sinning?”

  Caden was a creature of his own—all the protective tendencies only got worse with age, spilling into his words and demeanor without trying. Even right now, this exchange… it felt like a test.

  “Ew. Where’s Oliver?”

  He finally noticed Arson and immediately picked him up, holding him on his hip. In Caden fashion, he was shirtless, just like most of the time. Arson seemed comfortable, and I don’t know why I scanned his features for him to want me to take him back. I felt a protective sense I didn’t know I had, until the coffee I threw in Hunter’s face. We had all been through enough, and if it wasn’t fallout from past sinning, I wasn’t letting it touch these two.

  “He’s coming from Amherst. He hasn’t texted me, but he’ll be here. Relax. It’s Liz. We aren’t gonna purposely piss her off.”

  He was right. Oliver wouldn’t miss this day if his life depended on it. Their bond was made of titanium. I stopped finding myself jealous as time went on. It took awhile to realize the degrees of love someone can feel and yet none of them touch being in love. He was everything but in love with Liz. All the Sinners had a kind of love for each other that nothing else would match. The only thing that could quiet that kind of love was finding that one person meant for them.

  “Earth to Layla? You in there?”

  His hand waved in my face, as I harped on Oliver being two hours away. “What?”

  He put Arson down, and little man bee-lined it to a table. None of this felt right without Oliver in the room. “He’ll be here. Relax. I’ve got Arson. I’m his favorite uncle.” He twisted around, asking Arson to confirm, and he smiled without confessing to anything, but he glowed a pure “yes”.

  “Just tell him to find me when he gets here.”

  I watched Caden’s eyes follow something behind me, and I only shifted my head slightly to peer my eyes at whatever was catching his eye: a beautiful girl with jet black hair, pin straight, a toned frame, and pale skin that could battle mine for the fairest. I watched Caden’s eyes become smoky; his eyes slanted some, focusing on taking in her every feature and taking them all into memory.

  “Why don’t you talk to her? Go on a date? Get them digits?”

  He laughed, like that was the stupidest idea he had ever heard. Everyone knew he wasn’t the committing type. I was pretty sure half of Boston knew at the rate he racked them in and disposed of them.

  “I don’t date, sweetheart.”

  “Why not? We aren’t in college anymore. Don’t you want someone?” The next sentence was short, sweet, and slipped from my mouth like smooth honey. “She’s gorgeous.”

  “I’m just damaged goods with a good body. I don’t need the drama.”

  I twisted around leaning on my arm onto the doorframe, watching his eyes watch her while he spoke. He was saying two different things—one with his eyes and the other with his words. He was damaged goods with a good body, but that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t appreciate his heart. His last answer to high/low came to mind almost instantly about his confession to loneliness.

  “Go put in a good word for me. I’m good with a one night stand.”

  I rolled my eyes and took one last glance at Arson, who was in his own world, before I walked away from the dressing rooms the wedding party occupied. I waited for Caden to be out of sight before I stalked over to the girl, who was cleaning off glasses with a thick white cloth. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was, or why I was putting myself through this. That was what we did as Sinners: stupid things for each other, for love, for the reckless need to sin on someone else’s soul, and for family.

  My hands were sweating, and my nerves were dangerously close to turning into anxiety when I approached her. “Hey, um, my friend—”

  The raven-haired beauty didn’t even try to pull her eyes away from the crystal glasses for Liz’s wedding, when she answered, “No,” before I could even finish.

  “Excuse me? You didn’t even know what I was gonna say.”

  She tossed the cloth over her shoulder and finally turned towards me with this expression of pity, like it was sad I didn’t understand what she meant.

  “Your friend wants my number, right? No, thanks. I get hit on enough at these events.”

  Her direct tone pretty much shook my foundation of gray tones I was living in now, leaving nothing needing to be deciphered when she spoke. I didn’t even know what to do with her sentence. Should I walk away? Thank her for explaining? She went right back to her glasses, ignoring I existed again and that there was no way I could make a case for Caden. This Snow White wasn’t the one for him. She was guarded wi
th swords behind a big castle—clearly off limits.

  Walking away and ignoring awkward situations was a gift. I walked away from her, back to the bridesmaids’ room to finish getting ready. I was still in sweats, and I knew showtime was only creeping closer.

  Liz turned around from facing the window and holding her strapless, beaded dress against her chest. “Thank god! There you are! It’s tradition for the maid of honor to lace me up.” Haley, fully dressed in her bridesmaid dress in the deep wine stained color that showed every tattoo she had on her arms, handed me the ribbon. I walked over to Liz’s beautiful curves outlined in the window. She looked perfect; no Sinner in sight, only saintly tonight.

  “You look breathtaking… seriously.”

  She looked up at the ceiling and waved her hand in front of her face to keep any wetness that was building up from ruining her makeup.

  “Don’t make me cry yet, Layla! I’m already gonna be a mess during the toasts.”

  Liz had decided against having a dinner rehearsal in order to make everyone’s speeches brand new to her ears. She wanted to be surprised, and I was sure the Sinners weren’t going to let her off without any tears. She was the first one of us to get married and start a new chapter of adulthood with a child on the way. It was a milestone that wasn’t going unnoticed.

  I ran the satin ribbon through the holes, lacing her up, like it was the 1800’s and we were going to a ball. After she had me pull the ribbon tight and approved of the bow, I had to take photos, since she couldn’t see it from the right angle. Third time’s a charm after getting it to sit perfectly straight. When she twisted around to look at the bottom of her dress, I took a step to the side and snapped my fingers for the photographer in the room to capture the moment while I did the same with my phone. She was a princess, covered in beaded lace and a smile that only someone truly happy could wear.

  The moment of silent admiration concluded as soon as she saw I wasn’t dressed yet. “Layla! I go down in like 20 minutes!”

  Immediately, I rushed to the last dress hanging up and hustled to get it on quickly. The wine colored, off-the-shoulder dress felt scandalous for a wedding, with my collarbones exposed and my arms bare. Thankfully, it was floor length, so at least I was covered up elsewhere. Carefully and precisely, I didn’t mess up my hair or makeup that the professionals had done while I got dressed.

  “Ladies, are we ready for photos? Where does the bride want to go?”

  I took my place next to Hayley, realizing we were missing Addi. Outside, the sun was setting, as was my hope for Addi’s maturity to arrive before permanently bad things happened. Oliver already tried to push her to coming clean, and now she was late for Liz’s big day. I wanted to understand her. I wanted to say it was okay, but she had no excuse. I texted her ferociously hoping none of my innocence slipped through. I was measuring all my anger and was borderline vicious.

  Me: If you miss your sister’s wedding, I will personally find a way to make your life hell.

  Then I texted Hunter promptly after with the same threat. She didn’t text back, but Hunter did as soon as he got my message.

  Hunter: I’m already here. I wouldn’t miss her wedding. She’s always crushed on me… I’m the getaway driver if she changes her mind.

  As we walked through the top level’s corridors, I peered over the banister at the seats filling, looking for Hunter to confirm. He stood towards the front and waved, like he knew I wouldn’t believe him without proof. I rolled my eyes. Regardless of whatever had happened, he knew me when most didn’t. I didn’t want that to count for anything, but it did in a world full of strangers and fake connections. I hated him for having any part of Oliver’s dream of being a teacher getting stomped on. I wouldn’t be surprised if this meant he was blackballed from teaching ever again.

  The only person missing was Oliver. I opened my texts, all ten of them to Oliver, all read with no reply. It felt like one of his silent treatments from college every time he was dealing with a lot and right now he was: getting fired, Addi smearing his semi-unstained name, Jade leaving, and us being us again.

  Outside, the sun was setting as the waiters and crew zoomed by us, setting up everything. It was freezing out, but it was worth getting perfect photos for her. As soon as the photographer took the first photo, Addi ran towards us with her heels in her hand.

  Permanently late.

  Permanently damaging.

  Permanently disappointing.

  Addi was full of permanents, and not the kinds that were wanted.

  The small orchestra off the corner of the wedding party’s spot started to play a softer version of the wedding march—one that you could get lost in, one where the notes were stretched and fluid. I peered out of the doorframe, still making sure to be unseen, looking for Oliver who would certainly be in all black and easy to spot.

  After I found him sitting towards the front I could finally let my tense shoulders come down even though my over thinking was now on overdrive.

  Why hadn’t he texted me back? Where was he? What kind of errand took priority over her wedding? Was he choosing drugs over everyone again?

  I watched Hayley walk out with one of Leon’s friends, then Addi with another. They all took their place at the end of the aisle.

  I turned back towards Liz behind me, who was holding on to her dad, waiting for her cue. She smiled at me so big that I didn’t have to question her decision. She was sure. Caden bumped into my shoulder on purpose, peeling my attention off Liz and her dad. Her dad wasn’t what I expected; he had thick black hair and looked much younger than I pictured in my head.

  “You ready?”

  Caden took my hand and twisted my arm around his, pushing my hand down where he wanted it glued. Caden was wearing a velvet navy blue suit (couldn’t be more him if Leon tried) and almost looked as good as he did shirtless. After our rough start, Caden had become one of my closest friends. Sometimes people are too much to take in, in one shot. We needed time to understand each other.

  “Let’s do this.”

  As we walked down the aisle, Caden whispered to me, pointing out interesting people and making me laugh and smile more than I already was. This version of Caden deserved someone to laugh at his jokes.

  Both taking our place on either side of the priest, we all twisted to see Liz walk down the aisle. I stole a glance Leon’s way; he was beaming in a way I wasn’t sure his cocky attitude would allow. Instead, he looked vulnerable, quiet, outwardly happy—all things I had never seen Leon be, so openly.

  He took her hands, and you could feel the sparks take over the room, hitting every direction and leaving no prisoners.

  I wasn’t included in the actual ceremony, where I was required to stand next to Leon, while he went through the motions. That was okay with me. I didn’t need to be lumped together with him and his overgrown frat boy friends.

  I sat front row on Liz’s side, wedged between my mom and dad. We waited for my mom to get back, and we left quickly, since we were trying to beat time and traffic—two things no one wins against. We only made it thanks to my heavy foot and people frightened of my dad’s expensive car. Everyone just moved out of the way when they didn’t want to be responsible for the bill. We snuck in just as the orchestra started playing and the wedding party was walking slowly down the aisle.

  My mom and dad exchanged a look when they spotted Layla laughing, as Caden moved them down the aisle. The maroon dress only made her look more pale, luminescent under the glow of the candles and sun setting. Her hair was delicately pinned back into twists and braids off her shoulders, showing them off. She looked more innocent in this moment than at any other, and I couldn’t have been more pleased with myself for being the one who corrupted her.

  Now she was a beautiful enigma—a saint with a taste for sinning.

  Liz came down the aisle even more slowly, but there were no cold feet. I recognized the feelings under her frozen smile: nerves. She was nervous to take the leap, to ruin it, to be too much Sinner for
Leon after all. She noticed me sitting in the front row in the plastic chair, giving me a glare like that would stop me from knowing how she felt. She looked like royalty, just missing her crown and gloves.

  Finally, I looked around the ballroom, fully decorated in florals and satin. She had candle lanterns at every new row of chairs, and the arc above them was completely decked out in flowers and butterflies. Almost everyone seemed to be on theme, except for a few older guests.

  You couldn’t ever tame the older generation. They had been around long enough to earn their don’t-give-a-fuck attitudes.

  One guest I didn’t expect to see was Hunter sitting towards the middle, hoping to not stick out like the morally corrupt person everyone knew he was. Addi stood less proud and less confident than any other time I had seen her. I didn’t let myself ponder it any longer than a few minutes. Someone who tried to ruin my life only deserved revenge and cruelty, not understanding. Instead, I focused on anything else, but how one person can ruin a good name with one lie. I should know that best, but somehow it doesn’t sink in until you’re on the other end of it.

  Liz and Leon looked down the aisle like they were missing an important part of the bridal party when I spotted my son walking down the aisle with a small pillow like a ring barrier. He handed the rings over, they weren’t cars making them virtually valueless, before sitting in a chair of his own, pushed to the side.

  He wasn’t supposed to even be here let alone in the wedding. Arson didn’t just set fire to Jade’s or my heart, causing us to love in deeper ways, but he was a full blown arson – setting fire to everyone he could.

  I checked my phone once again – no new messages, only the ones Layla sent and I didn’t have time to respond to. Nothing from my Nanny. It wasn’t like her to not respond, not be on time, and actually act her age.

  Once they said, “I do”, everyone clapped, like they had seen their love story unfold or knew them as intimately as I did. I stood with everyone else clapping, and I watched them walk hand in hand towards the exit, both beaming and lighting up room. I couldn’t help envisioning Layla up there in a white dress and happier than anyone I had ever seen. Weddings had this way of making you think about where your life is going, the endgame of it all, and how much you probably aren’t making that happening.