Touch

by Sarah White

  Chapter 11

  Leah

  Noah wraps me in his arms and the tears begin to fall again. Why does it have to hurt so badly? It isn’t as if someone physically hurt me, so why does my body feel like it’s been hit by a truck?

  I lift my arms and squeeze Noah tight. I feel empty inside and long for something to fill that space. His hand caresses my hair. “He said he’s happy,” I manage to say, although it is muffled from my face being pressed so tightly against Noah’s chest. “He said—” a sob breaks up my sentence, “he just wanted to make sure I was okay because he feels guilty breaking it off the way he did.”

  Noah lifts his head and I think he is about to say something, but he hesitates as if he has to be careful with his words. Instead he rests his cheek back on my head. I take a calming breath and continue. “He also said he thinks it’s better this way. I told him I think he’s making a big mistake.” I feel Noah’s body tense.

  “What did he say to that?” he asks.

  “He said I would see with time that I don’t love him as much as I thought I did. And that’s not even the worst part,” I whisper, almost ashamed to say the rest of it. Noah pulls me away from his chest and looks into my eyes. “He said he knows I will see it because that’s what he did. He stepped away from us and discovered he didn’t love me anymore.”

  Noah pulls me into his arms again but doesn’t say a word. How could he not say anything to that? But then I realize.

  “You know,” I whisper.

  “What do I know?” he prompts gently.

  “You know that nothing can fix this. You know…” I feel the hole in my chest rip open wider. “You know that he isn’t coming back. You know it’s over.” This time when Noah pulls me away from him I see both empathy and a touch of pain in his eyes

  “Yes. I know all of those things, but so do you. I have a feeling you’ve known them for some time. I wish I could tell you what would make it better, but going through it is the only way out of it.” I close my eyes and nod my head. I feel defeated. Noah gives my arms a little shake. “Hey, Crash…” I open my eyes and look deep into his. “Today is one more day you’ve made it through without him. In a few hours you’ll start making it through another one. It’s just a matter of chaining the days together.”

  “What if I don’t want to keep going without him?”

  “Right now you think that because you don’t know any different. Since you’ve been with him, there hasn’t been a life without him. But trust me—the days will go by and the ache will lessen. You’ll learn that there is a life without him. Love is like a drug, and right now you’re like an addict in withdrawal. Your brain is so low on the feel-good neurotransmitters it is actually distressed. Give it time to heal.”

  I let his words sink in. I don’t have the energy left in me to tell him he’s wrong.

  “Let’s get you to bed so this day is behind you.” He slips a hand into mine and tugs me along behind him into his room. He folds down the covers on the bed and motions for me to climb in. I don’t even question it. I slide under the covers and he pulls them up around my neck. I close my eyes, curl my body up and hug my knees.

  Noah leaves the room for a minute and then returns with a bag of ice wrapped in a towel. He gently puts it on my eyes. It feels soothing and I am grateful. I hear him getting undressed but I keep my eyes closed behind the cool compress. When I feel the bed dip next to me, I hold my breath. I want him to wrap his arms around me so that this lonely feeling can’t swallow me up.

  “Go to sleep, Leah. I’ll be right outside in the living room if you need me.” I let myself relax and then drift off to sleep, comforted with the idea of not being completely alone.

  Chapter 12

  Noah

  Leah’s breath finally evens out as I stand next to the bed. Her grip on the towel loosens and it slips slowly from her face. She seems so fragile, and I want to make it better for her, but the burden of a heartbreak can’t be shared with others.

  When you lose someone through death there are always other people to grieve the loss with you. You know that the person is never coming back so your heart begins to heal. Breaking up with someone is different. You’re alone in your grief and you not only have to get over the loss of them in your life, but also come to terms with the idea that they are still out there living a life that doesn’t include you.

  Leah rolls to her other side and I hold my breath. Looking down on her in the darkness causes a warmth to spread in my chest. She is different from the girls I date and I’m not sure how to handle this. It seems so contradictory to want to protect her from a broken heart while also craving the feeling of her body pressed up against mine.

  We are friends. I have to remind myself that I am on borrowed time with her. I have to stay focused on the idea that she deserves more than what I am willing to give.

  I leave the room and grab a blanket from the closet on my way out to the couch. It’s a routine I’m not unpracticed at—I often find myself slipping out here if a girl has managed to overstay her welcome in my bed. I lie down on my back and look up at the ceiling, hoping to clear my thoughts. With Leah in my arms earlier I felt like Superman, but I know she has the potential to be my kryptonite.

  * * *

  My phone ringing from my coffee table wakes me and I take a minute to find my bearings. I squint my eyes against the sun streaming through the window and reach for it, clearing my throat before answering. “Hello.” Leah pokes her head out of the bedroom, pulling my attention away from the call.

  “Hey, Noah.” Mandy. “Sorry to call so early but I was in the neighborhood and thought maybe you would want some coffee. I’m downstairs if you’re interested.” Mandy is a hot undergrad I met in line for coffee one morning and we were in bed by that evening. We’ve connected a few times since. It was her call that sent Jen out of my apartment the day Leah arrived.

  I’m not sure what I should do, but I don’t have to consider it long when Leah looks at me with wide eyes and red cheeks. She mouths the word ‘sorry,’ and quickly dashes back into the bedroom. I’m left lying on the couch alone with my body interested in a sleepy Leah that it can’t have.

  “Uh, sure, Mandy. Sounds great. Come on up.” I hang up the phone and then make a quick trip to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Leah ducks past me with her bag and I assume she is going to get ready for the day in my other bathroom. When I’m finished and I leave my room, I can hear the shower running. I wonder for a moment if Leah will be upset, but…no. We’re just friends and this is my apartment. A knock at the door lets me know Mandy is here and I invite her in.

  “I think I remember you liking your coffee black, right?” Her voice is a bit nervous so I smile.

  “Yes, that’s how I like it.” I reach for the cup she is offering and stall a little, deciding that watching her make the first move is a lot more fun than me doing it. I watch as her eyes dart across the room and focus on the bathroom door.

  “Is there someone in there?” I nod my head and her eyes fall to the floor.

  “A friend.” I slide my arm around her waist and kiss her forehead. Her hand reaches out and touches my bare chest before trailing down to the waist of my workout shorts. She tucks her fingers just inside the band and looks back up into my eyes.

  “So do you want to go finish the coffee in your room?” she asks. I imagine Leah in the shower and I know that I would rather be heading back to my room with her instead of Mandy. My body reacts to my thoughts and Mandy presses closer to me, assuming I’m interested in her.

  “Let’s go.” We both know the coffee was a front, and we abandon our cups on the kitchen counter. Mandy wraps her arms around my neck and I let my hands slide down her body and grip her behind her thighs. She takes my cue and wraps her legs around me so I can carry her to my bed.

  Her lips are on mine and I start down the hallway, but before I reach my room I hear the click of the bathroom lock. A steamy, half-dressed Leah emerges and I don’t even notice that I have broke
n the kiss with Mandy until I hear her clear her throat.

  Instead of the drama that would have ensued with Jen, Mandy pulls my lips back to hers and ramps up her hold on me. She’s doing it on purpose to mark her territory and while that would normally piss me off, I think it might be for the best if Leah is disgusted with my actions and decides to stay away from me. God knows I can’t stay away from her much longer.

  I push my door open and then kick it behind us with my foot, causing it to close more loudly than I intended. Mandy giggles as I throw her onto the bed and I know she thinks she has just scored some small victory. I, on the other hand, feel a bit sick about ruining my growing friendship with Leah.

  Chapter 13

  Leah

  I’m not sure if this day can get any more embarrassing. Waking up in Noah’s bed with my swollen eyes and crazy hair was bad enough, but now I am stuck sitting in my towel on the floor of the empty guest room. My bag with all of my clothes is in Noah’s room and I’m not about to go ask for it. I let my head fall against the wall behind me and hope that they remember that their coffee is getting cold out there on the counter.

  I don’t have anywhere I need to be until this afternoon, so at least I have that going for me. I adjust the towel and slide my legs out in front of me. I can’t really be angry with him. He was upfront about his lifestyle and he’s doing me a huge favor letting me stay here. What I’m angry about is the way my heart hurt when his eyes met mine a few minutes ago.

  I rub my face with my hands. Hanging out in this empty room is going to suck if he and coffee girl plan on being locked up in his room for a while. I wait about ten minutes longer and then stick my head out into the hallway to see if the coast is clear. When I don’t find anyone in the living room, I make my way out to the couch and pick up the remote before sinking down into the cushions and flipping on the TV.

  I cross my legs and prop my feet up on the table in front of me. I scan the guide and quickly decide that The Notebook would not be a great choice. I opt for a comedy instead. I reach up and feel my hair, knowing that it is going to be a disaster today since I won’t have a chance to blow it dry before the natural curls take over. I comb my fingers through its length and twist it into a tight knot at the base of my head.

  The movie is one that I haven’t seen yet and I find myself relaxing and even laughing a little. This is exactly what I need right now. It isn’t too much longer before I hear Noah’s door open and coffee girl bounces out, a little disheveled. I don’t look directly at them, but I can see from the corner of my eye that Noah gives her a small peck on the lips and then leaves his room to walk her out.

  I hold onto my towel as the two of them make their way to the front door. Coffee girl gives me a wave and I offer her a smile and a wave in return. I’ll never understand how any woman could be okay with being the flavor of the week for some guy, but it isn’t my place to judge. I shrug it off and return my attention to the movie, waiting for their goodbye to be over so I can get my bag from Noah’s room.

  The couch dips beside me with Noah’s weight and I feel his eyes on me.

  “I’m not sure that hanging around in your towel is such a great idea, Crash,” he points out.

  “It’s not my preferred outfit.” I look down at the towel that is wrapped tightly around my body. “But I didn’t really have much of a choice.” I can almost see the light-bulb moment when Noah puts the pieces together.

  His head tips back and he rubs his face before turning to me. “Shit, Leah. I’m sorry. I totally forgot we put your bag in there last night.” I wave off his statement and giggle at a very funny scene in the movie.

  “I’ll get it in a minute. This movie is cracking me up. It feels good to laugh.”

  “Don’t rush for me,” Noah replies and I know without looking that my favorite smile is on display. His finger traces the skin on my shoulder absently and I know he doesn’t even realize he is doing it as he watches the movie and laughs along with me.

  I hear my phone ringing from the bedroom and I make sure to grip my towel as I stand up. “I’m going to answer that and get dressed. I should be out from under your feet in a few minutes.”

  Noah nods his head and I watch as his eyes dip down to my legs before returning to my face. He tries not to be obvious about it, but since I am studying his face it’s hard for me to miss. When our eyes meet again I lift a brow and put my hand on my hip. “I saw that.” He just shrugs a shoulder and quietly dares me to say something further. I won’t. It feels good to be desired and right now my self-esteem could use all the help it can get.

  “I’ll be home around five if you want to take another shot at the videos,” I offer.

  “It’s a date,” he says before putting his feet up on the table and sinking back into the couch. “There’s an extra key hanging on the hook in the kitchen. Take it in case I’m not home. Come and go as you please; my house is your house.” He stretches his arms wide like a king showing off his kingdom. I hold the hem of my towel and dip a small curtsy before stepping into his room and closing the door behind me.

  Chapter 14

  Noah

  I tell myself to stop being selfish. I need to man up and call the building manager about delivering the bed they owe Leah to my apartment while they work on hers. Every time I reach for the phone I find something else to distract me. To be honest, I don’t want her sleeping anywhere else.

  I tap the screen on my phone and see that it is almost four. I haven’t been able to get the image of her in that towel out of my head since this morning. Waiting for her to come back has been torture but it’s only another hour. I pull some chicken out of the refrigerator and hope that she hasn’t eaten yet.

  A buzz from the dryer lets me know that my sheets are finished so I grab them and take them to my room. When I hear the front door open my heartbeat speeds up. I take a moment to close my eyes and tell myself to calm down before she sees how pathetic I am.

  “Noah?” she calls. I love the way my name sounds on her lips.

  “Back here!” I yell as I separate the bottom sheet from the top and begin to stretch it across my mattress. I hear her footsteps approaching and she cautiously pushes the door open and peeks inside.

  “Hey,” she greets me and with just that word she has my complete attention. I smile at how ridiculous I’m being. Her simple greeting shouldn’t spread through me like a wave of happiness but it does. I begin to wonder when I turned back into a fifteen year-old version of myself.

  “What’s up?” I ask, trying to be nonchalant.

  “I’m back early. I thought maybe you’d want to grab a bite to eat before we get started. I see you took out some chicken—what were you planning on making?” She crosses her arms and leans against my doorframe. How is it that she can look so beautiful in an old tee and jeans?

  “I guess that depends on what you like.” I pull one corner of the fitted sheet over the mattress and Leah makes her way to the opposite corner and helps to slip it on. Her smile is brilliant.

  “I’m not picky,” she says, moving to another corner. “If you’re cooking, I’m eating.” She pulls the sheet down and I stretch the last corner into place. I hand her one end of the top sheet and we work together to straighten it out. She tugs it to her side and I can’t resist pulling it back my way. At first she chases her end, not realizing I’m doing it on purpose, but when I do it again she raises an eyebrow. The battle is on. With a look of sheer determination she yanks the sheet out of my hand.

  I regain the edge, gather as much as I can in my hand and pull. She does the same and within seconds we’re shrieking and laughing, engaged in a full tug-o-war.

  I twist the sheet around my arm and dig my feet in, giving one last heave. She slides along the floor, losing ground quickly, and flips onto the bed as her shins meet the mattress. I stumble back a few steps from the slack, and then I release my end and throw my hands up in the air in victory. Leah rolls onto her back, trying to catch her breath.

  “This
means war, Noah,” she says between giggles. “You got me on this one but it’s not over. Just wait. I’ll get you.”

  “You can try, but my skills are clearly far superior.” I stand next to where she lies on the bed and my comment earns me a light kick to my stomach. I grab her foot and she yelps with surprise. I lightly brush my fingers along the sole of her foot and she starts to squirm.

  “Noah. Don’t.” She is trying to sound stern but she is clearly very ticklish and is having a hard time keeping the laughter out of her voice. She is desperate to get her foot back and I refuse to give it up. I’m so focused on driving her mad that I forget my footing. Leah jerks her leg back and I topple onto the mattress.

  I land next to her, both of us laughing until we can’t breathe. The sight of her chest heaving makes me want to reach out and touch her. I roll onto my back and throw an arm over my eyes to stop myself. When we finally stop laughing we lie in silence.

  “Now you’ve done it,” she says seriously. I feel her gaze on the side of my face. I turn my head to face her and our eyes meet. She smiles and I return it.

  “Ms. Leah, are you threatening me?” I tease.

  “It’s more like a promise.” She laughs and pokes my side with her finger.

  “Haven’t had enough?” I grab her wrist and in one quick move I straddle her body. I capture her other arm and slowly raise them both above her head. I make a

  ‘tsk tsk’ sound as I secure both wrists in my left hand and begin to lightly run my right index finger down the sensitive skin of her wrist and arm.

  “Noah,” she says seriously. She is wriggling underneath me and I smile down at her. She laughs out loud again and I almost feel guilty not warning her what that sound does to me. “Please,” she whispers and while I know it’s because I’m tickling her, I imagine how it would sound if she were asking for something else. Her breathing picks up and she is biting her bottom lip.