The Army Doc's Christmas Angel

by Annie O'Neil

  With Finn, she felt invincible. Like a queen who had finally met her true intended after years of isolation and loneliness. With the invincibility also came an unexpected sensation of peace. Cell by cell, her body registered the change.

  Their kisses were weighted with intent. With longing. As if they’d known one another far longer than the handful of months Hope Children’s Hospital had been open. Their bodies seemed to know one another as if this whole union had simply been a matter of time. Kismet.

  She’d never known what it was like to feel whole again.

  And when they lay back upon the pillows, a tangle of limbs and duvet and satiation, the tears came. Tears of relief that she still had it in her to love. To believe in a future. Tears of sorrow for the family she would never see again. And through it all Finn held her tight, the beat of his heart keeping time with her own.

  * * *

  A few hours later, Naomi tucked the thick duvet close round Finn’s sleeping form, doing her best to work with the gentle sway and rock of the houseboat to quietly tiptoe out of the bedroom, scooping up her discarded pieces of clothing from the floor. Atop a lamp. Hanging from the door handle. Her pants had somehow ended up latched to a hat-rack shaped like a pineapple attached to the wall.

  Wow. Finn had some aim.

  A slow shimmer of sparkles rippled its way through her bloodstream as she pulled on layer after layer of outdoor clothing in advance of going back to the real world.

  Dawn wasn’t anywhere near appearing, but already what had happened felt like a moment preserved in aspic. A moment so magical she’d picture it in one of those magic snow globes in her heart because there wasn’t any chance something like that could happen again.

  Not because she didn’t want it to.

  In the few hours they had shared in the night she had felt complete. And it terrified her. It felt like leaving her family behind all over again.

  She couldn’t burden him with her history. Finn clearly possessed the strength to forge ahead, see the future for what it was—a kaleidoscope of possibility. She wasn’t there yet. Not by a long shot. And Finn deserved someone stronger. Someone able to forgive themselves for valuing her own life above others.

  She pulled the zip up on her puffer jacket, tugged on her woolly hat and slipped her fingers into her gloves before realizing she was hardly breathing. As if exhaling would make part of the magic of what she’d shared with Finn go away.

  She forced herself to breathe out and in again. Reality was only a few short steps away.

  She slipped out of his houseboat, crossed the gangplank and urged herself into a gentle run. The cadence of her feet pounding on the footpath drummed in reminders of who she was. Physiotherapist...survivor...

  The next word was usually coward. It was her daily process of building herself up only to break herself down again, only this time...this time she kept hearing Finn’s soothing words ease away the sharp edges of the accusation she usually hurled at herself.

  And yet...trusting that...believing she could still honor the memories of her family and loved ones as well as open her heart to someone and experience such joy...it didn’t seem possible. It didn’t seem right.

  She pushed herself to run harder, faster. Until she could no longer feel the touch of Finn’s fingers on her bare skin. The tickle of the bristles on his chin against her stomach. The warmth of his lips pressing against her own.

  Until all she felt was that familiar ache of loss. Only this time it was bigger. This time it wasn’t only for what she had lost. But what she would lose if she couldn’t release herself from the guilt of having survived what her family had not.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  FINN WOKE UP HAPPY.

  Head to toe.

  Realizing he was on his own had come as a bit of a shock, but he brushed off Naomi’s absence since, for the first time in years, he’d actually slept in. She’d always struck him as an early to bed, early to rise type. Neither did she seem the type to show up in the hospital wearing yesterday’s clothes, so...fair enough. Hospital gossip was hard to shake and it had been one night. It was hardly as if they were at the adorable notes on the kitchen table phase of things.

  After a brisk shower, he dressed and went back out to the main room, where he stared at the empty kitchen table again. Had he really convinced himself he was cool with the one-night-only thing? Or was this the seismic shift Charlie had warned him would come one day?

  Once he’d heard Naomi’s story...understood how deep the waters ran beneath that eternally kind smile of hers...he’d known their paths had crossed for a reason. She was the beacon he’d needed to shine a light on his own life. Show him the bridges he still needed to cross. The truths he needed to confront.

  He hit the towpath and walked quickly toward the hospital. An urgent, primal need to see her possessed him. He hunched against the wind and pressed forward. It was cold out. Cold enough to snow if the weather report on his phone was anything to go by.

  He followed a group of nurses into the main hospital doors, wondering when he’d last felt this hyped up.

  For a surgery?

  Months.

  Years, maybe.

  For a patient?

  More recent, but this was different.

  For a co-worker he’d just crossed the line from professional to personal with?

  Never.

  But he’d cross it a million times over if it meant holding Naomi in his arms again.

  He knew it as a truth like he knew the thump of his own heartbeat in his chest.

  He walked through the hospital’s front doors and scanned the huge atrium at the entryway to the hospital. There was no escaping the fact the festive season was creeping up on them fast and furious. Just over two weeks until the big day and the hospital was, courtesy of Evie and her magic elves, reveling in the lead-up.

  Two enormous Christmas trees flanked the large glass sliding doors, giving the impression visitors and patients were walking into something more akin to Santa’s grotto than a children’s hospital, which—he scrubbed at his freshly shaved jaw—he supposed was a good thing.

  These poor kids. None of them wanted to be in hospital. Especially at Christmastime. Despite the early hour, he’d bet Naomi was seeking refuge here for exactly the same reasons he’d thrown himself into retraining as a pediatric limb specialist. To forget about herself and pour her energies into her patients.

  “Are you planning on making yourself part of the scenery or are you actually going to work?” Marco gave him a jolly thump on the back as he and Alice took off their winter coats and joined him in soaking up the festive atmosphere.

  “I don’t know. I’d make a pretty cute Santa’s helper, don’t you think?”

  Both Marco and Alice looked slightly surprised to see Finn waggle his eyebrows and do a mini-jig. Well. It was a stationary jig but, hey, he was new at this “jolly chap” thing, so...

  “Hey, Finn. While we have you here, you’ve not got yourself booked up before Christmas, have you?”

  He shook his head, though he had a fair few things he knew he’d like to fill his social calendar with and they all sounded a lot like Naomi.

  “Go on.” Marco gave Alice a loving squeeze. “Show him.”

  “He doesn’t want to see this.”

  “See what?”

  “This.” Marco held out Alice’s hand just as the sun broke through the clouds. It hit the ring to glittering effect.

  Finn pretended to be blinded by the ring’s brilliance. “So it’s official, then.”

  “It will be even more so by Christmas. Here...” Marco scribbled a date and a location onto a sticky piece of paper and pressed it on to Finn’s chest. “Consider this your early invitation.”

  Alice laughed and rolled her eyes. “There will be something a bit more official than a sticky note in a few days.”

&
nbsp; Finn took off the note, put it in his pocket, watching as Alice and Marco wandered off toward the wards, arm in arm. It looked nice. It looked...solid.

  “Finn!”

  He whirled round and saw a grinning Evie. She was wearing a silly reindeer jumper complete with glowing nose on it.

  Why was everyone so happy today?

  Wait a minute.

  He was happy today.

  Evie brandished her watch at him. “Countdown to Christmas is officially under way!”

  He resisted the curmudgeonly urge to point out that the countdown to Christmas was always under way...that was how time worked...and smiled instead.

  “Are you still planning on helping out at the Christmas party?” She scanned her clipboard as if suddenly doubting herself. “I’ve got you down as a yes.”

  He gave her a distracted yes, not entirely sure if he remembered when the long-awaited party was.

  “Bringing anyone?”

  That got his attention. There was only one person he’d like as a plus one. Not that he knew where she was. The entire staff of Hope Children’s Hospital seemed to be swirling in and out of the atrium, buying coffees, getting first dibs on the fresh-out-of-the-oven mince pies, admiring the decorations. Everything but telling him where Naomi was.

  “Finn?” Evie prompted. “Are you bringing anyone tomorrow or are you lending a hand on your own?”

  “Why? What’s tomorrow?”

  Evie gave a faux sigh of exasperation. “What we were just talking about. The Christmas party? For the children?”

  “Yes. Right. Of course. No. Maybe.” He looked at Evie’s list, which appeared to be as long as Santa’s list of toys. “Does it matter?”

  She gave him a curious glance then shook her head and smiled. “No. Of course it doesn’t. Just as long as we’re all there to show the children just how big the Christmas spirit is here at Hope.”

  “Count me in. You’ve done an incredible job, Evie. The place is looking magical.”

  And he meant it, too. The whole world looked different today. Now, if he could only find the person who’d helped change his perspective.

  Finn could feel Evie’s curious expression on his back as he strode away toward the surgical ward. He had a full roster today and needed to get his head screwed back on straight.

  This whole “looking forward” thing was not only messing with his ability to focus, it was adding a bit of a kick to his step.

  * * *

  “Hey, Alana. You and Doodle are looking well today. Hi, Adao.”

  Naomi waved to Adao from the doorway, waiting for Alana and Doodle to finish their session. Adao’s demeanor was still pretty forlorn, even with the curly-haired pooch nestled up beside him on the bed.

  Her spirits sagged.

  The photo of his parents might’ve done the trick for a minute or two, but the little boy, now that she had a moment to watch him talk with Doodle, wasn’t much chirpier than he’d been that very first day. And who could blame him? He was in pain. He was adjusting to an entirely new way of dealing with his body. The whole hospital was bedecked and beribboned with all the Christmas festivities and he was here all alone.

  She knew that feeling so well and yet...for the first time in her adult life she knew she didn’t have to. Finn had thrown her a lifeline. A chance to live and see life from an entirely new perspective.

  A flight of butterflies took off in her belly as she thought of Finn. His big bear body all tucked in under the duvet looking more peaceful than she’d ever seen him. His arms tightly around her as they’d slept. Well, he’d slept, she’d fretted.

  The last thing she was going to do was set herself up for more loss.

  “I’m afraid it’s our time to go, Adao.” Alana picked up Doodle’s lead and clicked it onto his collar.

  Tears welled in the little boy’s eyes. “Can’t he stay?”

  “Not all day, I’m afraid. We’ve got to go visit some other children and then Doodle’s got to go for a walk. Perhaps...” The therapist looked to Naomi for support. “Perhaps when you’re feeling a bit stronger, you’ll be able to come out for a walk with us.”

  Naomi smiled. “As long as we get you wrapped up nice and warm, that sounds good to me.” She grinned at Adao. “What do you think of that?”

  He gave a lackluster shrug.

  Poor little guy.

  Perhaps going outside was exactly what he needed. Her runs along the river were far more therapeutic than just a bit of physical exercise. Maybe if she could get Adao outside at the party tomorrow...

  Alana and Doodle stopped in the doorway so Naomi could give the pooch a cuddle. His furry face was so lovely and open it was little wonder the children felt safe telling him their secrets. She was seriously beginning to think of getting her own dog, seeing how wonderful Doodle was with the children.

  Then again... Finn was easy to speak with. And he gave good advice, too, whereas Doodle’s talents peaked at furry cuddles. She buried her face in Doodle’s curls for a moment, trying to turn her own expression neutral. It was almost impossible to believe the Finn she had just spent the night with was the same man who’d practically bitten her head off every time she’d seen him over the past few months.

  To think...all that time it had been attraction holding him at bay.

  Mutual attraction.

  And it went so much deeper than the physical. Last night she had wanted nothing more than for him to know her. Understand her.

  And when she’d taken that risk and told him the raw truth about her past—how shamefully she’d behaved—he’d painted an entirely different picture. He had been so thoughtful. And kind. Not to mention the best kisser she’d met. A ripple of pleasure shimmied down her spine at the memories. Kissing on the sofa. In the kitchen. In his bedroom.

  What had possessed her? She’d never behaved like that before with a man. She’d never been so open with anyone. Urgh! She wasn’t meant to have let herself fall head over heels—

  Wait a minute.

  Was she in love with Finn?

  The thought threatened to overwhelm her so completely she shut it down immediately. Of course she wasn’t. She barely knew the man.

  Well, that wasn’t true. She knew a whole lot more about him now than she had just a handful of days ago. He was generous. A good listener. Amazing with children. Had an ex-wife. Had saved a life. Had an excellent reputation as a surgeon.

  What on earth was he doing, wanting someone like her? Someone who’d let her entire family down at the time they’d needed her most?

  “Naomi? Is everything all right?”

  Alana was peering down at her as she all but kept a stranglehold on the poor therapy dog.

  Naomi popped up to standing and gave her leggings an unnecessary swipe. “Yes. Good. Perfect.” A crazy laugh burbled up and out of her throat. “Clearly in need of a hug.”

  “Who needs a hug?”

  Her spine slammed ramrod-straight as her heart started jumping up and down as if it had just won the lottery.

  Finn.

  The man had a way of being there exactly when—when she did and didn’t need him.

  “No one.” She smiled, doing her best to ignore the confusion in his eyes. Steering clear of that intense gaze of his might be the only way she could get through this day. “Adao and I were just going to have a session and Doodle was kind enough to give me a hug on his way out.”

  “Very generous of the old boy.” Finn’s tone had slipped from congenial to neutral and, despite the fact Naomi had hoped for things to stay professional, she already missed the warmth in his voice. “Mind if I have a quick word with the lad about his prosthetic casting before you begin?

  “Not at all. Adao?”

  Adao nodded somberly as Finn talked him through how a team from the prosthetics department would be coming in and taking off
his bandages. “But it’s nothing to worry about, all right? They’re going to cast a mold of your shoulder area and measure your residuum.”

  “Residuum?” Alana whispered to Naomi.

  “It’s what’s left of his arm. They’ll need to measure the shape perfectly so that his prosthesis works well with what he’s got left.”

  “Such a brave little boy.” Alana absently stroked Doodle’s head as she spoke, but to Naomi the gesture spoke volumes. She was seeking comfort. Seeing someone you cared about endure pain—no matter how big or small—was hard. Just as her instinct had been to go to Finn when she’d seen him that first time without his prosthesis. Everything in her head had all but screamed out for her to go to him. To help. To help him through his pain.

  Now that she actually could go to him—to talk, for a hug, for another one of those spine-tinglingly perfect kisses—acting on it was even more frightening than it had been when he was a virtual stranger.

  Because now it mattered if she lost him.

  * * *

  “Right, then. I’ll leave you to your session with Naomi, but we’ll see you in an hour or so, all right?”

  Finn crossed the room to Naomi, who was shifting some paperwork around in a folder. Presumably something to do with her session with Adao.

  “Hey.” He kept his voice low. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes, of course. Why?”

  We spent the night together and you disappeared.

  “Nothing.” They were at work. He wasn’t going to press it. “Hey.” He gave the door a light pat to get her attention before she began her session. “Do you fancy meeting up for a coffee later or something after work?”

  She gave an apologetic shake of the head. “Sorry. Full day today and I promised Evie I’d help get things ready for the party tomorrow.” She reached for the door as if to shut it.

  “The Christmas party?” He held it open. She nodded, her eye contact hitting all the points around him but never solidly meeting his gaze.

  Had he done anything? Said anything to upset her? If so, he wanted to fix it.