I said MyMum’s dead and the teacher said There there. I’ll take you to the infirmary. I expect you’re upset.
The infirmary is where sick people go. It smells a bit funny but it is nice and quiet and they close the door. It was so quiet I fell asleep.
When I woke up the lady who collects the dinner money was telling me it was time to go home. She said Are you feeling better now? I said Yes thank you. She said Don’t forget your jacket then.
It was the only one in the cloakroom. It had come unstuck and it was on the floor. All the kids had gone and Miss Kenney had too.
Miss Kenney
Terrible night I had. Terrible. Worse than Friday and that was bad enough. It must have been about two when I woke up. I didn’t even know which way I was facing, it was so dark. I was lying on my left side so I had to be facing the window. Not that you could tell by looking. It was worse than the blackout. Pitch it was. And quiet as the grave. I couldn’t make out why I was awake, I just was. Just suddenly stone cold wide awake as if I’d heard something. I listened for it to come again. Just lay there listening with my eyes open. Nothing. But you don’t really want to hear anything in those circumstances, do you? A door handle turning? A foot on the stair? The only thing I could hear was my heart thudding as if it were outside me in the room, like another person’s. The more I listened the louder it got. In the end I couldn’t think about anything else. It seemed much too fast and that worried me. It speeded up even more then. That really scared me. How long can that kind of thing go on before you give yourself a heart attack? I tried counting the beats but what does that even mean? I mean how many are you supposed to have? And how fast? Are they supposed to be like seconds? I was just winding myself up, I knew, so I stopped. I thought about getting up and warming some milk and then I changed my mind. I could have put the light on I suppose, but to tell the truth I was afraid of seeing something. Or someone. Mrs Walters for instance. In my own bedroom.
I hate that time of the night. They call it the dead of night, don’t they? When there isn’t a sound anywhere. Not in the house. Not in the street. Not even an owl, though that was probably a good thing. It’s a terrible feeling. You’re the only person alive in the world. No one to help you if you do hear something. When you can’t even see the clock face it’s like being lost. It’s like being in the middle of the moors without any signposts. That’s what it is. You’re lost.
I tried everything. I mean everything. Sheep, penguins, alphabetical lists of countries — America, Belgium, Canada. I’ve never been able to get past Ireland. Is there a J? Then people. All the people I know beginning with A, all the people with B, et cetera, et cetera. That was my biggest mistake. I couldn’t get past F, could I. It was even worse then. No hope of getting back to sleep. I kept seeing his face again the morning he told me. Those big blue eyes he puts on. Mr Innocent. It was on Wednesday. I remember because it was the day we went to Mrs Mahoney’s for the road safety. I went over and over it because that could get me into trouble, that could. There could be, you know, repercussions. And then I realized: It was too soon. They only found her on Friday. So she was probably only poorly when he told me. He was just exaggerating to get attention. Or making it up. Like when he told me there’s a bird that can fly backwards. He must have been because he wasn’t even crying, was he? His mum had probably been cross with him and so he was in trouble and that’s what he was wishing. That’s the most likely. No one’s going to tell me it happened on Wednesday. He never said anything at all to me at school on Thursday, did he? He would have talked about something that important and I would have remembered. You wouldn’t forget a thing like that, would you? No, of course you wouldn’t. When that policewoman came round Friday night it was the first I’d heard. Like anyone else. That’s right. A complete shock it was. A terrible shock.
I went back to counting sheep once I’d sorted it out but it was no use. Every time one of them got to the fence it stopped because there was a new thought there. The same thought every time, really. A question. How long till I’m dead? It was as if they wouldn’t jump over it until I’d made a guess. But it wasn’t healthy to keep thinking “dead.” I scared myself silly. I didn’t get to sleep until the white started to show round the edge of the curtain.
Chapter 7
SUNDAY AM
(the same one)
When I went back to see if they had started breakfast it was hard to walk along because you had to sort of lean against the wall and when we tipped the other way you had to hold on. They have handrails like for stairs so that’s helpful.
But breakfast wasn’t very good anyway. They had no baked beans and there was no one doing cooking. They had scrambled eggs in one tray and a pile of bacon on another one. The scrambled eggs were all lumpy but I had some anyway because there was nothing else to put on the plate — unless you were a person who wanted hairs on their chest. After I had the eggs I saw the cornflakes on another table so I had some with lots of milk. Nobody cares if you do things in the wrong order. And nobody cares if you have too much milk and it spills.
I sat with Goldilocks and Goldilicks again but I didn’t call them that. Goldilocks said Stinky. I think she meant me. She said it in a whisper but I still heard. Then she said We’re going to sink you know. I didn’t say anything back because just when she said it we did a big tip to one side. Everyone went Whooo! like you do for fireworks and started doing talking all at once and they all did Whooo! again when we went back the other way. There was a huge crash when a big pile of plates slid off the table near the door. It sounded like the whole world breaking up. I had scrambled cornflakes in my mouth and they wouldn’t go down. I left the rest because no one cares about that either and I went outside to spit the ones in my mouth in the toilet. The door was really hard to open. I spat them in and then I washed my hands because of touching the door. I couldn’t dry them because everything smelled bad and I didn’t want to touch the roller towel so I couldn’t get out again because my hands were slippery and the door was like it was locked. Then all of sudden we leaned the other way and it came open. That’s a relief then Chuck! Except it banged me on the head.
I wanted to see how high up and down the rail was going but when I opened the door to outside a whole lot of rain (like a whole bucketful!) hit me in the face and I changed my mind. I walked around for a long time looking for the blind man so I could ask him for a life jacket. I even went past his room. There was a message hanging on the handle. It said Do Not Disturb. So I didn’t. It was hard to go back the way I came. Everything was hard. This was the notice board.
It said —
SUNDAY
Please note revised activities and locations
9:00 a.m.
Fit as a Fiddle!
Activity Room / Adults
CANCELLED
10:00 a.m. Mary Poppins!
Cinema (continuous showing)
11:00 a.m.
Passenger Boat Drill Refresher! * Optional
Queen’s Lounge followed by a short slide show
12:00
Please note the Sundeck Grill will not be in service. We apologize for any inconvenience. Regular service will be available in the main dining room
2:00 p.m.
Bingo!
Queen’s Lounge / Adults
CANCELLED
3:00 p.m.
Wits Pit!
Activity Room / All ages
CANCELLED
4:00 p.m.
Look Like a Star!
Beauty Parlour / 16 +
CANCELLED
6:00 pm
Cocktails
CANCELLED
* Please note: You will NOT need a life jacket for the Boat Drill Refresher. Your life jacket MUST remain in your cabin. Thank you.
Reading it made me feel a bit more travel sick than before. Sea sick! Of course. I had seen that in comics. People with their heads over the side of the boat.
I said Oh-oh in my head. It was Kay.
— Want to play Goofy Golf again?
— No thank you.
— Why not?
— It’s Sunday.
— Why can’t you play on Sunday?
— Because it’s not on.
— What do you mean?
(If Kay was clever like me she could have done a joke like Of course Sunday’s on! But she’s not.)
— It’s Bingo.
— How do you know?
— It says.
— Clever clogs.
I didn’t know if she was being mean. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what people really mean. (Haha.)
— I know.
— Want to play Bingo then?
— No thank you.
— Why not?
— It’s not time.
— When it’s time dimbo.
— No thank you.
— Why not?
— Because I hate it when you think you are going to win and then someone else does.
— Where’s your mum and dad?
— What?
— You’re always by yourself.
— So are you.
— Oh. Where’s your cabin?
— I don’t have one.
— Neither do I! (She had a big smile on her face as if she had won a prize or snakes and ladders or something.)
— That’s a fib.
— Well you just did one.
— I didn’t.
— Where do you sleep then?
— Behind the mattresses. (But I was so stupid! I told her my most important secret.)
— Oh.
— But you mustn’t tell anyone.
— All right.
— Promise?
— Promise.
— I have to go (I was lying! Again!) and see my friend (and again!). Bye!
— Can I come?
— No.
I went downstairs instead and went along one of the corridors where all the cabins are. I walked past ones with the doors open. There was a lady in green — a different one — making the beds in one of them. She had a big trolley outside piled up with white towels. Yes! (That’s what I thought to myself.) I can have a proper wash. So I pulled one off. All the rest fell down and another lady in a uniform came out of the room next door and said Look what you do! (I think she was foreign) so I gave it to her. She said Just ask if you want one! So I said Please can I have a towel? She said What? Oh take! Take! and gave it back so I said Thank you.
I did not really know what to do with it. I put it round my neck like the people who do slow running. It came down to my knees. I looked as if I was going to have a bath. I was scared people were going to laugh at me. I was right! The next person I saw said Going for a swim? Haha. It’ll be a bit rough!
I didn’t say anything back but when I got to the other end I dropped the towel on the floor. I didn’t really care about washing anymore anyway. I felt a bit sick. I went back up the stairs again. I went to the toilets and went in one and closed the door and waited.
I did not have to wait very long. It was horrible. I went all hot and sweaty and I could hear someone else being sick in the one beside me so the scrambled eggs came zooming up my neck. It wouldn’t stop. It was disgusting. I waited until my knees stopped wobbling before I opened the door. A lady went in after me. She said You should be in the men’s. I hope she saw my lump of egg on the seat before she sat down.
I had bits in my mouth and there was some in my nose too. Some of it tasted like the bad cheese. I had to do spitting in the sink. A lady said Here. Wash it away and she put the tap on. But while she was doing that her little girl was sick on the floor. It splashed on my leg.
Another lady in a uniform came in and said Uh-oh! Too late. Bags everyone! As many as you need!
She put a whole pile on top of the bin.
I took two. One was for the blind man. I went to see if he was up but the notice was still on his door. There was a sick bag on it too! There was a sick bag on all the doors! I kept the two bags for me.
I wished the blindman would get up. There were not many souls walking about. It was too difficult. I went to the pictures but I could not look at the film. It made everything go dizzy again. I closed my eyes and thought about Alec. I made another wish. MyMum says you can’t rely on wishes but I made one anyway. I said I wish Alec could come and sleep with me tonight.
The Captain woke me up! He was making a nannouncement. I didn’t even know I had been asleep but I must have been because I saw MyMum pushing a pram. I thought I would be in the pram but when I looked in it was a fish! (So I did see one. Finally.)
This is what the Captain said:
Ladies and Gentlemen this is a message from the Captain. All passengers are advised to avoid using the sport deck the sun deck the promenade deck and other outdoor areas that may be slippery even in the absence of rain owing to heavy spray. Those passengers wishing to observe the sea will find excellent viewing from the windows of the Queen’s Lounge the Midships Bar and the Trinity Light Lounge. Please remember to use the handrails when walking about the ship or using the stairs.
So I went to the Queen’s Lounge. I wished to observe the sea. I had done enough walking about the ship. I found a big arm chair facing the window. It curled round so you thought you were inside a snail shell. It was quite cozy but it was not easy doing observing because the water kept hitting the window. It was hard to see the sea (through the see water!) and very bleary like getting your hair washed and so there is not much to tell you. I will tell you the rest of what I did when I got home from school instead. I expect you want to know why MyMum died in her arm chair. Actually I can’t tell you because I don’t know haha. She just did. Die. I am one hundred percent certain. Perhaps it was a nelectric chair. No. I told you jokes can make you feel worse.
So. When I was outside the school I ran as fast as I could. I could not wait to get home because I thought Perhaps MyMum is not dead after all. It gave me butterflies. I thought she’s probably awake now. I was so excited I fell down once by the bumpy wall but it didn’t matter. I ran up the alley at the back and went through our gate and I didn’t even mind that Denby was barking. I was going to call out Mum and then I didn’t want to so I just said it when I was in the kitchen. She didn’t answer.
I said I’ll make a cup of tea and she didn’t say I’ll do it like she always does because she doesn’t want me to pour the kettle so I knew she was still dead. So now it was the same as the morning. I didn’t know who to telephone. No one not even a nambulance would take a dead lady to hospital because what for. You can’t make dead people better. MyMum even told me that. I thought I could ask for the police when the operator said Nine nine nine. Which service do you require? But that seemed a bit dangerous. The police might think you’ve done something wrong or your Mum has. And anyway the police would be useless. They put people in jail in the police station and then they take them to court and then they put them in Westhill but they don’t bury people.
Then I had a good idea. The priest! The priest buries people! But as soon as I said that I heard MyMum’s voice only not in the room. She said Over my dead body! And she was laughing. I wished it was true. That she was laughing I mean.
I looked in the living room. She hadn’t moved. Not even a little bit. She looked lonely so I said I’ll telephone Gran. Then I remembered she doesn’t have a telephone. And then I thought that Gran might come over — because that’s what she does sometimes — and if she did she would know what to do. So I decided to wait. While I was waiting I made a cup of tea. I was careful. I pretended the hot water was a nanimal that could bite me. I got two cups out of the cupboard and then I put one back. Silly me! I put the milk in and then the tea. I was going to put sugar in b
ut MyMum said it rots your teeth. I thought about it for about seventy-three seconds and then I thought If I turn round three times with my eyes closed and I can see the sugar bowl when I open them I’ll put it in. Lucky me!
Then I got the other cup out again and put it ready for Gran and I carried my tea into the living room. Poor Mum. I put my cup on the stool and went to talk to her but I didn’t know what to say. I sat down on the floor next to her leg instead. It was very quiet. Like everyone outside was dead too. It was a bit funny without anyone talking. MyMum says I’m either not talking or talking too much. I got up and put the wireless on. A man was saying
The rose is a rose and was always a rose but everyone knows that the apple’s a rose and the pear is so I stopped listening but I let him keep on talking because somebody had to. Then I remembered biscuits.
I ate two in the kitchen and put two on a plate to take into the living room. I had to eat them both. Of course.
I waited a long time for Gran. While I was waiting I watched the telly. After Blue Peter it was the news and then it was four men having a quiz.
When it was nearly dark I knew Gran wasn’t coming. I thought I should go next door to tell someone about MyMum. I put on both my pairs of long trousers and two jackets and a pair of gloves from the winter box under the stairs. Do you want to know why? Because that’s where Denby lives. Denby is half a Doberman. He has pointy ears and jumps up. MyMum said He’s all right, Denby is. Just scary. (But she’s not as short as me.) She said Just don’t put your hand through the gate. And now I had to put my whole body through! It made me shake quite a lot when I was walking round. I didn’t know if Denby was inside or outside. The curtains were all drawn. I went right up to the front door. Really quietly. I was just going to knock when I heard something jingle. And bark! I nearly peed myself. He did a horrible growl and a kind of snort. He was round the side of the house. I could see him through their side gate where it’s broken. There’s all bits of planks missing. He put his mouth through and was trying to bite some more off. I have never run so fast away but I made sure I slammed the front gate behind me. Just in case. When I got back inside I thought it was a good job there was nobody in. They might have driven MyMum away to the cemetery or something and I wouldn’t have known if I had to go too or what and then when they buried her I wouldn’t have known what to do without her. MyDad would have but he wasn’t there. Remember?
Here I Am! Page 11