I put all the lights on at once even upstairs and I closed all the curtains because that’s what MyMum does so no nosey parkers can see in.
I said Never mind Mum I know what to do next. I have to make my supper. I turned the radio up loud (it was a lady now) to keep her company and I opened a can of tomato soup. It was hard to turn the can opener but I did it. Some spilled then the rest went in the saucepan and I put it on the cooker and turned it to High. I filled up the kettle and put it on again and then I put two slices of bread in the toaster. When I pressed the handle down all the lights went out. I got a terrible shock. Don’t worry. I just made that up to make you laugh.
A shock is when you’re sort of stunned. So it was true. Everything had stopped at once. It was all quiet too and I couldn’t see. It was like being in a cave. I couldn’t see for eleven seconds and then I could because there was some light leaking out of the hall. I didn’t want to cry — the noise is too scary — but I nearly did. And my nose started to run. I started to do in breathing with no outs like sniffing and all sorts of bad ideas got into my head at once. I really wanted MyMum to help me but you know why she couldn’t. Then I really wanted MyDad to come home but he was in Ipswich wasn’t he.
I hate it when I don’t have a plan for what to do next. You know that. I have to rock and even bang. Why? Because it’s helpful — silly! I really needed MyMum to get up and tell me it was all right but — well — you know what. I just did breathing really really loud with my eyes closed so all the bad ideas didn’t have anywhere to stop. Like when newspapers do blowing all over the pavement. When I started to feel dizzy I opened my eyes. I could see the edge of the saucepan shining a bit. Then I had a good idea. I opened the fridge. Well that was no good. It was all dark in there too! I put my hands out like a sleepwalker and went into the living room. Oops. It was not a very good name now.
I was glad MyMum was there because I didn’t want to stay in a room by myself in the dark. I expect MyMum was glad I went in. Her hands were cold. Her face was too. I did sleepwalking over to the sofa and got the travelling rug. I had to drag it with one hand so I could do sleepwalking back with the other one. Then I climbed up on MyMum and covered us both up.
I could not remember what time it was so I just did a nestimate of how many seconds it would stay dark if it was nine o’clock. I did it in my head but I will write it out for you. Nine o’clock to twelve o’clock equals three. That’s for hours. Twelve o’clock to six o’clock equals six. Three plus six equals nine. Sixty times nine — that’s for minutes — equals five hundred and forty. Sixty times five hundred and forty equals thirty-two thousand four hundred. That’s the seconds. (It’s easier than you think. You just put the noughts on after.) So I started from thirty-two thousand four hundred and counted backwards in alligators and it worked. It was light when I woke up.
MyMum’s mouth had come open and there was not a nice smell (actually it was really terrible but don’t say anything). There was another smell too like cat’s pee. I was worried in case it was me like when I was little but I wasn’t wet. And we don’t have a cat. So then I was embarrassed for MyMum but I don’t expect she meant to do it. I thought when I get to school this time I will tell the first teacher I see and I if I don’t see anyone I will just go in my classroom and tell Miss Kenney straight away even if she tells me not to and I won’t stop until she does something.
I got down and went to the toilet and washed my hands a whole lot of times then I went in the kitchen and got a bowl and some Weetabix and some milk and made a nisland like before. MyMum says No sugar but she couldn’t see me so I got some anyway. I didn’t even like it. Then I did all the things you’re supposed to do before you go to school except getting dressed because I was already. I took Jackie’s cover off and gave him some food. He kept saying Pretty boy! I put it back again so it he wouldn’t disturb MyMum. I couldn’t think of any other things to do. When I looked at the time it was only seven o’clock. I did the washing up. Then I did drying. And the putting away. I sat down and waited. I am good at waiting. It’s peaceful. There was a robin outside the window. It came back nine times.
When it was half past eight it was time to go so I went to say goodbye to MyMum. She looked funny, as if she wasn’t feeling well. She wasn’t! I said I am going to give you a kiss. I did that but I didn’t like it. I never like kisses. They are too close to my head where all my mind is. I like it to be private there. I did it because I thought it might be important for MyMum to have a kiss especially if she had to wait a long time for somebody to come. I expect she couldn’t wait to be buried. It’s where you’re supposed to be when you’re dead.
Chapter 8
STILL SUNDAY
It was getting rockier and rockier and I didn’t feel good. When my chair slided and hit the table beside me I got out fast. I really needed to have a cabin. While I was walking about the ship — remembering to use the handrails — I had a very brainy idea. I would go to the blind man’s cabin and this time I would make up a really big lie and get it ready to say to him when he opened the door. This is what I made up.
— Hallo.
— Oh hallo. (The blind man.)
— MyDad wants to know if you have a life jacket for a kid and can we borrow it?
— Of course! Come in. (The blind man.)
(But if he was selfish he might say Why? What’s wrong with yours? But then I could say It has a hole in it.)
Then when I got inside I would ask him if I could stay inside his cabin for a little while and if he said Why? I could say MyDad and MyAunty are having a private moment and their door is locked. (That is what MyMumandDad did on Sunday afternoon sometimes. Once MyMum said to me they were going to do Church and MyDad heard her and said Come on Frankie. I’ll take you to the park.)
I went all the way along to number sixteen forty-two. The notice was still on the door but I knocked anyway. I heard the blind man say something and I pulled the handle down but the door wouldn’t open. Something was stopping it. I could sort of see through the gap. It looked like his shoe. Then I could see Alec’s nose. I got scared because the shoe was sideways, lying down. Not standing. Then the blind man said something again. I couldn’t hear it properly. It was two things. It was Jush weave me first and then it sounded like I knee to die.
I closed the door.
Now I had no cabin and no life jacket either. I decided to go to bed early instead because at least the mattresses would be like a life jacket and anyway the lifeboats were out there.
I went up the stairs holding on — of course. The door was really hard to get open. It even hit me on the head like the other one! But it was no good. All the mattresses were put away. Everything was soaking wet and it was raining cats and dogs. And horses and pigs haha! It was much too loud. All right I thought. I will go to the red hand room. At least it will be dry and quiet and I will be right near the lifeboats when we start to do sinking. Women and children first so lucky me! BUT. I only took one step and I fell over. I slided all across the deck. Like a quoyt! But sideways. It is a good job I am lucky because one of the big metal box things in the middle stopped me. If it hadn’t been there I would have slided straight to the edge and I probably would have slipped right over underneath the wire and then I would certainly have fallen all the way down. Twelve decks! When we tipped the other way I was even luckier because I slided all the way back to the wall. There is an iron bar all along the wall so I grabbed it tight. I decided not to let go until I got to the door with the red hand. Then I could not believe it because a real wave came up all the way from the sea like it wanted to get on the boat and it did! I saw it run off and it was all bubbles exactly like the beach.
Holding on was very tricky. My hands kept slipping. I hooked my arm through and used my elbow and held on with the other hand. I had to walk pigeon steps so I was getting soaked but it was better than sliding away. I was just nearly there when I could hear a man doing yelling.
HEY YOU! he yelled (that’s just like in a book isn’t it?) HEY YOU! HOLD ON! DON’T LET GO! (He didn’t really have to tell me that. I am not completely stupid.)
I yelled back to him I AM HOLDING ON! (Now we were both yelling!)
He yelled DON’T LET GO! But he had already told me that.
Then he came up behind me and grabbed my arm.
He yelled WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
I yelled I’M HOLDING ON!
He yelled LET GO!
I said You’re squeezing my arm.
He yelled LET GO! Again. He yelled YOU CAN’T BE OUT HERE. WHERE ARE YOUR BLOODY PARENTS?
I said They’re in their cabin. (!!)
He said Here! Get inside! and pushed me.
I thought Am I being kidnapped? because he still had hold of my arm.
He said What’s your cabin number? Do you know it?
I said Sixteen forty-two.
He said Come on. He was walking really fast so I had to run but he didn’t care. Then he started running too and we ran down the stairs. Now I was really scared because what would he do when he saw the blind man instead of MyMumandDad.
He said What number? So I told him again even though I didn’t want to go in anymore.
OK he said. He was banging on the door and then he opened it. I could see the blind man’s legs. They were on the bed now! And guess where Alec was? Underneath!
The sailor said Get in there! Go on! Keep this lad inside sir. Sir?
The blind man wasn’t answering him but the sailor didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything. Not even me. He just went.
The blind man wasn’t moving. Even when the door closed he didn’t move.
I said Are you all right?
He didn’t answer. I thought This is my second dead person. Good. I can do hiding and be safe with Alec.
Alec had his front and back legs stretched out sort of holding onto the floor under the bed. When I got down close I could hear him doing very tiny squeaking like a tiny tiny dog. I said Come Alec but he didn’t come out. He looked really funny. Sort of frowning. His front legs were stretched out in front and his back legs were stuck out behind and his ears were all squished. Then I said Stay and he came out but he didn’t even look at me. He just sat down with his back to me right up close to the blind man. His legs still looked funny like he was sitting on something too wide and he was still doing the tiny squeaking. I think he was crying. Probably because the blind man was dead. I said Ssh. Come back under here. I’ll stay here with you and I squeezed under the bed. We did a big tip and a bottle fell down and hit Alec on the head. He came back under straight away. Silly boy! It was a bit crowded. There was a little suitcase under there as well and a bottle. There were other bottles rolling about on the floor too. The blind man wasn’t very tidy. Then we did a second really big tip and that’s when the lights went out and it went a bit quiet and that’s when I started to do shaking. Everything was black. I didn’t like it with no lights. I kept my eyes closed. It was just what happened in my house. I thought it must have something to do with dead people. Or maybe I am blind too now I thought. Or dead. No I am not dead. I am doing breathing. I can hear me. I can even hear my heart running. And my head hurts. Dead people don’t feel anything not even when you pinch them. I didn’t want to try it on MyMum. I was too scared. It would be terrible to be dead and somebody was hurting you and you couldn’t pinch back. Then Alec began making a disgusting noise and I could smell something bad. Not just the pub smell. I knew he had been sick. I didn’t know dogs could be sick.
It was the worst day of my life.
I wished I was at home. I wished MyMum had never died. I wished MyDad was with me. Three wishes. But only stupid Alec and a nother dead person.
The whole boat was rocking up and down. And sideways too. It was making me do shaking. I wished the lights would come back on.
Four.
I’ll tell you a story if you calm down. That was MyMum! That’s what she always said. But it was no good there was only the stupid suitcase and stupid Alec. And all he could do was tiny crying.
I put my arm over him and he licked my thumb. He really stinked. I wished I could do rocking (five!) but there was no room. I could hear clanging and crashing and a kind of giant quiet noise. I tried to feel if we were sinking in case I had to get out but I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t get out anyway because it was too dark. I curled up tight with my eyes closed. It was just like I said it would be — I was saying Help me help me help me and there was no one there.
All the people in the world I knew were not there. MyMum. MyDad. Gran. Grandad (he’s a nother dead person. His head was nearly all bald and he let Jackie walk on it when he came over). Miss Kenney but I was glad she wasn’t. Aunty Julie. Philippa at school (she showed me her webbed toe). My little sister. I haven’t told you about her. She was MyMum’s dead baby. I know more dead people than anyone I know. She didn’t have a name so she might not count. She was one of the things that made MyMum unhappy but she couldn’t help it because she was only just born. That’s why she didn’t have a name. My Uncle Jack but he would be no use because guess what? Yes dead! I was all alone.
Think of something nice Frankie. (That was MyMum.) Think of something nice.
I thought about Cry Baby Bunting. I knew all the words because MyMum sang it to me a lot.
Cry baby bunting
Daddy’s gone a hunting
To fetch a baby rabbit skin
To wrap the baby bunting in
Cry baby bunting
Daddy’s gone a hunting
To fetch a baby rabbit skin
To wrap the baby bunting in
Cry baby bunting
I sang it over and over in my head. I thought about when she put her arms right round me to stop a panic. She put them right round me in a circle and told me to cry instead. We were rocking. Like the boat. You can laugh if you want. MyMum always wanted me to cry. She said it was helpful. She did it once when I fell off my trike and my head was bleeding and I didn’t like the blood. I wanted to cry but I wanted her to carry on singing too.
Cry baby bunting
Daddy’s gone a hunting
To fetch a baby rabbit skin
To wrap poor baby bunting in
I thought if I sang it enough in my head there wouldn’t be room for any scary things.
Cry baby bunting
Daddy’s gone a hunting
To fetch a baby rabbit skin
To wrap poor baby bunting in.
My nose started running. And my eyes. And Alec started licking me. I had to turn my face the other way. Then he started licking the back of my neck. I think dog lick is probably good for you. It made me feel calmer and my heart stopped running so fast. It was a good job it worked because it was a whole long time until the lights came on. They came on by themselves when the big quiet noise stopped all of a sudden. That’s a relief then. You could hear the engines grumbling. (That was a nother relief.) But it was still the worst day of my life. I have never been so scared with all the rockiness.
We tipped a long way sort of sideways so Alec and me got pressed up against the wall under the pillow end. I needed to find somewhere else. I didn’t want to go on the blind man’s bed. He’s not the same as MyMum. I couldn’t wait till we tipped back the other way. When we did it felt a lot better. I even got used to it. After a while a speaker came on and said
Ladies and Gentlemen. This is the Chief Officer speaking on behalf of the Captain. He has asked me to apologize for the recent interruption of power and consiquent disruption of services. Standby power has now been established and full power is expected to be restored in all public areas within the hour. All passengers however are advised to remain in the safety and comfort of their cabins until more settled conditions prevale.
I bet you think I am making that up. I’m
not. I’m remembering. I told you I can do that. It’s another thing Miss Kenney makes me do at school remembering what people say because once I told her Here is the news and then I told her all of it. She looked at me like I look at Denby when he is watching me through the fence. She said You’re making that up and I said No I’m not. She said You know it’s a sin to lie? I said Pardon? because she knows I know. She said Never mind.
At playtime she said Just stay inside today Francis will you? There is something I want you to do.
She went to the record player and put Peter And The Wolf on. Then she took it off again and said Can you tell me what the man said?
I said Shall I tell you a story? Once upon a time — well this is a musical story and like all stories it has caracters and each caracter is represented by a different instrument of the orkestra. So that you can recognize the caracters every time they appear I’m going to ask the various instruments to show them to you. First the bird. He is represented by the flute…
She said Well. I expect you’ve heard it before. Lots and lots of times.
I said You play it when we have to wait for Miss Gibbins class.
She said Hmm and you could see she was thinking what to do next. Then she said Come with me and she took me to the Staff Room. She walked in front. I was doing Heel!
I had never seen inside the Staff Room before. It was full of smoke. It had tables and chairs and two settees and even cushions and a kettle and two teapots and curtains. But perhaps you already know what a Staff Room looks like so I won’t tell you every single thing only the wireless. It was the same as the one at home.
Here I Am! Page 12