Starting Over

by Jack Sheffield

  Rudi threw the ball gently and Freddie hit it back to him.

  ‘What’s your name?’ asked Freddie.

  ‘Rudolph.’

  Freddie grinned. ‘Like the reindeer?’

  ‘Yes, like the Christmas reindeer,’ replied Rudi. ‘But my friends call me Rudi.’

  Freddie nodded sagely. ‘I’m Frederick, but my friends call me Freddie.’

  ‘I know,’ said Rudi quietly.

  Tom had finished his shift and was showing off his new car to PC Harry Dewhirst. He had parked outside York railway station alongside a ‘Go by Train’ poster. ‘Only works out at a penny three farthings a mile,’ it read. ‘Quick, comfortable and convenient.’

  Harry tapped a finger on the metal plate of the advertisement. ‘Y’won’t need British Rail now, Serge’, wi’ y’new Austin Seven.’

  Tom beamed with pleasure. ‘You take our car back to the station – I’m driving home in this.’

  As he climbed into the smart leather driver’s seat he knew where he wanted to go first. He headed north out of the city.

  Twenty minutes later Tom slowed as he drove down Kirkby Steepleton High Street. Fifty yards from Laurel Cottage he stopped under the shade of a copse of sycamore trees. He could see a tall stranger speaking to Lily by her garden gate.

  Something was not quite right.

  He turned off the engine and sat quietly, watching the scene that unfolded before him.

  Lily stood at the gate at the front of the house with Rudi and Freddie.

  ‘It’s your bedtime now, Freddie,’ she said. ‘Say goodbye to Rudi.’

  ‘’Bye, Rudi,’ said Freddie.

  ‘Thank you for showing me how to play cricket,’ said Rudi.

  Freddie looked up eagerly. ‘I play after school on the village cricket field. You can come and see me if you like.’

  Rudi smiled, but said nothing. He stretched out his arms to the boy and looked at Lily as if seeking permission. She gave a brief nod and he picked up Freddie and for a brief moment held him close. ‘Be good, Freddie.’

  The boy ran off back into the house, still clutching his cricket bat.

  Finally, Lily and Rudi faced each other and he put his hands on her shoulders. A wisp of her hair shivered in the light breeze and he tucked it tenderly behind her ear.

  ‘Goodbye, Lily. Thank you for letting me see Freddie.’

  ‘It was important you had the opportunity. You can see he is happy here.’

  ‘I see that now. I did wonder.’

  ‘Good luck with your new life in Germany, Rudi. I hope all goes well for you.’

  There was silence – the moment of parting had arrived.

  Finally Rudi stepped closer and hugged Lily tenderly. ‘It was good between us.’

  ‘Yes, it was, but that’s in the past. I loved you once, Rudi, but that was the love of a young impressionable girl. I’m a woman now and I understand more about life. We each have a life to live – but not together. It’s taken years to heal, but I’m not the girl you once loved.’

  ‘I know,’ he said and kissed her forehead.

  ‘You must go now, Rudi, and never come back.’

  Then he whispered in her ear, ‘Thank you for letting me see my son.’

  He climbed back in his car and wound down the window.

  ‘Goodbye, Lily.’

  ‘Goodbye, Rudi.’

  ‘Look after our boy.’

  ‘I will.’

  Tom watched the two people in front of him. He stared in shocked silence as the tall, faired-haired man pushed a lock of hair behind Lily’s ear. It was an act of intimacy and in that moment he knew they were lovers.

  Also, he could not help but see the similarity between the boy and the man: the same high cheekbones, long limbs and blond hair. Surely it can’t be, he thought.

  Anger surged through his body and he reversed the car, turned and drove away.

  He had seen enough.

  That night Tom lay in his bed while lightning flashes were followed by the roar of thunder. He could not sleep, tormented by a need he could not fulfil. The heat was unbearable, close and oppressive.

  Thoughts of Lily raced through his mind.

  A great deception had come between them.

  It had come at a cost.

  He had lost the woman he loved.

  In Laurel Cottage Lily heard the rain beginning to beat against her bedroom window. Heaven’s giant army was on the move. The storm was close now, a great storm, and she was in its path. For a moment she felt the echo of a life that had once filled her waking dreams. That life had gone now. It was a passing memory, frozen in time.

  When her baby was born she had wept until there were no more tears left inside her. She remembered that young woman for whom love was intoxicating, an adventure under the stars. Now she had to live with the inner truths that filled her waking dreams. Tom’s love was different, steadfast and true, unwavering in a sea of secrets … but it too was over.

  There was a force in Tom that echoed in her sleeping thoughts. A giant wave had crashed over her and shattered her dreams. Only scattered pieces remained, shifting pebbles on silent sands. Deep down, Lily knew that life at Ragley School was transient. It would pass by like a summer breeze and one day she would move on.

  However, secrets had a habit of being discovered – often at the most unlikely moment.

  Chapter Eighteen

  White Lies and Wishes

  It was Wednesday, 22 July and the first soft kiss of sunlight brushed Lily’s bedroom window. Beyond the Hambleton hills a golden glow shimmered on the horizon where the earth met the cloudless sky.

  Lily awoke to a new dawn. A shaft of light shimmered on the empty pillow beside her head and, for a moment, she imagined Tom was there. Then she stretched, stepped lightly out of bed and opened the window. In the distant fields sheep munched contentedly on the dew-covered grass, while the branches of beech trees stirred with a sibilant whisper. A breathless promise hung over the land on this perfect morning.

  It was also a perfect day for cricket.

  Lily smiled as she heard Freddie’s excited voice in the next bedroom. That afternoon it was the annual Easington & District Small Schools Cricket Tournament on the Ragley cricket field and Freddie was one of the boys representing the Kirkby Steepleton under-eight team. Lily thought back to the day Freddie had played cricket with Rudi in the back garden. Soon Rudi would be back in Germany and that chapter of her life would be over, closed for ever.

  She also thought of Tom. It was clear he must be busy with his life and she had avoided him during the past three weeks. She missed his companionship and caring manner and wished it could have been different. He was a wonderful man and she knew she loved him.

  However, wishing and reality were a world apart and she had to accept the life she had chosen. With a heavy heart she stared once again at the empty pillow beside her own.

  At 7 School View a heated conversation was taking place. Agnes had left for the chocolate factory, Ronnie was sitting at the kitchen table and Ruby was feeding Racquel while Andy tried to climb into the posser tub.

  ‘Ah wish you’d get a job, Ronnie.’

  Ronnie lit up another cigarette. ‘Ah’ve gorra job.’

  ‘Ah don’t mean jus’ lookin’ after them pigeons f’Billy Two-Sheds. Ah mean a proper job. One where y’go out t’work on a Monday morning and bring y’pay packet ’ome on a Friday.’

  ‘There’s not many jobs like that.’

  ‘Well that Clyde Dlambulo got one repairin’ motorcycles an’ ’e’s from Africa.’

  ‘But they don’t pay ’im much.’

  ‘An’ ’is dad gorra job as a bus conductor.’

  ‘Ah couldn’t do that ’cause of m’vertigo.’

  ‘Vertigo! What’s that when it’s at ’ome?’

  ‘’Igh places, Ruby. Y’go all wobbly. Ah’m gonna tell Doctor Davenport ah’ve gorrit so ah couldn’t go up to t’top deck t’c’llect fares.’

  ‘Well we need mor
e money t’feed our children, Ronnie, so gerrof y’backside.’

  ‘What will t’neighbours think wi’ you shoutin’?’

  ‘Probably same as me – that you’re a lazy so-an’-so.’

  ‘Ah’m off,’ said Ronnie.

  ‘Where to?’

  ‘Doctor’s – wi’ m’vertigo,’ and the door slammed behind him.

  In the school office Vera had typed out a list of new admissions. It was lengthy, as the number of children on the roll had grown rapidly.

  ‘I’ve spoken to County Hall, Mr Pruett,’ said Vera, ‘and they have confirmed that our growing school population qualifies us for a new full-time teacher from next spring term onwards. They said they would write to confirm it.’

  ‘That’s wonderful news, Vera. Three classes – who would have thought it?’

  ‘So I’ll draft a letter to the governors, shall I?’

  ‘Yes, please, and I’ll go and tell Lily.’

  Vera was surprised at his eagerness.

  Lily was in her classroom writing a list of farm animals on the blackboard.

  ‘Exciting news,’ said John.

  Lily was startled by his sudden appearance. ‘Oh, hello, John. What is it?’

  ‘County Hall have said we qualify for another full-time teacher from next January. So we can look forward to another member of the team.’

  ‘That’s wonderful! Well done.’

  ‘It’s you I have to thank, Lily. Parents on the borders of our catchment area are choosing us instead of Morton or Easington. You’ve brought new life into Ragley.’

  Suddenly he was tongue-tied again in her presence. There was so much he wanted to say, but he could not find the words.

  Lily seemed to sense his shyness.

  ‘No, John, you’re the headteacher so you should take the credit.’

  ‘Well, we’re a team – a good team.’ There was a time when he had thought it might be more than that, but not now … not ever.

  Morning surgery had begun at Dr Davenport’s and the waiting room was almost full when Ronnie walked in. It was a gloomy place, with wooden chairs lining the walls. The unwritten rule was that only adults sat down while children remained standing. Ronnie sat and lit up a cigarette to add to the thick pall of smoke that already filled the room.

  The woman next to him coughed loudly as Ronnie leaned back and blew a smoke ring. It was meant to impress, but he could see his talents were falling on stony ground. Eventually the youthful, clean-cut Richard Davenport popped his head round the door and said, ‘Next patient, please.’

  Ronnie was out of his seat like a rat out of a trap and settled in the visitor’s chair on the other side of Dr Davenport’s desk.

  ‘So, what seems to be the problem, Mr Smith?’

  ‘Vertigo, Doctor, summat awful.’

  ‘Vertigo? What makes you think you have vertigo?’

  ‘Ah get dizzy when ah stand up quick.’

  ‘Well, there are other reasons for that. Let me check your blood pressure.’

  Richard was thorough as always, but had soon worked out there was little wrong with Ronnie apart from a nicotine addiction and his regular intake of Tetley’s bitter. He gave him a prescription for a simple tonic and advised him to moderate his lifestyle, knowing full well that Ronnie would take no notice.

  Ronnie trudged off to the Pharmacy, where he proceeded to tell Herbert he was at death’s door.

  It was morning break and Winnie Pickles was playing tennis with a stick and a tennis ball. The ball bounced off the school wall and rolled towards Lily. She picked it up and threw it back.

  ‘I want to be like Little Mo,’ shouted Winnie and Lily smiled at her exuberance.

  Big Dave and Little Malcolm were deep in conversation outside the boiler house. There was no pile of coke there any more, simply the memory of exciting times at Ragley School.

  Lily approached the intrepid duo. ‘How was your visit, David?’

  Big Dave had gone with the other school leavers up to Easington Secondary School for an introductory visit. He paused before responding, as he knew he would be leaving his cousin behind. ‘It were fair t’middlin’, Miss.’

  ‘So are you looking forward to it?’

  ‘Well, they do woodwork, Miss, an’ ah like woodwork an’ buildin’ things.’

  ‘That’s wonderful, David, and they will have workbenches and proper tools.’

  Little Malcolm was staring at his scuffed sandals. Two green candles of snot were dripping from his nose, but he was too full of regret to wipe them away with the sleeve of his torn pullover.

  ‘Malc is upset, Miss. ’E wants t’come to t’big school an’ all – but ’e’s got t’wait ’til ’e’s eleven.’

  Lily crouched down and spoke softly. ‘The good thing, Malcolm, is that David can find out a lot about Easington and when you start you’ll know all about it.’

  ‘That’s right, Miss, an’ ah’ll look after ’im.’

  Little did they know it at that moment, but Big Dave would spend the rest of his life looking after his cousin. In a future they could not comprehend, they were destined to be friends for the rest of their days; for this one year only would they be parted.

  ‘There you are, Malcolm,’ said Lily, ‘things aren’t so bad after all.’ She offered Malcolm her clean handkerchief. ‘Now wipe your nose and enjoy your playtime.’

  Little Malcolm looked curiously at the spotlessly clean and neatly ironed handkerchief as if it was a strange, foreign object and then wiped his nose as he always did – with his sleeve. Some habits were simply ingrained.

  ‘Thanks, Miss,’ he said, handing back the handkerchief, ‘an’ ah’ll allus remember you givin’ us t’chance t’do that drawin’ when we could ’ave got caned.’

  Lily gave a knowing smile. Another long sentence, she thought.

  At lunchtime Anne Watson made a surprise visit, clutching her teaching certificate. Vera and Lily chatted to her and shared her excitement over her marriage to John Grainger next month, then Lily suggested she stay for the afternoon and work alongside her. Vera also mentioned that a new teaching post for the next academic year would soon be advertised and Anne showed clear interest.

  At the end of school there was a surprise for Ruby Smith. She had received a message that Mr Pruett wished to speak to her.

  When she arrived, the caretaker, Mrs Trott, was standing outside the office door and gave her a reassuring smile. She tapped on the door and a voice called out, ‘Come in.’

  ‘Y’wanted t’see me, Mr Pruett,’ said Ruby.

  John Pruett put down his pen and looked up at the attractive but clearly downtrodden young woman standing before him. ‘Please sit down, both of you, and thank you for calling in.’

  Puzzled, Ruby sat down, Edna beside her.

  ‘Our school numbers are growing,’ said John, ‘and I’ve heard there will be another class next year. We could do with an assistant caretaker to help out for a few hours per week. Mrs Trott speaks very highly of you, Ruby.’

  ‘An’ m’leg is playin’ up again, Ruby, an’ m’back,’ added Edna for good measure.

  John Pruett decided to stop the school caretaker there before it became too personal. ‘So I should like to offer you the job of assistant caretaker. Are you interested?’

  ‘Oooh, yes please, Mr Pruett!’ said Ruby, and Edna Trott and John Pruett shared the knowing smile of a job well done.

  A crowd had gathered at the Ragley cricket field. A few fathers had left work early to watch their sons playing cricket, while mothers looked after the refreshments and shouted encouragement to their children. Tom Feather was off duty and supping the last dregs of a glass of warm beer outside the refreshment tent. Albert Jenkins arrived carrying two more glasses of Chestnut Mild.

  ‘Plenty of future Yorkshire talent here today,’ said Albert. He sat down in the deckchair next to Tom and handed him a glass.

  Tom smiled. It was good to relax, even though his waking dreams were still filled with thoughts of Lily. �
�Thanks, Albert. You’re right – some of these lads show promise.’ His eye was drawn to Freddie Briggs, who had just hit the ball to the boundary, and he scanned the crowd to see if Lily was there.

  It was then that he recognized a figure standing alone in the deep shade of a weeping willow on the far side of the ground. It was the tall, fair-haired man he had seen with Lily a few weeks ago. Tom remembered their embrace.

  He stood up quickly. ‘Excuse me, Albert.’

  He skirted the field at a cautious pace and approached the stranger from behind. The man was engrossed watching the cricket and almost hidden from view behind the arching branches of the willow.

  Tom knew he must remain calm even though rage was building up inside him. The only outward signs were the twitching of his cheek muscles and the clutched fist behind his back.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  Rudi was startled, but quickly regained composure. ‘I’m here to watch the cricket.’

  Tom heard his accent. He was shocked. ‘Are you German?’ He could barely utter the words.

  ‘Yes, I am,’ said Rudi quietly.

  Tom was trying to control his anger. The betrayal seemed complete. ‘A German … dear God!’

  He turned his back on the man and stepped away. He was rigid with hatred. Then, in an instant, he turned again, walked forward and grabbed Rudi by the shirt collar. ‘I think you know why.’ His voice was cold and his blue eyes were chips of ice.

  Rudi took a deep breath. ‘I know who you are – Lily told me. So, can we talk?’

  ‘There’s nothing to say,’ said Tom, releasing his hold and stepping back. ‘I’ve seen all I needed to see.’

  ‘There’s a lot you don’t understand.’

  ‘I know enough.’

  Rudi weighed his words carefully. ‘No you don’t … I know she loves you.’

  ‘What?’

  Rudi stepped closer to Tom and spoke quietly. ‘So, if you love her you need to listen to what I have to say.’

  Tom shook his head. ‘Why should I? It’s obvious that Freddie is your son.’

  Rudi gave a brief nod of acknowledgement. ‘Yes, he is, and Lily is his mother.’

  ‘I knew it the moment I saw you together.’

  ‘Tom, in a week or so I am going back to Germany once and for all, but before I go you need to know the truth – the truth about Lily.’