by Adams, F. G.
Michael asked me again this morning if I was ‘alright’. Shit.
“Ella. What’s going on? You know you can tell me anything, sweetheart. I feel like there’s a wedge between us and I don’t know why, or how to stop it,” Michael appealed to me.
He knows me well. Knows that there’s something niggling at my consciousness and I’m not telling. I just can’t. Not yet.
Pushing away from him caused a burning in my chest.
“Everything’s fine, Michael. It’s just been a long few weeks.”
I had to walk away from him, because I knew if I didn’t, I would spill it all, but I’m not ready. Thank God we’ve been on different shifts this week. Today was the first time we had a few minutes to spare. Once I get my answers, I can talk to Michael. He deserves to know the truth. But Grayson and I have to talk first.
The other thing is the constant feeling of being watched, which is totally wigging me out. I did let Savannah know yesterday during our lunchtime.
“Hey, Vanna. How do you know if someone is watching you?” I asked.
Savannah looked at me as if I’d grown another nose or something.
“What do you mean, being watched, Ella Bella?” Her curiosity was piqued.
“Well, ever since I left the gym last week, I’ve had this strange feeling I’m being followed. Weird, right?” I continued on, trying to make light of the haunting feeling. “At first I thought maybe it was just Grayson watching me, but nope. I don’t think he’d try to scare me. And I know the feeling of his eyes on me.” I blushed as I recalled Grayson’s attentions. “Anyhoo, it’s giving me the creeps. What do you think?”
The concern for me was written all of over her face.
“First of all, if your gut is screaming something’s not right, sugar, then it probably isn’t. You need to let the security team know that something is off.” She pushed that last part as her main point. “We can’t be too careful here, Ella. Everyone is on high alert. We’ll go to the security office right after work and let them know what’s going on. I won’t take NO for an answer!”
She finished, and I understood her meaning. Either I did this or she’d do it for me.
“Second of all, you thinking about Grayson more often than not, Ella Bella?” Savannah eyed me with a look that told me she could read me like a book.
I was caught off guard, yet I couldn’t lie to my best friend.
“Well, yes. He’s been at the hospital several times this week. I’ve seen him; he’s stopped and talked to me. Not full-blown conversations like the one in the stairwell, yet enough to drive me crazy. And to be honest, I haven’t been able to keep him out of my mind.” I took a breath. “I just can’t help it, Vanna! There are so many answers I need. Things left unsaid between us. Once I have those answers, I’m sure I can move on. Right?” I finished up with a question.
Savannah eyed me skeptically, but then her scowl turned into a smile.
“Well, baby cakes, if that’s the closure you need, then yes!”
That’s when the convo ended and we had to go back to work. I wanted to talk more about the eerie feelings, but at least now it was out there in the universe.
I’m making my rounds and everything is going normal. It’s time for lunch with Grayson. My belly is doing flip-flops; it’s a bundle of nerves. Just lunch, Ella.
Then I get that creepy ass feeling running down my spine, and I’m scanning the halls, trying to find the culprit. Looking to the end of the hallway, I see several soldiers leaning up against the wall, casually talking to each other. Nothing looks out of the ordinary, and my eyes connect with one of them. A brief moment and then it’s over and done, yet it was a little unsettling. Maybe because every single one of the men is a scary-ass-looking soldier. Permanent menacing scowls mark their faces. I shake off the nagging emotion due to my anxiety levels being way above my head. I’ve been treading water for too long and now I’m drowning. Everyone's a suspect to me right now. I continue down the passageway to the mess hall.
At the end of the corridor, I’m blocked. Well, this is awkward. Each one of the men eyes me suspiciously. Like they want to ask me a question or twenty! I try to make my way through the human meat locker to the door.
“Excuse me, guys.”
“Ella? Ella Anderson, is that you?”
I turn my gaze, hearing another voice from the past. Leaning up against the far wall is Johnny Smith from home. And right next to him is none other than Pete Fuller.
“Holy Mackerel! Aren’t y’all a sight for sore eyes. It’s none other than Killer and Johnny Appleseed,” I joke and hurry over to both of them.
Taking turns, we hug like the long lost friends we are. Styx hugs me real tight, and I can hardly breathe. Same old Pete!
“Ella, you are lookin’ mighty fine in those scrubs, darlin’. And my friends call me Styx now, ‘cause I’m dy-no-mite!” Pete wiggles his eyebrows up and down.
Johnny is trying not to crack up as he hugs me, and it feels like old times in the View.
“Isn’t this a coninkydink, I’m meeting Grayson for lunch today and y’all all show up here. Hmmm. What’re y’all doing here anyways?”
“Just following orders, ma’am,” Styx replies. “Playing follow the leader. Grayson’s our Capt’n.”
“That’s good to know, boys. Some things never change.” We continue to catch up until I notice the time and see I’m late for lunch.
“Shit, boys, I’ll catch you later. Good seeing you.”
The smells of fried chicken, fresh bread, and cooked veggies assault my senses. As if on cue, my stomach begins growling. Oh dear. Food is what I need.
Approaching the line to grab my tray, I see a movement to my right. I turn around and see him. Grayson is walking casually toward me with that shit-eatin’ grin plastered on his face. I give him a half-hearted smile in return as he grabs a tray.
“Hello, Bluebird.” And we proceed down the line to get our lunch.
As we settle at a table in the far corner of the dining area and close to a window, my nerves go from fluttery butterflies to hair-pulling crazy. The smells of grease and freshly baked bread drift around me, causing my stomach to wretch a little. I feel like I’m on a first date! What do I say? What do I do? Having had this chat with myself a hundred times this week, I thought I was ready. Seeing my indecision, Grayson takes the reins and helps me out.
“So...you’re a nurse in the United States Army. Um, wow. That’s really amazing, Ella. So damn proud of you,” he starts our discussion. “I heard about your mom. I really am sorry, Ella. I know she meant the world to you. Wish I could’ve been there,” he ends with a sadness in his eyes that catches me off guard. He reaches over to caress the top of my free hand sitting idly on the tabletop.
“That’s okay, Grayson. It was a long time ago. Besides, she wouldn’t want me to sit around feeling sorry for myself, now would she? Just like your grandma Matilda, right?”
Realizing what I just said ensues a flood of memories. Shit. I move my hand away from his to clutch my napkin.
“Umm...How’s life been treating you? What have you been up to, besides getting shot and all.” I laugh, trying to make light of the tense situation.
As I look up, I witness a flash of something in his eyes. Pain mixed with fire. Shit! Gotta squelch that quickly. Pulling at my collar and clearing my throat, I carry on.
“It seems you went out and conquered the world, your dreams. I’m proud of you too.” I take a huge bite of the fried chicken on my plate. Maybe that’ll keep my mouth occupied for a while.
We push on through lunch, finishing up the delicious crispy fried chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, and crunchy steamed vegetables. Country cooking at its finest. Well, maybe not quite as good as I remember Grayson’s mother’s cooking. Mmmm. Really good. It’s like we picked up where we left off. Grayson telling me a few new jokes he’s learned over the years and me listening and giggling. I’m caught up in this stage that belongs to just the two of us. The rightness of
being here with him catches me off guard, and my hardened heart cracks a little. Oh shit! I’m still in love with this man.
Grayson puts his fork down and settles back into his chair. Crossing his arms over his impressive chest, he zeroes his eyes in on mine. Here it comes.
“I meant every word I said in that stairwell, Ella,” he pauses and then continues on. “Now that I’ve found you again...I’m never letting you go.” Oh dear. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I just don’t understand what happened, Bluebird,” he continues. “When I got that letter from you...it crushed me,” Grayson says. Wait, what?
“What letter, Grayson? You broke up with me.” My blood begins to boil. “Not even two months after you left, I received a letter. Two months!” I emphasize my words. “I was heartsick the moment I read it. And then my mom died. It’s hard for a person to come back from so much torment and anguish. But I did! I survived.”
Getting up from the table, I pause to take a look at him. This was such a silly idea. To play nice with the man who broke my heart.
“Your time is up, Grayson, I have to get back to work.”
I move to the trash bin and throw away my trash. My movements are automatic, and I’m left feeling empty. None of my questions were answered, and now I’m sidelined with more questions. His time is up for now. I have to get back to my rounds.
Making my way around the tables in the dining hall, I chance a glance back at Grayson. His head is in his hands. A scene of sorrow plays out in front of me. I want to run to him and wrap my arms around his big, sexy frame, letting him know everything is going to be fine, but I can’t. I still need to know more. What letter? He sent me a letter. This doesn’t make sense.
‘Things aren’t always what they seem.’ Savannah’s voice rings loudly in my mind. I realize one thing for sure. I’m not over Grayson Blackwood.
I focus back to where I’m going, and my eyes collide with Michael’s.
I look up when I hear a commotion at the door. Dr. Barnes has Ella backed into the corner, and my instincts react. Jumping up from the table and across the room in a matter of seconds, I wrap my arms around and through the good doctor's arms, holding him back.
“Back off, Barnes,” I forcefully shout at him.
From the corner of my eye, I see my men moving in, encircling us, and the crowded mess hall is now so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I look up and catch the tear-stained cheeks and anguished blue eyes of my beautiful Ella. The hurt is etched all over her face.
“Fuck!” This isn’t good.
My mind is racing a million miles an hour as my heart pounds out of my chest. When it comes to Ella, I’m lost.
I search her face for answers when she whispers, “It’s okay, Grayson. Michael and I just need to talk. It’s okay. You can let him go. You’re not helping. You’re only hurting me. Please, leave...just leave now.” Ella gazes at me with pleading, determined eyes asking for me to walk away.
Every cell in my body is screaming to stay and protect her. But I can’t, she doesn’t want me to. With my mind made up, I drop the good doctor's arms and walk out. Leaving behind my heart.
“Shit! This is so fucked up!” I cry out to anyone who will listen.
Making my way down the hallway and out the front door without looking back, I take off in a full sprint. Needing to get away from everything and everyone. Ignoring the shouts from Johnny and Styx. It’ll keep for a little while. A hard run will do me some good. Clear my head, a balm to my aching heart. I follow the long, dusty road, pushing my legs to run faster.
I have to figure out what to do about Ella. With other pressing matters at hand, my carefully constructed world is tumbling around me.
Running through streets of the base, I pass by construction and organized training drills while my legs carry me further away from Ella. My mind drifts back home. Reminding me that just like with Ella, life can change in a blink.
“Son, I have some really sad news. Your dad is sick,” mom relayed to me over our monthly video conference.
I was still in New York. Ten more days until graduation. “What do you mean sick, mom? You can’t come to graduation like you planned? I understand, I do.” I let her off the hook by not showing any of the emotions that were raging inside.
“No, no. We wouldn’t miss it.” Her smile faltered. “But we just went to the third appointment this week and the second opinion that we wanted,” she sighed toward the camera, and her face fell with unshed tears rushing into her beautiful, brown eyes.
“Your dad has cancer, Grayson.”
My mom then continued, explaining to me the experimental procedure that dad had been approved for. I was stunned. Shocked by the fact that this powerful man, feared by most, was dying. I couldn’t stop from thinking maybe this was somehow payback or karma? Fate’s way of evening the score for all the torment he had caused his family.
I’ve only spoken to my father a handful of times since I left Lakeview. My mom and sisters kept me up on his procedures and well-being. As of now, the old man is still kickin’. My father came through the cancer and is in remission. Lucky bastard! He’s been given a second chance.
I’ve learned over the years to let it go. I can’t change the man he is...he’s no longer in control of me. But I do have power over my own destiny, and that includes Ella.
Fifty-five minutes later, I’m back in front of TMC, sweat pouring down my head, neck, and back. My team is standing at the front, lounging around like we don’t have urgent business to take care of. “Fuck me!” Out of breath from the push I gave my body, I make my way to them. Grabbing my side, taking in deep breaths as I go. I clutch my elbow to give the deep shooting pain in my shoulder a rest.
“Fuck, Capt’n, what’s going on?” Beauty asks the question that my whole team seems interested in knowing the answer to. “Where’d you run off to?”
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? I gaze upon my team, my men. The men I depend on with my life and who depend on me. What can I tell them? I’m a sap? I’m hopelessly devoted to a woman who may never want me in return? Nope. I take control like always.
“Just needed to clear my head. Wanted to make sure this bullet wound,” I point at my shoulder, “could handle some running. That’s all.” I shut down the concerns and questions I see in every one of their faces. For now at least.
“I’ve got a few things I need to see about. I’ll meet you all back at my quarters to go over the new development with Aabdar.” I focus on Johnny. “I need you to stay here and wait for me.”
“Yes, sir, Capt’n.” Johnny nods and turns to lean back against the off-colored plaster building wall, shading his eyes again with his Oakleys.
Beauty gazes over at me as if he wants to say something. I glance back at him, one brow raised, with ‘my word is final’ face. I hope he knows to keep his mouth shut right now. I don’t need any more fuckin’ lip from him. There are too many things that aren’t adding up. I’ve got to figure this conundrum out. I can do this. Puzzles, cat and mouse...this is what I was born to do.
I head back into TMC, searching for my target. Leaving the men to follow orders. At the nurse’s station, I scan the area. Peering around with no luck of finding Ella, I continue my search through the building. As I’m starting to give up on the search, Savannah comes bopping out of a door to the right and stops abruptly when she sees me.
My eyes pin her in her place. I walk forward as she crosses her arms over her chest and commits to a stubborn stare. Battle ready. This isn’t going to be easy.
“Hello, Savannah,” I begin with a curt greeting that I hope will ease her a bit.
“Captain Blackwood.”
She eyes me with aggravation. Fuck! Savannah’s not going to make this painless. But I can deal.
“Look, I know you really don’t know much about me, and I honestly don’t give a fuck what you think. But I need to find Ella.” I give her the truth, because that’s all I have to offer. “Can you please tell me where she is?”
<
br /> Savannah looks at me with venom in her green eyes. I brace for impact.
“Well, let me just start by saying I do know you, baby cakes. Ella has told me all about you and your games from the past. You need to leave poor Ella be, and mozie on your way. Sir.” She spits out the last part with her fists gripped tightly by her side. “Ella already has enough to worry with a stalker and Michael. Not to mention we’re in a war zone!” Her face is reddened from the anger she throws my way.
Wait. A stalker? Oh fuck, no! This woman is hell on wheels, and I need control of the situation now! I hold my hands up in a surrendering gesture, surprise and concern bubbling to the surface.
“Whoa. Slow down for one minute. What do you mean by stalker?” Because that’s the only thing my brain registered.
Savannah eyes me, sadness and worry written all over her face.
“Well, shitaki mushrooms! Dammit, you got me all upset, sugar,” she says. “When she left earlier, I was so upset for her. Shit! I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”
Savannah then apprehensively relays to me how Ella thinks someone is watching her, following her. She also informs me they were going to go talk to security today.
“I’ll handle the security, Savannah. Thank you for telling me about this. I have a lot on my plate right now, but Ella is a priority.”
I need to go and make sure that security is aware. I’ll talk to Johnny and Styx, bring them in the loop.
“For some strange reason, sugar, I believe you.” She peers up at me while she speaks, her eyes slightly softer. “But you can’t hurt Ella again. You weren’t there to pick up those broken pieces. It wasn’t pretty when we met in basic. And it had been several years since you two were together. I won’t allow anyone to hurt her like that again. She’s good people!”
I swallow tightly, a knot moving in my throat. I did this to her. How or why is still uncertain, but fixing it keeps me going.