The Stranger tloe-1

by Макс Фрай

  “And if I do what I did yesterday?” I suggested. “I’ll share the pain with him, and he’s sure to survive!”

  “Would you really agree to that? I wouldn’t advise it.”

  I shrugged.

  “What else can we do? Besides, I’ve never felt as bold as I do today. Carpe diem!”

  “That’s all I need,” the boss muttered. “To bury you while saving this worthy son of the distant south. No, today we’ll be wiser. We’ll go to Jafax. The women of the Seven-Leaf Clover will think of something. All the more since we’re making efforts for their boss.”

  “For Magician Nuflin? Wait, Juffin—are there really women in the Seven-Leaf Clover?”

  “Whatever made you think that there weren’t?” Juffin asked. “There are more women than men. That was the case in all the other Orders, as well. Didn’t you know?”

  “How could I have known? I’ve never seen any of them. And all the Grand Magicians I’ve heard about are men.”

  “Yes, I suppose so. But, you see, women are inclined to secrecy. When they enter the Order, they break their ties with the world so effectively that it’s almost impossible to have any contact with them. There are quite powerful personages among them, but no one has been able to persuade them to accept an important office. They claim that it would ‘distract them from the most important things.’ In a way, they’re right. You’ll see for yourself when we get there.”

  “But what does Magician Nuflin have to do with this?” I asked as I settled behind the levers of the amobiler. “You said we were doing this for him.”

  “Where is your renowned intuition, Max? You can figure it out. The young man who became a captive of the mysterious belt stole the copy of the Shining Seven-Leaf Clover, which is only good for a souvenir. Now people are appearing in Echo again with similar belts. What do you think they might want?”

  “Magician Nuflin’s real amulet?”

  “Congratulations, you hit the nail on the head!”

  “I wonder how they intend to pilfer that little trinket from Jafax?”

  “It’s very simple. If they managed to put the same kind of belt on Nuflin, he’d give them anything they wanted.”

  “How could they foist something like that on the Grand Magician himself? That’s impossible, Juffin.”

  “Well, it would probably be hard to get it on Nuflin himself. But that’s not really necessary. There are many people in the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover, and there are secret passageways connecting Jafax with Echo—like our House by the Bridge, for instance. It would be enough to fasten a belt like that on one of our messengers for him to dive into hell and bring out a bunch of Dark Magicians, not to mention the Shining Seven-Leaf Clover. If he’s lucky, of course. But people sometimes are! In short, lad, someone who had the wits to forge those belts would be fully capable of clinching a deal like that. I know I could.”

  “You, Juffin?”

  “Among the Mutinous Magicians were young men who were much more sharp-witted than I was. What they weren’t smart enough to do was to take a critical view of foolish superstitions.”

  “So you think there is some Mutinous Magician behind all of this?”

  “Of course. Who else do you think would need the blasted amulet? Unless it were a jeweler—but there are many more valuable things in the World. We’re here, Max, don’t you see?”

  “Oh, yes. I didn’t even notice. It’s neither dawn nor dusk, though. How will we pass into Jafax?”

  “Through the Secret Door. It’s the only way of reaching the women of the Seven-Leaf Clover.”

  Juffin climbed out of the amobiler and I followed behind him. The boss walked along a high dark wall, then stopped and slapped his palm hard against a slightly protruding greenish stone.

  “Follow me, boy. Better close your eyes—it will steady your nerves.”

  Without looking back at me, the boss began walking directly into the rock.

  There was no time to think. I closed my eyes obediently and plunged after him. My muscles tensed instinctively, bracing in anticipation of a blow. But none was forthcoming. A moment later, Sir Juffin intercepted me, my body still poised to ward off obstacles in a fierce struggle.

  “Where did you think you were going, Max?” he asked gaily. “We’re here. Open your eyes now if you don’t believe me.”

  I looked around. We were standing in the middle of the thick undergrowth of an ancient overgrown garden.

  “Good day, Juffin. How’s the earth treating you, you old fox?”

  A vibrant voice resonated from behind my back. I shuddered and turned around. The voice was coming from someone who resembled the fairytale ideal of a grandmother: a shortish, plump lady with silver hair and a benevolent smile, and cheeks graced charming dimples.

  “What a fine boy, Juffin!” she said, looking me up and down with undisguised admiration. “Are you Sir Max, dear? Welcome!”

  The old lady embraced me with unexpected affection. I felt I had returned home after a long absence.

  “This is Lady Sotofa Xanemer, Max,” the chief said. “She’s the most frightening creature in the Universe, so be on your guard.”

  “No more frightening than you are, Juffin,” Lady Sotofa laughed. “Let’s go, gentlemen. You and Nuflin have some problems on your hands, Juffin. That’s for sure. And you must come with me and have something to eat, my dear,” she added for my benefit.

  “What a good idea,” Juffin said drily.

  “No matter what, you’re always ready to eat,” she remarked to Juffin. “I know you. But I love you all the same. Where have you been lately? You stopped visiting me. Maybe you think you bore me? Well, listen here, you old coot. You are tiresome, but my heart goes its own way, and it’s always glad to see you. And one must listen to one’s heart.”

  Lady Sotofa scurried ahead, showing us the way and looking back now and then with a comical expression to illustrate her running commentary. Her little hands gestured wildly, her looxi fluttered in the breeze, and her dimples became ever more pronounced. I simply couldn’t credit her with great magical powers, however hard I tried.

  Finally we arrived at a cozy garden pavilion that seemed to serve as Lady Sotofa’s office. There we were greeted by another sweet lady, somewhat younger than Lady Sotofa. With age she promised to become an exact replica of her elder associate. She already had the soft plumpness and the charming dimples.

  “Oh, Sotofa! You’re always entertaining men! Don’t you want to take a rest?”

  Her laughter rang out like tinkling bells.

  “Of course I entertain them, Reniva. Don’t you remember? We agreed that I’d bring the menfolk around, but you would feed them. Now scoot! Off to the kitchen with you! The silly youngsters that pass as our chefs will never be able to cook as well as you can.”

  “Are you suggesting that the food should be tasty?” Lady Reniva asked, arching her brows. “I thought men didn’t care what they ate as long as it filled their bellies. Fine, I’ll feed your swains, but you’ll have to reckon with them in the meantime.”

  She disappeared behind a partition, and the three of us were alone.

  “Well, Sir Max, were you frightened?” Lady Sotofa giggled. “Did you think that this daft Juffin had brought you here to see some crazy old biddies? You don’t have to reply. I can see in your eyes that that’s what you thought. Well, give me your fist. Come on, come on—don’t be timid.”

  I stared at Juffin in confusion. He looked at me sternly, and nodded. I extended my sweaty left hand to Sotofa, the one in which Mr. Agon, the no-good Tasherian merchant, had been languishing for the last dozen hours. The merry old lady stroked my fingers cautiously, lingered a moment, frowned, and then broke into a smile again, displaying her enchanting dimples.

  “Easy as pie, Juffin! I’m surprised you didn’t manage to do it.”

  “You know I could have,” the Venerable Head of the Secret Investigative Force muttered. “It’s just that everything comes to you so naturally.”

 
Lady Sotofa shook her head reproachfully and applied a sudden sharp pressure at the base of my palm. I yelped in surprise and pain, and opened my fingers. The unfortunate merchant tumbled onto the carpet, and Lady Sotofa triumphantly displayed the marvelous mother-of-pearl belt, which, by some miracle, she was left holding.

  “There you are, Juffin! Are you starting to regret that nature has rewarded you with this old crone you’re still so proud of?”

  “Don’t exaggerate, my lady,” he murmured. “I still have a few tricks up my sleeve you haven’t yet learned.”

  “What do I need those for? Your tricks don’t put bread on the table.” She turned to me, “How did you like that, my dear?”

  I nodded in astonishment and stared at my recent captive.

  “Is he alive, Lady Sotofa?”

  She waved her hand with a flippant air.

  “Why wouldn’t he be? I could revive him right now, but it makes more sense to do it just before you leave. I don’t intend to feed this blockhead, and if we eat while he looks on—well, it wouldn’t be very polite, would it?”

  After dinner, which affected me like a dose of horse tranquilizers, Lady Sotofa leaned over the immobile body of the merchant Agon.

  “How long can you just loll around like that, you no-count?” she roared in an alien, shrieking voice. The unfortunate chap began to stir.

  “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Juffin,” said Sotofa, beaming. “It’s possible to return any person to life if you shout in his ear the same thing he was used to waking up to in childhood. As you see, the mother of this gentleman couldn’t control her emotions. Just like my own mother, in fact. Do you remember my mamma, Juffin, may she rest in peace? I think she was what turned us into such good sorcerers: we had to save our skins somehow. Well, collect this dolt, boys, and clear out! You have work to do, and so do we. Life’s not just for pleasure.”

  We loaded the gradually reviving merchant whose life we had just saved into the amobiler. I was so taken aback by what I had seen that I didn’t even ask any questions.

  “Well, what do you think of her?”

  I had never known Juffin’s voice to sound so tender.

  “Oh . . . I can’t even imagine what all the others are like.”

  “You can take it from me that the others are no match for her. Sotofa is the cream of the crop. Even Grand Magician Nuflin is scared of her. Has this shaken your faith in me, Sir Max?”

  “Not at all, but she’s really something.”

  “Sotofa hails from the same place I do. Did you catch that?” Juffin smiled. “She’s my closest friend from those parts, although we see each other rarely, and mostly on official matters. About five hundred years or so ago we had a very stormy romance. The people of Kettari were tickled to death when, after the latest in a long chain of quarrels, I arrested her in the ‘name of the law’ and escorted her to the House on the Road. That’s what the local Ministry of Perfect Public Order is called. Five hundred years ago, can you believe it? Then Sotofa got it into her head that she had to enter some Order, and she tripped off to the capital. I was devastated by her little escapade. But life proved the girl right—there was a place in the Order for her.”

  I stared at Juffin.

  “Are you telling me this for a particular reason?”

  “Naturally—you need to know why she treats me with such a lack of decorum,” the chief said, winking at me. “Otherwise you might start thinking that any woman older than three hundred can wrap me around her little finger.”

  At the House by the Bridge Melifaro dashed out to meet us.

  “Juffin,” he said in a mournful whisper. “I don’t understand what’s going on. Melamori has locked herself in my office, and she won’t let me in. I think she’s crying.”

  “Well, let her have a good cry,” the boss advised him. “Why shouldn’t a good person cry when times are bad? Everything will be all right, just don’t try to comfort her. She’ll kill you on the spot, and I won’t be able to jump in and set things right. I’ll be too busy. Find Lonli-Lokli. Let him drop whatever he’s doing and wait for us here. And don’t you go anywhere, either. Tell Melamori that in half an hour we’ll be working to beat the band. She can join us if she wishes. Let’s go, Max.”

  Without giving me time to reconsider, Juffin gripped the unfortunate merchant Agon under his arms and dragged him into his office. I shuffled after them.

  “Now then, Max,” the chief addressed me in a clipped, energetic tone, seating our captive in an armchair. “I hate interfering in other people’s affairs, but sometimes one must. This is one of those times. Don’t even think of pursuing this affair of the heart—it will only make matters worse. Lady Melamori is feeling as miserable as you are, if not more so. But she is under no illusions about what happened this morning. She knows something that you don’t know. For example, she knows what happens to people who fly in the face of tradition and try to fool fate. It’s not customary to speak of such things aloud, since it’s common knowledge—common for everyone but you and other newcomers, that is.”

  “What is it, then? What does everyone know?” I wailed.

  “You see, one of the lovers who ignores the ban on subsequent trysts will surely die. Which of them it will be cannot be predicted. But I’d be willing to bet that it won’t be you, since . . . well, never mind. Take my word for it: you’re luckier than Melamori. That’s just the way it is.”

  “It’s the first I’ve heard of it,” I muttered. “And, excuse me, but I don’t believe it. It’s like some cheap mystery romance.”

  “For some time now your whole life has been some cheap mystery romance, as you put it. Why would I lie to you? You and I, Praise be the Magicians, didn’t find each other in the Quarter of Trysts.”

  “That’s true,” I said with a crooked smile. “But I don’t like any of this one bit. I thought the lady was just shy and superstitious. I had hoped I might persuade her eventually.”

  “You might be able to if you try. But I wouldn’t advise it. ‘Not my girlfriend’ is much more pleasant to the ear than ‘dead girlfriend,’ don’t you think? A solid friendship has its advantages over a flaming passion, which you will come to realize sooner or later. Okay? So case closed. Back to work.”

  I looked at Juffin, stupefied. He shrugged, as though giving me to understand that the laws of nature didn’t depend on him.

  “I trust you won’t try to strangle me if I give this pathetic specimen a few drops of your precious elixir?” he asked casually.

  “No, not if you give me some, too. I’m as tired as can be.”

  “Certainly, you sponger. Why haven’t you bought yourself a bottle yet? I told you—”

  “I’m economizing. Is that more than you can fathom?”

  Sir Juffin Hully laughed out loud. He seemed relieved that I was behaving like my old self again. And truly, knowing that my grief was shared half and half was enough to return me to life. Something similar had happened yesterday with Captain Giatta. I came to understand that I wasn’t a “spurned lover” from a mawkish novel, but simply a person compelled to accept his fate. It was painful, but much more tolerable.

  After he had swallowed some Elixir of Kaxar, our captive began to understand what was what. When the merchant finally grasped the fact that he was no longer wearing the belt, he tried to kiss our feet, which didn’t flatter us in the least.

  “We’d rather you spilled the beans, on the double!” Juffin grumbled. “Who fastened that silly belly-embellishment on you in the first place?”

  “His name is Xropper Moa. He’s from your part of the world, sir.”

  “Say no more.” Juffin turned to me. “The one and only Grand Magician of the Order of the Barking Fish. The Order was a lightweight outfit, but the fellow always had an uncommonly vivid imagination.”

  Juffin scrutinized the merchant again. The merchant shuddered under his gaze. I can understand why: Juffin’s range of meaningful stares includes some that are absolutely terrifying.

&nb
sp; “What did he want from you, Agon?”

  “He wanted to steal something, some ‘Great Talisman.’ I myself am not sure what it is. My task was a petty one—to palm the belt off on certain people. Then Xropper sent them a call or met them personally, and told them what was required of them.”

  “Excellent. On whom did you foist the belt during the present journey?”

  “No one. This time Xropper came with me himself. He seemed to have realized that without his participation it wasn’t going to work. I did everything he told me to do, but . . . my single greatest success was the boy Apatti. He procured only a useless copy, though. After this fiasco Xropper fumed for a whole year, and then thought for another one. Finally we set out for Echo again, and he promised that it was our last voyage. After that he would set me free.”

  “And you would conveniently be able to carry on your business, isn’t that right?” Juffin asked, narrowing his eyes. “Those belted lads make very good thieves, don’t they? They do everything you tell them to, and they never give away their boss. You liked that—admit it, Agon! How much wealth from the capital were you able to cart off to sunny Tashera?”

  “I didn’t—”

  “Hold your tongue, Agon! I’ve studied all the unsolved cases of apartment burglary that plague the conscience of our municipal police. The dates of these memorable events correspond fairly exactly to the dates when your Old Maid was anchored in our docks. Shall I go on?”

  The bearded fellow stared at the floor in embarrassment. Sir Juffin smirked.

  “I see that won’t be necessary. Now then, you tell me where your friend Xropper is. And if I can find him with your assistance, consider yourself lucky. You’ll pay your captain; I’ll send you away from the Unified Kingdom with no right of return—end of story! Your exploits don’t fall under my jurisdiction, after all. But if I don’t find him—well, I’ll just buckle this marvelous little trinket on you again, this amazing belt fashioned by Magician Xropper Moa himself. Are you feeling lucky, merchant?”

  “I don’t know where Xropper is!” Mr. Agon stammered in panic. “He didn’t tell me anything!”