Loving in His Way

by T. K. Chapin

“I’m so sorry, Courtney!”

  “I forgive you, but that’s not why I’m crying.” Releasing from their embrace, she moved to let him inside.

  Raising an eyebrow as he walked in, his gaze stayed locked on her. “What’s going on?”

  “Tomorrow, the boys will start seeing Taylor.” The two of them walked over to the couch in the living room and sat down as she continued. “She’s been clean for months and has a job. I know it’s time. I just got off the phone with Taylor and my mother.”

  Opening his arms, he embraced her in a long hug. “God will get you through this.”

  “I know.” Releasing from their hug, she let out a heavy sigh and then dabbed her eyes of the tears. “It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be good. Those boys need to be with their mother.”

  “Plus, you’ll still see them. Right? They’re staying in town?”

  She smiled. “Yes. Those two little dudes have a part of my heart now, so no matter where they go or what they do, I’ll be a part of their lives.”

  Brian smiled at her selfless love. “You truly do love them fully.”

  “Yes, I do. Even if they’re not with me.” She stood up. “Want some tea?”

  “Let me make it.” Brian stood up and went into the kitchen. Looking toward the living room as he set the kettle on the stove, he thought about earlier that morning and how he had acted. “I think we need to talk about this morning.”

  He came back to Courtney at the couch and sat down fully turned toward her.

  “I was harsh with you, and that wasn’t right.”

  “I get what happened. You were just freaked out because of what Melissa did. It’s okay.”

  “No.” Brian rested a hand atop hers. “It’s not okay. Yes, it was due to my past hurt, but it isn’t fair to you and it wasn’t right.”

  “You’ve told me before that you were pushing against the feelings inside that compared me to Melissa, so I can’t say it wasn’t unexpected. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  Shaking his head, Brian looked her in the eyes. “I don’t want to break your heart. I don’t want to hurt you. Courtney, I love you.”

  Courtney’s lips curled into a smile. “I love you too.”

  Brian leaned in and touched her cheek softly as he kissed her. Deepening the kiss, he brought his hand down and pulled her in closer to him. Her lips against his felt like being transported to a different world. A world where only they and their love existed.

  The kettle on the stovetop whistled, interrupting the moment. Pulling back slowly, he smiled.

  “Two lumps of sugar?”

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  He stood up and went into the kitchen. Pouring the hot, steamy water into the two cups, he glanced over to see Courtney at the bookshelves. He placed the tea bags into the cups of water to let them steep and went over to her and the open book. Slipping a hand to her lower back, he came in close and looked down at the pages. Images of Todd and Blaze filled scrapbooking pages.

  Pointing one out as she smiled, she glanced at Brian. “That was our first trip to the dentist. Terrible experience, but you can’t tell that from the photographs.”

  Brian smiled. “What happened?”

  “Todd wouldn’t let the dentist look in his mouth. He just sat there with his mouth closed, refusing to open it.”

  Raising his eyebrows, Brian shook his head. “What’d you do?”

  She laughed. “I bribed him with a sucker. It’s funny. Before these boys came into my life, I thought bribery was evil, but it really gets kids without any discipline and structure to listen. At least in the beginning. I don’t always bribe them, but it was a good starting path. At least for me in my own experience.”

  Courtney closed the scrapbook and placed it back on the shelf. Turning toward Brian, she smiled somberly. “I always knew they’d go back to her. That’s why I made the scrapbook.”

  “It’s a nice gift to her. She can see all the growing they’ve done since they have been with you. You know?”

  “Yeah.”

  Brian went into the kitchen to get their tea. Walking back into the living room with their cups a moment later, he saw her with a big smile on her face.

  Handing her a cup, he raised an eyebrow. “What are you smiling about?”

  “You.” She took the cup and came in closer to him. She leaned up and kissed him. “God sent you into my life at the perfect time, Brian Dunlap. Earlier, it wouldn’t have worked and later would’ve been too late. It was the exact right time.”

  “I feel the same way with you.” Leaning in, he kissed her.

  Chapter 13

  By June, the boys had started staying overnight with their mother at the apartment she and Rhonda had rented in the Spokane Valley. While it was hard, especially at first, Courtney was growing more and more comfortable with the progress and transition of the boys back to their mother. The months of visitation, stability in Taylor, and Courtney’s unrelenting giving of the matter over to God eased the pain that was ever-present in her heart. She loved the boys and knew her love for them gave her the strength she needed to see this through until the end.

  In the second week of August, on Thursday, Courtney went down to the courthouse and filed the petition to terminate her guardianship, thus restoring parental rights of the boys to Taylor. With Brian by her side and a trembling hand holding the pen, she signed her name on the document and handed it to the county clerk. Turning toward Brian, she pressed in against his chest, letting his arms and love wrap around her in that moment.

  Walking out of the courthouse and down the steps moments later, she paused at the base of the steps and turned toward Brian.

  “Am I doing the right thing here?”

  He smiled and nodded as he gently grabbed both of her arms. “Absolutely.”

  “Then why do I feel so scared?”

  “It’s a big deal. Big deals are scary. You’ve seen Taylor be clean and consistent over these last five months, and there’s nothing left to do but what you’ve done now.”

  Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, she peered back up the steps of the court building. “I know, but I can’t help but worry she could slip right back into the drugs and abuse.”

  “She could very well do that. But listen.” Brian raised his eyebrows and focused on her eyes in the moment. “You have to trust God and trust that this will all work out. You loved those boys and cared for them like they were your own when you had them. Now it’s time to keep caring and keep loving, but at a distance.”

  Falling forward into his arms and his embrace, Courtney clung to Brian’s dress shirt he was wearing. “I love you.”

  Smoothing a hand over her head, he comforted her in that moment. She got a whiff of his cologne, which was no longer just a nice smelling fragrance in her life but a comfort and a surety that everything was going to be okay, no matter what. She loved him deeply and couldn’t imagine him not in her life.

  “I love you too, Courtney. Let’s head over to your sister and mom’s place and drop that box off.”

  “Okay.” Releasing from their embrace, they walked over to the parking lot and got into Brian’s car. The boys had been staying over at their mother’s apartment for almost a whole week now.

  Upon arriving at the apartment, Rhonda let them in. The boys were sitting on the couch reading books as Courtney and Brian entered. She set the box down on the end table.

  “Courtney!” the boys shouted in unison when they caught sight of her. Leaping off the couch, they tossed their books on the floor and rushed over to her.

  Bending down at her knees, she embraced Todd and Blaze warmly. “How are you guys doing?”

  “Good! Mom is at work. But she got us new books! Want to see?” Todd pointed over to the books lying on the carpet in the living room by the couch.

  “Yes, I’d love to see them!” Todd took her by the hand and led her over. Opening the books one at a time, he showed her every page. Her heart radiated warmth and love as he detailed each pa
ge’s illustration to her. He couldn’t read the words, but he could explain the pictures.

  After spending a few minutes with the boys, she sat with Brian and Rhonda at the kitchen table.

  “Well, I was hoping I would see Taylor. I forgot she worked today. I signed the petition today and turned it in to the court.”

  Rhonda smiled. “Awesome. Might as well. They’ve been here for a week now. They seem like they’re feeling the ‘home’ vibe these days.”

  “Yeah, it was time.” Courtney’s gaze fell to Todd and Blaze as they were now wrestling on the floor in the living room.

  “I don’t think I’ve told you this, Courtney.” Rhonda paused, seeming to get choked up in the moment.

  Turning her gaze toward her mother, she raised an eyebrow. “Told me what?”

  “Thank you. Truly, thank you for taking the boys in when she went to rehab, and thank you for keeping them even when I was pressuring you otherwise. Taylor would’ve never gotten to where she is today if it weren’t for you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Courtney had wanted to hear those words for a long time, yet now, when it was the furthest thing from her desires and from her mind, it was when her mother spoke them. For Courtney, a thank you no longer mattered to her because she had let go of the pain, had forgiven the trespasses done to her and relinquished all care of herself in the matter. All she cared about was the boys and their wellbeing. All she cared about was their getting the love and care they needed.

  Taking Courtney back to her apartment after visiting with the boys and Rhonda, Brian went inside with her. Shutting the door behind him, he watched as Courtney went over to the couch. Her movements were slow, and he could sense some measure of pain within her from the day’s events down at the courthouse. It was hard for him to see her sign the petition, so he knew it had to be worlds more difficult for her.

  Coming around the side of the couch, he sat down beside her.

  “You all right?”

  She smiled softly and looked over at him. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

  Brian’s phone rang. It was a call from the warehouse. Standing up, he walked over into the kitchen.

  “Hey. One of the ovens isn’t working and I can’t figure out what is wrong.”

  “I’ll be there shortly.”

  Hanging up, he went over to Courtney. “I have to run to the warehouse. Do you want to come along?”

  “No, I don’t think so. I’m just going to hang out for a bit.”

  “Okay.” Leaning over, he kissed her and left.

  After discovering the oven was dead, Brian got into his car and reached over to the glove box to retrieve his phone book of vendors. Digging through the papers, he came across the little box with the ring in it he had purchased last month. He had bought it on a whim but tucked it away quickly and hid it out of sight. After he made his call to order a new oven, he sat in his car with the little box in his hand.

  He opened it.

  The ring was a white gold band with a bridge over water design and a princess-cut diamond at the center. He smiled as he thought over the last nine months of dating Courtney. She was everything he wanted in a woman and in a helpmate.

  Closing the box, he set it in the passenger seat and drove out to the Spokane Valley cemetery where his father was buried. The sun was beginning to set as he climbed the grassy hill to where his father was buried facing the railroad tracks. He sat down next to the headstone and peered at the setting sun in the distance.

  “Dad, I think she’s the one.” Pulling the ring box out from his jacket pocket, he popped it open and stared at the ring. “I’m so scared of the unknown. Scared of what could happen. I don’t want to have a second divorce. I already lost one wife I thought I’d spend my life with.”

  A train came roaring down the railroad tracks in the distant sunset. He recalled his father’s time working on the railroad and how he’d run and jump onto the moving trains. He had a thought come to his mind in that very moment. You can’t catch the train if you don’t jump.

  Bowing his head, he prayed. “God, I’m not sure what to do, but what I am sure of is You. You’ve been with me and You have carried me all throughout my life. You’ve guided me, led me, and taught me Your way and Your desires for my life.”

  Moving to a knee a short while later, Brian looked at his father’s name engraved into the stone. Tracing the letters of his name with his fingers, he longed to have five more minutes with the man who had raised him. Peering over at his dad’s fourth wife’s gravestone beside him, he shook his head and dipped his chin. “I miss you, Dad, but I don’t want to repeat your history.”

  Taking one more bite of her fried rice from the Chinese takeout box, she set the container down on the coffee table and snuggled up on the couch under her red and black plaid blanket. Brian had left hours ago and she hadn’t heard from him since. She figured he’d ended up going home after the warehouse. She understood if he had gone home. With how emotional she had been today, she wouldn’t have wanted to spend a lot of time around her, either.

  A knock sounded on the door of her apartment and she paused her movie. Her heart ticked up and her lips curled into a smile as she pushed the blanket off and went to answer the door.

  It was Brian.

  “Hey. I brought takeout.” He held up a plastic bag of Chinese food.

  She laughed and pointed to the coffee table and her takeout boxes.

  “Great minds think alike.” Walking inside, he set the food on the counter. “Sorry it took so long. I went and saw my dad. It was the anniversary of his death yesterday.”

  “Oh, wow. I didn’t know that.”

  “Yep. Ten years.” His eyes went to the TV. “What are you watching?”

  “Just a sappy chick flick.”

  He smiled and walked over with her to the couch. “It’s a good thing I love you.”

  Her heart warmed at his playfulness. Sitting down together, they started watching the movie together while he ate. After he finished eating, she snuggled up against his chest with her blanket tucked around her. Unable to control the heaviness in her eyes as the night wore on, she fell asleep in his arms.

  Waking the next morning, still on the couch, she looked around for Brian, but he wasn’t there.

  Standing up, she walked over to the coffee pot and found it had been freshly brewed. Smiling, she grabbed for a cup out of the cupboard, but she noticed something.

  A ring on her finger.

  Confusion filled her thoughts as she brought the hand slowly down from the cupboard. Wait.

  The front door of the apartment opened just then, startling her. She spun around quickly to face the door.

  It was Brian, and he had a bag of fresh bagels from the bakery down the road.

  “Dang. You’re up? I was going to surprise you.” He shut the door and came over to her in the kitchen.

  Raising her eyebrows as her smile grew, she showed her left hand to him. “I think you still did surprise me.”

  He came closer to her as he set the bagels down on the counter. “So? Will you?”

  Waves of excitement and joy washed over her from head to toe. “Yes! I will marry you!”

  Hoisting her up into his arms, he spun her around and set her back down gently. He kissed her deeply and peered into her eyes.

  “I’m so happy you said yes.”

  “I’m so happy you asked! After the emotional day I had yesterday and then your leaving, I thought you weren’t coming back.”

  “Aw. Of course I was coming back. I want to be here for you. Not just here and there, but every day for the rest of our lives.” They kissed again and then went and sat on the couch, forgetting the bagels entirely. “You’ve been a blessing in my life, Courtney, and I couldn’t imagine not seeing you every day.”

  Her smile grew as the warmth of love filled her heart. “You are an amazing man of God, and I couldn’t ask for a better husband.”

  Saying the word husband jogged her memory of the letter Drew had written for
when he had passed. Hesitation filled her for a moment as she thought about whether to show him the letter.

  Brian touched her hand. “What is it?”

  “I want to show you something. It might be weird for you, but it’s important to me.”

  “Anything. If it’s important to you, I want to see it no matter how weird it is.”

  She smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

  Walking down the hallway to her bedroom, she went in and over to the dresser. Grabbing the envelope, she returned to the living room. Sitting down on the couch, she set the letter in her lap and placed both hands on top of it. “You already know about Drew.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, he wrote a letter to me that I later found in his desk. It was in the event that he were to die when we were younger.”

  Raising his eyebrows, Brian nodded slowly. “Okay.”

  “He wanted me to remarry if I was young, and . . .” Shaking her head as she became lost for words, she just handed it to him. “This is what he wrote.”

  Taking the envelope, he opened it and pulled out the letter. He read it with tears in his eyes and peered up at Courtney. “What a beautiful gift.”

  Smiling, Courtney nodded and received the letter and envelope back into her hands. “You meet every one of his requirements, Brian. He wrote a letter about you.”

  “Wow. I bet that letter helped you a lot.”

  She nodded. “It did.”

  “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

  “You’re welcome.” The smell of the freshly baked bagels caught Courtney’s attention. “Let’s dig into those bagels!”

  Chapter 14

  On Thanksgiving, two weeks before the wedding, Brian and Courtney were celebrating the holidays with Lucy, Rhonda, Taylor, and the boys at Brian’s house. The turkey was ready and it was time to get everyone to the table. Shutting off the football game on the television, Brian got off the couch and went down the hallway to where Lucy and the boys were playing board games.

  “It’s time for dinner, kids.”