by Eric Vall
“What is this? What are these mirrors? Is this what I look like?” He looked around at his reflection curiously, eyes shining with amazement.
“I knew it,” Todd chuckled as he watched Earl oogle at his reflection. “He’s totally gay for himself.”
“I am damn good looking, aren’t I?” Earl asked as he started to laugh. It started off as a mild chuckle, but then grew into a full guttural cackle.
“Gaaaaaayyy,” Todd called out.
“This mirror trap intensifies anything inside of it, Earl.” I explained to the demon pimp. “That includes your own ego.”
Earl reached out and touched his own reflection as he completely ignored my words.
“Unfortunately for you, that list also includes our magic.” I turned to my friends and pointed at the demon in the room. “Light him up!”
We were all exhausted from the drawn-out battle, and it was starting to show. There was only going to be one shot at ending this fucker, so we had to make it count.
I reached down into the depths of my mind and conjured up images of red-hot passion. The girls in the hotel room. The amazing night the three of us had spent together out in the desert. The extraction process for the witch bottle. With each new thought, I could feel the simmering heat of my flames grow stronger and stronger until my entire body was encased by the glow of Hellfire. My hands shot forward in unison and unleashed a massive blast of fire into the room.
I saw a rush of red fireballs of various sizes as they hurled past my left. Each of our projectiles connected with Earl, and his body was set ablaze from the intense Hellfire that struck him.
At the same time, Libidine’s daggers came from my right and tore through the fiery form of the demon. Earl’s dark blood sprayed across the back of the room, but he still stood.
All around the room, mirrors slid down the wall slowly. A couple of them fell off and shattered across the floor.
“We’re melting the mirrors!” Cupiditas yelled out in fear.
“Then we’ll just have to keep going,” I demanded. “He can’t take much more of this!”
The four of us continued to blast the demon for a solid minute. With each new attack, the light around Earl’s body grew more intense, and the heat inside the room sweltered. Finally, an inhuman scream filled our ears, and a bright purple light shot up through the roof and into the Vegas sky like a beacon.
The succubi, Todd, and I all halted our assault and fell to the ground, exhausted.
“Did we kill that gaylord?” Todd wheezed.
“I think so,” Cupiditas said through tired breaths. “I don’t sense his presence anymore.”
I looked over to the spot in which the demon pimp had stood, but all that remained of the bastard was a pile of ashes.
“We got him,” I sighed as I laid back on the ground.
“I totally knew that trap was gonna work,” Todd chuckled. “Never doubted it for even a second.”
Chapter 15
It still felt like I was dreaming. We had just destroyed the man who wanted to take my women away, and now they were free. The three of us could do whatever the hell we wanted for the rest of our lives. And now, with my newfound luck and Vegas winnings, it was sure to be a life full of luxury, relaxation, and sex. It was the dawn of a new day as well as the beginning of our new lives together.
Libidine and Cupiditas stirred briefly as I got out of bed, but then they wrapped their sleepy arms around each other and dozed back off. I couldn’t help but admire the two succubi as they slept. They were so peaceful, and now they were mine. There was nothing that was going to get in our way.
The first thing I did when I woke up in our swanky hotel room the next morning was to call up room service and order a bottle of their finest, most expensive champagne. My stomach growled, and I briefly considered ordering breakfast, but then I figured that the girls and Todd would want to hit up the buffet again. Now, we could afford to eat there every single day if we wanted to.
Ordering the champagne was a gesture that made me about five-hundred dollars poorer, but we’d won so much at the casino yesterday that the cost left little more than a dent in my overall funding.
My peaceful thoughts were interrupted by the buzzsaw-like sound of Todd’s snoring coming from across the room as he laid in his bed sprawled out like a demonic spider monkey. The dreadful sounds were only interrupted when he would occasionally talk in his sleep. He would mutter away as he bargained with the drug dealer in his dreams over prices or whistle at whatever imaginary woman he saw when his eyes were closed.
Our room’s K-cup machine made a wet churning sound as it squirted out a cup of black roast Colombian into my cup. Still in my robe, I walked over to the large window in the lounge area of our suite, opened it, and admired the city from above. The dark roast was indescribably satisfying as it touched my lips, and the sounds of the Las Vegas morning boomed through my eardrums.
“So, what’s the plan now, boss?” a disembodied voice came from my side.
The imp had taken me by surprise, and I spat out my coffee. The brown liquid sprayed across the screen of the open window and plummeted hundreds of feet down to the pavement below. I turned to shoot Todd a glare, but I couldn’t see where he was. Instead, I just heard the sound of his voice laughing mischievously through the thin Nevada air. Then the imp reappeared beside me with the twiddling fingers of jazz hands.
“We have got to work on that.” I joined in with his laughter. “Anyone who happens to be walking down below just got a coffee shower!”
“People take worse kinds of showers in this city all the time.” Todd just shrugged. “But seriously, what are our plans now that the purple-eyed fucker is dead?”
“Well, my friend,” I sat down on the couch and kicked up my feet, “the answer is whatever the fuck we want to do! We don’t have to worry about money or a job for a while. If we wanted to pick up and go to Europe for the week, we could!”
“I think I would die if we went to Amsterdam. That’s always been my biggest goal in life.” Todd’s eyes lit up at the thought.
“Isn’t that every stoner’s dream?” I laughed.
“We prefer the term Herbal Enthusiasts, thank you,” the imp replied with a smirk.
I heard the two succubi approach behind me, and I turned happily to meet them. I nearly spat out my coffee again when I saw that the beautiful women hadn’t bothered to put anything on after waking up. Libidine’s long black hair hung down her body and barely covered her perky nipples. Even then, it wasn’t long enough to cover up the slit between her legs. Cupi, on the other hand, made no such effort to cover herself up. They went to sit down on the couch beside me, but Todd flailed his arms in front of himself to get them to stop.
“Easy there, girls!” he exclaimed. “They definitely don’t clean those things between guests. You don’t want to even think about what kind of bacteria is festering on that fabric.”
“Your rules here on Earth Realm are exhausting,” Libidine sighed.
“Speaking of exhaustion.” Todd exhaled. “I don’t think I want to do anything but sit around all day. Slaying a demon really takes it out of you.”
“What about you, girls?” I turned to the succubi. “Do you want to go hit up the breakfast buffet, or are you okay with staying here and hanging around for a while?”
“I think I’m with Todd on this one.” The blonde woman shrugged. “I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
“Fine by me.” I nodded. “We’ve already got a bottle of champagne on the way, so I’ll just call back and add some food to our order.”
“You’d better.” Todd crossed his arms and giggled. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, bro.”
“Relax,” I chuckled. “We’re all going to eat like kings this morning. We’ve earned it.”
I walked over to the dining area of the suite, picked up the complimentary landline, and then dialed the number for room service.
“Excalibur room service,” the woman’
s voice on the other side happily answered. “How may we serve you?”
“Hello, I’d like to add some food to our recent order,” I explained. “Breakfast items, if you guys are still serving them.”
“Of course! What would you like?” The bubbly voice asked.
“Bro!” Todd called out. “Get me bacon. Lots and loooots of bacon.”
“Alright, we’ll take six orders of your highest-quality bacon,” I told the voice on the other side.
“And hash browns,” Todd added.
“And hash browns,” I repeated. “We’ll also take four orders of Belgian waffles, some scrambled eggs, and--”
“French toast is a must, bro,” the imp interrupted.
“And some french toast,” I said as I rolled my eyes. “I think that will complete our order.”
“Wait! Don’t forget the pancakes,” Todd reminded me.
“Okay, can I get two stacks of pancakes,” I asked.
“Of course,” the woman replied.
“Oh, and get some berries too,” Todd asked. “Like the red and blue ones.”
“Can I get some strawberries and blueberries too,” I asked.
“Do they have Grapenuts?” Todd asked. “I could totally go for some Grapenuts.”
“Uhh, do you have Grape--”
“Yes, sir,” she interrupted me. “I’ll get you some Grapenuts too. With milk.”
“What about yogurt?” Todd asked. “I think we could totally go for some yogurt.”
“And uhhh… some yogurt,” I asked.
“Did you forget about sausage?” Todd asked as he raised a disbelieving impish eyebrow.
“Can I have some sausage?” I asked.
“Yes you can,” she replied.
“And a pepperoni pizza,” Todd said with a note of finality to his voice.
“And ummm, do you have pepperoni pizza?” I asked the women.
“Yes--”
“Cold,” Todd said. “You can’t have pizza for breakfast unless it’s cold.”
“Can you bring it up cold?” I asked.
“Sir, this is the Excalibur,” she answered proudly. “We can get you any food you want.”
“Okay,” I said. “Todd, is that it?”
“Hummm,” my friend said as he raised his eyes to the ceiling and tapped his chin. “Yes. That should be enough until lunch time.”
“We are good,” I told the woman on the phone.
“Very well, sir!” the voice on the other line confirmed. “We’ll get that up to you as soon as possible.”
“Thank you very much,” I said, and then I hung up the phone with a plastic clunk, and then walked back over to my friends.
“This morning, my friends, we feast!” Todd snickered as he rubbed his hands together.
“If our luck keeps up like it has been, we’ll be able to feast every single day,” I laughed as I grabbed the TV remote. “Is there something good on right now? We don’t have cable at home.”
“Bro, you don’t know cable very well,” the imp laughed. “How about Bigfoot Files? There’s a marathon going on today on the Paranormal Channel.”
“Uh--” I started.
“Is there anything about the occult?” Cupiditas perked up. “I love to see what mortals think of us and our rituals.”
“You just like to point out when they’re wrong,” Liby chuckled.
“Well, maybe they should get their facts straight.” Cupi shrugged.
We scrolled for what felt like forever until we found some schlocky documentary called Secrets of Demonology: Revealed.
“I dunno…” I scratched my head. “Haven’t we had enough of this stuff for a lifetime?”
“Please?” Libidine looked up at me with her big doe eyes.
“Fine.” I caved to the dark-haired woman’s beautiful smile. “But only because you asked so nicely.”
A few minutes after the show had begun, there was a knock at the door. I waltzed over and flung it open. I was greeted by a man in a nice vest and dress pants standing beside a large three-tier room service cart with linen white tablecloths.
“For Mr. Pearson, correct?” he asked.
“That’s not how blood rituals work!” We both heard Cupi’s voice angrily scream from the other room. “You have to sever the goat’s head completely or else there’s not enough that comes out!”
I sprouted an awkward grimace at the room service attendant, who didn’t even acknowledge the succubus’ comment. The man simply pushed the cart into our kitchen and then stood patiently with his arms behind his back as he awaited his tip.
As I extracted my wallet from my back pocket, I looked up in horror to see Todd flying through the air, the two succubi giggling as they ran across the suite in the same direction.
Slowly, I turned my head to see if the server was panicking or was getting ready to attack the Hellspawn in our room. He was still stone cold, with his gloved white hand extended to accept his tip. I pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and slapped it down into his hand delicately.
“Sorry about--” I started to say.
“Sir, this is Las Vegas,” he noted. “This is far from the weirdest thing I’ve seen in this resort. Enjoy your food!”
With that, the man shuffled off down the hall, and I closed the door. When I came back to the main area of the suite, I found Todd and the succubi sitting on the bed looking through one of Todd’s books. The imp ran his finger across the page as he read something about the scope of blood rituals. Libidine curiously followed the imp’s every word, while Cupi looked completely unamused.
“What exactly is going on here?” I asked as I started to remove the foil and the wire caging on the top of the champagne bottle.
“These two had a friendly disagreement about the nature of blood rituals, so we are trying to find the right answer in one of Todd’s books,” Libidine explained.
“See? It says right here that those kinds of blood rituals only work if you use the blood of a virgin.” Todd held up the book for Cupi to read.
“I don’t care what you read in a mortal book,” the blonde succubus laughed. “I’ve been present for a ritual such as that one before, and it worked just fine. Trust me, the person we sacrificed most certainly wasn’t a virgin. Not even by a long shot.”
“It says in the book and on the documentary.” Todd shrugged.
“I was there, Todd!” Cupiditas couldn’t contain her howling laughter at the imp’s stubbornness.
“Do we want to stand around and waste all day arguing about blood rituals, or do we want to celebrate your freedom?” I said as I removed the lid from the silver platter.
The smell of the delicious food hit Todd’s nostrils, and he began to salivate. “Definitely celebrate.”
As I looked down at the food, I couldn’t help but to start salivating as well.
Staring me back in the face was a heaping plate full of golden waffles, each one fluffy to the touch and smothered with maple syrup. Next to the platter sat an entire dish of whipped butter topping. There must have been enough there to cover all the waffles five times over.
Next, I removed the lid off the platter with our bacon. Every single morsel of the meat was cooked to perfection. Not too crispy, but not too soft. I picked up a slice and put it towards my lips. The bacon crunched under my teeth, and my mouth was overtaken by a mixture of applewood flavor and grease.
“Bro, don’t you dare hog all the bacon!” Todd rushed over and scooped an entire platter of the food into his arms.
The imp ran back towards the couch and then plopped the greasy food down onto a leather ottoman in front of him.
Then there were the hash browns and the eggs. We hadn’t ordered as much of these as we had the other items, so these two dishes were combined into a singular platter. The aroma of the decadent and fluffy eggs intertwining with the potatoey scent of the golden-crisp hash browns was enough to push me over the edge.
There was a full box of Grapenuts and a pitcher of milk, a whole tray of breakf
ast sausage, a bowl of berries, pancakes that looked light and fluffy, sugar sprinkled French toast, yogurt, and the pièce de résistance: The cold pepperoni pizza.
It was every stoner’s dream.
“Grab a plate and dig in!” I exclaimed through a mouthful of drool.
Cupiditas picked up a piece of bacon and crushed it in her palm. “This flesh is weak.”
“Exactly,” I explained. “That’s what makes it so good. The last thing you want is rubbery bacon.”
Libidine didn’t share her sister’s sentiments. She picked up a handful of bacon and shoved it into her mouth happily. The dark-haired succubus crunched them around for a few seconds, swallowed, and rolled her eyes back in her head.
“It tastes almost as good as Jacob’s meat, Cupi.” Libidine giggled.
The fit succubi shoveled four pieces into her mouth at once. Cupiditas let the flavor wash over her before she gulped down her meal. She looked at me in satisfaction.
“It gives him a run for his money, but I think I still prefer Jacob.” She winked.
“Welp, that’s it.” Todd shook his head back and forth in dismay. “I’m never going to be able to eat bacon again, guys. Thanks for that.”
There was a lot less variety in our food options this time, but our meal was easily just as good as the one we had at the buffet. By the time we had finished gobbling down the piles of syrupy and salty breakfast foods, I felt like I was in a food coma.
Todd laid on the couch and dabbed drops of grease off his chin with his finger. His belly was visibly larger now, and he patted it as if he was pregnant.
“It’s a food baby, Jacob,” he joked. “I think you might be the father.”
“How do you humans eat this amazing food each and every day?” Libidine questioned as she swirled her finger around her empty plate.
“Most people don’t.” I shrugged. “But if my current wave of good fortune continues, I’m going to make sure my beautiful girlfriends and my best bud are treated to this kind of stuff every single day!”
“We can’t forget the champagne,” Cupiditas purred. “I may be gorged, but I can always make room for alcohol.”