First Love

by Amy Brent

  “No, but I don’t want you to be alone forever. There is still time for you to have children and start over.” Her eyes took me in carefully as I sipped my water slowly.

  “I’m not ready yet, Mom.” I was curt, and she winced as Dad surveyed me warily. “I’m sorry. I am just trying to settle into this life that I am living. I know that you mean well.”

  Dad seemed to relax with the apology and we chatted through the meal casually before I took them around to see some of the new places in Chicago. We pulled into the driveway and Mom seemed to be her bubbly self as she walked up to the house and talked about the following days meal. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath, picturing Madeline in New York with her family. Was she having a good time?

  Mom went to bed early, so she could get up in the morning to start dinner. My father grabbed some beers from the fridge and we sat down to watch some of the scores from the day. “Your mother only wants the best for you, son.”

  “I know, Dad.” I took a long drag from the bottle and wondered how far I wanted to go in this conversation. “I have seen a few since she died. Nothing serious.”

  “Some men throw themselves back into dating too much after losing a spouse. I know that isn’t your style, so it is hard to imagine you sleeping around.” My father was blunt, but he also kept things clean. He always had.

  “I haven’t. Not completely. I had a one-nighter and then a fling with another one. It just didn’t seem like more.” I was speaking about Madeline, knowing that it might be more.

  “How long did the fling last?” Dad asked as I tried to appear casual with a shrug.

  “I don’t know. Not long.”

  “I know that you didn’t have the best relationship with her, Declan. I know that you didn’t have a lot of tradition in life like you’re used to growing up in our house. It’s okay to move on.” His words were soft, and I looked sideways at him, shock on my face. “I could tell. It isn’t that I didn’t like her, because I did. I just know that it might not have been the best fit for you. Sometimes, life takes a turn on you and you need to think about your choices.”

  “Dad, she died. She was sick for months and she died. Am I supposed to go right out and get remarried… fill the house with kids?” I heard the anger in my voice that was directed at him.

  “Isn’t that what you wanted to begin with?” Dad asked softly as I felt my shoulders drop. It was. I thought that we’d get our jobs and find a way to balance kids into the mix. It was my plan when I bought this house, knowing how perfect it was for a family.

  “Maybe.” I gave in. “Am I supposed to appreciate the fact that she died?”

  “No, never. It was a part of your life and you made it work. Don’t feel guilty, Declan. You stood by her side through it all because you are a good man. Just think about choices for you from now on.” Dad clapped me softly on the back and I nodded slowly. Looking back. I had waffled a bit in what to do with Madeline. I told her that I was ready for more sometimes, yet I was worried about becoming a couple in public. Sure, we went out to dinner here and there, but it was always out of town. Most of our time was spent in the bedroom and it was some of the best sex I ever had.

  I told Dad that I was going to bed and headed upstairs with a bottle of water in my hand. I dressed in shorts and dropped on the bed, feeling restless despite my plan to just go to sleep. I turned the TV on and closed my eyes as my father’s words played through my head. He was so right but I thought about the gossip at the hospital if I went public with Madeline after turning away the women that worked there before she came along. They could be nasty, and she was such a sweet girl, as if she didn’t know how cruel the world could be. Was that even possible at her age?

  I thought through the progress we’d made sexually and felt my cock harden. Before I slept with her, it was some of the hottest foreplay that I’d ever experienced. Her hesitation turned out to be amazing for me and it got only better once I’d been inside of her. Madeline was willing to learn, to please me. I liked teaching her and had so many ideas but eventually, she would want more. That was to be expected.

  I should keep it out of the hospital.

  I stared at the screen blankly for several moments. My one night with the woman at the bar wasn’t all that satisfying but it was soon after Lisa died. Maybe that was why? If I did the same thing again, would I realize that it was all sex in the end? Was it just that with Madeline?

  Dinner was a relaxed affair the following day. Mom cooked all day as she loved to do, and Dad and I helped as needed. We also watched a lot of football and enjoyed some beer as she puttered around. Nothing was brought up from the night before between me and him, but I was certainly doing a lot of thinking. We gathered around my large dining room table, only using one end before he sliced into the tender bird. Mom prayed before the meal, still having her faith after all these years and we started heaping our plates with food. It was so damn good. Lisa could never cook this well and didn’t even bother trying. When I moved her and started dating her, I was hoping for that and decided to give it a shot.

  I helped myself to more as Mom beamed at me. She told me when she arrived that I was looking a little thin, making me remind her that I did work out. I promised her that I ate real food, but it was nothing like this.

  Once we were finished with her homemade pie, it took everything that I had to help clean up the massive amount of leftovers. I knew that Mom was planning to freeze some of it for me the following day, but I had to help her with this. The food was delicious and made me miss dinner with them. It had not been a special time for me for years and this felt right.

  Was I ready to create this with another person?

  CHAPTER 23

  Madeline

  Thanksgiving was full of laughter and love. Mom and Shelly invited friends that didn’t have anybody to spend it with over and the already small place was packed with people. The equally little kitchen had everything set up buffet style, so everyone could help themselves.

  It was perfect. I watched as Mom mingled with her friends, sipping wine, and laughing with every person that she interacted with. She was so loving, and I missed her, making me smile across the room as I felt someone beside me against the wall where I was standing. I looked at Shelly, who was smiling widely at me. “She misses you as well.”

  “I don’t know how I left sometimes. She’s so great. So are you.” We hugged each other, careful not to spill the wine in our glasses.

  “Well, maybe after some experience there, you can come back here and get a job at your mom’s place. It’s good that you’re there living your life for now. Every woman needs to live alone sometime. It makes us stronger.” Shelly pulled me against her and I grinned. The two of them had always encouraged me to seek my independence. I could remember being little and having them tell me that. “You’ll be back to visit around Christmas.”

  “I don’t have the actual holiday off, but I am going to visit a few days before,” I mused as I scowled. I didn’t have too much time to take off and I was leaving tomorrow night.

  “We always make the best of it.” Shelly pulled me by the hand to go into the kitchen, where Mom was surrounded by some of her artist friends. I always saw her as a nurse in my memory, but she was a big supporter of the arts. I found it a relief to listen to them talk about creativity and their media for it. Even if everyone chose to do something different, they were still amazing to me. I was always something of a nerd and preferred studying over socializing, but I couldn’t help it tonight.

  The eccentric guests started to file out well past ten and I yawned as I took my last sip of wine. Shelly surveyed the empty platters and smiled. “We’ll get that cleaned up tomorrow. I’m beat.”

  “Are you sure? You spent all day cooking…” my voice dragged off as Mom led me to the couch.

  “We’ll eat some more pie and watch a movie, like we always have. I need some time with you before you go home tomorrow.” Mom pulled me against her and hugged me as I squeaked.
“Never enough time, my love.”

  We watched a traditional Christmas movie before heading to bed, all tired and far too full of food. I groaned as I curled up against the pillow and closed my eyes. “I am never eating again.”

  “You’ll want leftovers tomorrow,” Mom assured me as I looked at her in the dim light from the living room.

  “You don’t have any.” I laughed as I remembered the plates of food that she handed out to everyone.

  “There’s always that diner that you love.” Mom laughed in the dark as she settled against her pile of pillows. Damn it. I did love that place.

  The morning came all too quickly, and we went to breakfast and talked for hours. I reluctantly went back to the apartment and checked to make sure that everything was packed for my flight home.

  They drove me to the airport and we hugged goodbye tearfully before I made my way to the gate. I hated leaving but at the same time I was looking forward to being back in Chicago. I missed Declan. I didn’t know what was going to happen with us when I got back but I knew that I wanted to see him again.

  I closed my eyes for the short flight, still tired from the busyness of the visit. Mom was always active, and this time was no different. I knew that I was going back to long shifts again and thanked her silently for the food again. She fed me well, being a nurse and knowing how sporadic meals could be.

  I landed and took a cab back to my small house. I got out and looked around the quiet neighborhood before walking to my door to unlock it. Walking in, I looked around and felt like I was home as I smiled. Shelly was right about living on your own before you settled down with someone. My house was small but oozed with charm and I was happy here.

  I unpacked and got to washing clothes in the small garage as I bit my lip. I barely looked at my phone the entire trip apart from taking pictures of the people and the places there. I closed the lid to the washer and walked back inside to my purse on the couch. I powered my phone down in the airplane since I was planning to doze anyway and now I powered it on. I watched as the various things flashed across the screen, smiling as a photo from my going away lunch finally settled on the phone.

  There were a couple voice mails that I checked. Work. Mom sent me a text telling me to call her when I was in, so I did. I considered calling Declan, but I wasn’t sure if he still had company. Were his parents still there?

  I decided to leave the decision to him as I relaxed on the couch to finish talking to Mom. I wasn’t a needy woman that got back into town and called her friend with benefits, or whatever Declan was. We didn’t even go out in public, so it was safe to assume that it was still casual. I was going back to work tomorrow night and we’d see what happened then.

  I ended the call and took a hot shower before bed, intentionally leaving my phone in the living room. The hot water felt great against my skin and I lingered before drying off and dressing in my usual pants and huge shirt to sleep in. I was pleased that I could sleep in a bit tomorrow and closed my eyes, remembering that my phone was still out on the table.

  I got up and hit the gym to make up for all the food that I’d eaten while I was gone, searching the room for Declan. He wasn’t there, making me wonder if he was working or still with his parents. I went home and showered again, washing my hair this time for work before braiding it into two plaits down my back. I dressed in cute scrubs and slipped on comfortable shoes before driving to the hospital, parking in the familiar lot as I accepted that I was back to reality.

  I walked in, pleased by the greetings as I got my things put away in my locker. I went to the nurse’s station to find out what was happening tonight, surprised when Kelly hugged me. “How was your time with your family?” She smiled as she pulled away and asked me that, making me feel even better to be home.

  I glanced around a few times to see if I could catch a glimpse of Declan. I never saw him, and I was not going to ask if he was here. We were under the radar and I wouldn’t ruin that.

  We discussed what we all did for the holiday during our breaks. It wasn’t too insane tonight, so we had enough breaks to socialize. I even got a lunch and went to the cafe for a burger, since I needed to go grocery shopping to bring leftovers. I got in line to pay, still looking for Declan as irritation filled me.

  I didn’t want to be this girl and I took a seat in the corner to eat and try to force him out of my thoughts.

  CHAPTER 23

  Declan

  I took my parents to the airport two days after Thanksgiving. I still had a day to myself before I needed to return to work, so I headed into the city and had a drink with some buddies. I’d been thinking too much about Madeline and needed to take the edge off. I planned to slow things down a lot after talking with my parents. I didn’t know if I could give her what she wanted, and Madeline wasn’t the kind of woman to keep sleeping with me in a casual relationship. I needed to let her find a man that would give here everything she deserved.

  One beer turned into three and soon we started doing shots. I knew that I was getting wasted but tonight, I didn’t care. I kept drinking and eventually the pretty redhead that had been eye-fucking me since she arrived was making her way over to me. We got to talking and she made it clear what she wanted from me as she sipped the drinks that I bought her. My body was missing Madeline and I knew that this girl could scratch my itch.

  We kissed right there at the bar, making out like teenagers. I saw the way that my friends looked at me as she led me to the door by the hand. Lisa flashed through my mind, followed by the one-night-stand that I had just after her death as my head started to feel like it was separating from my body.

  I was drunk.

  Kinsey took me to an apartment that was a couple of blocks from the bar and unlocked her door. I’d learned her name on the walk and pushed her inside as she giggled. “Eager much?”

  I kicked her door closed and pressed her against the wall in a long kiss. Kinsey slipped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer as she wrapped her legs around my waist. She’d let me do anything to her tonight. Her black skirt was short and her legs long and toned, something I noticed at the bar. I slipped one arm around my waist and the other cupped her ass, pulling her closer. Her mouth was hot on mine and our tongues danced together hotly as I squeezed her gently. I closed my eyes and let images of Madeline pass through my head as we kissed, telling her to hang on so I could carry her to her bedroom.

  There, I stripped her and slipped my hands over her curves as Kinsey moaned. She ripped at my jeans and pulled them down as she kissed me again, and I groaned into her mouth as she gripped my bare cock. I dropped back onto the bed, bringing her with me as she groaned against my lips.

  Kinsey pressed her body against me as I felt her pebbled nipples brush against my chest. I felt her heat as she slipped back and forth over me, making me swell with the feeling of her slick lips rubbing me. I pulled her down for a kiss and thrust my hips up slowly as our tongues danced wildly. She pulled up and I moved my face up to take one of her nipples in my mouth and suck her in slowly as she cried out. I thought about Madeline again as I dragged my teeth lightly over her sweaty skin and slipped my hands down to cup her ass again.

  We rolled over, so she was on her back and I kissed down her body eagerly. I was beyond aroused by now and hadn’t touched anyone for several days. Kinsey gripped my hair as I kept moving down her stomach and between her legs, licking her hungrily as she held tightly to my messy hair. She was so wet, and I ate away at her pussy, bringing her to an orgasm within a few moments.

  Kinsley cried out my name as her warmth washed over my mouth, making me jerk in surprise. She didn’t taste like Madeline and I dropped my face against her thigh and took a deep breath. Kinsey urged me to sit back and she crawled between my legs to take my hardened cock into her mouth as I closed my eyes. I began rocking with her as she sucked, needing to come. If I came, I could stop this. I could leave before I fucked her.

  I shot deep into her throat as she sucked me clean, groaning low in my t
hroat. Kinsey moved back and kissed up my stomach and chest as she stroked me, asking if I had condoms here. I did from a time before I was sleeping with Madeline and I told her roughly where they were. I knew that time was running out as I hardened in a few moments and she was sheathing me with the latex. She pushed me to my back and slipped over me, taking me inside of her deep pussy as I cried out.

  Fuck. This felt good.

  Kinsey rode me hard as we found a rough rhythm together. I thrust as she slid down and I watched her mouth open in a circle with pleasure. I kept moving with her, fascinated with this feeling before she was coming around me. I urged her to her back and began fucking her with earnest. Kinsey gripped me with her hands, dragging her nails over my skin. I felt her still tight around me and knew that I was going to come. I rocked deep inside as I closed my eyes, lost in the sensations of her touch and tight pussy.