by Amy Brent
We dropped to the bed side-by-side when we were finished, breathing deeply. I offered to get us some water and she thanked me as I stood and made my way into the hallway. I peered into the living room to see that her windows had blinds on them that were closed, so I walked to the fridge and grabbed two bottles before returning to the bedroom. Kinsey was propped on some pillows and took the bottle with a grateful smile, looking me over slowly as she blushed lightly.
I joined her on the bed and took a long drink of the water and closed my eyes. I knew that this wasn’t a place I wanted to sleep tonight but I could justify the sex. I’d only been with two women after Lisa and this was a normal thing for a single man to do. That’s what I’d been told. We made small talk before she yawned, turning her face towards me. “Do you want to stay?”
“I work tomorrow. I should get a car home and I’ll just grab mine in the morning. I am tired from the busy week.” I smiled at her as she faltered for a moment before nodding. We chatted a bit more before I dressed and called a cab from the bathroom after I washed up. I kissed her gently by the front door as she closed her eyes and watched her as I pulled away. “Have a good week.”
“I will.” It looked as though Kinsey wanted to say something else but let it go as I opened the door. She smiled as I told her to lock up, checking my pockets to make sure I had everything.
I waited a few moments for the cab, waiting in the cool air as I breathed it in. This was the right thing to do for me. I didn’t need to settle down as much as my mother wanted me to. Playing the field was the way to go and I watched as a yellow stopped in front of the house. I got inside and gave the man my address, dropping my head back and closing my eyes. When we arrived back at the house, he told me that we were here, and I gave him a couple large bills from my wallet.
I stumbled I to the front door, unlocking it and walking inside. It seemed empty now and that hit me hard as I wandered to my fridge for something to drink. I took another water out and closed my eyes as I drank it down gratefully.
I went to bed and stripped down to my boxers before slipping under the covers. I didn’t set the alarm since I worked tomorrow night and closed my eyes as everything over the past week raced through my mind.
I got up in time to make some lunch and shower before work. I dressed in a pair of black slacks and clean blue shirt slowly, feeling the alcohol from the night before. I reminded myself not to do that again as I uncapped my second Vitamin Water and took a long sip. It was going to be a long night and I drove to the hospital in the dimming light of the evening. Glancing around the lot, I looked over the cars to see if Madeline was here. I knew that I wouldn’t go back to her, not after the night before. She wouldn’t understand my actions and likely wouldn’t want me anymore.
I saw her car as I walked towards the entrance, taking it in before I walked inside. I turned away from the ER to go to my locker and get everything put away before I checked the boards. I chatted with some of the other doctors about my week, laughing as they shared stories from their own holiday. Mine was calm with just my parents. The surgeons that were married with children sounded like they were lightly complaining about the chaos though I could see how much they loved it. I went to my first surgery thinking how good that sounded, scrubbing in for a simple case of appendicitis as I thought about a wife and kids in my house.
I did a few smaller surgeries before I had a chance to eat, walking to the cafe with one of the other doctors to get a sandwich. I glanced around, not seeing anyone else in the small dining area as I paid for my light dinner. We sat and ate until our pagers went off, throwing away the rest of the food into the trash.
My night passed quickly with several surgeries before I was walking out of the door, noting that Madeline’s car was gone. I hadn’t spoken to her in a few days and missed her as I slipped into my car. Was there any point now?
I went home and changed to hit the gym. It had been a few days since that as well. I looked around the gym and searched the bodies to see if she was there. There were a lot of beautiful women, but I didn’t see her. I finished my work out and went home to get some sleep before my morning shift the following day.
The days passed working and I didn’t see Madeline for a couple of weeks until one night at the hospital. I watched her as she laughed with another nurse, stepping to a place where she wouldn’t see me. She looked beautiful and my cock hardened as I took in her smile. Madeline needed a man that would cherish her, making me tell myself that I was doing the right thing by pulling away from her. I watched as she headed to the doors, probably to meet an ambulance and turned to walk away. I headed the opposite way and told myself that I was doing the right thing.
CHAPTER 24
Madeline
I knew that Declan was back. I knew partly because he didn’t have that much time off as well as the fact that I’d seen his car in the parking lot at work.
He never called me.
I understood the week of the holiday, since we were both busy. We didn’t have a serious commitment that required us to talk and text daily. I just thought that we’d see one another when he was on his own again, like it was such a natural thing for me. Once a day passed and then another past the time I expected him to call me, I felt like it was too much of a desperate move to make the call myself. He’d only hinted to things getting more serious between us, but Declan was allowed to change his mind.
Still, it hurt.
I worked as many hours as I could fit into a day to keep busy. I’d catch glimpses of him every now and then, but he hadn’t been to the ER since Thanksgiving. It always seemed like another doctor showed up and I was a little relieved about that as well as sad. Part of me just wanted to look into his beautiful eyes one more time and see if he still felt anything for me.
I’d go home after the gym if I could manage it, though I’d taken to using one that was closer to work than the regular location. I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing his beautiful sweaty body tempting me as I half-ran on the treadmill. I’d wear headphones and probably had the resting bitch face down to a science, so I’d be left alone.
I didn’t want any man but Declan. I was pathetic.
I’d toss and turn in bed, feeling restless and admittedly horny. I was used to the great sex that he gave me, and my body ached for Declan. I’d sometimes get myself off with my hand, teasing my clit with my fingers or thrusting my hand inside of my body. I’d use some of the basic sex toys that I’d purchased that I’d use until my hand was shaking from the vibration. I came every time with one of those, but it was never like it was with Declan. I felt everything with him and my own hand or a toy wasn’t going to replace him anytime soon. They just seemed to make me tired enough to get a little sleep before another long shift.
Kelly started to ask if I was feeling okay, telling me that I looked as tired as I felt. I explained that I was simply suffering from a bit of insomnia lately. I’d be fine. I knew that was in part a lie, but I couldn’t tell her why I was dealing with it. Nobody could ever know that I was sleeping with Declan. She even asked if I’d ended things with my guy and I felt pain fill my chest. I kept my face casual and breathed in slowly as I shrugged. “It just kind of ended. I am sure my schedule is a lot to deal with.”
“Yeah, some men can’t handle the hours we keep. I think it’s probably best that we hook up with someone that works the same hours but what do you do when you end up having kids?” Rori spoke up as I looked at the pretty new nurse. She’d started a couple of weeks ago and from what I’d heard, she was engaged to be married. I wondered what he did. “I guess you work opposite and deal with it.”
“I have family to help me. I’m blessed.” Nola was a single mother with two kids and she leaned on the counter with a sigh. “Their dad isn’t worth a damn.”
I felt like I didn’t belong as I looked down at the tablet in my hand. There was nothing on it, but I pretended as they kept talking. I wasn’t a virgin any longer, but I didn’t have any kind of extensive history with d
ating. I couldn’t offer anything to the conversation. I made an excuse to leave and was just turning away when Nola spoke up. “Speaking of dating, I saw Declan at a bar with a cute little thing. Maybe he’s going to give it a chance finally because that man needs to have a baby or two.” I froze, thankful that I wasn’t facing them. I moved after someone else commented and sighed once I was far enough away.
So, there it was. Declan was seeing someone else. I knew that we weren’t in love or anything, but we seemed to have a deep attraction to one another. I suppose he didn’t see any need to continue our secret affair and my whole body ached for a moment. I was relieved when an accident was announced just so the remaining hours of work might pass quickly. I was agonizing inside, and it was difficult to focus on anything but the pain.
I finished the shift and yawned as I collected my stuff. I needed to go home and sleep through my day off and shake this feeling off. I couldn’t focus on Declan this way and needed to throw everything into my work. I drove home and took a long shower, bringing a bottle of wine to my bed after I’d dried off. I sipped right from the bottle as I nibbled on popcorn, watching a sappy love story, and crying through the tragic, emotional scenes. I knew that I’d been falling for Declan as much as I fought that and to let him go completely would take a while. I wasn’t the type to casually start sleeping with someone else the way other people did after something ended.
I did call my mom the following day to tell her what I’d heard at work. She was sympathetic and kind, but I knew that she’d been hesitant to get excited about my seeing him. Mom knew his past and she didn’t want me to get drawn in and then have a broken heart. She loved me and wanted the best for my life, but she had admitted issues trusting men. As hard as she tried not to show me those feelings, I was aware of them from a young age and started building up my walls early.
The following night, I planned to go to bed early and start my shift off in a positive manner. I got ready for longer than normal, doing my hair and makeup before I left. Mom always told me that how you presented yourself to the world controlled the pace of your day. I sang along to the radio on the way and parked in my usual spot, ruffling my curls with one hand. I got up to head inside and froze when I saw Declan standing on the curb near the doors, leaning into a car window to talk to someone. Stealing a look at the driver’s side of the unfamiliar car, I saw a girl with bright red hair leaning over with a smile on her face. My stomach knotted up as I stood and watched them, noting the smile on his face. When Declan stood up and turned to walk into the hospital, I ducked down to watch him as the pain hit me like a freight train.
I made sure that the car was gone and that he was inside before I approached the building. Why did this hurt so damn much? Why did I miss him this way?
I worked a long, emotional shift and went home exhausted. It was in that way where you want to sleep but have so much adrenaline rushing through you that you can’t. Declan was always great for days like that, but I reminded myself that he was fucking someone else now. She took care of his bad days. I blushed at even thinking the word, but he taught me that sex could go many ways. I felt like we’d both fucked as well as made love, though it was mostly hard and fast towards the end.
Parking my car, I hurried inside and dropped my stuff unceremoniously on my table. I headed right back to my bedroom and stripped off my scrubs as I moved and dropped on my back on the bed. I ran a hand over my needy breasts, feeling my nipple pucker as I closed my eyes and sighed. I wanted him so badly. I teased my sensitive peaks until I couldn’t stand it and grabbed the largest toy that I had in my collection. I pinched myself as I drove it into my pussy, needing it deep. It would never feel like Declan pounding inside of me, but it would make me come. It could take the edge off, at the very least. I struggled trying to do both but rocked against the hand that held the thick, purple cock. I drove it in and out, moaning as I gripped it tightly with my walls. I spread my legs farther apart and pinched hard as warmth flooded through me.
Even I could admit that it wasn’t enough, but it was all that I had right now. I closed my eyes and felt sadness fill me as I recovered. I needed to get over him and soon.
CHAPTER 25
Declan
I saw Kinsey at the same bar a week later and it seemed easy to repeat the first time. I was feeling bad about rejecting Madeline without a word, but I didn’t know what to say. Kinsey gave me an exit and she was nice enough, eager in bed. I knew that I wasn’t in it for anything, but she seemed to be fine with keeping it casual.
The weeks seemed to pass quickly as I missed Madeline more by the day. I saw her at the hospital sometimes, but we never made eye contact. I’d heard that word about my being with Kinsey had worked its way around the hospital and knew that Madeline must know by now. It hurt me to know that she heard it through gossip that was so far from the truth that it probably wasn’t even the story anymore. In part, I was glad that it wasn’t her in the spotlight though I’d never expected to be seeing someone else like this.
Drunken nights just lead to things. Kinsey seemed like she wanted to keep our nights going when we came across one another again and rather than be alone, I agreed. It filled a void to a point, though it was more of a void from Madeline than Lisa. My father was right. Lisa and I didn’t work together and while it was a tragedy that she lost her life so young, I didn’t need to feel guilty about that.
I made the choice to move past all of that and start living. Why I didn’t do it with Madeline was beyond me, but I knew she wanted more than a man to sleep with. That’s just who she was. It was better to do this with Kinsey for now until something else happened in my life. I’d always have work and I gave that more than anything else. I felt like I was just existing most days now and work was the one thing that was a constant in my days.
The day came where I was called to the ER when the staff was low on bodies, my heart hammering in my chest as I made my way there. I hoped that Madeline wasn’t working today because I wasn’t ready to see any pain in her gorgeous eyes. I approached the main station and looked quickly over the nurses to see that Madeline was nowhere in sight. I sighed in relief. “What’s up?” I asked as Kelly looked at me with a warm smile.
“There you are. It’s been a while, stranger.” Her eyes took me in as I felt the need to shudder for a moment. “We have someone that needs a punctured lung. Car accident. Can you take a look and see what you think about an emergency surgery?”
“Of course.” I stood up straight, looking past Kelly to where Madeline was talking to one of the younger guys that worked here at the hospital. She was smiling at him the way she did the first time that we met, shyly and looking more beautiful than ever. I blinked as I stared, lost in the sight before someone cleared their throat.
“Are you ready?” Kelly asked as she stared at me with a curious expression on her face.
“Absolutely.” I followed her to one of the rooms to meet the teenager and checked them thoroughly as I discussed the case with the ER doctor. It was decided that I’d operate in an hour to see what I could do to fix the damage. The poor kid was sitting in the front seat when his mother’s car was hit from the side by an idiot running a red light. She was in hysterics and had to be led to a private room by a nurse that I didn’t recognize.
I left to make sure there was a free room, catching Madeline’s gaze as I began to walk to the elevator. I stared at her for a long moment as a range of emotions crossed her face, wanting to ask her what the fuck she was doing with that kid. It was ridiculous considering that I’d been dating someone else, but Kinsey could never mean what Madeline did. She still meant that much to me and it hit me hard as she pressed her lips together. I kept moving towards the elevator, focused on what I knew: surgery and saving lives. I didn’t look back to see if she was watching me and stepped into the car as the doors slid open.
I was supposed to have dinner with Kinsey that night, but I canceled, using the excuse that it had been a long day. Instead, I went to the gym near wor
k as I’d taken to doing lately to avoid seeing Madeline with a plan to work out for as long as it took to get her out of my system. Exercise always cleared my head.
I walked in and headed to the treadmill that I favored, my ear buds already in my ears. I had no interest in talking to anybody here and that seemed to do the trick. From my place in the center of the room, I could see several rows of equipment in front of me.
I started the machine and walked with the motion of it, looking around as I tried to get myself into this. My eyes paused on a woman that was getting off a stationary bike and she turned to reveal that it was Madeline.
She came here now? I watched as she wiped her face slowly that way I remembered, having watched her so many times with the thoughts that I couldn’t wait to get her back in bed. There was something about her movements that made me crazy and I took her in as she headed to the exit. A guy stopped her, and Madeline looked up in surprise before her face cracked into a smile. Was every fucking guy that passed her feeling like they needed to hit on her now?