by Amy Brent
Madeline was mine.
The thought was clear in my head as I stared at her, letting the idea wash over me. She draped the towel over her shoulder and sipped her water from the same purple bottle that she always used. Her eyes moved to look around the room, more than likely feeling my eyes on her. Her eyes searched as she furrowed her brows and then rested on me as her mouth formed a scowl. Madeline turned her attention back to the guy as he started to turn his head to follow her gaze and I knew that I needed to be with her. It wouldn’t be easy, but I needed to let her know my feelings.
I watched as they left together without a second glance from Madeline. I had some thinking to do and perhaps some plans to make.
CHAPTER 26
Madeline
I felt painfully empty once I knew that Declan was with someone else. I knew going in that it was a fragile situation with him, but I thought we were developing feelings for one another. I didn’t understand what happened to change that or when. He never gave me that.
I was glad not to see him at the hospital. Perhaps he was trying to avoid me as much as I was him.
Good.
I threw myself into work as I always did. It was the one stable thing in my life that I’d worked hard for and if that was what my life was going to be based on, so be it. I wasn’t blind to the men that tried to talk to me, asking me out for coffee and dates. I wondered what was different about me since I seemed to blend in before that. Could they tell that I wasn’t a virgin anymore? I wasn’t angry with him for that because I wouldn’t change a thing. I was lucky to be with a man like Declan for that moment even if it didn’t last. I was raised not to live with regrets since every moment is different. Mistakes are meant to be learned from and all that, as Mom and Shelly told me as nauseum. I just kept that in my head as if it was my mantra, chanting it silently every day.
Some of the days were harder than others. I never told Declan that I was falling for him in the process of whatever it was that we were doing together. I never planned to and assumed that we’d end quietly somewhere along the way, just not so soon. Not without a word, either. Declan struck me as a different kind of man. He seemed sincere and as if what we did together meant something to him.
Apparently, he was the kind of man to pick up a woman in a bar. So many guys were that way and I thought that I found something different in him.
I’d push the thoughts away every day when they crept up. I knew that working was what I needed to focus on now. It did catch me off guard the night I saw him at the hospital in the ER. He seemed as stricken as I did, and I couldn’t do anything but look at him. There were too many people around to say or do anything else.
He’d just turned and walked away. I knew that it was to prep for a surgery, but it made my already aching heart rip wide open. I’d made an excuse to go to the bathroom and regain my composure for the sake of my colleagues. It took everything I had not to cry but I pulled it together and returned to work.
Then there was the night at the gym. I started coming to the new one to avoid him but there he was, looking sexy as hell on the treadmill. He was staring at me with something powerful in his eyes that caught me off guard before remembering the way he ended things with me. I just scowled at him and walked out to my car with Jason. He was a good guy as well as Kyle from the hospital, but I didn’t want them. I wish I did, but nothing was there.
I went and got a bottle of wine on the way home after the gym. Screw the fact that I’d just worked out. I needed to forget everything for one night and just lose myself in mindless TV. Maybe I’d call my mom and talk to her… again. She’d been quite the shoulder for me and I was looking forward to her visit for Christmas in a week.
In addition to my mind missing Declan, my body did as well. I had never gotten myself off as much as I was now and even purchased some new toys. There was a chance that I’d never want to have actual sex with anyone for a while, so I might as well make myself happy in my own house. I knew that it wasn’t the same and Kelly had stopped asking about my health at this point. It seemed like I was getting shorter tempered by the day some weeks, making me just want to go back to the girl I was before all of this. Was she better than this version of me?
I was a little distracted getting ready for Mom’s visit. It was going to be tight and she’d only be here for a few days, but it was better than nothing. We were going to watch movies and drink hot cocoa and just have a small Christmas. The decorations at the hospital didn’t make me feel celebratory in the least but I would always want to see my mom.
I went to pick her up at the airport after work the day before Christmas Eve. I couldn’t wait to see her and parked before I hurried inside to wait for her. The last few weeks had been miserable, and I just needed the comfort of family around me, if only for a few days. I paced as I waited, watching closely as people came in from their flights. When I saw them, I ran forward and threw my arms around both before I started to cry.
Mom drove home as she listened to me stammer about everything and nothing. Shelly stroked my hair from the back seat as I got everything out that was bottled in for everyone else in a jumbled paragraph. I was a hot mess.
When we got home, Mom pulled into the driveway and parked in front of the garage. I was barely paying attention as we got out of the car and grabbed the bags before going to the front door. Mom paused for a moment, making me crash into her back as I screeched. Shelly looked around us and Mom walked forward and turned the key in the lock as I stared at her.
It was then that I saw the figure sitting in the chair on my porch. The light was off but when they stood, I knew it was Declan. His mannerisms were too familiar to me and I took in his muscular body slowly. I looked on in silence as the others walked through the front door, closing it to give us privacy as I blinked. “What are you doing here?” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around my chest to protect my heart.
“I needed to see you, Madeline.” His voice was raw, and I stared down at the dark wood of the porch. The owners had done a horrible job in attempting to stain it and I tried to see the flaws as time slowed down to nothing. It was too dark to see much of anything, but I needed to focus on anything but Declan. “I have missed you so damn much and I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“You’re seeing someone, Declan. You moved on.” My voice was accusing as I lifted my face, noting the pain on his face from the light spilling through the windows.
“That’s over. It was nothing to begin with, Madeline. She meant nothing to me.” I narrowed my eyes to search his face through my already burning eyes as I watched him closely.
“You never called me… ended things. You were just gone and then everyone was talking about you. I… I didn’t know what happened.” I felt tears streaming down my cheeks as shame filled me for letting him see this.
“I was a fool, Madeline. I got scared and ran away because I didn’t know what to say.” He stepped towards me and I felt his hands on my shoulders. “I thought that it was too soon to feel this. I felt guilty for wanting to move on and just… ran.” He pulled me into him and I stilled as I held my breath. “I want you. I wanted you from that first day that we met and tried to ignore it. I thought that we could just sleep together until we got bored, but I always wanted more. Always.”
“You did?” I asked as he pulled me into his broad chest. I reached out to touch his waist, feeling the shock hit me that he was here.
“Yes. I want to see you and only you. I don’t care what anyone says at the hospital any longer because what they were saying was so much worse. I hated that you heard about… me. I want to go out with you in this town and work towards something more in time. Can we do that?”
I let out a sob and clung to him. “Yes. Yes. Yes.” I felt him move to kiss me hard, taking my breath away for a moment. “My mom and aunt are here. Do you want to meet them?”
Declan laughed before kissing me again. “Sure. They don’t want to kill me, do they?”
CHAPTER 27
Decla
n
I loved the feeling of holding Madeline in my arms again. I hugged her and kissed her intermittently before she asked me to come inside and meet her family. I am the first person to admit that I was scared but we made our way inside and she introduced me to them. Madeline got a lot of her compassion from her mother and I watched them interact as her aunt made coffee. Both women were free spirits, but Madeline grew up good. They loved her to no end and I smiled as Shelly handed me a steaming cup of coffee.
I took a seat on the couch in between Madeline and her mom and felt the women looking at me. I wondered if Madeline had trashed me to them, but it didn’t seem like it was her style. If anything, she expressed her pain to them. One look at her in the bright living room told me that it was still very much there. She looked like she’d been crying the whole way home from the airport but now she was smiling, tucked under my arm.
We managed to have an easy dinner and chatted for a while before the older women excused themselves to get some sleep. I knew that they weren’t that tired but wanted to give us some alone time. When we were alone, I turned to her and kissed her softly as if my life depended on it as it would air. She pressed her lips against mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck, making me focus on her heat for several moments.
When we came up for air, I told her that my parents were coming in tomorrow morning for a short trip. I’d asked them to change our plans when I knew I had to win Madeline back and asked if she would join me at my house along with her mom and aunt. Her eyes widened as she looked at me and pecked my lips again. “Isn’t it too soon for that?”
“Probably but I want to spend the holiday together as long as our hours will allow it. I know that I want to be with you, Madeline. I want to spend as much time with you as I can to make up for lost time.”
“You know the problem with that, don’t you?” Madeline teased me as she pressed her lips to my jaw.
“What?”
“There is a severe lack of alone time for a few days.” I groaned against her skin as realization set in. I survived this long without her and I could do it again because no other woman could make me feel the way that Madeline had. Not even Lisa.
“We’ll manage.” I kissed her again, feeling myself harden as I willed the erection to go away. I stayed until she told me that she needed to get some sleep for the next day, since she worked, and they had made plans for dinner. “Mom’s cooking a feast tomorrow. Come over when your shift is over. She makes a big thing about the holidays and would love to have more people.”
“I’ll bring it up tomorrow.” She reluctantly walked me to the door and kissed me goodnight as she clung to me for a moment. I walked out to my car and got in as I stared at the house. The living room went dark and I Longed to be going to bed with Madeline to make up for all the lost time. I knew that I was trying to score points with her and started the engine, pulling away from the curb and heading home to clean up for the following day.
I picked up my parents and thanked them for coming back to see me before I told them about Madeline. Mom chastised me for not mentioning her before as Dad grinned at me, making me explain the situation further without too many details. They didn’t need to know that we’d been fucking like rabbits for most of the relationship and not dating the traditional way. Mom hugged me when I was finished and told me that she liked seeing me smile.
She took a quick trip to the store with Dad for food for the Christmas Eve meal that just became much bigger than any of us expected and I made some coffee to watch a game on TV. I knew that Madeline worked until five, but they should be here soon after she got home. Mom and Dad came back loaded down with bags and I helped them bring it all in and put it away.
Mom got to cooking her hearty vegetable soup on the stove in my big pot, stirring and adding to it as she hummed in the kitchen. Dad sat beside me on the couch and gave me a long look. “Madeline, huh? I had a feeling that a woman was on your mind on the last visit.”
“I was in the process of pushing her away, Dad. I almost screwed it up completely but she’d willing to try again.” I took a sip of the beer that he brought me and shook my head. “She’s nothing like Lisa, Dad.”
“I figured as much. That’s okay, son. You’re allowed to change things up.” He smiled again and turned his attention to the TV as I glanced towards the kitchen.
Dinner was full of laughter. Everyone got along well and seemed to bond over the meal of soup, homemade rolls, and salad as I watched with Madeline by my side. She was beaming, and I took several looks at her throughout the day, particularly when my mother was hugging her tightly when they met.
I never expected that anyone would accept somebody new in my life this easily. I never thought that I’d be this happy after losing Lisa, but I felt complete with Madeline by my side. I knew that it was new, but I wanted to hold onto this for a while.
I did feel a twinge of need when I pecked her lips goodbye for the night. They were planning to return tomorrow night for dinner again and I counted the days until our parents were gone. This was like being a teenager all over again and waiting for your parents to go out of town. I waved as they pulled out and turned to walk back into the house, where Mom was washing the dishes at the sink. “She’s lovely, Declan.” Mom was smiling at me as I leaned against the counter. “Such a kind person. It’s not hard to see why she is a nurse.”
“It does take a certain personality to do the job,” I agreed lightly as she looked at me again.
“I think she’ll be good for you. She’s warm.” Mom left it at that, but I knew that she always considered Lisa to be a bit chilly. It wasn’t that my former wife was a bitch or anything, just that she was focused on other things than home.
“Yeah. She is.” I ducked out as my mind raced straight to the gutter. I knew damn well how warm Madeline was when I sank deep inside of her and I needed that soon. It had been too long, and Kinsey was a fucking mistake. I’d ended it before going to Madeline’s house and she didn’t seem to mind. A girl like her would find someone else to occupy her bed. I just wanted more, and I wanted it with someone else.
We watched a movie and went to bed. Mom had loaded up my tree with presents like I was still a kid and she was sticking to the normal plan. I’d gotten a tree after Thanksgiving when she chastised me for not having one yet. I walked into my room, closing the door before I walked over to the bathroom. I changed into something to sleep in and dropped back onto my pillow as I sighed. I wasn’t tired, but keyed up. I reached for my cell phone that was on the nightstand for most of the day and searched for a number before sending a text.
Declan: Are you awake?
Madeline: I’m supposed to be sleeping but I can’t. Thanks for having me over today. It was great.
Declan: It was. My parents liked you and I’ve missed you. Thank you for coming.
Madeline: I think we need to do that as soon as possible. My hand is getting tired.
This was unusually crass coming from Madeline and I stared at the words in shock. Did she really say that?
Declan: Call me, Madeline.
CHAPTER 28
Madeline
I dropped the phone to the bed when the call was over. My entire body was tingling, and I played back the sound of Declan’s orgasm through the receiver again. It was so hot. I turned to the side to see that it was getting close to one in the morning and sighed happily. There was going to be some things to talk about when we had the chance, but I was open to hearing him out. I was just glad that he showed up at my house, even though the timing was a bit on the awkward side.
I slept well once I drifted off, worn into exhaustion from the first orgasm that I’d had that involved someone else for a while. When I heard my parents in the main part of the house, I snuggled tighter under the blankets for a few precious moments before getting up and pulling on some clean clothes. “Need any help?”
“I am just getting the coffee made. We’ll open presents before we eat.” Mom smiled at me as she poured me a cup and
handed it to me. I took a long sip of the steaming liquid and smiled as I caught the scent of cinnamon. I loved this kind of coffee and Mom always brought me some, or sent it in a care package. Shelly came in from outside carrying a few logs to add to the fire.
We all made our way into the living room and sat on the couch as Shelly watched the twenty-four-hour news, chatting about last night and today. She always told me that she liked to be caught up with things despite her freestyle nature. I smiled as Mom told me again how much she liked Declan and his family. “He’s the kind of man that will take care of you while he lets you be yourself. That’s good.” I looked at Mom, seeing a tightness in her jaw. I knew that my dad wasn’t that kind of man and hated that I’d pushed the chance of love away for so long. My mom did the best she could, and he had his opinions, but they weren’t the opinions of every man. I needed to give Declan this chance. We opened gifts and made the usual breakfast of French toast, drinking more coffee as we ate.