First Love

by Amy Brent

  “I have an idea,” she said. “Let’s eat lunch in the park.”

  “Which park?” Gillian looked at her map to find parks nearby.

  “Central Park, silly,” she said, laughing. “There’s a restaurant there, and I’ve heard they have the best food. We can sit outside and take in the sights and sounds from inside the grass sanctuary.”

  “I like that idea,” I said, putting my arm around her waist and reaching for Gillian.

  “Why not?” Gillian said, smiling and catching up with us.

  Caroline skipped ahead, and I walked along smiling, watching them lead the way. We were several blocks from the park’s main entrance, and I enjoyed the time, walking slowly as everyone sped past late for their lives. Everyone there was always in a hurry, but so was I back home. It only seemed more pronounced because there were so many of them. I looked in the different shop windows, stopped and smiled at a police officer on a horse, and watched sadly as a homeless man curled up on steaming grate to catch an afternoon nap. I felt like I was visiting another planet. Everything was so different from home, but despite the sights of poverty and dismay, I could understand why people fell in love with New York. It was an exciting place and definitely a city that never slept.

  As I crossed the street to the park, I slowed down, watching people carrying skates down a set of stairs. I walked toward the railing and looked down at an ice rink. There were all kinds of people there from children to the elderly, making their way around the ice. I smiled, watching as the crowd parted to the side, giving one specific couple room. They danced across the ice, holding each other close, their eyes locked. I could see the passion in their eyes, the trust between the two of them as he lifted her and tossed, her body spinning until she gracefully touched back down. The crowd clapped and watched as they continued their dance. I had never seen anything like it except on television, and as a child, I had been mesmerized by the sight of it. I put one foot down, wanting to watch them finish.

  “Emma,” Caroline called. “Come on. This way.”

  “But look,” I said, turning back to the skaters.

  “I know. They’ll be there all day.” Caroline laughed as she walked up and pulled me away.

  I kept my eyes on them as long as I could, watching their graceful movements. As I turned my head back, I stopped, watching a tall, dark-haired man standing and walking away from the rink. For a moment, I could swear it was Brandt, his hand shoved into his jeans pockets and his wool coat fit snugly around his strong body. My heart fluttered at the thought of seeing him again. He walked off into the park in a hurry, and I looked back at Gillian who was waiting for me with a smile. I shrugged the thought away, remembering why I’d left without a note in the first place. Even if it was him, there was no use in bringing it back up. It was better left dead and buried.

  I sighed and jogged to catch up with her, smiling as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. I was so glad I had friends like them. They made everything in life more bearable. I put my hands in my pockets to keep them warm and walked toward the restaurant.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I just thought I saw someone.”

  “Look, guys,” Caroline said, standing in front of a mime giggling.

  I was in New York, even if only for one last day, and I was going to try to ignore the voice in the back of my head. My life was just starting, and I had to let myself live it.

  Chapter 9

  Brandt

  It was Monday, and I was back to work after a weekend that had felt like it lasted forever. After I had walked in the park, I went back home, and Sicily and I spent the evening watching movies. On Sunday, we had lunch with Mom and then got ready for school the next day. It was a normal weekend, like nothing had ever happened on Friday night, but my mind knew differently. I couldn’t break myself out of the spell Emma had left with me. I was sitting there at my desk and hadn’t been down to the lab at all that day. I couldn’t get the girl out of my mind. I had tried all weekend, and by that point, I was exhausted from fighting it. So, I let my mind wander, hoping I would get it out of my system.

  Later that day, when I finally had gotten into the groove of at least answering emails, Trevor knocked on my doorframe, leaning against it with a smile. He walked over to the chairs and sat down, looking around the office. I hadn’t texted him back, and he still had no idea what had happened to me Friday night. I was pretty sure, though, by the grin on his face, he had some sort of idea.

  “I texted you all weekend,” he said.

  “I know,” I replied, still typing. “I got busy with Sicily, and it slipped my mind.”

  “So, are you going to tell me what happened on Friday night, or am I going to have to beg?” he asked with a chuckle. “I saw you with that girl for most of the night, and then poof, you disappeared. Both of you disappeared actually. Where did you go? I don’t usually lose you like that unless you’re preoccupied. I know you weren’t with that Missy chick. I saw her drunk at the end of the night.”

  “No, I wasn’t with her,” I said, remembering my conversation with her. “I was at home with Emma.”

  “Emma.” He smiled. “I like that name. So, what happened?”

  “We had amazing conversation. She’s a spitfire with this heart of gold,” I said. “Then, we had sex. It was fucking amazing, by the way. She was like some sort of goddess in my bed, and when it was done, I watched her go out to get some water, still butt-naked.”

  “That is fucking awesome, man,” Trevor said. “I’ve really been worried about you. You need to take this girl out again. I can tell by the look on your face that you really enjoyed your time with her. I knew you’d get over this whole thing with your ex eventually. It just takes time and the right woman to pull you out of it.”

  “Yeah, well I’m not finished,” I said with a sigh, leaning back in my chair. “She went to get water, and I passed out. When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. There was no note, nothing. She just dipped out without a word. In fact, I don’t think she ever actually got back into the bed. I think she dipped out as soon as she realized I was asleep.”

  “That’s weird,” Trevor said. “Did anything happen?”

  “No,” I said. “Nothing happened. We connected on a personal and physical level, not just a physical one. We hadn’t argued, she didn’t see put off by anything, and she was in a really good mood when she went to get something to drink. I looked everywhere to see if she left her number, but there wasn’t anything.”

  “What about with the front desk? Maybe she couldn’t find anything to write on,” Trevor said, pulling at straws.

  “I checked,” I said. “Nothing left there either. There was a notepad on the counter. She had ample opportunity to leave me something, anything, but she didn’t.”

  “Dude, you have to find her,” he said. “You have to contact the club and see if they have any information. Or find the place she said she worked. What does she do?”

  “She’s a graphic artist,” I said. “In Maine.”

  “Oh, damn,” Trevor said. “She doesn’t live here?”

  “No, she’s from a small town in Maine called Camden,” I said. “I know that and her first name. That’s it. Besides, what is the point of searching her down? If she wanted me to find her, she would have left a note, let me know how, but she didn’t. She left nothing behind. All she did was dip out just like my ex-wife. All women are the same. I’ve been telling you this the whole time. She seemed like an amazing girl, someone I clicked with, but apparently, I repel the things I want, not attract them.”

  “You can’t blame yourself for this,” Trevor said. “It’s obvious she had her issues. Maybe she has a husband and twelve kids at home or something.”

  “I doubt it.” I chuckled. “Either way, I’ll never find out, so that’s the end of that.”

  “Sorry, man,” Trevor said. “Hey, why don’t you come out for happy hour? I’ll buy you a drink, we can hate on women all night
, and then you can feel better. Nothing cures a disappointment like whiskey and dumb bitches to talk about.”

  “True.” I laughed. “But I am going to have to pass on this one. I want to spend some time with Sicily, actually put her to bed tonight. I don’t really feel like being around all of those people anyway. They just piss me off.”

  “All right, man,” he said. “I’ve got to get to a conference call, but you know where I’ll be if you change your mind.”

  “Appreciate it, brother.” I gripped his hand briefly before he left.

  I went back to work, trying to get it off my mind, and finished up the paperwork that had been piling up since the week before. When I was done, I went down to the lab for a little while, knowing tinkering with my inventions always made me feel better. After a half an hour of not feeling better, though, I gave up and headed out of the office. My mom was at the apartment cooking dinner, and I didn’t want to be late. As the car drove me back, I caught myself checking every face on the street, wondering if I would see Emma. I didn’t know when she was leaving, and part of me wanted to confront her to find out what happened.

  When we pulled up in front of the complex, I sighed, realizing it was stupid of me to think it would help having her tell me to my face that I wasn’t good enough. When I got upstairs, Sicily greeted me with a big hug and my mom smiled, setting the food down on the table. I washed up for dinner and joined them, listening to Sicily talk about the experiments they were doing in her science lab and how she got to see the Ebola virus under a microscope because the guest speaker from the EPA came by and did a presentation. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the Ebola virus, but I was glad she was enjoying school.

  “All right,” I said, looking at Sicily. “Grandma and I will clean up dinner. You go jump in the shower and get ready for bed.”

  “Okay,” she groaned, getting down from her chair and kissing me and my mom on the cheek.

  I smiled as she ran away, grabbing her pajamas and heading to the hallway bathroom for a shower. I couldn’t believe how grown she was getting, and I could tell my mom was thinking the same thing. She sat back in her chair and looked at me with a knowing stare.

  “What’s up?” she said. “You’re looking more dismal than normal.”

  “Nothing,” I lied. “I’m just beat from the weekend and work today. There was a lot of catching up to do.”

  “Did you meet anyone at the party you went to? Maybe a woman?”

  “No,” I scoffed, still thinking about Emma.

  “I know you don’t want to talk about this, but I do,” my mom said. “You need to open up a little, find a woman who can love you and Sicily. She’s getting older, and it’s the time where she’ll need a woman in her life.”

  “That’s why I moved you here,” I said, smiling.

  “She doesn’t need an old lady,” she scoffed. “She needs a mother figure or at the least a strong woman role model who can be her friend and confidante.”

  “That sounds fantastic, Mom. Do you know where they grow women like that?”

  She ignored my sarcasm. “I loved your father with everything in my soul. When he died, my entire world came to a screeching stop. You were already old enough that you didn’t need another figure in your life, and I knew there would never be another man for me. That was a hell of love story. I couldn’t even imagine living with anyone other than your father, and I still can’t. Josie, your ex, was not that kind of love for you. You still have the chance to be happy in life.”

  “I know.”

  “No, I don’t think you do,” she said. “There is love and then there is life-changing love. The kind of love that stops you in your tracks, fills your mind, and almost drives you crazy thinking about it. That was the kind of love your father and I had, and I still feel it every day of my life. I want you to find that kind of love, the kind that stops you in your tracks and forces you to rethink everything.”

  “That would be great,” I said, shaking my head. “I just don’t know if I’ll ever find that.”

  “Well, you better start looking, old man,” she said with a chuckle. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have got to get this old body into bed. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I watched as my mother walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind her. She only lived a few floors down, which I was glad of since that was part of the deal of moving her to New York City. I cleared the table and did the dishes, waiting for Sicily to get out of the shower. I tucked her into bed, kissed her goodnight, and then headed to my bedroom to relax. I lay for a long time staring up at the ceiling and thinking about what my mother said to me. She talked to me about the great love, the one I knew she had with my father, the one I thought I would have with Josie, but things didn’t turn out like I’d thought they would.

  I was starting to think Emma might never get out of my mind, that I would spend an eternity with her laughter echoing through my head. It was a confusing feeling, not knowing what to think about a woman I barely knew who’d left without a word. I was conflicted because though I knew my thoughts were trying to push her out, my heart was keeping her there. I wanted her, but I didn’t, and it was driving me nuts. Emma might have been the love my mother was talking about, but I’d missed it. I’d let it slip right through my fingertips in a haze of whiskey and champagne. I turned on my side and stared at the clock, wondering what Emma was doing, curious to know if she was still thinking about me too. Probably not. I was probably a tiny whisper in her past, a fun guy on vacation, and if I wasn’t, I had no idea if I’d ever see her again.

  Chapter 10

  Emma

  “So, they want the product in the background and kind of a whitewash of their logo over the top,” I said to Greg. “When I did it, it didn’t come out like I’m assuming they’re picturing in their heads. So I did a second version, the one in your hands. I figured you could send them both proofs and see which one they like better. The second one is the same idea, just a little less washed out.”

  “I like it,” Greg said. “Good work. I’ll let you know what they decide.”

  “Thanks, Greg,” I replied, walking out of his office.

  I headed back to my office and sat down behind the desk, looking at the project on the screen. It was a simple one, a car sale ad where they wanted a rabbit driving the vehicle. Apparently, they had tried to get an actual photo of that, and it didn’t quite work out, so I was doing some Photoshop magic on it and hoping it came out okay. Right as I started on the project, my office phone rang.

  “This is Emma,” I said answering.

  “What are you wearing?” a voice said on the other line.

  “A parka, galoshes, and a red wig,” I said seductively.

  “That’s weird,” Caroline replied, laughing.

  “Hey, you’re the one calling me with raspy creepo voice.” I chuckled. “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to see if you wanted to go out to the pub tonight? This guy I’ve gone a couple of dates with, his band is playing,” she said. “I figured it would be good for you to continue the streak of living your life and not stopping because you’re home from New York.”

  “Um, honestly? I have a huge workload, and I’ve been coming in super early,” I said. “I love you, but I’m really not feeling like going out tonight. Maybe this weekend, we can do something, you know, when I don’t have to be up and using my brain.”

  “This doesn’t happen to have anything to do with that guy from New York, does it? Because if so, you have to let it go,” she said.

  “No.” I chuckled, brushing her off. “I’m over it. Don’t be crazy.”

  “Right.” Caroline didn’t sound like she was buying it. “Well, I guess we could all do something before I go out of town again.”

  “Just not any surprise weekends for a while.” I laughed. “It was awesome, but Greg is not going to be that giving again. He freaked out about the day I missed, worried I wouldn’t get
my work done.”

  “You tell Greg to go home to that pretty little wife and get la—”

  “Whoa! I don’t need that vision in my head. I’ll call you later.”

  I hung up the phone and tried to go back to work, but I couldn’t. I sat there staring at my screen, knowing I had lied to my best friend. Again. I knew in the back of my mind that Brandt was exactly the reason I didn’t feel like going out that night or any night in the future. He was the reason I was trying to get out of the situation I knew would end up in, with her trying to set me up with someone else. At first, I thought it was because I wasn’t ready for something like that, but then I was honest with myself. I liked the guy. It was that simple. I really liked being near him, around him, talking to him, laughing with him, and feeling his hands on me. I felt like I had been drawn to him from the first moment he walked up to the bar. That was why I’d said something to him in the first place, something I don’t normally do. It took me mustering courage for at least twenty minutes, waiting for him to come get a drink so I could joke around with him.

  Then again, no matter how attracted I was to him, on whatever level, so was his wife. Those pictures were branded in my memory. Smiles of a small child being held by her mother and father. A happy family with a happy home that I had come into and intruded on in the worst way. Alex had done that to me, and as the woman, I knew how bad it felt. As the other woman, I almost felt worse about it, not that I thought Alex’s girlfriend had any remorse for what she had done. She knew about me from the beginning. I sighed and went back to my project, working the best I could with visions of everything flashing through my mind.