First Love

by Amy Brent

“I’m just not sure I’m in the mood for some big…work thing,” I waved my hand vaguely. “What’s this in aid of again?”

  “Your father’s new business partner,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at me. “You must remember? He told you all about it last night over dinner-”

  “Yeah, I was still a little tired from the flight,” I admitted. “Sorry. I guess it must have just washed straight over me.”

  “Must have,” Mom muttered, and I could tell she was irritated. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, a common emotion when I returned to the house I’d grown up in – Mom had a way of pulling it out of me, even when she was trying to cheer me up, as she was doing now.

  “You’ve been lazing around in here feeling sorry for yourself,” she pointed out. “It’ll do you good to get some fresh air and see some new people. I know some of the guys at the office have been asking after you…”

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes right back at her, but I knew I would get myself a scolding if I dared and had no interest in explaining to Mom why I was so uninterested in meeting anyone new. No boys, not for a long time. But Mom had always been keen to hook me up with some of the people that Dad worked with, her beady eyes scoping out who would be the best father and the best prospect from a business perspective and then splitting the difference. Ever since she’d heard that Matt and I were done for (I had spared her the details, but she got the idea that getting back together was firmly off the table), she had been dropping hints about what was clearly a long list of guys that she had been curating enthusiastically since I left home all those years ago. And I was already starting to get a little tired by it. But I knew she meant well and that I would gain nothing by acting like an immature little baby about this, so I put a smile on and tried to keep my reactions as neutral as possible.

  “Are they,” I replied mildly, and she sensed that I wasn’t completely closed off to this and pounced at once.

  “Yeah, there are a few who – well, let’s just say they spotted your picture on your father’s desk and they’ve been asking after you ever since,” she beamed at me. I fought the urge to stick my tongue out in disgust. I didn’t want to be an ass, but that had to be the grossest fucking way I’d ever heard of a guy trying to pick up a chick. Just by eyeing the photo of me Dad had at work? How old was I in that thing, eighteen? If that?

  “That’s sweet,” I lied through my teeth. “But I think I’m alright for the time being. Really.”

  “You shouldn’t spend all your time moping around after Matt,” she perched on the end of the bed and reached out to squeeze my knee. “You know you have to move on sometime…”

  “Yeah, I know,” I smiled at her. Little did she know that Matt wasn’t the one I was having so much trouble moving on from. No, he was nothing but a distant memory now – it was Nate, still fresh in my head, who was driving me so up the damn wall. I let my head fall back against the pillow, feeling like the consumptive lead in a tragic romance from the nineteenth century. Right down to being dragged out to a social event I didn’t want anything to do with. Yeah, I would just have to suck it the hell up and get on with it, because I knew that if I turned down this one then it wouldn’t take my mother long to come up with something else for me to go to. I ignored the churning in my stomach, which had been present since I’d woken up this evening, and held a hand up to her.

  “I’ll go,” I agreed finally, with a long, dramatic sigh that I could sense her rolling her eyes at without looking. She paused for a moment, and I could imagine the way she was pursing her lips at my perceived lack of gratefulness at her so kindly dragging me out of the house.

  “Wonderful,” she replied after a second or two. “I’ll dig you out a dress. I’m sure we can find something suitable for you to wear…”

  “Suitable?” I lifted my head and raised my eyebrows at her playfully. “What is this, a cotillion?”

  “Oh, stop,” she waved a hand at me. “I just want you to look nice for your father’s event, that’s all.”

  “I shall expect the formal invitation in the post,” I propped myself up on my elbows and grinned at her. “Who shall be my suitor for the evening?”

  “I’m sure I can dig you someone up,” she replied, cocking an eyebrow at me playfully – she played at being the dutiful wife and mother all the time but once in a while the veil would slip for a second and I would see this silly, fun side of her that had always been my secret favorite.

  “I’ll be able to find something for myself to wear, honestly, don’t worry about it,” I climbed out of bed and winced slightly as I stood up – the blood rushed to my head and my stomach lurched a little and I placed my hand on the bedside table to keep from falling to the floor – or puking at my mother’s feet. She frowned at me.

  “Are you doing alright?” She asked, touching my arm. “You’ve seemed a little…off recently.”

  “Yeah, I’ve just been under the weather,” I shook my head. “You know what’s it’s like when you slow down after working your ass off for months on end.”

  “Yes, I suppose,” she frowned at me. “You sure everything’s okay?”

  “Yeah, really,” I nodded, even though it felt as though the contents of my stomach were shifting back and forth conspicuously inside of me. “I’m just glad to be back, that’s all.”

  “Okay,” she pressed her lips together and eyed me for a moment longer, and for a second I felt as though I could have told her all of it – about Matt, and the details of why we’d broken up, about Nate, about that night at the restaurant, about how sure I’d been when I went home that evening that something was brewing between us. About how stupid I’d been. About how I had felt physically out of it for days now thanks to my stupid heart and my dumb-ass decision to fall for the wrong guy, twice in a row.

  But I swallowed it down swiftly and glanced away from her, trying to get myself back in hand. She didn’t need to hear that. And I wasn’t sure I had the heart to tell her any of it.

  “What time are we heading off?” I asked instead, busying myself by starting to go through the wardrobe to see what I had that was appropriate for a big event like the one I would be heading to.

  “Seven,” she replied. “Give me a shout if you need anything, right?”

  “Right,” I nodded, and she leaned in to give me a quick, sudden hug – I hugged her right back, on instinct at first, but within an instant I found something in me giving out and I held her even tighter than before. I just wanted…I just wanted to be near her, to be near someone who knew nothing of the mess I had managed to drag myself into in the last few months. She squeezed me tight and then pulled back, and I felt this wobbling wave of emotion threaten to take me over. I had been so crazy-emotional the last few days and I couldn’t figure out why – was it being home, or just being away from Nate? Was my heart really that badly broken after only a few weeks? I needed to get myself in hand because it had felt like I was on the brink of tears pretty much every minute of every day since I had arrived back home, and I couldn’t go on like this much longer. I could see myself breaking down over us being out of orange juice or some shit like that, and I had no intention of letting myself go. I had to move forward, leave all this behind – even if I had no idea how I was going to do that right at that moment.

  I looked through my wardrobe and eventually dug up a dress that I hadn’t worn in years – deep green velvet with a fluttery skirt that puffed out around my knees when I moved, and a halter neck strap with a low-cut bodice that stopped it from coming across as too Rennaisance-faire. It felt good to get dressed up, and I stuck on some loud music from the record collection I’d abandoned here when I was a teenager, and found myself singing along as I applied some lipstick and carefully raked the mascara wand through my lashes. I pulled my hair up and piled it on top of my head, and swayed this way and that in the mirror as I checked myself out. The men in my life apparently didn’t agree, but I thought I looked pretty damn good right there and then. Ready to flirt. I had no intention of getting a
nything started with anyone new – not for a hell of a long time – but I was up for a little fun and a little flattery from those guys that Mom seemed so keen to set me up with.

  Before I knew it, it was seven and Dad had sent a car round to the house to pick us up. Mom emerged from her bedroom in a close-cut pant-suit, and I raised my eyebrows as she did a little twirl in front of me.

  “Looking good,” I remarked, with a long low whistle. She giggled, and patted her hair to make sure that it hadn’t come loose.

  “You look lovely too,” she nodded at my dress. “You ready?”

  “When you are,” I replied. “Is Dad already there?”

  “Yeah, he’s been down there all day, no doubt getting under the caterer’s feet at every opportunity,” she rolled her eyes fondly. “Come on, let’s get out there. I don’t want to leave him hanging around any longer.”

  “So what is this in aid of, again?” I asked as we climbed into the back of the sleek cab that Dad had sent in our direction, to whisk us off to the event. Mom frowned.

  “You know, I do know but it’s totally slipped my mind,” she shook her head. “I guess I just started tuning him out the last few days, he’s been talking about it so much…”

  “A new business deal, right?” I wrinkled my nose up, and she nodded. Dad ran a real estate business, local to the are but distinctly successful, and I had to admit I was a little surprised that he was going all-out to announce a new acquisition. It couldn’t be that big a deal, could it?

  “That’s right, yes,” Mom nodded, crossing and uncrossing her legs nervously. “Some new partner he’s going to be working with. Someone big, from the city, I believe.”

  “Do you remember his name?” I asked with some interest, but she shook her head – I had hoped that I might be able to use this as a foot in the door, since I had all but burned my bridges with Helios and couldn’t really explain to prospective employers why I had been so reluctant to go back and work there after my internship was done.

  “No, just that he’s come in from the city for this evening,” she replied, looking idly out the window. “I know your father’s very excited about introducing him to everyone. Says he’s quite a boon for the business.”

  “Cool,” I nodded, feeling a little guilty that I hadn’t really been keeping up with everything that had been going on with the business back home – I had been so focused on getting my own career off the ground that I had failed to check in with another business, the one that my father had spent so long curating and creating and perfecting. He was the reason I’d gotten into this business and the least I could do was make a more concentrated effort to check in with him. I had barely seen him the last couple of days, since I’d arrived, as he’d been so caught up in getting everything in hand for this event, but I made a mental note that I would try and put aside some time for him over the next couple of days so we could unwind and hang out together.

  “Oh, here already!” Mom exclaimed and I realized that I hadn’t bothered to check where this event was being held – I looked up, and my jaw dropped when I realized we were outside the Lansing Theatre.

  “How the hell did he afford this place?” I exclaimed. The Lansing was about the only part of this small town that was worth anything, the only reason to come visiting outside of friends and family – an enormous, gorgeous old building but at the turn of the century, it had been restored to it’s previous gold-plated opulence a few years previously by the local council. And now, all lit up like this with a handful of people milling outside and many more waiting within, it looked as though it had been plucked straight from the last century – astoundingly beautiful, ridiculously luxurious. Who the hell had Dad started work with that had landed him enough cash to get a place like this for an event?

  Mom and I climbed out of the car and were at once waved inside by the man on the door; I nodded politely and moved past the crowds of people, taking the place in. The smell of expensive wine and shoe polish was heavy in the air, and usually I would have enjoyed a drink at an event like this one, but something about the thought of alcohol in those circumstances turned my stomach and make me feel even more ill. I wobbled a little in my heels, and headed to the bar to grab myself a glass of sparkling water. I could already feel a few eyes on me, and wondered if any of them belonged to those men that had apparently been scoping me out from photographs the last few months. I glanced around and my heart sank a little – I couldn’t see anyone who even remotely caught my fancy, no-one who made my heart flutter or my eyes widen a little as their beauty caught me off-guard. No-one like Nate, if I was telling the truth, if I was being honest with myself.

  “What can I get you?” The bartender caught me off-guard and I did my best to offer him a smile as he stood there waiting patiently for a response.

  “Sparkling water, please,” I nodded, and he ducked away to get me a drink. I took the chance to look around this place once more – God, it was busy. How many people were here? How many people, in brutal honesty, really gave that much of a damn about a new business deal struck by a local real estate guy? I couldn’t figure out what the appeal of this kind of thing was to people outside the immediate social circles of the people involved, and yet, here we were – the place was packed from top to bottom, and there was a palpable buzz of excitement in the room. Just what was going on here?

  The bartender reappeared with my drink and handed me the glass; I took it with a grateful nod and wandered off to find my father. Because, in this room full of strangers, all I wanted was someone I actually knew. But before I could find him, I heard a voice calling out my name and knew at once the way this night was going to go.

  Chapter Nine

  “Nia!”

  My mother’s voice came from behind me and I closed my eyes for a moment before I slowly turned around to see what she wanted me for. She had a young man by the arm and was steering him towards me, apparently not noticing or not caring about the look of sheer panic on his face as she led him through the crowd. He was a little older than me, his hair thinning slightly on the top, and I offered him an apologetic smile as he approached me. Sorry, this wasn’t my idea, and I don’t want this any more than you do.

  “Hey,” I greeted the two of them, and the man nervously stuck his hand out towards me – he was wearing an expensive suit that couldn’t cover up how obviously uncomfortable he looked in it, as though this was the first time he had ever worn one outside of prom. I took his hand, playing along for the time being. She was just trying to help, after all.

  “This is Nia, my daughter,” Mom looked up at the man with a beaming smile on her face. “And Nia, this is Matthew. He works with your father. You two should…”

  She waved a hand between the two of us, raising her eyebrows at me meaningfully. I smiled back at her indulgently. Honestly, even if I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, it would be nice to get my head out of my ass for a while and actually have a good time. So I turned my attention to Matthew as Mom discreetly backed off into the crowd once more, and looked at him expectantly. He had a little patch of stubble, right beneath his nose, that he had clearly missed while he was shaving. I let my gaze linger on it for a second and then finally realized that I was going to have to say something.

  “Oh, uh,” I began, blustering a little. It had been so long since I had gotten to know anyone knew outside of the confines of…no, no, stop thinking about Nate. The whole point of this evening was to get Nate out of my head for a while and letting myself linger on him wasn’t going to do me any good.

  “What do you do?” I finally managed weakly, falling back on an old faithful so well-used I cringed a little even as I came out with it. He blinked at me for a moment, and it was clear he was trying to come up with something less boring that the truth of whatever he did at my father’s company.

  “I, uh,” He began, groping around for the words. “I work in accountancy?”

  “Oh, right,” I nodded, playing like that was the most fascinating thing I’d ever heard. �
�And what does that entail, exactly?”

  He launched off on a long, in-depth description of everything that his job involved, and I allowed myself to check out a little. I wasn’t sure how I was able to feel so alone in a crowd of people this enormous, but here I was, pulling it off. That odd feeling, the one that had told me that there was something more than a little off right now, was plaguing me with more intensity than it had been before. Was I still just emotional? Hormonal? I craned my head around to get a look at everyone in this place, in the hopes that I could locate the source of my unease, but I couldn’t come across anything that stood out. I frowned a little, the corners of my mouth turning downward, and Matthew came to an abrupt halt.

  “I’m sorry, am I boring you?” He apologised sheepishly. I focused back in on the conversation and at once felt terrible for letting him think that – he was a sweet guy and all he was doing was trying to be nice to the daughter of the guy he worked for. He wasn’t a sleaze who had picked me out of the crowd and decided to make the rest of my evening an assault course in trying to avoid him. I needed to get over myself and treat him with a little respect.

  “No, not at all,” I assured him. “I’m just a little under the weather, that’s all.”

  “Right, okay,” he nodded, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I…uh, so what do you do?”

  “I just finished college,” I replied automatically. I had been rehearsing this in my head for the inevitable visit from my grandparents who would at once want to know what was going on with me and my life now that I had finished up my education. “I’m just at a loose end right now. I have a few options back in the city but I haven’t decided exactly what I’m going to do yet.”