3 Cupcakes, Pies, and Hot Guys

by Pamela DuMond

  Julia bit her lip.

  Lila tossed another dress on the ‘No-Go’ heap. “Neither will expensive department store tacky.”

  Julia rolled her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. “You know this girl—how?” She whispered.

  “Frank’s former amour. Suzy DeLovely’s wild child. She’s feisty. An admirable quality in friends, yes?”

  “And this?” Lila lifted a Maddona-esque outfit into the air. “Hah! Like a virgin? Like crazy! Hasn’t been in style since the nineties.”

  Julia placed her hands on her hips, stuck a pose and glared at Lila. “Tell me you are not judging my wardrobe?”

  Lila held one two fingers in the air in the V-shaped universal ‘peace sign’ and backed away from Julia. “Not trying to start a fight. Just trying to help.”

  Annie waved her arms between them. “Julia’s an old friend. Lila’s a new friend. You all have different tastes. That’s what life’s about. Chill. Play nice.”

  Lila picked up a blue shirt with white stars sprinkled across it. “Hmm… Definite possibility. Super cute.” She held it up next to Annie who had ditched her ruined sheet-gown and was now wearing a comfy Lake Lodge robe. “It goes with your coloring.”

  Julia said. “I got that on sale at—”

  “Snotsky’s of Santa Monica,” Lila said. “I did print shoots for them. It’s darling! Perfect! You have awesome taste.”

  Annie made her decision. “Sold. I’m done worrying about clothes and outfits and how people judge me. I have more important things to worry about. At this point, I’ll wear flippin’ Bikersville towels.”

  Julia clapped. “Good. Because you need to get out of Dodge. I’ll loan you frequent flyer mileage. Hop on a plane tonight. Take the red-eye back to L.A. Be with Raphael, a real man. Skip the rest of this contest and shut Jamie Ryan down.”

  “Jamie’s harmless.” Annie stared at her feet.

  “Harmless like a heart attack. If Jamie’s Mr. Safe, why are you staring at your toes? Heads up. Detective Blue Eyes will bust up your new relationship in a heartbeat. Take me up on my offer. Escape. Now.”

  “No,” Lila said. “Annie can’t leave. I think she’s figuring out who killed my Frank.”

  “You told her?” Julia whispered.

  Annie blinked.

  “Shit, Annie,” Julia said.

  “Don’t go,” Frank said.

  “I can’t move on until I know who killed Frank,” Lila said.

  “Look, Long-Legs. Everyone feels terrible about what happened to Frank, myself included,” Julia said. “But this isn’t entirely about him. If Annie screws up her first, post-divorce, new relationship with a man who is good and kind, handsome and smart? If she throws it away for a foolish fling, not only does she lose big-time but it sets a low standard for smart women everywhere who have been through tough times.”

  “Jamie’s a youngster,” Annie said. “He had a boy crush on me that was reactivated by the adrenaline of investigating Frank’s death. Thanks for your concern, Julia. But nothing will come from this almost-flirtation.” She grabbed the blue top and walked into the bathroom. “I’m showering. I’m changing. Then I’m heading out to the BBQ and fireworks. I hope you all will join me.”

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Julia said. “You’ll be eating your words.”

  “Let’s hope they’re covered in dark chocolate frosting,” Annie said.

  Twenty

  Calling Foul

  Fowler Park was a haven adjacent to Fowler Lake. Picnic tables were filled with snackies, drinks and people sitting around them. More folks sat in portable foldout chairs and reclined on blankets on the ground waiting for the top five announcement and the subsequent fireworks. The sun dipped toward the horizon over the paved bike paths, the playground equipment and the small lagoons that connected to Fowler Lake.

  Jamie walked next to Annie on her way to the pavilion. “You need to be honest with me about things like bee allergies. I still think you should go to the ER.”

  “You need to be honest with me about your life. How many years have gone by and I’ve never seen you. Where were you all this time?” Annie asked.

  “I joined the Army when I was eighteen,” Jamie said. "They promised to pay for my education. They did. I promised to pay them back. I did. I served two tours. The first in Afghanistan. The second in Iraq. When I was done, I worked a variety of jobs in towns next to the military bases. But I wasn’t happy. So I decided to move back home and became a cop. And then put in the hours to be promoted to detective.”

  “Oh,” Annie said. “I didn’t know. We didn’t stay in touch.”

  “It wouldn’t have been normal for us to keep up. I mean—who corresponds with their former babysitter?”

  “Right.” She frowned.

  A plastic headband pushed sixteen-year old Annie’s long ginger-streaked auburn hair away from her Coppertone covered forehead and her nose that was slathered in zinc oxide. She wore a flower print bikini top, cut-off frayed jean shorts and cool sunglasses as she reclined on a foldout plastic beach chair at the end of her family’s faded wooden pier. Nearby, Jamie dove in and out of the lake waters like a dolphin.

  Annie pulled a book out of her plastic beach bag. Its cover featured a dreamy teenage boy wearing a high school football varsity jacket. His arms were wrapped around the waist of fresh-faced zit-less perfect teenage girl in Amish attire. Annie smiled, wiggled down into her chair and cracked the book halfway open. When lake water splashed her as well as her book.

  “Hey!” she hollered. “Stop it, you brat! I need to know what happens between Drew the hometown hottie and Emily, who’s Amish and recently moved to Wisconsin from Pennsylvania.” They had just confessed their love for each other in her dad’s barn next to his buggy. Very exciting!

  “Romance—ew. You’re turning red like tomato. Come swimming,” ten-year old Jamie said as he treaded water.

  “Give me a little time,” Annie said.

  “You always say that,” he grumbled, took a deep breath and sunk back under the lake’s surface.

  Annie devoured the story as she flipped through the book’s pages. Would Emily’s dad catch her and Drew in his barn? Would the adorable mismatched couple be able to hide their relationship for much longer? Could Emily go to the Prom with Drew? Good God, it made her mind spin.

  Something cold and scaly slapped against her ankle.

  Dang, Annie thought. Another empathic reaction? This whole psycho/psychic thing started after the tobogganing accident with her mom two plus years ago. What was it this time? She hoped it wasn’t a premonition that Drew and Emily were going to break up. That would just be wrong.

  She heard giggling and snorting. Jamie’s water drenched head popped up over the pier’s wooden planks. “Ha-ha-ha!” He pointed at a small fish flopping on her ankle. “You wouldn’t come in the water so I brought the water to you. “Ha!” He snorted. “H-ha….” He couldn’t stop giggling.

  “Yuck.” Annie frowned and plopped her book down on the vinyl chair. “I am so going to get you.” She leaned forward, gingerly picked up the fish by its tail and tossed it back in the lake. Jamie splashed her again and swam off.

  She pushed herself off the chair, strode toward the pier’s end and jumped off it. She surfaced moments later, her head poking above the lake’s surface. “Rarrwh!” Annie exclaimed and treaded water. “Dum-dum-dum-dum,” She hummed the opening tune from Jaws. “I am Jaws, Jamie Ryan. I am the Alien. You are toast.”

  “Aaaah!” Jamie screamed and splashed away, a huge smile on his face every time he burst out of the water.

  Back at Fowler Park, Annie walked through the masses flanked by Jamie on one side, and Frank on the other. “You’re hovering, Jamie. I don’t need a bodyguard.”

  “I don’t know about that. You seem to be a trouble magnet.”

  “Funny. That’s what your folks used to say about you. Do you have more leads in Frank’s murder?” she asked. “Because the only thing I have are hunches and s
uspects with no opportunity.”

  Jamie shook his head. “We checked into Bitterhausen’s whereabouts during Frank’s murder. He was naked in the lodge’s hot tub after-hours. The cleaning crew found him and reported to hotel management. Apparently he left a rather large impression on the cleaning crew. So, Bitterhausen’s currently off the suspect list.”

  “He’s still an ass,” Annie said.

  “There are a lot of assholes in this world and not every one is a murderer. We did find a tire track from the dirt bike from the day the driver shot at Stephanie. It skidded across the Blackhoof lawn on the way out. We have a partial cast and have narrowed down the database. Looks like a popular Honda model sold about six years ago.”

  “Are those bikes registered?” Annie asked.

  “They get bought and re-sold quickly. Teens love them. Then they grow a couple of years older and want a serious bike.”

  Annie thought of Lila charging down the road on her rented Harley.

  Mrs. McGillicuddy motioned to Annie from the pavilion and pointed to her watch. Annie nodded at her. “Look, Jamie. About today with the bees… Thank you. As for the other thing between us—”

  “So you admit there’s something between us,” he said.

  “No. Yes. Kind of. Look, if I lived here, if you lived in California, if I hadn’t already started dating someone who is awesome, who I really care for—”

  “Wrap it up,” Frank said. “I know Jamie. You’re becoming more of a challenge. He’s had a crush on you forever and he’s not going to take no for an answer.”

  Grady beckoned impatiently at Annie from the pavilion.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go,” Annie said and walked away from Jamie.

  “That’s not an answer,” Jamie said. “Don’t even begin to think that’s an answer.”

  She didn’t turn back. She didn’t want to see the expression on his face. She just wanted to get this done.

  The contestants had changed from evening wear to casual clothes that were perfect for a BBQ. Melissa Black, the female reporter from I-CHIC, Stephanie from WNOC and other news crews were set up prime filming distance along the pavilion’s perimeter.

  Annie sat at the judges' table set up in front of the pavilion. Mrs. McGillicuddy perused the pageant itinerary. Scott texted on his cell phone. Suzy clicked her fingernails together.

  Grady stood tall and handsome next to a mic. “Attention, friends and fans! Thanks to you, we have our final five.”

  The audience chanted, “Hot Guys! Hot Guys!”

  “Each Hot Guys top five finalist wins a photo shoot to be featured in Wisconsin Magazine, a pair of year long passes to The Wisconsin Dells water parks and money awarded to their favorite charities. Please save your applause for the end.” Grady ripped the envelope open. Blew in it and pulled out a paper. “In no particular order, the top five finalists are…”

  A drum roll played. Tension and nerves were on edge. “Mr. Madison. Mr. Milwaukee. Mr. Bitterhausen. Mr. Appleton. And Mr. Wisconsin Dells!”

  The fans screamed. The finalists jumped up and down. Annie watched as Mr. Appleton kissed a beautiful young woman on the lips. Most likely his girlfriend. Mr. Madison threw a kiss to a stunning young man in the crowd—probably his boyfriend. Mr. Milwaukee bear-hugged an older woman who looked just like him. Probably his mother. Bitterhausen saluted his brother, Prince Frederick. Who nodded at him and saluted back. Lila wasn’t at Frederick’s side. Hmm. Where was Lila?

  Mr. Dells threw a kiss to Julia. Who preened. But then he tossed a smooch to a girl standing about ten feet from Julia. Winked at a gorgeous forty-something woman lounging yards behind her. And mimed, ‘Call me,’ to another woman at the far end of the lawn.

  Julia regarded the other women, glared at Mr. Dells and sliced her finger across her throat. Uh-oh. While Julia might be a little guy-hungry she was never one for sharing. She turned and pushed through the excited masses, wiping tears away.

  The five finalists converged toward the pavilion. Annie yelled, “Julia! Come back!” But she didn’t miss a beat, let alone a step, as she kept walking.

  The fireworks started. A few cracks, pops and sizzles as umbrellas of multi-colored lights lit up the night sky. Everything seemed great for everybody—except for her and Frank and Julia. Annie called Julia but she didn’t pick up. She left a message on her voicemail, “Call me!”

  Annie needed some encouragement and she needed it now. She walked into the parking lot and out onto the tree lined road dotted with streetlights.

  Reed Billings, the sunburnt man who loaned her his belt, pulled up next to her in his truck.

  “You’re leaving?” Annie asked.

  “Got what I came for. The Missus expects me back shortly. I could ask the same of you.”

  “There’s someone I need to talk to. He helps clear my mind.”

  “Local?”

  “He’s been local for a while now.”

  “You want a ride?”

  “Thanks.” Annie hopped in the passenger side.

  “Any chance you remembered the belt?” Reed asked.

  She patted her bag and pulled it out.

  Annie hopped out of Reed’s truck outside the entrance to Lac LaBelle cemetery. “Thanks.” She autographed his belt and handed it to him. “You’re a gentleman. I hope your new business is muy caliente. That said, I’d like to suggest you use sunscreen.”

  Reed examined the belt. “You sound like my wife as well as my dermatologist. I’ll be posting photos of this on our new dating site. I might auction it off in the future should you become famous.”

  “Highly doubtful, but go for it,” Annie said.

  “You sure you want to be hanging out at a cemetery at night?”

  “I’ve got so many family members here it’s practically a reunion.”

  Reed saluted her and wheeled off, leaving Annie all alone at the Lac LaBelle Cemetery, after dark on the 4th of July. She unlatched the iron gate, opened it and walked inside.

  But technically she wasn’t alone—Frank was on her heels. “Everyone else is having fun at the fireworks. But you’re visiting a cemetery? Are you trying to make me more comfortable? Like if my parents bury me here? It’s not going to happen. My will requests that I be cremated and discretely scattered over Lambeau Field during a Packers-Bears game.”

  “Doubtful the Packer establishment will allow that activity,” Annie said.

  “Doubtful my family will give a rat’s ass what establishment allows.”

  “Noted. Maybe they can slip you into the nachos.”

  “Scattered on the field. Not in food items. Tell me you’re not a Packers fan, anymore?”

  “Always. Relax,” Annie held out her hand. “Hold my hand, please. I get a little nervous when I come here. I don’t want to stumble.”

  Lac LaBelle cemetery had to be one of the prettiest in the world. Marble carved angels hovered over tombstones. Ornate crypts overlooked the lake. Annie wandered through the hilly home for the departed and flashed Scott-o’s flashlight on the tombstones. Looking. Searching. “It’s been a while.”

  “It’s stunning.” Frank touched the compassionate face of an angel who overlooked a small collection of gravestones so old the earth was practically sucking them in. “Timothy S. Blanken. Beloved Son. Born August 9th, 1906. Died September 26th, 1907. He was only a year old. Maybe I did live a long time?”

  “No. You didn’t.” Annie kept walking, moving the flashlight back and forth over family plots. The Hilgendorfs. The Priebes. The Kriebels. She flashed the light over more angels, seraphims—beautiful other-earthly marble and stone carved watchers who zealously guarded their assigned death estates. She aimed the flashlight up a hill speckled with tombstones. “I think that’s it!”

  She skipped off. Leapt over gravestones, maneuvered around tombstones. Ignored all the angels who probably watched her a little too judgmentally. She huffed as she climbed the steep hill.

  “Why are we tombstone hopping?” Frank asked. “Everyon
e’s at the fireworks.”

  “You’re hoping Lila’s at the fireworks.”

  “Yeah? So?”

  “There are so many hills in this place. And it’s nighttime. But I should know. I should know! It’s been too long since I’ve been back home.” When the beam from her flashlight bounced off a plot on the top of the hill. She held it steady and illuminated a large boulder. The letters carved in it spelled out “GRACELAND”.

  “Your family’s plot?”

  Annie nodded, breathed a sigh of relief and walked cautiously toward it. Focused her flashlight on the area. Sat down on the ground amidst the graves. And shone the beam on one specific gravestone. It read –

  ‘Joe Graceland.

  Beloved son, husband, father.

  We will miss you, always. Please visit frequently. (We are open to that!)’

  Annie’s mom had picked the personalized message. She touched her dad’s tombstone. Closed her eyes and ran her fingers across the carved words. “I miss you, Daddy. I thought you should know that due to recent events, I can talk to dead people. You fall in that category. So if you ever want to visit, give me a sign, offer advice—I’m super open to that.”

  “He’s been dead a long time,” Frank said as fireworks lit up the sky in front of them: popping, crackling and fizzing high over Lac LaBelle before they dove down toward the lake waters.

  “He was a soldier. He served in Viet Nam. He died when I was a kid.”

  “You still miss him?”

  “I’ll always miss him. Years soften tears but never erase love.”

  “I wish I could have known him.”

  Annie looked at her dad’s grave. And reached for Frank’s hand. “You always took care of people, Daddy. I want you to take care of Frank Plank. He’s a good man.”

  Frank’s eyes widened. They waited a few seconds. Heard nothing unusual. Saw nothing out of the ordinary. “I don’t think…” Frank said.

  Skinny high-pitched revs of an engine buzzed in the near distance.