Holding on to Forever

by Davis, Siobhan

  My stomach roils, and I want the ground to open up and swallow me. I avert my eyes, looking at the floor as I knot my hands in my lap. “I didn’t want anyone to see that.” Shame washes over me. “What must you think of me?” I whisper. “I’m so ashamed.”

  “Don’t be.” He gently cups my face. “You take all these hits and keep getting back up. I think you have more inner strength than you know.”

  A solitary tear leaks out of the corner of one eye. “I wish I was that person, Adam. But the truth is, I’m weak.”

  "Maybe you’ve just reached your breaking point. It happens to everyone at some point when the stress gets too much.”

  I nod slowly. “Perhaps you’re right. After he sent that video to me, I just fell apart. I accepted the inevitable and downed an alcohol and Molly cocktail that lasted all week. And then I walked my stupid ass to that hotel, knowing what lay in wait for me.” Except I didn’t think they’d drug me and record me.

  “Why do you do it, Em? Why do you resort to drugs? What happened that you have to numb your pain?” His hand drops away from my face.

  “Why do you sell them?!” I retort.

  He averts his gaze, dragging a hand across his unshaven jaw. “Fair enough.” He blinks, and when he does, his green eyes are penetrating mine. “I told you my sister is sick. My mom lost her job, and we have a shit-ton of medical bills. There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t want to quit. I hate seeing what drugs do to people.” He bites his lips. “I haven’t sold shit for years, but circumstances forced me down this path again.”

  I’m instantly remorseful. I’d just assumed he was in it for the money. But the guy I’ve come to know isn’t that guy.

  “I’m sorry.” I sigh. “I should’ve known there was some noble cause behind it.”

  A look of disgust crosses his face. “There is nothing noble about selling or taking drugs. And I’m getting out of the game.” He sits up a little straighter, repositioning me so I’m sitting across his lap, with my legs dangling over the side of the couch. “I have a proposal for you.”

  I eye him warily.

  “I’ll give up dealing drugs if you stop taking them.”

  I arch a brow. “Why would I agree to that?”

  “Because you’re better than this, Em.” He threads his fingers through my hair. “I know there’s a story behind it, and I promise I won’t go digging. But I want you to share it with me someday.”

  A heavy weight presses down on my chest. “I want to tell you,” I truthfully admit. “But I can’t do this now. Not after what’s happened. I just want to try and forget that my life is a shit show, and with every passing day, it descends into even further chaos.”

  “Then let me help you.” His eyes are sincere as they pin me in place. “Even the strongest people need support sometimes.”

  I trail my fingers across his jawline. “I’d like that, and I like being here with you. You make me feel safe.”

  “I will keep you safe, Em, and you can trust me with the truth.”

  I brush my lips across his cheek. “I will, but right now, I need something else.”

  Fire dances in his eyes, and his gaze flicks to my mouth as I straddle him, my core pulsing as I feel him hardening underneath my ass.

  “What do you need?” His voice is deep and heavy with desire.

  “I need your hands on me. I need your tender touch to erase the memory of rough hands. I need you to kiss me like I’m the only girl in the world and you’ll die without my kisses.”

  A rare smile graces his gorgeous mouth, lighting up his whole face. “That’s not far from the truth.” He runs his thumb along my lower lip, and a rush of tingles races through me. His smile fades. “But are you sure that’s what you need. I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

  “You’re not.” I peck his lips briefly, and that feather-soft touch unravels some of the knots in my gut. “I asked you, and I’m not talking about sex. I just mean kissing and touching and you holding me.”

  For once, I want to do things right with a guy. Let things happen the way they’re supposed to happen.

  “Unless you’re not into me, and then that’s fine.”

  He pins me with an incredulous look. “I think you know exactly how I feel about you, beautiful.” He winds his large hand around the nape of my neck. “I told you a few days ago I wanted to be friends, but every time I see you, I want to be more than friends.”

  “I want to be more than friends too,” I admit, both to himself and myself.

  “But we should take it slow,” he suggests, drawing me in closer until there is only a millimeter between our faces.

  “Agreed.” I close my eyes as his warm breath fans over my face.

  “And we need to discuss a lot of stuff, but not right now.”

  I open my eyes, and the loving look in his eyes almost has me sobbing again. But for all the right reasons this time.

  “Because right now, I want to demonstrate how much I like you, and I want to take care of you, because you should only ever be worshiped and cherished.”

  Our lips collide in a searing-hot kiss, and as he cradles me to his chest, running his hands up and down my spine, sending beautiful warmth flooding through my veins, I wonder how it’s possible to experience abject terror and blissful joy in the same day.

  13

  Adam

  My right arm is numb, and it’s the only limb that fell asleep last night. Every other body part was alive and throbbing. The moment Emily and I crawled into bed, she curled up against me like we were a normal couple and dropped into a deep sleep. It surprised me she could sleep after what happened, but I’m guessing it was the drugs and adrenaline leaving her system that wore her out. I stared at the ceiling most of the night, listening to her soft snores, thinking of life, her, me, and that mind-blowing kiss, her tongue on me, our lips fused. It was so fucking hard not to take advantage of her.

  As much as I want to roll her over and shove inside her, she doesn’t need that right now. I’m not sure I need that right now either. I know without a doubt that when we have sex it’s not going to be a one-night stand. At least not for me. She’s everything I’m looking for in a woman—beautiful inside and out despite her addiction to drugs.

  Honestly, as fucked up as this sounds, her drug habit doesn’t bother me. I can see past that. I can see a vibrant and strong woman underneath the demons she’s carrying on her shoulders. Mom has told Phoebe she’s a flower waiting to bloom, and when she does, watch out world. I see the same in Emily. I know CF is vastly different than drug addiction. There’s no cure for Phoebe. But she’s a fighter, and I catch glimpses of the same determination within Emily. She just needs someone to love her unconditionally, to fight with her, for someone to be there to pick her up when she falls.

  Emily stirs, her soft hand mindlessly wandering over my abs as she hooks her silky leg in between mine.

  I clench my teeth, my dick throbbing, my balls blue as fuck. I have a ton of willpower, but the beautiful goddess tangled around me is tearing at my resolve.

  She lifts her head as her hand dances down to my granite erection. Her big blues are begging for permission. One I would love to give her, if I knew I wouldn’t fall hard. But my body has a mind of its own before my brain kicks into gear.

  I roll her over and straddle her, careful not to put my weight on her as I pin her hands above her head.

  She giggles, a sound that sends hellfire straight to my balls. My body is sweating. My chest rises and falls, and when her tongue darts out to lick her lips, I lose all self-control.

  In lightning speed, I’m hovering over her, my cock straining to get out of my boxers. I pepper kisses along her neck, chest, and tits, trying to devour every bit of her.

  She squirms beneath me, arching her back, pressing her big tits into me. Every one of my nerve endings is on fire, and if I don’t get any relief, I might self-combust.

  I thrust my dick against her core, and inwardly, I�
�m frowning that her panties are in the way.

  She moans, and that breathy sound is enough for me to go fucking wild. My hands are shaping her hips. My lips are all over her tits, chest, and neck, and just when I’m about to unsnap her bra, my fucking phone rings.

  “Ignore it,” she says, raspy and breathy, her seductive tone sending electrical charges to grip my cock.

  I slide my body down, dying to taste her. She’s spewing soft moans as she wiggles her body upward so that my mouth meets her pussy.

  The ringing dies only to ring again.

  Panic jolts me up. “Fuck.” I have to answer it. Something must’ve happened to Phoebe. My heart constricts when I climb out of bed and see Mom’s name on the screen.

  “Phoebe okay?” I rush out, answering the phone while shoving my fingers through my hair.

  Emily tenses as she watches me.

  “Yes. Yes. Son, you can’t panic every time I call you.”

  I release a huge breath, and Emily seems to relax too.

  “Can you stop by the grocery store and pick up a few things before you come home today?” Mom asks. “I’ll text the list to you.”

  Emily crawls out of bed, and I frown even though I know we need to take things slow.

  “Sure.” The one word out of my mouth is painful as I watch Emily comb her fingers through her long hair. I want to be those fingers. I want to touch every part of her slowly, deliberately, and worship her like she deserves.

  You’re talking to your mother, Adam. Get your fucking mind out of the gutter.

  “Adam, are you there?” Mom’s voice penetrates through my lust-filled mind, and my erection is gone.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ll...” I forgot what Mom wants me to do. “I’ll be there around one.”

  “Do you have money to buy the groceries?”

  Emily mouths, “Bathroom, then coffee.” I nod, and she sashays her hips out of the room.

  “Adam.” Mom raises her voice. “Are you still sleeping? Did I wake you?”

  I shake my head vigorously. “Sorry, I’m here.”

  “Are you with a woman?” She asks so innocently, but I swear she sees through the phone.

  It’s too soon to tell her about Emily. I don’t want to answer her hundred questions either about who the girl is. Mom has a tendency to grill me about the girls I date. Sadly, I haven’t had a steady girl in quite some time, and I don’t share my rare one-night stands with her. But I’m not going to lie to her either.

  “Just having breakfast with a friend.”

  “Well, you can tell me all about her later. See you soon.” She hangs up.

  For a beat, I stand in Carter’s black-and-white room dumbfounded that Mom is so sure I’m with a woman. But I shrug it off and slide into my jeans and go in search of Emily.

  It’s not hard to find her. Carter’s pad is small, but it’s Emily’s lyrical voice pulling me to her.

  She’s singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” This time she’s not strung out, and her voice is even prettier than when I heard her sing in my dorm room.

  She doesn’t hear me as I approach. I prop a shoulder on the wall and watch her as she makes coffee like she’s the one who lives here.

  “Dreams really do come true,” she sings.

  I hope they do because my dreams are beginning to include her.

  I don’t want to startle her, but my legs are moving before I can think. “You know you have a pretty voice?” My hands curl around her waist.

  She jumps a little before she leans her head back into my chest. “Thank you.”

  I flatten my large palms on her stomach, and I plant a kiss just below her ear. “I’m sorry about the phone call.”

  She spins around, looking up at me with doe-like eyes. “Don’t be. She’s your mom.” A hint of sadness threads through her last sentence.

  I drag my fingers along her cheek, sweeping her hair behind her ear. We stare at each other for a long minute.

  Her hands slide up my chest. “Adam.” She worries her bottom lip. “I’m concerned that Wes is going to have you arrested.”

  I lift her up easily and set her on the counter, rubbing my hands up her bare legs.

  The coffee pot is gurgling as the aroma of caffeine floats in the air.

  Heat spreads through my chest. “You’re worried about me.” I grin, searching her face.

  She’s still holding her bottom lip hostage as she bats her long lashes.

  My heart races as my lips crash to hers, my tongue wasting no time snaking in. Her hands fly into my hair. Mine dive into her silky strands. The kiss is dominant, wild, wet, and my body is on fire, burning with the need to take all of her—mind, body, and soul.

  My phone rings again.

  Fuuuck.

  I debate whether to answer the damn thing, but if I don’t, I’ll have Emily splayed on the kitchen table. And I have to dig deep to stick to my gentlemanly ways, but fuck, a man can only take so much before he breaks, and Emily is chipping away at more than my need to fuck her.

  She giggles as she pulls my lips between her teeth. “It’s not meant to be today.”

  The coffeemaker beeps as if to agree.

  It seems the universe is trying to tell us something.

  I edge back as I answer. “Sam, what’s up?”

  Emily hooks a finger in the waist of my jeans with a flirty smile.

  I growl, holding my phone to my ear with my shoulder, as I help Emily down.

  “Everything okay?” Sam asks.

  Not at all. My cock is begging for attention. “Perfect,” I respond as Emily’s hands roam freely up and down my chest.

  “I’ve found something. Is Emily still with you?”

  “Yeah.” My voice is strained as I lock eyes with Emily.

  “Put me on speaker,” he says.

  Once I do, Sam says, “Hi, Emily. Are you feeling better?”

  I set the phone on the table and plant my ass in a chair.

  Emily loses her playful look as she sits in the other, eyeing the phone with anticipation. “I’m feeling much better, thanks to you.”

  “What did you find?” I ask.

  On the way to Carter’s last night, Sam said he would continue to search until he found something concrete that we could use on Wes.

  I want to bury that bastard.

  To put him behind bars where he can’t hurt Emily or any other girl. Ever again.

  “That Weston Blakely isn’t as smart as he thinks,” Sam says smugly. “I found a video of Weston and his crew with another girl. Only this time, they each took turns raping her.”

  Motherfucker.

  Emily gasps and pops to her feet, gnawing on a nail. “And my mother thinks he’s the perfect catch. He can’t do anything wrong in her eyes.” Her jaw tenses, and rage bubbles beneath the surface as that strength of hers blooms.

  I’m ready to find the fucker and finish what I started last night.

  Emily’s pacing, her bare feet slapping on the tile floor. “So, where’s the video of me in that orgy or the film of what went down in the hotel room?”

  I look at the phone because I’m not sure what Sam has done with it either.

  “The video of the orgy is wiped clean from your email and his hard drive,” Sam says.

  Emily swings her gaze to the phone. “He could’ve saved it on a thumb drive or to a cloud account. He’s smart, guys. He knows how to cover his tracks.”

  I reach out and gently grasp her hand. “Hey, Sam is the best there is with computers. He’ll find every copy and make sure that video never sees the light of day.”

  Sam mutters something that I can’t make out.

  “Where’s the camera from last night, Sam?” Emily was my only focus when shit went down.

  “I have it,” Sam says. “It’s in a safe place in the event that we can use it. Emily, you should consider pressing charges.”

  She pinches her eyebrows, shrugging out of my hold. “No! Wes will find a way to make it look like you two are in that video
and not him or his asshole friends. Besides, if I make waves, Wes will retaliate, and both of you would get into trouble for assault.”

  I’m on my feet. “Wes won’t do anything of the sort.” I pull her to me, holding her as she shakes. “I told you. I got you, baby. You don’t need to worry about me either.”

  “I am worried about you. This isn’t your fight.”

  I guide her chin up, grinning that she finally admitted she cares. “It is our fight.”

  “Adam.” She melts in my arms. “If my mother finds out, she’ll think I asked for it. And I can guarantee you she’ll have my head on one of her gold-plated platters. She hates negative publicity. She’ll brush all this under the table and make it go away. Somehow, Wes will come out smelling like a rose.”

  “Not if she saw this video,” Sam says.

  Emily’s face turns snow white, and she shakes her head. “We can’t use it, so that’s not an option.”

  “Not now,” Sam agrees. “But maybe later.”

  “What if we can find this other girl to make the case stronger?” I suggest.

  She presses her small hand on my cheek, sadness dripping from her. “You shouldn’t get involved. You’ve got football and your family to think about. I want to graduate so I can get the fuck out of Dodge. None of that will happen if we make waves.”

  I temper my anger because she’s scared. She feels she’s alone. But I want to bust up some heads. I want to make Wes suffer. Last night was only a taste of what I can do, but Emily is right; I have my family to think about. But Mom will understand my motives of protecting a friend.

  “Adam,” Sam’s voice breaks the brief silence. “Do you want me to send what I found to Wes?”

  Emily stiffens in my arms, a sign she’s hesitant to do anything to upset Wes.

  “Baby, Wes needs to be taken down a notch. He needs a taste of his own medicine. I’m in this with you all the way.” I glue my gaze to hers, hoping she sees that she can trust me, feels that I have her back. I’m not letting her go through this alone. “He won’t know that you are involved.”