The Rock Season

by R. L. Merrill

  Peter nodded and smiled at me before running up the steps.

  “I’m going to get cleaned up myself. Son, take Stevie up to your place so she can wash. I’m afraid we got pretty greasy.”

  I looked down at myself and felt horrible about the state of Peter’s clothes.

  “I hope these weren’t his favorites.”

  Aaron shook his head and started to take my hand.

  “Better not. I don’t want to get you all messy,” I said.

  He snickered. I blushed. His eyes followed the blush. I blushed some more. Our eyes met and I forgot for a moment whatever it was that had kept me away.

  Aaron gestured for me to lead the way. I asked him to grab my dress before skipping over to the stairs. Did I hear him growl?

  He opened the door for me at the top and I felt like he wanted to touch me. I wanted him to touch me. But God bless him, he was trying so hard to give me space. We stood there doing our Jr. High dance thing for an awkwardly long few minutes.

  Finally, he said, “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I answered back. My eyes darted over to the bathroom and I cleared my throat. “Is it ok if I shower?”

  He nodded and draped my dress over my shoulder, his gaze anxious. I gave him a smile and made a beeline for the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and took a moment to just breathe. I’d missed him terribly and was so happy to be back here. But I worried I might have ruined our chance to be more than friends.

  I took a quick shower, keeping my hair out of the water. I inhaled the scent of Aaron’s body wash, remembering the morning we showered together. Surprisingly, it is possible to be turned on and sad at the same time. I turned off the water, dried off, and quickly dressed. My hair was pretty frizzy so I let it down and tried to tame it.

  Aaron had changed clothes and was folding some laundry when I came out. He sucked in a breath and tried to smile. “It’s really good to see you,” he said quietly, his hands on his hips.

  I stepped closer to him, still afraid to touch him. “I missed you,” I whispered. I looked up into his eyes and could see he was as conflicted as I was.

  “Is it-”

  “Are we-”

  “Can I-”

  We stopped and started a few more times until we both gave up, laughing nervously. He cleared his throat and rubbed his head. “I just wanted to ask if it was ok if I-”

  “Yes, please!”

  He smiled and closed the space between us. His hands came up to cradle my jaw and he pressed his forehead against mine.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Stevie. I kicked myself so many times for what happened and wondered how it was possible to miss you so much when we’d only just begun.”

  I slid my hands around his waist and stepped into his embrace. He held me against him tightly and we stood like that for a long time.

  “Can you forgive me for leaving, Aaron? I didn’t want to, but I was a mess. I needed to-”

  “There’s nothing to forgive, Stevie. How have you been?”

  I shrugged. “Better, I think. A little more sure of myself every day. I made a lot of progress in therapy. I’m on a need-to-check-in status with her now. Working helps. I started writing a new novel, too. I guess I’m kind of processing my feelings through that.”

  I looked up at him, still amazed at how much he affected me. I loved him so much I could feel it in my bones, my insides, my muscles… The time apart only made that stronger.

  Aaron

  For the first time since she left, I felt like I could breathe normally. I felt complete again, as corny as that sounds. She looked up at me with those soulful eyes and I just wanted to stop time so I could memorize every fleck of color there. Then she smiled and I got lost admiring the curve of her lips, the whiteness of her teeth. She spoke, but I only heard the sweetness of her voice, a sound that had haunted my dreams for weeks. I had been so afraid I’d never hold her again.

  “Aaron,” she asked with a giggle and I realized I’d been so wrapped up in admiring her that I’d totally missed what she said.

  “I’m sorry, love. I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. Can you repeat that?”

  She giggled and said, “I was just asking you if we’re ok. Are we ok, Aaron? Can we, I don’t know, not really start over, but can we…”

  “I am so damn glad you said that. Yes, love. Whatever you are comfortable with. I promise I won’t push you. Just, please, Stevie? Please don’t walk away like that again. I’ll go to the ends of the earth to make things work with you. Even if that means staying put and letting you do what you need to do. Just please don’t walk away.”

  Her smile fell a little and she nodded. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want what was happening between us to be tarnished by my past. Seeing Ben was a wakeup call that I still had some crying and mending to do. I’m better. I can’t say that if something happens again, I won’t freak out. But I won’t walk away from you.”

  I pulled her in tight and buried my face in her hair, something I’d wanted to do desperately since I first saw her this afternoon. “Your hair looks amazing.” I must have sighed a little louder than I thought because she started giggling. “Why are you laughing, love?”

  She pulled back and grinned. “Because I’m happy? Because it sounds like you are happy?” Those words were music to my ears.

  “I am happy. But I have to warn you, life is about to get even more interesting around here. I’m going to be staying in the big house to keep a closer eye on the twins. Aziz is going to New York to meet his fiancé and he’s taking Grandma Samadi with him to make arrangements. So it’s just me. I won’t be able to get out-”

  “Aaron I-”

  “No, I just don’t want you to think-”

  “AARON ALI SALAAM MCSHANE! Will you let me get a word in!?”

  Holy shit. She pulled out the full name! My eyebrows rose up and she stomped her foot.

  “Aaron, I will come to you, ok? And I would be happy to help with the twins when I’m not working. My job will be over in two weeks and-”

  I laid one on her. I couldn’t help it. It was a combination of I needed to kiss her desperately and I didn’t want her to make me any promises she wouldn’t be able to keep. Once I started, I couldn’t hold back. My hands were fisted in her dress, then they were in her hair, then they were gripping her hips and pulling her closer to me. I must have shocked her at first, but she was soon clawing at my back and shoulders, soft moans coming from her throat. God, she was so very delectable. A knock at the door made us come up for air.

  “Hey, Asshole! You coming to dinner or what?” Patrick was banging on the door as he yelled.

  And I was going to have them all to myself for the next two months. I groaned.

  “Be right there,” I hollered and Stevie stepped back from me, straightening her dress. She smiled shyly at me. “You ready for this,” I asked her, holding out a hand.

  She nodded and smiled, taking my hand. We walked slowly to the big house, watching each other the whole way. Once inside the kitchen, Stevie made the rounds, hugging and kissing all of the members of the family. We’d added another leaf to the table to make enough room for the ten of us. Peter had invited his girlfriend, Gretchen, to join us, too. They’d been together since January or February and he was in a bad way over her. Patrick usually gave him shit about it, but tonight he was much more subdued. Aziz sat to my left, Stevie to my right with Gretchen next to her. Everyone was talking animatedly and I just sat back and absorbed it all. My thoughts took over. I loved my family immensely and yet it felt so much more right with Stevie by my side. I started thinking ahead to family dinners with Stevie and I married, maybe some kids. The twins each with a girlfriend and in college. Aziz and his wife and maybe a kid or two…

  Pops was watching me with a knowing look. He was holding Mom’s hand on the table and I watched as he lifted it and kissed it, never taking his eyes off me. I smiled back, praying that God would bless Stevie and me as he had blessed
my parents.

  “So I hear congratulations are in order. When do you leave for New York?” Stevie was talking to Aziz across the table. His eyes lit up and he rested his elbows on the table.

  “I go to meet my bride in two weeks. Her family is from New York. My parents are there as well, so the wedding will be there. I’m sorry you won’t be able to come, Aunt Shireen.”

  My mother pouted at Aziz. “I am too, nephew, but my husband needs this trip. We will celebrate when you bring her here.”

  We raised our glasses to Aziz and his upcoming nuptials. And then the grilling began.

  “And then we will plan your wedding, Ali. Not to worry, Stevie, we don’t have to put on a large traditional wedding but we will-”

  “Grandma Samadi, can we please-”

  “Ali, you need a good wife. My Nasreen is going to be perfect.”

  Stevie was watching Aziz with an intrigued expression.

  “Aziz? How do you know she is a good match for you? I don’t mean to be rude, I’m just really interested. You haven’t met her, have you?”

  He wiped his mouth with his napkin and smiled excitedly. “I have not yet seen her in person, but my mother sent me pictures and we have chatted online quite a bit. She finished college and wants to be a teacher when she comes to California. Maybe you can help her? That would be wonderful! She won’t know many people here. I’ve put a down payment on a four-bedroom townhouse near here so we will be close. She’s never been to California, but she very much wants to come…”

  And on he went. Stevie asked a few more questions, but mainly just let him run on and on about his beautiful wife-to-be. I was grateful my mother hadn’t insisted on an arranged marriage, although I couldn’t help but see the simplicity in it. Aziz was still in his twenties, had a great career ahead of him, and was very traditional in his beliefs. I hoped he let Nasreen work, but he might insist she stay home with the children. I was betting that if she were to become pregnant, Grandma Samadi would likely move in with them. It sounded like this condo was big enough for the four of them.

  I must have spaced off because Stevie was helping the grandmothers clear the table and do the dishes when I finally came around to find Pops by my side.

  “Aaron, take a walk with me, Son.”

  Stevie smiled at me over her shoulder, wordlessly letting me know she was fine with my family. Pops and I stepped out onto the back porch and he stopped to stretch his back before leading me down. We walked a couple of blocks without talking. I could sense he was trying to find the words.

  “Son, you and Stevie need to do what’s best for ye both and to hell with what yer crazy grandmother says! Marry her if ye want, but do it on yer terms. Hell, go on and elope! Yer mother and I just want you to be happy. I feel terrible to be leaving ye for such a long time but-”

  “No, Pops. Don’t apologize. You and Mom deserve this. We’re going to be fine.”

  He nodded and kept his gaze ahead of him. “I have truly been blessed in my life. You are a good son and I am damn grateful that ye have been such a huge help through all of this cancer bullshit. I promise, when we return from this trip, ye can let yer mother and I handle things and really get out there and live yer life. You and Stevie.”

  I smiled to myself and shook my head. “Pops, if I wanted to be out there living my life I would. I like my life. I like it a helluva lot better with Stevie in it, for sure, but I wouldn’t change anything.”

  Pops let out a breath and patted me on the shoulder. “I love you, Son. I am very proud of ye.”

  “What the hell brought all this on,” I asked, laughing and wiping tears from my eyes.

  Pops chuckled and wiped a few of his own away. “Couple of nancies we are, crying out here.”

  I chuckled, thinking I didn’t give a shit if we looked like nancies. There were more important things in life, like my father.

  We meandered back to the house and found Stevie, Gretchen, the twins and the grandmothers playing cards in the kitchen when we returned. Naturally Grandma Samadi was winning at UNO. It was well known that she cheated. Aziz and Mom were talking in a corner of the kitchen in Dari. Pops headed straight for Mom, whispered in her ear, and they said their goodnights.

  I turned to my brothers and asked, “What are you knuckleheads doing tonight?”

  Peter looked to Gretchen, who shrugged.

  “You all want to come to open mic? We’re sponsoring an all ages night tonight.”

  The three teens looked at each other and shrugged. I looked to Stevie and she nodded.

  “Sounds great to me, what do you guys think?”

  The twins were happy to get out of the house and Gretchen seemed to really enjoy talking to Stevie. I told them I’d be a minute and I ran up to my apartment to grab my guitar. When I brought it back down, Stevie’s eyes lit up.

  “Are you really going to play,” she whispered.

  “Maybe. If the mood strikes.”

  She rolled her eyes and took my hand. The five of us walked down B Street to the Bistro. There were tons of people on the street tonight. It was late fall but the weather was still nice and between the shops, the movie theater, the restaurants and bars, there was something for all walks of life. I paid the cover charges for all of us and we grabbed a table. I made my way over to the emcee for the night and added my name to the list. Schroeder and Callie came in, her boyfriend Trevor bringing up the rear, and we added more chairs. The place was packed within a half hour and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

  Meanwhile, I was moving towards nervous wreck territory. I prayed I didn’t make a fool of myself tonight. Stevie snuggled up to my side and carried on conversations with Gretchen and the twins as well as Schroeder and Callie with ease. Schroeder was obviously very taken with her and Callie immediately liked her, I could tell. I doubted there was anyone who could resist her charms. She was enigmatic. I sat and watched her, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake.

  The emcee called for me and I took my guitar up to the small stage and sat on the stool. I made sure I was in tune and then cleared my throat before speaking into the mic.

  “This is for Stevie.”

  There was applause and then silence as I started playing the song I’d heard at Stevie’s apartment. I couldn’t look up. I wasn’t very confident with this whole singing and playing thing. My voice was ok, nothing extraordinary. I’d spent most of my nights banging around with this song, trying to get it just right in case I ever had the opportunity to sing it to her. I just hoped she understood what I was trying to say.

  Stevie

  When Aaron came down the steps from his apartment earlier with his guitar in hand, I got really excited. I’d done a fair job of keeping it under control until this moment. He could really play! His deep, warm voice translated into a raspy, passionate one as he played and sang one of my favorite songs. “Over My Head,” by Drowning Pool was a song about being with someone who seems to be the perfect one, the one who makes you a better person. Aaron was that person and my guess is he felt the same about me. It’s funny how music can fill in so many of the spaces we just don’t have the words for. He either kept his eyes closed or watched his hands the entire time, like he was in his own world. In that place he was completely enmeshed in the song. You couldn’t tell where he ended and it began.

  I perched on the edge of my seat for the entire song and when he was finished, I stood and clapped like crazy, as did everyone else in our group. Gretchen was swooning.

  “Peter, you should have your brother teach you how to play,” she said, leaning in close to her boyfriend.

  I could see the wheels turning in his head, realizing that playing guitar and singing equaled a deeply affected chick. Patrick was frowning at Aaron and I wondered what that was about.

  Callie leaned in and said, “He’s been practicing that for a while. I’m really glad you came tonight so we’d finally get to hear it.” She gave me a small smile and I wondered just how much she knew about me and my complicated past.
<
br />   Aaron made his way back over to us as Schroeder and Callie took his place on the stage. I plastered myself against Aaron and kissed him enthusiastically. I felt him smiling against my lips.

  “Did I get it right,” he whispered.

  My cheeks hurt from smiling so widely. “It was perfect! I love that song!”

  He pulled me down onto his lap and held me close while his shop mates played some swing tunes. Schroeder played the piano brilliantly and Callie had a perfect voice for the jazz classics. After two songs the crowd went wild and started chanting for them so they played two more. Then we were all floored when Patrick joined Schroeder and Callie and played “Bai Mir Bist Du Shoen” while Schroeder pulled out a trumpet! Unfortunately, there was no dance floor. I had to settle for bouncing a little in Aaron’s lap, trying not to fall on my ass or break his leg! It was so much fun and Aaron was so proud of his brother! When they finished, we all shot to our feet in a standing ovation!

  “Damn, little bro! You sounded great up there! I’m so proud of you for learning to play!”

  He tried to hug Patrick, who wasn’t having the adulation, and instead got a half-assed slug in the gut. He dramatically stumbled back and let Patrick creep over to the table and out of the spotlight. Once we all sat back down, we each had another drink and the conversation resumed.

  Aaron was talking to Callie’s boyfriend about getting another tattoo and I paid close attention. I had been thinking it was time to get my first one.

  “Do you have any openings coming up,” I asked. Aaron’s eyes flared and he smiled at me. I shrugged. “I was thinking of getting a tattoo for Nancy.”

  His eyes crinkled at the sides and he kissed my forehead.

  “Sure,” Trevor said. “Call the shop. Let them know you’re with Aaron and I’ll tell them to hook you up.”

  I grinned and thanked him. Callie leaned forward and tilted her head a little.

  “Who’s Nancy?”

  Aaron started to speak, but I patted his chest.

  “It’s ok.” He looked concerned, but I assured him with my strongest smile. “She was my daughter. She was stillborn a few months ago.” I took a deep breath and Aaron squeezed me. The twins and Gretchen had been listening and Peter frowned.