Secrets & Lies

by Mia Ford

  “You don’t…?” I can’t help but ask.

  “I’m not a fool,” Alex says, and there’s a hint of imperiousness in his voice as he gives me a stern look over his glasses. “You were released, which means you were proven innocent. I didn’t have to keep looking to know that.”

  A bubble of laughter wells up in me. Funny… This is the first time anyone who knows my story has actually believed me. My foster family at the time had cut all ties to me. Jessica had left me. No one other than my lawyer believed me, and I had always half suspected it was because of the fame he would get if he won my case.

  “It was a frame.” The words leave me without my permission. There’s a tight feeling in my chest, as though I’ve been waiting for so long to finally speak. “My friends at the time… They framed me. They killed the girl on accident, and they figured that me, poor, fostered Grant, wouldn’t be missed by anyone. So they left evidence to try and prove it was me.”

  “Shoddily,” Alex reminds me softly.

  I snort. My hands are shaking. “Yeah. Luckily for me. The lawyer picked it all apart, essentially scolded the police and the entire court for not looking more closely. I still think I was voted innocent because he made them feel bad for picking on me. After that, I left Mississippi and made my way to Philadelphia. After a while, all the hype died down, and no one recognized me anymore.”

  “It must have been terrible,” Alex says.

  “I tried to forget about it all,” I say. “I think I even succeeded. I didn’t even really think about it when Jessica left.” I pause, lowering my eyes. “I had nightmares for the first time in years last night. Jessica really thought I was a murderer?”

  “She was scared,” Alex points out. “Maybe part of her is still scared because she still doesn’t know the truth.”

  “Does it matter?” I ask. This is the question that has been haunting me. “In some ways, I do understand. But she didn’t talk to me about it. She didn’t think logically. You figured out what was going on, just because I wasn’t in jail. So why couldn’t she?” My shoulders hunch. “Did she really trust me so little?”

  “I don’t know,” Alex says quietly. “I’m sorry… I have no idea.”

  I give him a half smile. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t break us up. Jessica got paranoid and she forgot she could just ask me, and then she couldn’t figure out what to do. Maybe even I’m a little at fault; I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t try and ask her about it, either.”

  “Maybe,” Alex says with a shrug of one, slim shoulder. “What are you going to do about it now?”

  I laugh darkly.

  “I have no idea,” I confess. “I couldn’t face it all last night, but I know I have to talk to her about it. I’m supposed to go over on Sunday, as per our agreement.” I pause. “Though maybe I should cancel, get a few more days to get my head in order. Or I could ask if Owen can come around to my place.”

  “Or,” Alex says delicately, “you could talk to her.”

  I wince. “Or that,” I sigh. “I just don’t know what to say. What do you say to a bombshell like that?”

  “The truth?” Alex suggests. “Tell her what you just told me.”

  Thing is, I don’t know if Jessica deserves the truth from me. She didn’t bother chasing down the full truth three years ago. Why do I have to give it to her now?

  Then I remember that, only the other day, she asked to try again. She doesn’t know the whole truth. But she still wants to be in a relationship with me. She still wants to try and make things right.

  I sigh.

  “Okay,” I say. I hope I don’t regret this. “I’ll talk to her over the weekend.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Jessica

  It doesn’t seem so bad at first. But maybe that’s just because I had Owen to deal with. I had to get him home and, by the time I reached our apartment, I was so weary that I simply fell into bed and closed my eyes.

  On Friday, Owen was bouncing off the walls. He ate so much popcorn and pizza and candy yesterday, not to mention the milkshakes we kept making, that he woke up complaining of a stomach ache. Then the sugar rush came and I could only be grateful that he slept most of the night. I ran myself ragged chasing him, barely stopping for a moment to glance at any of the messages I had gotten. Before I went to bed, I noticed that there were several waiting from both Hazel and Allison, but I couldn’t bear to deal with them, so I slipped into sleep to avoid thinking about it.

  Now it’s Saturday. I automatically scan the items that are being handed to me, feeling like a zombie. I don’t know if I manage to smile at the customer as they leave. I’m waiting for the moment when I can leave too, but I don’t know how much longer I have, whether it’s minutes or hours. Lifting my wrist feels like too much effort, and the only reason I’m working at all is because my body is on auto-pilot.

  “Have a good day,” I say to the next customer as they go; I don’t even remember scanning their items.

  I need some time to think. Please leave.

  I can’t get his quiet, blank words out of my head. I remember looking back to apologize, and he had just stared at me. I’ve never seen him look so empty.

  I did that to him.

  I’m not upset that he told me to leave. He had every right to. But, in all my wildest imaginings, I hadn’t thought he would react like that to the truth. If I was lucky, he would understand. If I was terribly unlucky, he would yell and tell me he never wanted to see me again, son or no son. Those were the two extremes, and I had expected to fall somewhere in the middle.

  But what I got…

  I shudder. So blank… So deeply sad… What did I do to him?

  Suddenly, a hand lands on my shoulder. I jump with a gasp and swing around. Alicia, the floor manager, takes a step back, startled by my reaction.

  “Sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean to scare you. You know it’s ten minutes past your shift, right? You should be going to clock off.”

  What? Where has the time gone? I glance at the time on the register, suddenly remembering that that’s something I can do. It’s past four, which means I’m finished.

  I’ve been waiting for the moment that I could go home. But, now that that time is here, I’m dreading it. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to face the fact that I’ll probably spend the rest of the night thinking about Grant and that look in his eyes.

  “Jessica?” Alicia asks gently. “Is everything alright?”

  “Yeah,” I hear myself say, my lips moving without permission. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep much last night. I spent all day chasing Owen around the apartment.”

  Alicia draws back, satisfied with that explanation. She waves me off, toward the back of the store, where I can clock off and grab my things.

  Before I know it, I’m standing outside the store. I barely remember getting there. Dazed, I look around.

  Then Allison steps in front of me.

  For a moment, I wonder if maybe my mind has finally snapped on me. I blink at my friend. She has someone else with her, a lithe woman with curly brown hair, dark skin and a kind face.

  “Allison?” I ask, blinking. “What are you doing here?”

  “Staging an intervention,” Allison declares with her no nonsense attitude. She huffs at me. “I’ve been sending you messages since Friday morning. Why haven’t you replied to them?”

  Right, I forgot about those messages waiting for me. I fish my phone out of my pocket. There are several more messages there, and even a missed call. Most of the messages are from Allison. I look at her blankly. Why is she trying so hard to get in contact with me?

  “I was at work,” I point out.

  “You weren’t yesterday,” Allison huffs. She links her arm with mine. “Come on, we’re all going to my place. Georgia’s driving.”

  Georgia? I wrack my mind, wondering why that name is so familiar. Didn’t Allison say this was the woman that Kyle’s friend, Ethan, loves? Or was it she who lo
ved him?

  “Sorry, I know we’ve never met,” Georgia says with a gentle smile, and I instantly like her. She has a soothing demeanor, and I sway toward it like a plant to the sunlight. “I hope you don’t mind I’m here.”

  “It’s fine,” I assure her. “It’s good to meet you.” I glance at Allison. “What about Owen?”

  “Taken care of,” Allison says dismissively. “Hazel is picking him up.”

  I stare at her. “When did you get Hazel’s number?”

  Allison just grins impishly at me and steers me toward a small black car. I slide slowly into the back seat. It’s very clean inside, and it still has that new car smell.

  The drive back to Allison’s apartment is quiet. I can see Allison shooting glances at me, but I don’t look back, not wanting to meet her eyes. There’s something shameful about knowing that she’s realized that something is wrong. I should have just answered those damn messages.

  When we get to the apartment, I’m not surprised to see Kyle there. He glances at me as we walk in, frowning.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks me. “Allison was worried sick about you.”

  No, it’s not, I want to scream. You didn’t see the look I put on his face!

  “It’s fine,” I say. “Sorry for worrying everyone.”

  “Kyle, can you make coffee?” Allison asks hopefully.

  “Do you want me to go?” Georgia asks.

  “No, stay,” Allison says, giving her a meaningful look.

  I shrug, not caring one way or the other. I can guess, from the way Allison looks at the woman, that Georgia probably knows a few things. I might have cared about that on Thursday. I don’t care now.

  “So?” Allison asks, leading me to the table. “Why did you suddenly go MIA?”

  “I had stuff to think about,” I tell her.

  She narrows her eyes at me. “I’m not going to beat around the bush with you, Jessica. I know what you were going to tell Grant. You said you were going to tell him the truth, right? I don’t really know what you said to him…but, seeing you like this, I take it that it didn’t go so well?”

  Grant’s blank eyes flash across my vision again.

  “I don’t know,” I say quietly. “We… He didn’t say much. He just asked me to leave so he could think. I haven’t heard from him since.”

  There’s a clatter in the kitchen. Kyle has dropped a spoon in the sink.

  “Have you?” I ask him.

  Kyle’s lips purse. “No,” he says. “I can’t get a hold of him. I went to the bar last night, but he just told me he didn’t want to talk about it.” He pauses. “Alex was there though.”

  Alex. I close my eyes. Have I ruined that friendship? I hope not. Alex tried his best and was loyal to his friend. The only reason I discovered anything was because I broke into his office.

  “I think Alex knows what happened,” I say quietly.

  Georgia is sitting quietly. She isn’t saying anything, and she isn’t looking at me, giving me the illusion of privacy. Allison, on the other hand, is staring directly at me, her gaze challenging, It’s almost amusing to see how different these two women are.

  “So what happened?” Allison presses.

  My eyes burn and my hands quake on the table as Kyle brings over coffee.

  “I messed up,” I choke out. “Big time. And I don’t think I can go back from it. If Grant ever forgives me…it’ll be a miracle.”

  “It can’t be that bad…” Allison tries.

  I lift my head and look at Kyle directly.

  “Do you…know much about Grant’s past?” I ask.

  Kyle looks startled by the question. Then his eyes darken. He isn’t stupid. He can see where this is going.

  “Not much,” he says bluntly. “He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

  I nod. That doesn’t surprise me. Grant would probably be terrified someone would react in the exact same way I did.

  Though maybe my reaction wouldn’t have been so severe if I had only talked to him about what I had found out.

  “What does Grant’s past have to do with anything?” Allison asks, confused.

  I hesitate. It isn’t my secret to tell.

  “Grant…got involved in a pretty serious crime when he was younger,” I say. “He was…”

  He was what? Falsely accused? I can only assume that was the case, but I don’t know for sure. I never heard Grant’s side of the story, and I don’t know if I ever will, now.

  “It was just bad,” I say. “I’m not going to tell you anything about it, because that isn’t my place. But there were a lot of people believing awful things about him. I stumbled on the truth accidentally, three years ago…and I heard only the worst. I got more and more paranoid about it and, instead of talking to him about it, like I should have done, I fled.”

  The three of them are staring at me. I direct my gaze down to the table.

  “You…?” Allison whispers.

  Kyle sits heavily.

  “Are you the reason he never talks about his past?” he asks numbly.

  I flinch.

  “Probably,” I admit. “He…didn’t actually know that was why I left. I finally told him about it on Thursday night.”

  “Shit,” Allison says, sitting back. She looks stunned. “That’s way worse than I was expecting.”

  “Yeah,” I say with a humorless chuckle. “I really am an idiot.”

  “Yes,” Kyle says. “You are.”

  I look up at him. Anger is burning slowly into his eyes, and I hunch my shoulders. I can’t blame him for being upset. In his shoes, I would be furious, too.

  “Kyle…” Allison says. “It’s in the past, alright? Can’t you see she feels bad enough as it is.”

  Kyle glowers at me. “Not badly enough. Grant is one of the best people I know. He’s friendly and loyal and he would do absolutely anything for one of us. I already knew he had a rough past. It was easy enough to guess. Someone like him… You don’t hate the police like he does unless you had a bad run-in with them. But I left it alone. If Grant wanted to tell me, he would, eventually.”

  I feel so small. “I know.”

  “I do respect, at least, that you aren’t just blurting his secrets out to us,” Kyle says tightly. “But otherwise, I have no respect left for you.”

  “That’s harsh, Kyle!” Allison exclaims. “She made a mistake and…”

  “A mistake that cost my best friend three years with his son,” Kyle growls.

  Allison falls quiet. There’s nothing else to say to that. Because I was stupid and paranoid, I neglected to tell Grant he was a father. He lost three years with his son because of my idiocy.

  “You can’t say anything I don’t already know,” I say to Kyle dully. “I’ve already thought about all this. And I’m paying the rightful price for it right now. Grant shouldn’t forgive me. He shouldn’t have to explain himself to me. We were together long enough that I should have trusted him.” I close my eyes and shake my head. “So, this is it. I’m going to give Grant that space. He deserves it. He deserves someone who won’t do something like this to him.”

  There’s a long moment of quiet. And then Kyle snorts.

  “Funny how you become exactly the sort of person Grant does deserve when it’s too late,” he snaps. “But you’re still a coward. You’ll just sit here and moan about everything that went wrong, but you won’t actually do anything about it.”

  “Kyle, stop,” Allison snaps. She’s angry now at the things Kyle is saying to me. I wince; great, now I’ve caused problems between them. “I get why you’re angry. But maybe Grant can forgive her, eventually? You forgave me.”

  “That’s different,” Kyle scoffs.

  “How?” Allison asks, scowling. “I hurt you. I pushed you away. Grant forgave me for that. Why do you get to hold onto the grudge when it has nothing to do with you?”

  “Because it does,” Kyle says seriously. He looks me in the eye. “Grant is one of my best friends. He’s been there for me when n
o one else was. I can’t forgive you for hurting him like this, not until you make it right.”

  It takes me a moment to realize what he’s saying. When his words penetrate the fog around my mind, I sit up straight.

  “Make it right?” I repeat.

  “Yeah,” Kyle says gruffly, and Allison draws back, blinking. “I don’t know how or even if you can. But I won’t fucking forgive you if you don’t even try.”

  Allison…your guy is one in a million, I can’t help but think, staring at Kyle. He hadn’t said all that to be deliberately cruel. This entire time, he’s been goading me into doing something about this situation before it’s too late.

  “You’re going to do some serious groveling,” Kyle says, looking embarrassed at the way the three of us are staring at him. “And I’m not helping you this time. You’re on your own.”

  “Right,” I say.

  I feel a little dizzy. The sudden sensation of not feeling so depressed anymore is strangely odd. I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “Not alone,” Allison says stoutly.

  “If you need any help, just ask,” Georgia says to me kindly. “My friend, Ethan, went through something like this, and he probably felt some of the same things Grant felt. But, the difference here is that you’re trying. So I’ll help you.”

  A tear slips down my cheek.

  “Thanks,” I say, and I glance at Kyle. “All of you. I don’t know…but I’m going to do something about this. I just want Grant to be happy. I’ll figure out how to make that happen, I promise.”

  “Good enough,” Kyle huffs, looking away.

  “Big, scary teddy bear,” Allison teases.

  Laughter bubbles up in me as I watch Kyle try to shoo Allison away grumpily. Suddenly, I feel very light. There’s the smallest spark of hope in me too. I don’t know what’s going to happen next.