Speak in Winter Code

by S. M. Harding

  I wanted to ask why, but I could hear her fraying. “Give me details. Make and model of car, license plate if you know it. Their route.”

  “They took the truck, but I can’t remember the make or model. They were coming home from visiting family, but I can’t remember the name of the town. Something Crossing. I should’ve written it down, but I’m trying not to cling.”

  When I’d come home, I’d pushed everyone away. Sat in my hell alone so it was hard for me to understand clinging. Yet I got it. “I’ll call Sarah—”

  “No! She’ll think I’m a crazy woman. I can’t have her think that, Win. Please!”

  “There’s nothing I can do but call. At this point, I can’t even get down the drive. No problem, it’s good to report them overdue. Call me when they get home.”

  I didn’t call Sarah when I hung up, I called Emily. “Laura sounds like she’s experiencing a meltdown. There’s no way you can drive, but I thought a phone call might help.” I explained the situation.

  “She called you and not Sarah?”

  “Yeah. Afraid she’d think less of her.”

  I could hear Emily’s sigh. “Got it.”

  Sarah picked up on the second ring. “You all right?”

  “Des and I are enjoying the fireplace, watching the snow come down outside.” I briefed her about Laura. I didn’t mention the possible threatening letters because I hadn’t assessed the threat myself. “They may have run into trouble.”

  “Dory’s here and I’ll have her run their truck. She probably knows the family they were visiting and can call to see if the Brownes have left.” Her chair squeaked. “You guys really okay?”

  “Wish you were here.” I sighed. I knew better than to ask her when she’d be home. When the storm was over and the damage under control. “Try and get some sleep, Sarah.”

  “When the snow’s stopped, Win. When the storm’s over.”

  * * *

  Before the storm I’d put the plow on my truck, backed into the garage. What I hadn’t figured on was the fierce winds. The biggest drift was smack-dab in front of the garage doors. I’d waited for a lull to shovel a path to the garage, but it never came. It kept coming the whole weekend. I’d begun digging out Monday morning. It took me until lunchtime to get the doors open and pull the truck out. It took the early afternoon to plow out the clearing and the drive. Then to begin on the county road the drive spilled onto.

  Des had done her best gazelle imitation for the first half hour we were out, then started following the cleared path. Then asked to go inside. “Slacker,” I’d said. She woofed at me as much to say, “So get me a shovel.” When I’d gone in at lunchtime, a walking icicle, she was sound asleep in front of the embers in the fireplace.

  Monday night, Micah called. “We been goin’ full out, Win. Reckon Sarah be home sometime tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Everybody okay? You hear anything about the Brownes?”

  “They’re out there somewhere. We just don’t know where.”

  “Anything I can do?”

  “Stay off the roads, Win. We got Roads plowin’ the Brownes’ route from her sister’s house.”

  Tuesday morning, CELI called and canceled classes for the week. Good. More time with Sarah if she ever got home.

  She didn’t make it until late that afternoon, exhausted and wired. “Too much coffee, Win. The whole county’s a mess, Roads started too late and half the roads haven’t been touched. They can’t even get through some of the drifts.”

  “How’d you make it home?”

  She’d leaned against me. “Thanks for plowing. I was thinking about getting out and hoofing it when I hit the section you did.”

  I wrapped my arms around her. “Go take a shower and then I’ll give you a massage. You need sleep.”

  “I’ve got to go in tomorrow,” she said.

  “Sarah—”

  “I’ve got to, we’re shorthanded because so many of our deputies can’t get in. Hell! They can’t even get out of their homes or down a road that’ll take them somewhere. This is worse than the last time. Those assholes at Roads didn’t even start until the storm passed.”

  I could feel her shudder. Anger and fatigue were a potent combination. I turned her around and gave her a gentle push. “Shower.”

  I think she fell asleep about five minutes into the massage.

  Chapter Three

  Sarah

  I’d slept so deeply, I don’t think I moved a muscle all night. I awoke with the sun already up and the smell of coffee twitching my nose. The sound of the shower quit and in moments Win appeared in her robe, toweling her hair.

  “Morning.” She leaned over and kissed me. “Your chief deputy called and said to tell you not to rush in. More of your deputies have managed to dig themselves out.”

  “Alleluia and thank the heavens for Caleb.” I glanced at the clock, then grabbed the tie of her robe and pulled her to me. “I don’t want to get out of bed yet.”

  “Is that an invitation to join you?”

  “You better believe it.”

  Coffee and breakfast came later. I was downing the second cup when Win asked about the Brownes. “No word yet. They may not have followed the route we thought. But honestly, it doesn’t look good. It’s been four days, almost five. How’s Laura?”

  “Not good. I thought I’d try to get through to her today, plow the driveway so she can get out if she needs to.”

  “If the Brownes don’t come home, what happens to Laura?” I asked. “She’s not finished with Emily yet, is she?”

  “Don’t know. I don’t talk to Emily about other clients. Rules.” She swirled the coffee left in her mug as if it was a breaking news story. “They’ve been getting crap letters too.”

  “Barry and Linda?”

  “Yeah and Laura said it was about her. If I make it to her place, you want me to pick up the letters?”

  “Take a pair of gloves, an evidence bag and have Laura sign off. She give you any idea what the threats were about? Because they were harboring a lesbian?”

  “No idea. Is that what’s behind the letters you’ve been getting?”

  “How’d you—oh, Dad. There doesn’t appear any specific one reason, the venom touches all areas of my life. ‘Die, bitch, die’ seems to be a general theme.”

  Win walked around the island, put her arms around me. “Please be careful. Bahar and Dorri need two parents to show them how to love.”

  I leaned into her. “They’ll have two. Until the writer, well, paster of those letters gets careless, we don’t have a good way to track him down.”

  “He? Did you find fingerprints?”

  “No. No DNA on the envelope flap either.”

  Win moved to my side, examined my face. “How do you know it’s a male?”

  “Sounds like a jerk-off. Emily agrees.”

  “You talked to my therapist about this and didn’t bother to mention any of it?” Win didn’t expect an answer. She stalked away. “Don’t you ever do this again, Sarah. We’re partners. For life. If you ever hold back on something like this again…”

  Win smacked the counter. She turned away.

  I walked to her, put my arms around her. “You’ll do what?”

  “Don’t mess around, Sarah. I’m serious about this.”

  “I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “That’s my job in life,” Win said, turning to me. “To worry about you. Yours is to worry about me. I don’t hold back. You can’t either or this won’t work.”

  A hundred excuses ran through my mind. But Win was right, we couldn’t afford to be less than fully honest with one another, not if we wanted to walk the long path together. “You’re right. I promise, no more trying to protect you from bad news.”

  She scanned my face. “I’ll hold you to that, Sarah. I want to see those letters. Bring them home tonight.”

  * * *

  I’d no more reached my desk when Mike Bryer, Fatal Accident Crash Team head, tapped on my door. In my mind,
he was a harbinger of death.

  “I’m on my way out to the Browne truck. It was spotted in a ditch off SR Fifty-Four.”

  “Any sign of life?”

  “Not from what I heard. Don’t know how much crash reconstruction we can do with all the snow.”

  I got the exact location. “I’ll follow you shortly. Give it your best shot because apparently they’d been receiving threats.”

  His eyebrows rose and he gave a sharp nod.

  I called Win and asked if she’d contact Emily. “If Laura was unraveling before…”

  “I’ll get right on it,” Win said. “I guess the first thing we have to do is find another family for Laura. She won’t be able to stay there, not alone.”

  “Ask her to stay with us, at least until Em can find her another place.”

  “Really not a good idea. I’m not saying a flat no. We’ll see, okay? I’m on the way over now.”

  She disconnected. Damn. I knew Win was worried about Laura’s “crush” on me, which I hadn’t really seen. But being thrown into a gay life in middle age, I was oblivious to a lot of things. As long as I didn’t return the feelings or encourage her in any way, I thought it would pass on its own.

  I tried Em’s number but it was busy, so I grabbed my parka and followed Mike out to the accident scene.

  I pulled into a space behind his cruiser. I could see him working his way down to the car. As he cleared the snow from the driver’s side window, he looked up at me and shook his head.

  I tried Em again and this time got through. “I’m on the scene of the Browne crash—”

  “Did they survive?” Em asked.

  I stood on the berm, surveying the scene. With the flat, straight section of road through snow-covered fields, it was hard to see why the crash occurred. Winds had been strong that day, but steady, not gusty. Patch of ice? An animal that had wandered onto the road? Perhaps they just lost sight of the road in the blizzard conditions.

  “No, though I don’t really know cause of death. Anyway, I was thinking Laura’s going to need a place to stay—”

  “I’m working on it,” Em said. “But I agree with Win—your place is at the very bottom of my list. So is your dad’s. Until she’s healthier, she doesn’t need to be in proximity to you or your old room. Trust me on this, Sarah.”

  “Uh, okay.” Emily’s words sounded like a warning. “If it turns out to be something more sinister than just running off the road in a blizzard, I may have to question her as a witness.”

  “Let Caleb or one of the detectives do it.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” She disconnected.

  I sighed. I didn’t want to get in Mike’s way, but some preliminary word would be good.

  He kept moving around the vehicle, wiping off snow with a soft broom until the driver’s side was clear. Then he moved to the other side, again brushing off snow. He stopped by the front wheel, bent over for a minute then reappeared. “This could be the reason, a flat tire,” he yelled. “If it blew with snow on the road…I’m going to call Bernie, get this out of the ditch and these poor folk to the ME. Okay?”

  I nodded. “You have any idea of cause of death for them?”

  “That’s Doc Webster’s job.”

  “Come on Mike, give me something.”

  “Looks like they didn’t have seat belts on. Either bled out or froze to death.”

  I nodded, climbed back in my car and called Win.

  Chapter Four

  Win

  I thought Major Laura Wilkins appeared all angles, sharp and piercing. Fragile too. Bony elbows and knees as she grabbed a piece of the pizza I’d brought. Dark rings under her eyes, her cheekbones sharply modeled. I sat on the floor across a coffee table from her. I’d gotten napkins from the kitchen and handed her one before I took a piece.

  “Thanks for the food,” she said, wiping her mouth. “I’m not much of a cook. Been slim pickings around here. Linda cooks. Not one frozen dinner I can pop in the microwave.”

  If Linda Browne had been like most people in the county, she’d cooked stews and soups in the winter and put extra in the freezer. I didn’t think Laura had looked or maybe the idea of fixing a meal was too much for her. She was running on pure nervous energy.

  I ate a piece and then excused myself. Her concentration was on the pizza, not me. I walked toward my truck and hit the speed-dial for Emily.

  “She’s not doing good,” I said. “I can’t leave her here.”

  “Crap. The people I’ve contacted aren’t plowed out. I’ve got no solution for you, Win.”

  It was my turn to cuss and I did. “I don’t think she’s been eating or sleeping. She looks like shit. Smells just about as bad.”

  Emily expelled a long breath.

  “Besides, she’s been threatened along with the Brownes. She shouldn’t be here alone. I’d stay, but I don’t have a weapon.”

  “Can this get any more screwed up? I was thinking about having her admitted to Roudebush, but there’s no transport.”

  “The VA hospital in Indy? That would be a damn fine solution, Emily. I could take her—”

  “Interstate’s closed, Win.”

  “Back roads?”

  “Worse north than here.” Emily cleared her throat. “I realize you’re concerned with her physical safety, but her mental safety is my responsibility. She can’t stay by herself. You’re going to have to take her to your home because we’re not near to digging out right now.”

  Last thing I wanted to hear. “Fuck.”

  “Don’t let her alone with Sarah. She’ll let the fantasy build, Win. She can’t help it right now and she might initiate some…intimacy with Sarah. I’ll keep working on finding her another place. Hopefully this will only be today. Okay?”

  “I don’t have an option, do I?”

  “No. But you have one advantage—you’ve experienced this yourself, so you have a clue what’s happening with her.”

  “I wasn’t captured or tortured. Bird of a different stripe, Emily.”

  I clicked off. Walked back into the house. The rest of the pizza was gone and Laura sat on the couch with her head back. “I’ll help you pack your stuff. You’re coming with me.”

  * * *

  Laura dozed on the way home. Maybe if we could get her in better physical condition, her emotional life would stabilize. Dream on, Win. Laura hadn’t begun to find her demons, much less face them. She’d been a confident woman when she’d accompanied me home from Tucson.

  At least appeared that way. Were the cracks in her foundation already there?

  I backed into the space in front of the garage. “Laura, we’re here.”

  She opened her eyes wide. I could see the fear. She looked around, saw the house. I got out of the truck with her bag and unlocked my front door. Des swarmed me, then noticed Laura. Sniffed. Sneezed. She went about her business without greeting Laura, though she knew her from a previous visit.

  Laura followed me in and to the guest bedroom. I tossed her bag on the bed. “How about you take a shower? Get some clean clothes on? I’ll fix dinner in a bit.”

  She nodded but didn’t move. “You don’t want me here, do you?”

  “Not particularly, Laura. We’d planned to get this room ready for the kids—”

  “Kids? Sarah’s pregnant? With twins?”

  I glanced at Laura. Didn’t like what I saw. Avid interest and no judgment.

  “Adoption.”

  “Oh.” She walked to the bed, unzipped her bag. “Sarah would be so lovely pregnant.”

  I sighed and went into the kitchen. I kept an ear out for the shower. Relaxed a bit when I heard it. I called Sarah.

  “We’ve got company.”

  “Laura? How come?” Sarah asked.

  “No other option. Do you think you could come home late?”

  “Hell, I was just getting ready to leave. But there’s always paperwork. How late is late?”

  “I’m going to feed her some carbs, so she shoul
d succumb to sleep in an hour. Hour and a half?”

  “Yeah, okay. I’m beginning to wonder what we did to call down disasters upon us.” She disconnected.

  I started the water for pasta, let Des in. She had a big question mark on her face. “Easy, soldier. Laura’s just frazzled.”

  Des snorted and looked at her food bowl, always clear on her priorities.

  I heard the shower stop. Took some sauce from the freezer, dumped it into a pan. I kept waiting for her to appear in the kitchen, clean. Revived a bit. When she didn’t, I went looking for her. She wasn’t in the bathroom, not in her room. I glanced into our bedroom. Laura lay on the bed, arms wrapped around Sarah’s pillow. Fuck it all. Time for a dose of reality.

  “This isn’t your bed, Laura. It’s Sarah’s and mine. Our bedroom is not where you belong.”

  “You’re just jealous,” Laura said as she sat up. “You know Sarah and I have a special bond. You must hate me for that.”

  What the hell could I say? She was too deep in her fantasy. “No, I don’t hate you. Until you face your pain, you’re going to stay in this haze. Nothing in your life will have solidity. I know. I’ve been there.”

  I motioned her out. Herded her into the kitchen and fed her dinner.

  By the time Sarah got home, Laura was in her own bed. Asleep.

  Chapter Five

  Sarah

  “What are we going to do?” I asked. “We can’t have her staying here, Win. Getting in our bed is downright creepy.”

  “She doesn’t mean it that way,” Win said, rubbing my shoulder. “I don’t know if I can explain it to you. When I was recovering in Germany, the one thing I didn’t want to think about was the IED. Looking back, I doubt if I could’ve survived had I kept replaying that explosion. I was in so much physical pain. As I healed, my need for a fantasy relationship with my doctor lessened. But Sarah, that whole time, I knew it was a fantasy. It just gave me someplace else to go to get away. Emily helped me realize my sex life those years was the way I failed to deal with what I was feeling. This fantasy with my surgeon was the same thing—only I never allowed it to become physical.”