Sarah walked in and sat down. I scooched over, took her hand.
“I’m glad you got some solid sleep. You’ve been tossing around a lot at night.”
“Have I kept you awake? Is that why you’re so draggy?”
“Draggy, eh.” She leaned down and kissed me. “You invited Em for dinner and then let me cook after a full day of work, with a bum wrist, while you take a nap.”
“I love you.” I pulled her into a long kiss. “I’m really scared, Sarah. This whole op could go horribly wrong.”
“Em told me a little bit of what you said, she didn’t spill the beans or anything. But a sniper position might be a good place for you. When it goes down.”
“I’ve been racking my brains, trying to think of another way to nail them. Before they put their plan into action. If there’s enough evidence, conspiracy should be enough to put them away.”
Sarah smiled, touched my cheek like a feather. “Conspiracy is one of the charges we’ll file when we get them. They’ll go away for life with no opportunity for parole.”
“Is it worth it?” I took both of her hands in mine. “Putting them away for good? With your life in the balance? Your deputies’ lives?”
She looked me in the eye. “Yes.”
“Shit.”
“I can’t live with this festering in my county, Win. No matter how tempting it is to nip it in the bud, if these guys get out of jail in five years, it’ll be much worse. They’d have five years of tutoring by other felons.” She squeezed my hands. “Besides, arresting them before they strike would show our hand, just how much intel we’ve collected and our sources, including Nolan. We need to protect him too.”
“I know. But I need to protect you, Sarah.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Sarah
Tension ratcheted up over the next week, both at work and at home. Everybody at the station was jumpy and when Vincente dropped some boxes on his way down the stairs, every weapon was drawn. He apologized profusely, then dropped them again when he tried to set them on a desk in the bullpen.
Win was having nightmares and neither one of us was sleeping soundly. One good thing happened. When I went to the Ford dealer to talk about a new truck, he gave me a loaner until the insurance money came through. That gift allowed Win to get into town twice for sessions with Em. We were each due back at the hospital for follow-up treatment and hopefully lighter casts. Win complained periodically about the weight of hers. “I don’t know why the hell they had to put this thing on. They’re still in the damn dark ages.” Then she’d thump down the hall on her crutches.
I agreed. My left arm was getting downright muscular. Besides, I was scared I’d strike out at a dream opponent and do real damage to Win. Even Des picked up on how stressed Win was and followed her around the house constantly. So far, they’d avoided getting tangled up.
Win had updates from Nolan every two or three days. It looked as if D-Day would be next week, when Win was supposed to be back in Bloomington teaching. She couldn’t take more time off, but I wondered what the distance and the worry would do to her. I didn’t think I’d seen her so fragile since she’d come back into my life.
“Can you relax?” I asked.
“When this is done.”
“Win—”
“I can’t stop now. I know. It’s not healthy. Emily’s made that perfectly clear.”
“Then—”
“Not open to negotiation, Sarah. Let me be on high alert now. When it’s over, we’ll go down to West Baden for a week. Soak in the hot springs. My treat.”
If we made it that far. I couldn’t go much longer like this and neither could Win. The strain affected every part of our life together, even at home, even in bed.
I pulled into the hospital parking lot and dropped Win off at the door. By the time I got inside, Win was already closeted with the orthopedic surgeon. I would’ve twiddled my thumbs, but the damn cast made it too hard. While I waited, I went over our plan. Bill had come through with a steel grate he had welded over the back door, as well as steel plating to protect the lower portion of the complaint desk and dispatch. He’d install the bulletproof glass above both the night before the attack, assuming we’d have that much advance notice. The bug in Dog’s was only feeding us information that we already had. Our best source, hands down, was Nolan, Win’s friend who was putting his life on the line for us.
The door opened and Win maneuvered her way out with a grin on her face. “New lighter cast. Yes! Your turn. Good luck.”
The surgeon waved me in and had me sit on the exam table. He had the radiographer x-ray my wrist. “Great new digital system,” he said. “No waiting.” He moved the unit aside. Took my hand and examined the cast. “You’ve been boxing? Or doing martial arts?”
“What?”
“This is so banged up.” A machine beeped and he went over to it, then stuck the film on a light board. “Hmm.”
“Please tell me you’re taking this damn thing off because it’s making me crazy.”
“We’ll take it off so we can put a new one on,” he said as he gently turned my hand over. “Your wrist is healing, but you need to protect it more. Looking at this cast, you’re not very good at it. Hence, a new one, just like this one.” He smiled. “Sorry. But if you want it to heal properly, that’s what we have to do.”
I said “damn him” to myself. I could’ve whacked him with it.
With my new cast, seemingly heavier than the last one, I saw Win in the waiting area.
She looked at my cast, raised her eyes to mine and lifted one eyebrow. “Chic.”
“That’s what I was going to say about yours. Bright blue? Really?”
“I asked for black,” she said with a crooked smile. “I had my choice of Kelly green, neon pink or this. At least it doesn’t weigh a ton.” She rose, stuck the crutches under her arms. “Do we have to go back to the station? Or can we go home?”
“I’m ready for home with a fire in the fireplace and you by my side. Let’s try to relax and not think about anything.”
“Yeah, right.”
* * *
I woke up to water gurgling in the downspout and dripping from the trees outside. I figured our February thaw had arrived at last. I slipped out of bed and stood for several silent minutes just looking at Win. Her face was so relaxed and reminded me of the kid I’d met in first grade. How long ago that seemed, yet the memory was still so sharp. Even though she’d tried, she’d remained on high alert last night. Her lovemaking hadn’t been the thorough sensual enjoyment she normally showed.
I put on a robe and new shearling clogs and after the coffee started brewing, turned on TV. Instead of coming down from Canada, the weather was moving from the southwest and warm temperatures were slated for the next week. Damn. That meant flooding which would keep my deputies fully occupied as the winter’s snow melted. We were stretched thin enough with regular patrols. Search and rescue missions, a certainty with flooding, would pull deputies away from their patrols and away from the station. I turned off the TV.
I built a fire, just to have some brightness in the gray dawn. As I sat on the couch, my hands wrapped around the mug, I couldn’t decide what I was most worried about, the coming assault or Win. Time had taken such a big chunk of our lives before we got together, I couldn’t stand the thought of…no, I couldn’t go there.
Win was to be our lead sniper, stationed on the highest building on the square, the old Masonic Lodge. Leslie would be her backup on the roof. I’d thought about stationing two deputies by the stairs, but we just didn’t have enough people. My main concern was how Win was going to work her way up all those flights of stairs.
I heard Win in the hall, the thumps mostly squeaks as she maneuvered into the bathroom. I got up, poured her a mug and myself a refill, all the while waiting for the clatter of crutches on the floor. Worry much, Sarah?
I heard her coming down the hall and met her at the couch. “I thought you might sleep in today.”
&
nbsp; “I awoke wifeless, though the bed was still warm on your side. Did I wake you? Was I dreaming?”
“Yes and yes. All night. What are the dreams about?”
“Don’t remember. How can I change the dream if I don’t realize I’m dreaming?” Win blew on her coffee and took a sip. “We finally got a Skype account set up with CELI. I won’t have to go into campus until I’m off crutches. Got an email yesterday. Forgot to tell you.”
“Wow. I didn’t even know you were working on it.”
She watched me with a question in her eyes. “Yes, you did. I told you when I first thought of it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. You’ve got too much on your mind to retain trivia.” Win sat back, let out a long breath. “I wish to hell they’d speed up their schedule.”
“CELI?”
“The Rangers, or whatever the nitwits are calling themselves. It’s the waiting that’s the hard part, always the waiting.”
I nodded. Normally, waiting meant judges issuing warrants or for forensics to finish. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to waiting for battle. “The snow’s melting and I’m worried.”
“About flooding?”
“Temps in the fifties and low sixties for the next seven days.”
She took a deep breath. “How thin will that stretch your force?”
“Depends on how many idiots try and stay put at home too long.”
Win leaned her head back and cradled her mug. “We need to do a sweep for explosive devices that morning. I’d use a diversion before I sent the force in.”
“Enough! Can’t we just take this time together and be together?”
Win turned to look at me. “I thought we did that last night.”
“Your mind was working on countermeasures or some other stuff the whole time.”
Win got up and put another log on the fire. “This is the time in an op when I do nothing but review the plan. Look for weaknesses. Make contingency plans. I’m not used to taking a break.”
“Can you let it go for now?”
She leaned against the mantel, looking bruised and bushed. “I can try. I can’t promise the result you want, Sarah.” She pushed off the mantel and reached for her crutches. “You know what I was thinking about last night? When we were making love? What your chances of survival were if you were hit in the particular part of your body I was touching.” She took a step forward. “I know you thought I was distracted. It’s just…I love you so much.”
Chapter Fifty
Win and Sarah
Win
After Sarah called in to the station, we went back to bed. “Can we just touch?” I asked. “No goals. Just be here with one another?”
“You’re asking a lot,” she said. “You’re supposed to be concentrating on me, remember? On my body and my desires and—”
“I want you in my arms, Sarah. Just here. Real.” I touched her shoulder, ran my hand down her arm. “You’ve changed my life. I want to hold on to that change, just for a while when I can see where I’ve been, where I am now—before the next cycle of change that’s inevitable.”
Sarah moved to lay her head on my shoulder. I inhaled her scent and wrapped my arms around her. “It’s not that I don’t want you. I do. But right now, I need to know you’re safe.”
“When the attack goes down, we’ll be separated,” Sarah said after a long silence. “Can you handle that?”
“I’ll have to.” I ran my hand through her hair, kissed the spot below her ear. “I’ll be on the com line. I’ll have an idea of what’s happening.”
“You’ll hear shots and shouts.”
“Don’t Sarah. Please. If you want me to awaken my desire, just shut up. I need to feel you in my arms so I can let go of the fear. Because that’s all I feel most of the time since this started. I’m terrified this could be the last time we make love. Ever.”
Sarah
Win spoke the words that took my breath away and stopped my heart. It was the thought I’d pushed away so many times. Especially since I saw her covered in blood and so still in the wreck.
“We can’t think like that,” I said. “We can’t live like that.”
“How can we not?” She tightened her embrace. “I’m okay with you going to work. It isn’t you being a cop. This is so different, Sarah. This is a military raid orchestrated by fanatics.”
I could hear her heart thumping, steady but way fast. “We’ve had advance notice and we’ve planned.”
“Take it from a planner, anything can go wrong. Everything. Too many variables, too much unknown.”
“My people will execute. They’ll do what they have to do.”
“It’s not your deputies that give me nightmares.”
I didn’t want to push, but maybe Win remembered more than she thought. “Is that what the nightmares are about? Things going wrong?”
“I really don’t remember them. I’m just assuming. The same thing happened every time I planned an op, nightmares. Then in the morning, something I’d overlooked popped into my mind.”
“Anything pop now?”
“No.”
I started to move my left hand to her face and ended up whacking her head with my cast.
“Get that weapon out of here,” she said. “Roll over and we can spoon.”
Win
Sarah shifted to her side and I held her close to me. Skin on skin. What could be more truthful? Real? Loving.
Had anything popped up from my subconscious? Diversion by explosives. Des and I could walk the square right before dawn, then the camera operators could pick up surveillance.
“You want to keep Des with you that day?” I asked.
“I thought we’re supposed to be in a timeout. You’re confusing me.”
“Sorry. It just slipped out.” I felt her ribs as she sighed.
“What did Em tell you to do? To let go of all the planning? Of what’s coming?”
“Think about our photos.”
Sarah turned to me. “When did she see them?”
“She went in to get a pillow for my head.” I felt her tighten up. “Look at them, Sarah. They’re beautiful.”
“If I wanted everyone in the county to know what I looked like without clothes, I’d put my badge on my boob and go to work.”
I kissed her neck. Whispered in her ear, “That’d be a unique way of collaring felons.”
She pulled me into a deep embrace. “I’m tired of dealing with felons. I’d much rather collar you.”
“I surrendered to you a long time ago. Remember?” I kissed her. Felt her breathing become more rapid. I willed thoughts of war and carnage out of my mind, thought about the woman in my arms. For the next hour, Sarah was going to be the only reality I knew.
Chapter Fifty-One
Win
“I think I was right,” Sarah said with a smile. She took another bite of her lamb sandwich. “We needed a timeout. I haven’t felt so…rested in ages. Not since this started.”
“That’s because you fell asleep immediately after, Sarah.” I picked up the sandwich, then put it down. “Do you realize all the food memories I have from growing up are from your mother? I don’t think I’d ever had lamb before your house.”
“I remember she fixed you a lamb sandwich one noontime and when she realized she’d fixed it without asking what you’d liked, she was flummoxed.”
“She asked what I wanted on it. I didn’t have a clue. You said to try it that way first. I did. Still eating it the same way.”
“Didn’t your mother ever cook?”
I put the sandwich down. “Cook? No. We had TV dinners. Oh, and hot dogs.”
“Did you eat together?”
I shook my head. “We never knew when Dad would be home from work. So when we got hungry, we’d heat something up and eat it wherever we wanted. Mom didn’t care.”
She looked down.
I knew what she was thinking—cold house to grow up in. No walking in the back door and smelling the lusci
ous scents of something good in the oven. Just Pine-Sol. Older brothers who were ready to pounce on me as soon as I walked in. No wonder I spent so much time at Sarah’s house. No wonder I’d relished my life in military intelligence. Avoiding direct confrontation with the enemy or my brothers was one whole cloth.
“This is the home I never had. Warmth, good food, shared chores. So much that I missed growing up.”
“How about a warm bed?”
I laughed. “I wasn’t thinking about that when I was little. You are at the heart of my life, Sarah, then and now. Kind of a miracle, isn’t it?”
“Fate, maybe.” She reached across the table and took my hand in hers. “Whatever the cause, I’m eternally grateful. I’ve watched friends walk in here and their eyes light up because they feel the warmth and the love.”
I felt pride in the physical structure I’d built. But I also was proud of what Sarah and I had built together, would continue building—if nothing happened to Sarah.
She must’ve noticed the dark cloud that passed over my face, squeezed my hand. “We’ll be here together until we’re old women, sitting in our rocking chairs on the porch in good weather.”
“Emily taught me to examine what I was feeling. But sometimes, she said, I just needed to stop thinking. This is one of those times, Sarah. You were right.”
“Then eat up and we can go back to bed.” She waggled her eyebrows and laughed.
I shook my head. “I promise I will shove away every negative thought that comes through my mind. Tonight. In the morning, I get back to planning, making adjustments, trying to anticipate their actions. I really hope Nolan gets hold of me soon. I need his input.”
“Tomorrow, Win.”
* * *
Sarah was in the shower, Des outside. All was right in my world, especially after last night. I checked my phone while the coffee brewed. Three texts from Nolan. The last indicated he wanted a meeting. After such a short respite, back to worrying, to fear.
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