The Idiot

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

you think you may have dropped it out of yourpocket whilst intoxicated?”

  “Certainly. Anything is possible when one is intoxicated, as you neatlyexpress it, prince. But consider--if I, intoxicated or not, dropped anobject out of my pocket on to the ground, that object ought to remain onthe ground. Where is the object, then?”

  “Didn’t you put it away in some drawer, perhaps?”

  “I’ve looked everywhere, and turned out everything.”

  “I confess this disturbs me a good deal. Someone must have picked it up,then.”

  “Or taken it out of my pocket--two alternatives.”

  “It is very distressing, because _who_--? That’s the question!”

  “Most undoubtedly, excellent prince, you have hit it--that is the veryquestion. How wonderfully you express the exact situation in a fewwords!”

  “Come, come, Lebedeff, no sarcasm! It’s a serious--”

  “Sarcasm!” cried Lebedeff, wringing his hands. “All right, all right,I’m not angry. I’m only put out about this. Whom do you suspect?”

  “That is a very difficult and complicated question. I cannot suspect theservant, for she was in the kitchen the whole evening, nor do I suspectany of my children.”

  “I should think not. Go on.”

  “Then it must be one of the guests.”

  “Is such a thing possible?”

  “Absolutely and utterly impossible--and yet, so it must be. But onething I am sure of, if it be a theft, it was committed, not in theevening when we were all together, but either at night or early in themorning; therefore, by one of those who slept here. Burdovsky and ColiaI except, of course. They did not even come into my room.”

  “Yes, or even if they had! But who did sleep with you?”

  “Four of us, including myself, in two rooms. The general, myself,Keller, and Ferdishenko. One of us four it must have been. I don’tsuspect myself, though such cases have been known.”

  “Oh! _do_ go on, Lebedeff! Don’t drag it out so.”

  “Well, there are three left, then--Keller firstly. He is a drunkardto begin with, and a liberal (in the sense of other people’s pockets),otherwise with more of the ancient knight about him than of the modernliberal. He was with the sick man at first, but came over afterwardsbecause there was no place to lie down in the room and the floor was sohard.”

  “You suspect him?”

  “I _did_ suspect him. When I woke up at half-past seven and tore my hairin despair for my loss and carelessness, I awoke the general, who wassleeping the sleep of innocence near me. Taking into consideration thesudden disappearance of Ferdishenko, which was suspicious in itself, wedecided to search Keller, who was lying there sleeping like a top. Well,we searched his clothes thoroughly, and not a farthing did we find; infact, his pockets all had holes in them. We found a dirty handkerchief,and a love-letter from some scullery-maid. The general decided that hewas innocent. We awoke him for further inquiries, and had the greatestdifficulty in making him understand what was up. He opened his mouth andstared--he looked so stupid and so absurdly innocent. It wasn’t Keller.”

  “Oh, I’m so glad!” said the prince, joyfully. “I was so afraid.”

  “Afraid! Then you had some grounds for supposing he might be theculprit?” said Lebedeff, frowning.

  “Oh no--not a bit! It was foolish of me to say I was afraid! Don’trepeat it please, Lebedeff, don’t tell anyone I said that!”

  “My dear prince! your words lie in the lowest depth of my heart--it istheir tomb!” said Lebedeff, solemnly, pressing his hat to the region ofhis heart.

  “Thanks; very well. Then I suppose it’s Ferdishenko; that is, I mean,you suspect Ferdishenko?”

  “Whom else?” said Lebedeff, softly, gazing intently into the prince sface.

  “Of course--quite so, whom else? But what are the proofs?”

  “We have evidence. In the first place, his mysterious disappearance atseven o’clock, or even earlier.”

  “I know, Colia told me that he had said he was off to--I forget thename, some friend of his, to finish the night.”

  “H’m! then Colia has spoken to you already?”

  “Not about the theft.”

  “He does not know of it; I have kept it a secret. Very well, Ferdishenkowent off to Wilkin’s. That is not so curious in itself, but here theevidence opens out further. He left his address, you see, when he went.Now prince, consider, why did he leave his address? Why do you supposehe went out of his way to tell Colia that he had gone to Wilkin’s? Whocared to know that he was going to Wilkin’s? No, no! prince, this isfinesse, thieves’ finesse! This is as good as saying, ‘There, how can Ibe a thief when I leave my address? I’m not concealing my movements as athief would.’ Do you understand, prince?”

  “Oh yes, but that is not enough.”

  “Second proof. The scent turns out to be false, and the address givenis a sham. An hour after--that is at about eight, I went to Wilkin’smyself, and there was no trace of Ferdishenko. The maid did tell me,certainly, that an hour or so since someone had been hammering at thedoor, and had smashed the bell; she said she would not open the doorbecause she didn’t want to wake her master; probably she was too lazy toget up herself. Such phenomena are met with occasionally!”

  “But is that all your evidence? It is not enough!”

  “Well, prince, whom are we to suspect, then? Consider!” said Lebedeffwith almost servile amiability, smiling at the prince. There was a lookof cunning in his eyes, however.

  “You should search your room and all the cupboards again,” said theprince, after a moment or two of silent reflection.

  “But I have done so, my dear prince!” said Lebedeff, more sweetly thanever.

  “H’m! why must you needs go up and change your coat like that?” askedthe prince, banging the table with his fist, in annoyance.

  “Oh, don’t be so worried on my account, prince! I assure you I am notworth it! At least, not I alone. But I see you are suffering on behalfof the criminal too, for wretched Ferdishenko, in fact!”

  “Of course you have given me a disagreeable enough thing to thinkabout,” said the prince, irritably, “but what are you going to do, sinceyou are so sure it was Ferdishenko?”

  “But who else _could_ it be, my very dear prince?” repeated Lebedeff, assweet as sugar again. “If you don’t wish me to suspect Mr. Burdovsky?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Nor the general? Ha, ha, ha!”

  “Nonsense!” said the prince, angrily, turning round upon him.

  “Quite so, nonsense! Ha, ha, ha! dear me! He did amuse me, did thegeneral! We went off on the hot scent to Wilkin’s together, you know;but I must first observe that the general was even more thunderstruckthan I myself this morning, when I awoke him after discovering thetheft; so much so that his very face changed--he grew red and then pale,and at length flew into a paroxysm of such noble wrath that I assure youI was quite surprised! He is a most generous-hearted man! He tells liesby the thousands, I know, but it is merely a weakness; he is a man ofthe highest feelings; a simple-minded man too, and a man who carries theconviction of innocence in his very appearance. I love that man, sir; Imay have told you so before; it is a weakness of mine. Well--he suddenlystopped in the middle of the road, opened out his coat and bared hisbreast. ‘Search me,’ he says, ‘you searched Keller; why don’t you searchme too? It is only fair!’ says he. And all the while his legs and handswere trembling with anger, and he as white as a sheet all over! So Isaid to him, ‘Nonsense, general; if anybody but yourself had said thatto me, I’d have taken my head, my own head, and put it on a large dishand carried it round to anyone who suspected you; and I should havesaid: “There, you see that head? It’s my head, and I’ll go bail withthat head for him! Yes, and walk through the fire for him, too.” There,’says I, ‘that’s how I’d answer for you, general!’ Then he embraced me,in the middle of the street, and hugged me so tight (crying over me allthe while) that I coughed fit to choke! ‘You are the one friend left tome
amid all my misfortunes,’ says he. Oh, he’s a man of sentiment, that!He went on to tell me a story of how he had been accused, or suspected,of stealing five hundred thousand roubles once, as a young man; and how,the very next day, he had rushed into a burning, blazing house and savedthe very count who suspected him, and Nina Alexandrovna (who was thena young girl), from a fiery death. The count embraced him, and that washow he came to marry Nina Alexandrovna, he said. As for the money, itwas found among the ruins next day in an English iron box with a secretlock; it had got under the floor somehow, and if it had not been for thefire it would never have been found! The whole thing is, of course, anabsolute fabrication, though when he spoke of Nina Alexandrovna he wept!She’s a grand woman, is Nina Alexandrovna, though she is very angry withme!”

  “Are you acquainted with her?”

  “Well, hardly at all. I wish I were, if only for the sake of justifyingmyself in her eyes. Nina Alexandrovna has a grudge against me for, asshe thinks, encouraging her husband in drinking; whereas in reality Inot only do not encourage him, but I actually keep him out of harm’sway, and out of bad company. Besides, he’s my friend, prince, so