by Megyn Ward
The soft thud of a stuffed animal hitting the floor of the bedroom launches me into action. I jump away from Blake and search for my dress. “Get your shorts on. Ellie is awake.”
He lunges for his clothes and we succeed in getting covered before a tousle-haired Ellie stumbles into the room with her thumb in her mouth. She pops it out and stares at Blake.
For the first time ever, I don’t cringe at the resemblance between them. I’m not worried someone will put two and two together and figure it out. Now everything is in the open there’s no reason to hide.
Blake grins at Ellie. “Good morning, sunshine.”
She sidles over to him, still sleepy. She holds up her arms and he bends over to lift her. I nearly melt onto the tile. How many times had I imagined this scene never fully believing it would happen?
He carries her to the sunny kitchen and sits in a chair at the table. She settles against him and sticks her thumb back in her mouth.
“How about some coffee?”
She shakes her head. While Blake teases her, I make breakfast. It all feels natural and easy. Ellie stays on Blake’s lap while she eats her eggs. She’s clearly taken with him and keeps up a steady conversation.
“Okay, chatterbox,” I finally say. “We need to get your teeth brushed. You get to stay with Diana at Paradise Found again.”
Part of me thinks maybe it would be nice for her to spend the day with Blake but when he doesn’t offer, I don’t want to push it. Maybe he needs a little more time before he can accept the whole daddy role.
She slides off his lap and skips into the bedroom.
He watches her while I take another sip of coffee before following her. “She’s so cheerful,” he says.
My heart swells with love for these two people. “She comes by it naturally.”
He smiles at me. “I don’t know Zach that well, but I’ve seen Kylie in the morning. She doesn’t wake up happy like that.”
“Well, Kylie’s not a morning person. But you are.”
He nods. “Yeah, I guess I am.” He seems to consider a moment. “Ellie acts really comfortable here. She has her own bed and everything.”
I chuckle. “Well, yeah. Since she outgrew her crib.”
“I never took Kylie for a nurturing type. Zach must bring that out in her.”
I laugh. “I know you and Zach weren’t friends, but he’s a decent guy, not some big baby.”
He is silent for a while and I wonder if he’s thinking about missing her birth, her first tooth, first steps. He smiles at me. “Seeing how good you are with her, makes me think about us and our own kids.”
Our own kids?
I replay the last bit of conversation. The way he’d forgotten about Ellie. Keeps mentioning Kylie. Zach...
Oh my god.
She lied. Erika lied.
And now that I’m thinking clearly and not staring down his fiancé, her story doesn’t even make sense. When would she have even seen Ellie to have to opportunity to tell Blake that he was her father? I feel like I just ran headlong into a concrete wall going sixty-miles an hour. I’d been so sure that Blake would never want me—us—that I bought the whole convoluted story without so much as a shred of doubt.
Blake doesn’t know that Ellie is mine.
Ours.
My throat closes up and my mouth drops open. What am I going to say? How can I tell him now?
I stare at the doorway into our bedroom where our little girl is singing the alphabet song all wrong.
Blake laughs. “I don’t know how you did it, but that girl has your singing voice.”
“Blake.”
Something in my tone makes him snap his eyes to mine. “Yes?”
I swallow and he waits. “Ellie….”
Blake’s phone rings, cutting me off. I can’t say I’m not relieved to put this off for a few minutes. I indicate he should answer and try to think of words to tell him. When he hears that Ellie is his daughter, he’ll hate me.
Chapter 30
Blake
I don’t remember being this happy.
Ever.
From now on, it’s me and Lauren. All the misunderstandings and pain are behind us. Sure, we’ve got explaining and apologizing and making up to do. And god, am I excited about the making up.
I feel as though I’ve wasted the last four years. But now I have a law degree and a bright future. If Lauren wants, we can stay here on Cayman with her grandmother and Kylie. She seems attached to little Ellie and I admit to have fallen for that munchkin myself. Seeing how much care and affection Lauren has for her, how she’s set up her own home to take care of her niece, lets me know what a great mother she’ll be. I haven’t thought too much about having kids, sort of in that of course, someday I want kids kind of thing. But Ellie stirs something in me and makes me want to have that kind of experience myself.
Lauren sends Ellie out of the room to start getting ready for their day. I’m wondering when I can get together with Lauren again. Kylie and Zach will be home later today so they’ll take Ellie home, I’m sure. Should I take Lauren to dinner then back to my hotel? Would she be happier if we get takeout and stay in?
All morning long I haven’t been able to take my eyes off her. She’s beautiful, of course. But there’s something more to her than four years ago. She’s calmer, no, that’s not it. More confident? Not that, either. I can’t put a finger on what’s changed but it’s a good change. Cooking breakfast is definitely different from the Lauren I knew before who couldn’t mince garlic and would burn water. She stirs up scrambled eggs like a real pro.
I guess maybe Ellie has encouraged new skills. I have a moment of worry that Lauren has become more domestic because she’s afraid to leave the compound. But she’s been helping Kylie out at the dive shop so she must not be too reclusive.
We’re catching up, kind of. I’m seeing how devoted Lauren is to Ellie and happy that Lauren’s developed such a close relationship with Kylie, when Lauren suddenly seems nervous and upset. I need to know what’s caused this turn of mood.
My phone rings and I’m instantly annoyed. I reach out to silence it but Lauren waves her hand for me to take it. I want to throw the phone away and keep talking to Lauren but she seems to need some time to gather herself so I glance at the I.D.
Diana. This can’t be good. I don’t get more than a greeting before she starts in, her voice agitated. “She’s gone.”
“Erika?”
Lauren’s head snaps up and her eyes narrow. I jump from the table and turn my back, heading out the door to the piazza. I don’t want Lauren to get in the middle of Erika’s hissy fit. “What do you mean gone?”
It sounds as if Diana is running. “She cried and carried on yesterday and was a real bitch until late last night. I got her a flight for this afternoon. She finally seemed to accept you weren’t coming back for her and went to sleep. But I stepped into the bathroom this morning and when I came out, the bitch had flown the coop.”
Damn it. Erika on the loose, upset, hysterical. I may not want to marry her, but I don’t want her to get hurt. “Where did she go?”
Diana is irritated. “If I knew that, I’d go after her myself. I don’t have time to track down your insane fiancé. I’ve got a business to run.”
“She’s not my fiancé.”
“Yeah?” Diana spits it out. “But she’s your damned problem.”
I wish she wasn’t, but Diana is right. “Did she seem upset?”
Diana’s laugh isn’t one of happiness. “Oh gee, I don’t know. The shit she was spewing, man, I’d say you dodged a bullet there, dude.”
“What do you mean?”
A car door closes and an engine starts up. I assume Diana is leaving the hotel and heading to Paradise Found. “Just that she seemed all sweet and innocent and totally head over heels for you. But last night, she made it clear she considered you her meal ticket. If I were you, I’d watch my back because I doubt she’s through with you.”
I dread having to deal wit
h her again, but I’ll do whatever I have to do to make her understand I love Lauren. From now on, Lauren is my main priority. “Do you think she might hurt herself?”
Diana laughs again, a throaty bit of cynicism. “No. But I’m not sure she won’t go after Lauren and Ellie.”
That hits me like a punch to my gut. I hadn’t thought of that. I consider it. “She’s not even 5’2” I can’t imagine she’d be a threat.”
I don’t need to see Diana’s face to know her fierce expression. “Dude. She doesn’t have to wrestle them to hurt them. But they’ll be here with me today and I’ll protect them. You need to find Erika and sit on her at the airport until she gets on that plane.”
She’s right. I hang up and head back in to tell Lauren. I hate that Erika is creating a problem but I know Lauren will understand I have to clean up this mess. I’ll get her on the plane and that’s all I can do. I know it’s a crappy thing I’ve done to Erika.
I think about what Diana said. That Erika called me her meal ticket. I’m not proud of dumping her this far along in the engagement, but it appears as though she hasn’t been all that honest with me, either.
I burst into the bungalow, intent on explaining everything to Lauren and hoping she’ll understand I need to find Erika and stay with her until she boards that damned plane. “Lauren.”
No one is in the front room. The blanket is on the sofa and the comforter is gone. I look through the open door into the bedroom and see it covering the bed.
When I peek into the bedroom and the bathroom, I see no sign of Ellie or Lauren. There is a door between the front room and bedroom I hadn’t paid attention to, assuming it was a closet. I opened it to see it leads to a narrow corridor between the bungalow and the wall encircling the compound.
Lauren and Ellie must have exited here and bypassed me on the piazza. It wouldn’t have been hard. I was intent on my conversation with Diana and not paying attention to much of anything.
They’d disappeared. I wish I’d had a chance to talk to Lauren before they left for work, but I can fill her in later. After last night, I feel we’re finally together but syncing the rest of our lives together might take a little time. She’s got to know how much I love her.
Right now, I need to find Erika and make sure she can’t do any damage to Lauren in the next few hours. After that, it’s only me and Lauren.
Chapter 31
Lauren
How am I going to tell Blake that Ellie is his? The only way I know is to spew it out fast. And his phone rings, giving me a moment to rethink.
Except the first word out of his mouth is Erika. After last night, when I really believed the past was forgiven and we could start new. My hopes and dreams sparked to life because I thought Blake would become part of our family. Ellie would have the father she needs to help her grow into a strong, curious, fabulous woman. I would have the partner I dreamed of. Blake, the man who is kind and caring, sensible, strong, smart enough to graduate third in his class at Columbia. And so good looking and fuckable it ought to be illegal. Our future looks shining.
And he says, Erika.
The house of cards crashes to the ground. He turns his back on me and steps out the front door.
I can’t face him. Not after being rejected again. This time, it isn’t his principles that sends him away. It’s his fiancé.
I want to rail at him, punch and throw things and hurt him. But it’s my fault. I wanted him. Still want him. I can barely think beyond the throbbing between my legs for the feel of him. I hadn’t asked anything of him except to fuck me. Over and over.
I assumed we’d have plenty of time, a whole lifetime, to talk things through. Last night, I only wanted his body joined with mine in the way we had. Maybe I’m naïve to think what we have is special.
Of course I am. I haven’t slept with anyone else. For all I know, sex could be that magnificent with everyone, every time. Except I know it’s not. I have friends and they talk. Kylie tells me how much better sex is with Zach than anyone she’s ever known simply because they are so in love.
Damn it. Why can’t I be happy? At least I had last night. Move on. Blake hasn’t been in our lives for a long time, it’s not as if we can’t get along without him again.
But I never stopped wanting him, missing him, loving him. I choke back tears I don’t want Ellie to see. I suspect I’ll love that motherfucker for the rest of my life. Even while he’s happily married to Erika, getting awards for being lawyer of the year, and raising a family in Connecticut or some other upscale venue.
I look at Ellie. “Let’s get your teeth brushed. We’re going to be late.”
She gives me big lips. “I brushed them already.”
I feel her toothbrush and it is, indeed, wet. Probably not good enough, but I don’t have the energy to worry about that. I need to get her out of here before Blake comes back in. I can’t believe he hasn’t noticed she looks like him and he might, at any minute. At least if I keep him ignorant she’s his, he can go back to Erika and leave the island.
I can’t debate whether that’s the right thing. How can I not consider the cost to Ellie of him walking away from her forever? But now I know I can’t bare seeing Blake again and not having him.
Ellie decides she doesn’t want to wear the blue shorts and top I pick out for her and she struggles as I stuff her flailing arms and legs through sleeves and leg openings. I’m not going to worry about her hair, and don’t even try to get her sandals and hat on her. With as much urgency as possible, I grab snacks, towels, books, toys, and stuff them into the beach bag, scoop her up, and we’re out the back door before Blake can finish his conversation with Erika.
His fiancé. I repeat the word to myself to make sure I understand it. Blake isn’t coming back. He’s not a part of our lives.
Even though Ellie is indignant at me rushing her along, my refusal to give her a choice in her outfit, and not even letting her walk, she remains silent as I scramble from our back door, along the corridor, and to the opposite gate from where Blake arrived last night.
As soon as I click the gate closed and the automatic lock dings, I set Ellie on the pavement. “Let’s put your sandals on because we need to walk around the block to get Kylie’s pickup.”
Ellie folds her arms. I don’t want to put up with her stubborn attitude, but decide she’s been pushed enough for now. I wait while she has her say. “I want to be barefoot. I don’t want to go with you. I want to stay home with Gram and Deborah.”
I lean over and tug the sandals out of the bag. She places a hand on my back while I lift one of her feet to slip the sandal on. “Gram isn’t feeling well enough, yet, and this isn’t Deborah’s day to come in.”
She’s mulling this over and I expect her to ask to stay with Jonas and Simone. It’s funny the way I can almost read her mind. I don’t think Simone ever had that connection with me. Finally, Ellie says, “I want Kylie and Zach to come home.”
“They’ll be home today.” She lifts the other foot to allow me to put on the sandal.
“Good. Then you can be home and take care of me.” She sounds so practical for a little girl who hates the idea of anyone having to take care of her.
“That will be nice.” I’m only making conversation with her, not really talking. Inside, I’m crawling around in a dark room, all the light sucked out when I realized I’ll never have Blake. I’ll have to pull myself back together again. I did it when he left before, I know I can do it again. But right now, taking the most basic steps to care for Ellie seems like the best I can muster.
I finger-comb her wild curls, dark and out of control like her father’s. Her yellow hat, the favorite this week, is at the bottom of the bag and I’m pulling out an extra pair of shorts and towel when the shadow of someone covers the bag.
I keep searching until I hear her voice. “I’m surprised to see you out here now.”
I grab Ellie’s hand, as if I’m afraid she’ll dash into the lazy traffic on the side street. The truth is, I need
to feel the proof that someone loves me.
The lessons of Liesa’s Life weren’t wasted on me and I know how to be welcoming and friendly when I’d rather rip someone apart. I give the intruder an expectant look and wait for her to attack.
Erika assesses me with an air of condescension. “Yep. I can see by your FFF, that Blake was here, just like he told me he’d be.”
I don’t know why I’m scared that she’s here. At first, I think she must have done some research to find us, then realize Blake probably told her where we live. I’m not sure what FFF is but something about it tugs at me. Sours my gut. I push Ellie behind me. I don’t want Erika anywhere near my little girl.
“What are you doing here?”
She focuses on Ellie. “I’m here to pick Blake up for breakfast before our flight home. I assume he’s done with you by now.”
Jesus, she’s cold. “I don’t know where Blake is.”
Ellie pipes up. “I do, Mommy. He’s by the gazebo.”
Erika shoots a sugary grin at Ellie. “Thank you, sweetheart. Did you have fun with Blake last night?” She aims her smile at me and it turns black around its edges. “I know your mommy did—I can tell.”
FFF.
It means freshly fucked face.
Ellie starts to say something but I yank her hand and she stops to give me a startled look.
The armor I wear outside the compound is peeling away, like paint on the sunny side of a shack. Erika needs to leave here. Now. But I’m trembling. How can Erika hurt me or Ellie? She’s tiny and frail. “I don’t know what you want, but you need to leave us alone.”
Erika gives me a breezy wave of her hand. “Don’t worry. We’re done with you.”
“Good.” I fling my bag over my shoulder and start to walk away. It’s hard to turn my back on Erika. It’s like she might stick a knife or bullet there.
Erika isn’t going to let this go. She follows a few steps and lifts her voice. “You know, at first I worried. Blake said he needed to come to Cayman to get closure on his old life before we get married. He never mentioned a girlfriend, just his best friends, Kylie and Diana.”