The Ultimate Stonemage: A Modest Autobiography

by McKenzie, Duncan

  He said, “Indeed I would. I will speak plainly, my friend: it is not right or proper that a man like you, without noble rank, should have such treasure for yourself. I would like you to give this gold to me. I am in a much better position to use it wisely than you are. Moreover, you may rest assured that I will look well upon you for the gift.”

  Well, this was such a shock to me that I barely knew what to say. Still, I have a quick mind, so I said, “A gift is like a compliment. I do not believe in grandiose compliments, for such words do not come from the heart. In the same way, such a lavish gift would not show my respect for you, duke, because respect is not measured in gold, but in love and in blood.” Then I picked up a beautiful little pearl which was sitting in a box of treasures upon the table, and I gave this to the duke, saying, “Let me give you instead this gift, which is smaller in size, it is true, but shows a more sincere, heartfelt love.”

  He took the pearl, and looked at it, but he did not seem to relish the gift, or the great love and loyalty which it represented. Then he placed the pearl back in the treasure box it had come from, as if to spurn my offering, which is certainly something the old duke would never have done.

  He said, “Remember this, Yreth. I am the duke of this region, and I have the duty of protecting those within my lands. This, as you may suppose, is a considerable expense. When these expenses are not paid for, the degree of protection afforded must quite naturally suffer.”

  I pretended I did not understand his threat, and I said, “Oh, you need not fear for me on that account: I have twelve good myrmidons of my own, and I have set them to guard over my treasure.”

  He became sour then, and said, “Tell me now, will you give me the gold or no?”

  I knew I would have to appease him, so I said, “Duke, I served your father when I was young. He was an excellent lord, and he treated me well. In return, I loved him and gave him everything it was in my power to give, for I believed I owed him no less. But now he is dead, and you are the duke, and I swear, by my father who sits at this table, that I will give you all I owe you. Tomorrow morning, you may go to the caves up in the hills and help yourself to all the gold there.”

  The duke was pleased then, and we continued our feast in good spirits. You see, he took my words to mean I would give him all my gold, but in fact I had said only that he could take all the gold he found in the caves the next morning, and I vowed to myself that, when sunrise came, not a single coin should remain there.

  We continued to dine for some hours, until, at length, the food and the wine and the lateness of the hour had got the better of everyone, and we were all ready for bed.

  But although I dressed for bed, and lay beneath the sheets, I did not allow myself to slumber. Instead, I waited quietly for an hour or so, until I was sure everybody else in the house was sleeping. Then I silently rose again, and I crept out of the house and went up into the hills.

  When I reached the caves, I told my myrmidons to take all my great wealth of gold and jewels and pack it back in its chests and boxes, then bring it all to the western crossroad. While they did this, I gathered all the treasure I had laid about the dining room and placed it in a sack, then I carried the sack to the crossroad too.

  It took many trips to carry all my wealth from those caves, for there was far too much of it to manage it one go. While the gold was being moved, I sent one of the myrmidons to scout around the local farms looking for donkeys. We rounded up about thirty of these animals, leaving gold coins behind to pay a fair price for them.

  You may think, “Donkeys? Why did Yreth not use ox-carts, as he had done in America?”

  Well, I would very gladly have used ox-carts, if there had been any. However, those who have been to the Horn of Cyprus will know it is a dry, rocky place, and oxen do not like the grass that grows there. So, donkeys it was, and they were good enough, because they are strong animals, for all their small size, and each one carried a good weight of gold.

  Before I left, I had second thoughts about my plan to leave the cave completely empty, for I knew the duke, in his greed, would think I was like him and cared only for wealth, whereas I wished to show him there were higher principles at issue here.

  So here is what I did: I took another pearl from my treasure. It was small and pretty, and it looked very much like the one I had given to the duke. In fact, it may even have been the same one for all I know. I took that pearl, and I went back to the cave, which was now entirely empty, then took a sheet of purple silk, which I placed upon a big rock there, and I placed the pearl on top of the silk, so the duke would be sure to see it when he went there the next morning.

  I knew when he saw this pearl, he would be racked with guilt and anguish, for he would see I had given him what I owed him, which is to say a token of my loyalty and devotion, despite the fact he had overstepped the limits of his authority by trying to steal from me, and take what was rightfully mine.

  I had already decided exactly where to go with my donkeys: I travelled east, to the royal palace of the queen, which is to say, the fortress at Ithron. I reasoned that, if I were under her protection, I would have nothing to fear from the Duke of Oaster if he were still angry at me, and my gold would be safe from his greed.

  The journey took about two weeks, and we were waylaid by robbers only once. They attacked us on a remote stretch of road, sending arrows down at us. One of my donkeys was killed by an arrow, and another was slightly wounded. Then the robbers came running down the hills waving swords and shouting and doubtless thinking they looked a fearsome sight. I kept a cool head though, and waited until they were very close before I gave my myrmidons the order to charge. Then my strong friends went to it with a will, furiously repulsing the attack, and killing at least six of the robbers before those rascals finally saw what kind of opponent they were up against and fled in terror.

  At last we arrived at the royal fortress, which is very magnificent to behold, and every bit as grand as it appears in the paintings. I found the man who commanded the gate-guards, informing him I wished to see the queen.

  He said, “That is not possible. Nobody may see the queen except for those she has summoned before her.”

  Then I opened one of my treasure boxes and took out a large topaz, and also a lovely ruby which had been carved into a cheerful face. I said to him, “Take this ruby to the queen and tell her it is a gift from the stonemage Yreth, who begs to appear before her. As for the topaz, you may keep that for yourself, in payment for your help.”

  Well, his tone changed instantly. He bowed to me and went quickly off to deliver the message. He returned just a few minutes later, and he said, “The queen asks if you are the same Yreth who owns a mountain filled with gold.”

  Well, I did not own a mountain filled with gold, but I had owned a cave filled with gold, and I know well enough how the rumourmongers will see a cow and say a herd, so I said, “Yes, I am the same Yreth.”

  Then he said, “In that case, I am instructed to take you before her with the greatest cordiality.” Then he led me into the palace. I left the donkeys, together with my myrmidons, in one of the interior courtyards, where there was plenty of good green grass for them to chew on. As for me, I went into the throne room and I met with the new queen.

  The queen was not at all as I had expected. In the first place, she was young, having seen no more than twenty years. Her clothes were very grand, of course, but her skin was as brown as a nut, and she sat on her throne in an undignified way, with one foot on the seat and her knee up in front of her. I knew, when I saw this, that the story I had heard from the physician, telling of how she had been a hunter, was true.

  I would not say she was beautiful to look at. In fact, to speak frankly, she was plain. Her lips were thin and pinched, her nose was large, and her ears stuck out a little, so you would almost think someone was pushing them from behind as a joke. Also, she was as skinny as a pole, and her breasts were
small.

  Still, I bowed very low when I met her, for she was the queen and deserved my utmost respect. Moreover, I knew this was the same resourceful young girl who had rid the world of Bellay, and, if it had not been for her, I would still have been in exile for a good many years longer.

  Standing around the queen were a number of her young commanders, famous men, all of them. Yunte the Bee was there, and Briss Corniman, and even the Earl of Tarphonay in his wide blue hat.

  I talked with the queen for a good long time, and everyone there was impressed by the intelligence of my conversation. When the queen found out I truly was as wealthy as she had heard, or at least close to it, her eyes lit up with delight.

  She said to me, “Yreth, you must serve as one of my advisors, for I will wager a good five grotecs that any man with the wits to gather such a great fortune about him as you have will also have much good advice for a queen.” Then she laughed loudly and said, “Am I right? Am I right?” and, still sitting at her throne, she kicked around at my rear, which I did not think an appropriate action for a queen.

  Still, I maintained my good humour and said, “You may rely upon my good advice at any time.”

  Then she said, “Hah! Good then. Now attend to this: you will live here at the palace, in one of the apartments which is behind the south wall, for those are the finest apartments there are, and they are kept for the use of such important persons as yourself.”

  I said, “Queen, you are very generous.”

  Then the famous Briss Corniman said, “Friend Yreth, you are right about the queen’s generosity. Do you know, this queen is so liberal she gave me a gift of five thousand arrans for recapturing the town of Esper.”

  I could scarcely believe my ears. Five thousand arrans for recapturing little Esper! I said then, “If Esper is worth five thousand arrans, it would be difficult to calculate a worthy reward for me, for I saved all Europe by my actions.”

  They all laughed then, thinking I was making a joke, but I said, “No, truly, it is so.”

  The queen said, “Explain yourself. And make it a good story too, for I am bored today and sorely in need of amusement.”

  I said, “My story is so fascinating by its own merit that it barely requires a good telling, although as luck would have it, I happen to be an excellent storyteller, when the mood takes me.”

  I then told the story of the giant ships I had met upon the ocean, and I explained how I had commanded those ships to sail west, and how they had attacked all the Indian cities. I said, “Above all else, it was these attacks, ordered by me, which gave us our victory in the war.”

  Of course, none of the commanders would admit they believed my story, and they scoffed, saying I knew nothing about military matters and the ways of warfare and so on.

  I replied, without malice, “Of course you would say my story is not true, for it makes all your accomplishments seem puny by comparison. Still, I will give you evidence of my claims.”

  Then I produced Bitian Teppel’s superb drawing of my sea battle against the Flame. It had been soaked in the sea when I fled from the Indian ship, but in the months since, I had carefully repaired the water damage and coloured his drawing with paint, so it might look even more beautiful and lifelike.

  The queen said, “Is this one of the great ships you spoke of?”

  I said, “No, but the picture shows an Indian warship which I fought, and it also shows my ship, which I lost in the fight.”

  Yunte the Bee, who was well known for his insolence, said, “This picture does nothing to prove your claims about the giant ships.”

  I said, “Indeed it does. In the first place, it shows I possessed a ship capable of crossing the ocean—you can see it here most accurately portrayed. In the second place, it shows I am an accomplished warrior, well able to distinguish between an enemy I might defeat, such as this Indian ship, and an enemy with whom I must negotiate, such as the giant ships I mentioned. In the third place, it shows my love of fine art, which, as all the philosophers agree, goes hip to hip with the love of truth.”

  Yunte was an ignorant man, though, knowing little about philosophy. He said, “That is no proof at all.”

  I said, “Well, then, I will soon show you something that will force you to believe me.”

  Then I went out to the courtyard and I brought in my donkeys, with their valuable burdens, and my myrmidons too. I opened every box the animals were carrying, and I poured out all my gold and jewels onto the floor.

  “There!” I said. “Would a man who is as wealthy as I am have reason to lie?”

  The queen said, “By my socks! What a treasure that is! It is obvious now you spoke truly, a suckling calf could see it!”

  The others agreed with her—even Yunte the Bee—saying my story must be true. You see, they had never seen such wealth as I had placed before them. Then the queen said I deserved a reward for my services to Cyprus, and she asked me what I would like.

  I said, “Well, not money, certainly. I have so much gold I hardly know what to do with it all. But there is a favour of a different kind you could grant me.”

  She said, “What, then?”

  I said, “Now this war is at an end, and many of our cities are in ruins, there will be much building to be done. Let me provide the designs for these huge commissions, and give me the authority to carry those designs through to completion.”

  I knew, you see, such works would be a wonderful opportunity to further my fame as a stonemage. Many of the stonemages of antiquity had achieved fame in this way—most especially Henry Eagles and Illipton—and I believed, by following their example, my name too would live on.

  She said, “Ah, that is true. Now I think of it, there will certainly be building to be done. You have your wits about you in realizing that.” She talked with some of her advisors for a few moments, and then said, “Well, Yreth, the post is yours. You are now the Queen’s Own Builder. Go the ruined cities and do all the building you like.”

  I was very pleased at this, and I asked her then if she would like to see some of the plans and sketches I had made. I said, “They show my ideas for a marvellous castle which might be built at Drantellie, and for a great harbour building which would sit well at Neppo, and for a lord’s mansion which I will construct in Carping or some similar place, as well as other plans for entire streets in these places, with fountains, and parks, and waterfalls.”

  She said, “No, I do not need to see these things, for I find papers and plans very tiresome. I am sure you know what you are about. Do as you wish in those places—it is all the same to me.”

  She had no real appreciation for the art of building, you see. I think she liked gold, though, because the moment she had finished speaking to me, she stepped down from her throne and began rummaging through my pile of treasure, picking out objects that struck her fancy, and saying things such as “That is a fine ring. I will try it on, I think,” and “This gold pot would suit my bed chamber very well,” as if it were her own treasure rather than mine.

  She gathered together the things she liked best and said to me, “I would like these for my own. Will you give them to me?”

  I looked over the objects she had selected, which were brightly coloured, though only of intermediate worth, and then I magnanimously said, “You may take these things for your own.”

  She turned to my myrmidons next and examined them closely. She said, “These are good myrmidons, I can see. Will you give me those too?”

  I said, “No, for they are mine, and I need them.”

  Then the Earl of Tarphonay said, “Do you think it is appropriate that, in your new role as Queen’s Own Builder, you should have such a force about you?”

  I said, “I think it most appropriate, for they do an excellent job of protecting my treasure. Moreover, I think they will help me to earn the respect of those stonemages who might differ with my views.” />
  “That is true, as far as it goes,” he said. “And yet, I fear many people will think it is these myrmidons who have won you the post of Queen’s Own Builder by their fearsome ways, and not realize you have earned it by your own talents as a stonemage.”

  I became worried at this, for it seemed to me the earl was right, and it is the way of people to gossip so. Then he suggested the queen might buy the myrmidons from me, at five hundred arrans apiece (which seemed to me a very good price).

  I said, “Yes, but who will guard all my treasure then?”

  The queen said, “That is simple enough. Place it in my treasury.”

  And the earl added, “Yes indeed. We will place it in the treasury. It will be much safer there than it would ever be surrounded by your myrmidons, and whenever you want to take some, why, you will be free to do so. You may trust my word in this, too, for I supervise the treasury.”

  Well, this seemed like an excellent plan to me, for I knew that keeping treasure with a king or queen is something many of the wealthiest persons do. When I was treasurer for the Emperor, all manner of wealthy citizens would come to me, giving me their jewels and gold for guarding. I also knew the earl would be an honest, forthright custodian of my gold, because his grandmother came from Rowel, and her brother was married to the sister-in-law of my own great grandfather.

  So I accepted the queen’s offer.

  Then the queen said, “And I think, as long as the treasure is there, I shall make occasional use of it too, for a queen needs gold, and plenty of it.”

  I raised my fist in fury and said, “If that is your plan, you would do well to think again, for it is my money, and I will not have it taken from me, not even by the queen!”

  But the Earl of Tarphonay said, “You misunderstand the queen. She well knows it is your wealth, and she would never presume to take it from you. No, she merely wishes to borrow from it occasionally. I would ensure all is scrupulously accounted for, and you may rest assured that the full value of the amount borrowed would be speedily returned to you, together with, let us say, an additional one-fifth for each year the money was outside the treasury.”