by Tahnee Fritz
He closes his eyes and puts his other hand on my waist, pressing his body against mine. There is so much passion in his kiss, so much love and adoration coming from this one person and I am permitting it to flow through his lips into mine. I let myself close my eyes and drift into the softness of his kiss, the tenderness of his touch as he caresses my cheek and the love that flows from his entire body. I can see him in the darkness of my mind and everything is so familiar.
The way he touches me, the way he holds me, it’s as though I have gone through this a million times before. But I haven’t done any of this. Not this version of me. I can’t let the weakness return to my body and I cannot allow any part of the old me to come back to the surface. Everything about her is nothing more than dead weight.
I run my hands up his stomach and stop at his chest. His muscles are tight under my touch and he tenses his body. He holds me tighter and his kiss gets deeper. I open my eyes and my fingers grip tightly around the thin fabric of his shirt. I give him one quick shove away from me and he stumbles backward falling to his ass at my feet. I pull myself away from the wall and glare down at him as a look of sheer bewilderment crosses his face.
“Why?” he questions.
“You are part of the past. A past that belongs to a dead girl.” I reply. “I do not belong to that past or the weakness that devours it.”
I turn away and head to the door. I grip the cold knob and twist it until it swings open. Behind me, I hear Ryder scrambling to his feet and rushing to me. He places a hand on my shoulder and I quickly shove him off.
“Bridge, please.” He begs, “I know you’re still the same person I fell in love with. I know she’s still in there.”
I pass him a snide glance before walking down the hall and say, “Not anymore.”
He lets me walk away from him and I stroll down the narrow hallway, back into the living room to dwell in the silence once again.
* * *
The sun is shining bright in the amazing blue sky. The clouds are scarce and it is relatively warm outside. It doesn’t really matter to me what the temperature is, but the humans around me are grateful for the chance to travel in warmth instead of shivering. Most of the rain water from yesterday has even dried up thanks to the sunlight.
My eyes burn as I squint through the tinted lenses of the sunglasses. It is the only thing I have to complain about my life. I can live without a beating heart or eating normal food, but I would love to look up at the morning sky and not be painfully blinded without a pair of shades to protect my eyes. After all, they are a thing of beauty and hiding them is such a pity. They need to be shared with the world at all times of the day or night.
We haven’t been walking for very long, maybe an hour or two. Elliot decided to let his group sleep in, then take their time eating breakfast. I think it was foolish of him to do something as time consuming as that. If he was so worried about getting to the city without running into Trevor, we would have left at dawn.
I am honestly surprised that Trevor hasn’t caught up with us by now. He has trucks and other means of transportation where all we have is our own two feet. We are a snail compared to him.
I keep to the back of the group staring at those who walk before me. Jason limps with his hand pressed against the wound on his stomach. Neil walks beside him and has been acting rather strange. He peeks over his shoulder, passing me odd yet seemingly hopeful glances. I’m sure he’s just glad to be away from Trevor and that life back in the small town, but he is still an awkward fellow.
Ryder walks beside Phil and his daughter. They have been speaking together for a while now. I know they are talking about me. Not because I have the ability to listen in on the conversation, but because Ryder turns his eyes to mine when Phil says something of interest. His eyes are so full of hope that will only be destroyed when he sees that his girl is not coming back.
It’s getting to be irritating trying to get people to understand things about me. I am not who they want me to be. Sure, I might have the same cure that will eventually bring the planet back to life, but I am far from a creature that cares if it actually happens. If we never make it to the city and I find myself living in the wild with the other monsters, I can be okay with that. These people might not be, but it honestly wouldn’t break my heart if the cure never goes global. Maybe the humans don’t deserve it like they want to think they do.
I sigh and close my eyes as I walk forward. I let the warm air caress my skin and I run my fingers through my hair. Suddenly, my right foot falls into a slight pothole in the middle of the street and I stumble forward a bit. I quickly catch myself and walk straight again. I open my eyes and grit my teeth, angry for that split second of a moment where I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings.
That is how I got into this mess in the first place. If I remember right, I was not paying very close attention to what was happening and that is how the vamp got me first. There was so much pain that came with its bite and I have no idea how I ever made it through it alive.
Wait a second.
Why the hell would I remember that? That was part of the old me. The Bridget that died a few days ago. I shouldn’t have her memories, yet somehow that one slipped back into my mind.
I grit my teeth and shake my head. I clench my fists tight, forcing that memory and any other part of her weakness back to hell where it belongs. She can’t be here. I can’t let her be here. Because of her, I’m in this situation. I am stuck with humans that only want me for the cure then they’ll shove me aside like yesterday’s garbage.
No!
I refuse to give in to the thoughts that she wants me to think. That old version of me is dead and dead she must remain.
“I’m still here.”
I stop walking and stare straight ahead of me for a long moment. The voice was nothing more than a whisper, but I heard it clearly. I turn my head, glancing at the faces of the people in the group. Ryder and Phil are still gabbing away, not paying me any attention. Neil is taking a drink of water and Elliot is speaking to two of his men as they lead the group. I look to Jason and his eyes are focused on the road ahead of him. It appears that nobody else heard that voice.
I look to the trees of the surrounding woods and see nothing floating between them. This stretch of highway is quiet and barren. The vehicles are empty, other than the remains of the drivers with their hands still clutching the steering wheels. The bones and tattered muscles are left to rot while the world goes on around it.
There is no sign of the voice I heard. I take a deep, calming breath then begin moving once more. I stare at the ground under my feet, then look up to the backs of those in front of me.
“You really think you can get rid of me?” once again, that voice enters my mind and I am the only one who can hear it.
I keep moving and run my shaking right hand through my hair. I can’t pretend that I did not hear her voice in my head. That annoying sound rings in my ears and all I want to do is scream at her for coming back.
I shove my hands in the pockets of my jacket and force my feet to move onward. I walk a little faster to catch up with the others and soon I am right behind Jason. He moves slower than I do, so I have to ease my pace a bit. He notices that I am near him and he steps to the side and allows me to walk beside him. I feel his eyes staring at my disheveled face and he raises a questioning eyebrow.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I pass him a slight nod and say, “Just a little hungry.” It isn’t exactly a lie, I just don’t want to explain the annoying voice rolling around in my head.
“There’s not a whole lot I can do about that to help you.” He says.
“It doesn’t matter.” I reply.
“Can you tell if there’s a zombie around? Maybe you can snack on that.” he suggest rather snidely.
I scowl and sniff the air, trying not to let the human scents interfere as I search for anything that might be undead. I strain my ears and listen for any groaning that could be coming
from a zombie either in the woods or on the road ahead. Other than the smell of the corpses in the cars and the chatter of the rest of the group, there is nothing that would appease my hunger.
“Unfortunately I do not smell one.” I reply.
“Then I guess you’ll have to wait.” He states. “We’re out in the open now, we’re bound to run into something before we get to the city.”
“I truly hope you are right about that. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.”
“Handle what?” he asks.
I shake my head, “Nothing. Just keep your eyes peeled for a zombie.”
“We’re out in the middle of nowhere, I can almost guarantee we’ll run into something soon. That is how you found me.” He states.
“Not quite in the middle of nowhere. There were houses around.” I add, not thinking about the words that came out of my mouth.
He raises an eyebrow and says, “Hmm, I thought you said you don’t remember anything about your past life. I guess you were wrong about some things.”
“What?” I question, but he does not answer.
I grit my teeth once more and squeeze my hands into fists. This can’t be happening. The longer I am around him and the rest of these people, the more I can feel her creeping up my spine and entering the darkest corners of my mind. She is like a leech trying to suck the normalcy away from me.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Her playful tone whispers a threat into my mind.
I haven’t been out here long enough for this to be happening. This shouldn’t be happening. She is too weak to fight against me. There is no way she could win any war I throw at her. I need to end this before she has the chance at trying.
I glance around, searching for anything that might make her voice leave me alone. I don’t think shooting myself will cause her to disappear. I could bite into one of these humans. There is a decent possibility that it would work, but I risk the chance of being shot down for doing so.
I turn to Jason and stare at him for a long moment. I glance to his lips and a thought pops into my mind. Quickly, I grab his arm and turn him toward me, forcing his feet to stop moving. I press my lips against his and steal a kiss that might drive her back to where I put her.
I close my eyes and put my hand on the back of his neck. Slowly, the blackness behind my eyes takes over and I can feel myself relaxing as that voice and the person behind it fades away.
Jason fights against me and breaks away from the kiss. He stares at me with disgust and confusion across his face.
“What the hell are you doing?” he shouts.
The humans in front of us have stopped walking and turn their attention to me. I feel their eyes staring me down. Elliot pushes his way through them with his gun out and ready for use. Jason moves away from me and goes back to Neil’s side.
“Everything okay back here?” Elliot asks with tension in his voice.
“We’re fine.” Jason snaps.
I roll my eyes and turn away from Elliot as he keeps his stance before me. He stays put for a little while before backing away and joining his men at the front of the group. I catch Ryder’s hateful eyes glaring at me for witnessing a stolen kiss from a man he now despises.
I shrug him off and walk onward. My mind is completely blank and my hands no longer shake. I feel like I am in control once again and the world belongs to me.
“You’ll have to try harder than that, monster.” That voice destroys the sanctity of my blank mind and the rage boils through me once again.
* * *
We walked until the sun was at its highest point in the sky, then Elliot chose a nice spot on the side of the road to stop for lunch. There is absolutely nothing around. No abandoned cars or old buildings rotting away in the earth. The trees occupy the other side of the four lane highway and this side is a barren wasteland. The grass and weeds are dying from the oncoming winter and, even with the sun shining brightly, the land looks depressing.
For their meal, Elliot and his small group of soldiers provided vegetables and water. It doesn’t seem very nourishing, but the humans eat it like it’s their last meal. Jason nibbles on the upsetting food, not enjoying it as much as the others, but he’s eating it with a brave face. I’m just glad they didn’t offer any of it to me.
I stand in the middle of the street while they munch on their small meals and rest for a few moments. The air is calm and the sun beats down on us. I adjust the sunglasses on my face to cover more of my eyes, but the sun still finds a way to slip through the sides and it burns a little. I’ll be glad when night comes again.
Jason sits on the curb beside a few others. Phil sits not far from him while his daughter, Sarah, plays with her stuffed toy in the dead grass. Elliot is keeping an eye out as he takes a sip from his canteen and the rest of the group is just plain quiet.
I turn around and face the line of trees across the street. The leaves are almost gone from the branches and they look dead like the rest of the world. Birds fly from them and flutter to the sky, chasing one another in a game only they can enjoy.
“You used to be afraid of the woods, ya know.” Ryder says as he steps to my side and joins in my stare. “When I first met you, neither of us would even think about walking through the trees or getting anywhere near them. Damn vampires ruined that part of the world.”
I can tell he is trying to get me to remember something with this small talk of his. He sounds sincere and calm, not at all worried about the kiss he saw between myself and Jason. I am only worried about his words bringing the voice back to irritate me even more.
He takes a side step closer and smiles, “I remember after we first met and we were walking on this very highway to get to Des Moines, you told me that after what we went through in Hatfeld, it was going to take a lot to scare you. I think you were right about that.”
I nod, taking in the words that mean so much to him as he speaks. I feel his hand brushing against the back of my own and I glance down to see his fingertips wanting to grasp onto mine. I take a breath through my nose and stuff my hands in the pockets of my jacket.
“There used to be a time when you would actually want to touch me or kiss me the way you kissed Jason back there.” He says, keeping his eyes focused on trees, while I pick up something odd floating on the air. “I know this is something that I’ll just have to deal with, but I don’t want to.”
I keep listening, but take another inhale smelling the odor drifting this way. It seems to be coming from the woods, but I can’t see anything stumbling amidst the trees and Ryder’s voice is stopping me from focusing on other sounds.
“Bridge, you have to know that I’m going to fight to get you back the way you have always fought for me. I don’t care how long it takes or what I have to do, but I’ll get you to remember me and how much we love each other. Whatever this is with Jason, it’s nothing compared to what we have.”
I raise an eyebrow and turn my attention to him for a moment, “And just what do we have?”
“Love.” He replies simply. “Real love that isn’t just a fling because the monster that’s taken over you wants something different. What we have is much stronger than that and I know we’ll have it back someday.”
“You really believe that?” I ask.
He nods, “Of course I do. It’s going to take a lot more than you kissing Jason or shoving me away to keep me from being in love with you. You’ll change back to the girl I know is still in there and we can have our lives back to the way they were.”
I roll my eyes and say, “How many times do I have to tell you that she’s...”
“She’s not dead.” He argues before I can finish the sentence. “You can say it a thousand times and it will never be true. When I kissed you last night, I could tell that she is still in there and she will fight her way back to me. Then you will be the one who’s dead.”
Something snaps in the trees and I whip my head around and take a step forward. Ryder heard it as well and puts his hand on the gun at his wa
ist. I sniff the air once more and let the smile come across my lips. It feels like months have passed since I’ve tasted the flesh of a zombie and here comes one stumbling between the trees, ready for me to have a snack.
It isn’t just one zombie, there are two of them coming for us. Another one walks close behind the woman and my smile grows wider. I lick my lips and listen to the sounds of the people behind me jumping up to prepare themselves. I shake them off and move forward.
“You people want to see how the cure works?” I say and hear a few mumbles in response. “I think it’s time you see it firsthand.”
I stroll across the pavement and step into the rocky median. Brown grass sticks out between the gravel and is waiting for Spring to come to grow green and tall. I cross into the other lanes of highway and the two zombies stumble through the trees. I get a closer look at them and take in another whiff of their scent.
The second zombie is a man. He’s wearing a thick green sweatshirt and his jeans are muddy to match his shoes. The woman’s hair is a mess and the glasses on her face are crooked and cracked. Her blouse is ripped and the bite mark on her right arm looks fresh. The mark on the man’s neck appears to be fresh as well. They are much cleaner and less rotten looking than zombies I’ve met in the past. These two were probably trying to find safety and had some unfortunate, yet recent bad luck.
I keep moving forward, staring at the walking meal in front of me. Their arms sway back and forth as the monotonous groaning comes from their raspy throats. Something on the woman’s left hand glimmers in the sunlight when she trips over the curb onto the street. It’s a wedding ring. A symbol of humanly love binding them together for all of eternity. I spot the same symbol on the man’s hand as well and realize these two are married.