Scorched

by Michael Soll

  “I think so.”

  “You’ve never just felt a certain way without knowing why?”

  I thought about her question. I thought about how I felt about Kaolin when I really didn’t know much about her or who she is. I saw her grow up, but I had never started talking to her until we left the hive, and even then, our conversations were sparse. And then I thought about the surface and my desire to breach the top. How could I love a place I had never been? Did I love it, or was it just an escape from a place that was unfulfilling?

  She looked uneasy. “I’ve never wanted anybody before, but I want him. Only if he wants me too. How can I get him to like me?”

  I snapped out of my dream world and looked over at the helpless girl, desperate for an answer I didn’t have. She had as much power in Nanash as the Mayor did in Newbury, but at the moment, she was powerless. She could keep Cotta in her hut all she liked, she could force him to be hers, but she couldn’t make him feel the way about her that she felt about him. The same was true with Joey. He had kept me close and although I developed a fondness and need for him, I could never feel the way about him that he felt for me.

  And then I thought about Kaolin and wondered if she cared as much about me as I did her. Was I as helpless as Joey and Valasca? Were my dreams of her as fantastical as those of the surface?

  “I don’t know what Cotta likes in terms of girls. He’s my best friend. I know his jokes and his games. I know his smile and his laugh, but I don’t know how he feels. I don’t know how he loves. We never discussed those things, I suppose. Or maybe he doesn’t know. Maybe he does love you or can love you. Who am I to tell you otherwise? I cannot feel other peoples’ emotions. I can only feel my own.”

  “Do you believe me when I tell you how I feel about him?”

  “I have no reason to disbelieve you, and if you do feel it…if you say you feel it, then you do, don’t you? I choose to believe you.”

  “Is there anything he likes? Anything I can give him as a gift?”

  I knew exactly what she could get him, a gift he would love, but I had learned a few things while in Newbury, while living with the Mayor. Valasca had immense power within Nanash. I learned that power was the ability to get what you want, and the more power you had, the more control. I also learned that power was transferable. An individual with great power had the ability to give you what you wanted.

  “I know something you can get him, but I’ll need something in return,” I said confidently.

  Valasca smiled. She was no longer timid. She was used to these types of games, and I could tell she felt more comfortable now than she was a few minutes ago. “What would you like?”

  “A favor.”

  “A favor can be anything.”

  “I know.”

  She stood up and stretched. Interlocked her spikes and sliced them together causing tiny sparks to fly, but I wasn’t intimidated.

  “All right then. One favor. If the gift is good.”

  “I’ll need some tools to help you make your gift.”

  ***

  Valasca procured the necessary materials I needed to make Cotta his gift. She presented him the ax I had constructed and he was overjoyed.

  Valsca asked me what I wanted as my favor, but I told her I didn’t know yet. She looked at me curiously and carried on courting Cotta.

  A few days later, she asked me again what I wanted as my favor, but I still didn’t know. My hesitance to tell her what I wanted seemed to be bothersome. It angered her, but I could tell she was trying to stifle her rage. She wanted to “pay me back,” so to speak, as soon as possible, but my reluctance to tell her my favor forced her to carry a burden she was not used to shouldering. I realized then that the greatest favor I could ask of Valasca was to keep her in a perpetual state of owing me. I sensed a sort of angst whenever she was around me that wasn’t present amongst anyone else. She felt obligated, and that led her to doing more things for me on an every day basis that she would not have otherwise done.

  It was during this time that Kaolin and I really got to know each other. We didn’t have to do anything in Nanash. Cotta had grown fond of the village and was training every day so that he could be initiated into the clan while me and Kaolin were overlooked and given time to do whatever we pleased.

  We talked about the old hive, and I told her about my father and the drawings I had made. She told me about the restlessness that was her life, having to wait for a moment she had no control of before she could give birth and be useful. The more I got to know her, the more I wanted her, but I wanted to be with her outside of the village. Despite the amount of freedom we presumably had, Kaolin was not happy in Nanash. She would rather be eating chum, isolated within empty tunnels than here amongst others. She refused to absorb the NaNa customs just as she had in Newbury. I wasn’t as stubborn. There was plenty that I liked in the village, though it wasn’t perfect. I liked the openness and that I was not constantly being judged by those around me. I also liked the lack of a schedule that was ever present in the hive and Newbury. Nobody was telling me what to do or when to do it.

  But, there were some things I loathed. I did not like seeing the people caged just as I did not like seeing the chickens. I also didn’t like the feeling of not being needed. We could pretty much do as we pleased because the village did not ask anything of us. In the hive, I was responsible for supplying food and clay to the colony. They needed me. We all needed each other. In Newbury, I was being taught and schooled so that I could be useful to society. I helped Joey patrol the borders, and I helped around the house. I was important, so to speak, at least amongst a certain group of people. In Nanash, I was just taking up space.

  I took Kaolin to the cavern beneath the glowing mushrooms. We lay beside each other, fingers interlocked and stared up at the green suns. I closed my eyes and imagined the heat radiating down onto my unfettered flesh. I looked over at Kaolin who was staring at me. She placed her hand on my cheek and said:

  “I love you.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Revival:

  Some time passed. I don’t know how much exactly, as the NaNas don’t keep track of time, but it was a substantial period. Enough to allow Cotta to develop into a decent warrior and for Kaolin and me to learn the Nanashi customs and language.

  During this time, I witnessed my best friend fall in love with Valasca while I too began having the indescribable feelings I had only ever heard my father speak of. The four of us would spend a lot of time together, roaming the city and the exterior passages for no reason other than exploration. Valasca was a hardened soldier when surrounded by her peers, but when she was with us, she became docile and Cotta began developing into the leader I had never seen.

  It was a time when all of our roles began reversing. Cotta was changing, Kaolin was changing, and so was I. We were becoming something different and therefore “better” in its own right. I began discovering Kaolin in a way I had never known and she began discovering me and in so doing, we began discovering ourselves. We had become one person. We shared our food and our stories. Our lives had merged, and I realized that we had become our own Hive. We had become our own family, and the only thing that could destroy us was some sort of collapse.

  While the four of us were exploring the tunnels, Cotta and I lingered back while Valasca and Kaolin pushed ahead.

  “I’m happy,” Cotta said. “Thank you for taking me with you.”

  All I could do was nod. Nothing else needed to be said.

  “How many people in the world do you think have truly been happy?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, “but maybe a lot. Maybe the special thing isn’t being happy but being aware of it.”

  “You know, Spec, the world’s an interesting place. There’s the hive and Newbury and Nanash and there’s me and I’m all three and there’s you and you’re something else. And Kaolin and Valasca. We’re all different, but we need to breathe and we need light and food and water.”

  It was the
most insightful thing he had ever said and I wondered if Cotta always had such thoughts but kept them buried deep within his mind or if our journey had created something new within.

  ***

  Some more time passed and Valasca deemed Cotta a Nanashi warrior and his commencement was to take place later in the day. First, he was to have his front teeth shaved down, and then he would swear an oath of allegiance toward the clan. After the oath, there would be a village-wide celebration.

  Cotta had taken to the Nanashi much like he had the Newburyians. As a warrior, he would go out on patrols in search for food, bringing back any forms of sustenance he found.

  Kaolin and I accompanied Cotta as he participated in the teeth-sharpening ritual. He was held down by two NaNas, Beadurinc and Eyvindur, as one of the older female NaNas (Toril) held a couple instruments to Cotta’s mouth. One of the instruments was a blunt object, the other was rounded on one end and sharpened on the other. Toril placed the sharpened side to one of his teeth, held the blunt object a few inches above, and then slammed it down on the rounded end.

  Cotta screamed as a piece of his tooth chipped into the air and landed on his cheek. Valasca grabbed the sliver and placed it into a bowl. Toril moved the sharpened edge to the other side of the tooth. She raised the blunt object again and slammed it down. Cotta screamed and struggled to get free as the sliver of tooth flew in the air and back into his mouth. Valasca quickly reached in and grabbed the piece, placing it into the bowl beside the other.

  The process continued a few more times until Cotta’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. He was still breathing, but he had fallen asleep. Toril finished chipping away, then took the sharpened tool and shaved the sides of the teeth, making them as sharp as possible.

  It wasn’t until some time later that Cotta awoke. He slid his tongue through his new teeth, glaring them at us.

  “How do they look?” he asked.

  “Sharp.”

  “Raging!” he shouted with a big smile. “Now I just gotta practice my growl.”

  “Are you excited about the celebration?” Kaolin asked, pricking his teeth with her finger.

  “Oh, definitely. They’re sacrificing a caged-one for me so there’ll be a feast too.”

  Kaolin and I left Cotta with Valasca while we got ready for the night’s festivities. We were given a pair of ceremonial clothes, but they were nowhere as ornate or elegant as those in Newbury. I looked over at Kaolin after she had dressed for the occasion and she was as beautiful as she had been the night of the ball. It didn’t matter if several people worked for hours to make her hair shine or if she just patted it down, she was beautiful, simply beautiful.

  “When do you wanna do it?” she asked, glimmering beauty.

  “Afterward. For Cotta.”

  “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

  I thought about her question instead of mindlessly responding like so many others. She and I had decided awhile back that we were leaving Nanash. I went back and forth in my mind whether to tell Cotta or not, whether to bring him along. He had been the happiest I had seen him lately, and although I might’ve convinced him to leave, he would only be doing so for me and wind up less satisfied than had he stayed. How quickly things change in life. One day I’m preparing a journey with Cotta, trying to abandon Kaolin, and now here I was, absconding with her while leaving my closest friend behind.

  It was the end of the day and the entire village united at the Zone (the open area near the center of the village). Cotta stood on a tiny platform made of bone and flesh and recited the Nanashi oath of allegiance. When he finished, he raised both arms to the ceiling and roared, glaring his newly sharpened teeth. The crowd erupted in a celebratory chant that shook the walls, forcing loose grains of dirt to crumble from the ceiling down to the ground.

  Cotta came down from the platform and greeted a slew of NaNas by placing his hands on their shoulders and tilting his head. He spotted us and gave Kaolin and I a Nanashi greeting. Valasca appeared and kissed him for several seconds.

  “You were great.” Valasca turned to the crowd and made a high pitch noise.

  Several Nanashi appeared, wielding a variety of instruments concocted from the unused parts of their conquered remains.

  One of the large warriors slammed a stick down on a rounded bowl, flesh pulled tightly around the top. A thump emanated from the instrument. He slammed the stick down again and there was another thump. And another. And another.

  The beating echoed through the village and vibrated my bones, a crushing rhythm tingled down my spine. The other instruments joined in, and a music unlike I had ever heard blasted deep within me.

  “Let’s dance!” Valasca screamed to Cotta.

  He smiled and put his hands out. She stared at him, confused.

  “No, I said dance!” She pulled him into the Zone and joined the rest of the NaNas as they “danced” in a way that would cause an uproar in Newbury. They were jumping up and down, shaking their bodies and grinding on another as if a crag had crawled into their ears and they were desperately trying to get it out.

  The music and emotions were overwhelming. Kaolin and I joined in and for a moment, we forget about our ambition. We forgot about tomorrow and just saw each other. I felt her warmth and we basked in our love.

  I turned and saw that the others had stripped naked, relinquishing their garbs and celebrating without restraint. By the edge of the Zone, a NaNa pinned another against a hut, kissing the back of her neck, grasping his arms around and thrusting behind. In the middle of the dance floor, a few NaNas had taken to the ground, groping each other and thrusting. Cotta and Valsca had joined in the celebrating as well and the majority of dancers quickly moved from their feet to the ground.

  The music continued to reverberate throughout the village, mixing with the moans and roars. Kaolin and I embraced like we had in the body of water so long ago. We were surrounded by dozens of others but it felt like we were all alone, floating amidst the stars. The world went dizzy and I felt her heart beat into mine, I felt my blood circulate with hers, our flesh melting into one.

  I looked over to the edge of the Zone and could see the caged-ones locked away, watching us all celebrate. Jennifer was curled up, tears smattered across her face. I wanted to free her. I wanted to free all of them, but where would they go? Would they just find another cage to get locked in? If I unlocked their restraints, would I be put in their stead?

  The music got louder and the space got hotter. Sweat dribbled down my forehead and our bodies dampened. We breathed in the heat and exhaled fire; our beings became enflamed, engulfed in the everything around us, the all that forever resided within.

  And as my body tingled, I noticed a red trail by the nearby huts. A puddle of blood that had not been there moments before. Valasca stood before her village, Cotta beside her. She chanted and raised Cottas arm in the air.

  I saw it before I heard it. It was an object spiraling nearby. I had only ever seen it as it traveled away, never beside. As it passed, I could hear the air around me get sucked and warped toward the object’s trajectory.

  The knife sped past the NaNas, toward Cotta and Valasca and then struck. I looked back and saw Bryan with his arm outstretched, eyes wide open, behind him, several Newburyians holding their swords up high.

  I turned back to Valasca; her hands were painted red with blood, terror in her eyes. Cotta fell to his knees, knife plunged deep in his stomach. His eyes closed, and he fell asleep.

  Valasca screamed at the top of her lungs, clutching Cotta in her arms as dozens of Newburyians rushed toward the Nanashi, striking with their swords. The dance floor turned a dark red, as the Nanashi leapt to their feet and struggled disarming the attacking Newburyians.

  Bodies fell to the ground, forming large puddles as the blood from both Nanashi and Newburyians joined as one, unified beneath the battling soldiers.

  I hurried to my fallen friend who was sleeping in Valasca’s arms. She screamed over and over. Gunnar appeared, claws a
ttached to his fists. He handed Valasca her pair. She took one last look at Cotta before strapping them on. She turned and spotted a young Newburian slicing with his sword. Valasca dug her claws into the ground and took off running toward the boy. She jumped into the air and lunged the metal deep within his chest, punching him over and over until he disappeared beneath the puddle.

  I looked over at Cotta. I pressed my hand against his chest, but his heart was no longer beating. I looked all around, at the chaos that surrounded me, at the anger that had always existed but only now had been unleashed.

  “Spec!”

  I looked through the madness and spotted Kaolin, James’ arm around her as he swiped at a Nananshi. He dragged her through the crowd, away from the madness. I leapt to my feet and hurried toward her, cutting through the screams and slicing through death.

  “Spec!”

  I needed to get to her. That’s all that mattered. I needed to reach her before she was taken and lost forever.

  I weaved past the clashing of sword and spike, moments away from reaching her when the butt of a sword struck my head.

  I stumbled to the ground and gasped for breath. I tried to get up, but I couldn’t. All I could do was lay there as her screams for me got more and more faint. Above me, sparks leapt from swords as they connected with claws. They twinkled and disappeared.

  Another spark. Another twinkle. And then, I could no longer hear her voice.

  SECTION FOUR

  Ablaze:

  “I sat in the dark and thought: There’s no big apocalypse. Just an endless procession of little ones.”

  -- Neil Gaiman, Signal to Noise

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Valasca:

  The Earth shattered and I stood unscathed amidst its ruins.

  I overlooked bodies without breath, one of which was my only. Cotta was the first to die in the bloody battle, but he wasn’t the last.