In Too Deep

by Mary Connealy

  Audra laid a palm on Ethan’s cheek, a worried frown on her pretty face. For him. She really cared about him.

  Her furrowed brow distracted him from his annoyance at Rafe. As he smiled at her, he realized it wasn’t like his usual smile. Because of what was behind it.

  Usually there was hurt behind it, or anger, or fear. All things he didn’t want to show to the world. Mostly there was a need to not feel anything deeply. But now, behind this smile was—he shuddered—affection. He cared about his wife. He hated the very thought of something happening to her.

  He couldn’t even smile.

  He would not fall in love with her. That would be just pure stupid. Which didn’t stop him from wanting to throw Rafe out and drag Audra into his arms. He thought of that man who’d tried to get to her in the cellar, and he forgot all about covering up the affection he felt for sweet little Audra.

  “Rafe, I’m not going to fight with you anymore for now. The day is past anyway.” Ethan suppressed the feeling of worthlessness. For some reason the only thing he could think of was reminding his wife who was in charge of this family.

  “You go on out and get something to eat. I need to talk to Audra for a while. Get a few things straight.”

  “Just tell me now, Ethan.” Audra crossed her arms and began tapping a toe impatiently. “Tell me right in front of Rafe. So when you start arguing with me about not resting, he can help me keep you inside.”

  “No. This is definitely not something I want to talk about in front of my brother.” Ethan looked at Rafe. “Get out.”

  Rafe’s brows arched. A faint smile quirked his lips. “I’ll tell Julia to get the meal on.”

  “Tell her not to hurry.” Ethan followed Rafe and swung the door shut a little harder than he meant to, then turned to find Audra coming toward him, her eyes flashing with her cute little temper.

  “Ethan,” she said, shaking her finger right under his nose. “I am not going to let you umph—”

  She quieted right down and caught on to his intentions almost immediately. Then she went to kissing him like a house afire. Ethan made the barely conscious discovery that he didn’t have many burns on his neck because her arms were wound around him there and it didn’t hurt one bit.

  Once she was as calm as could be, Ethan pulled away from her just an inch. “I will not have you nagging and fussing at me as if I’m a child.”

  She made a movement as if to push away from him, then pulled back with a fretful glance at his injuries. “Did I hurt you?”

  “If you’re so worried about hurting me, then you just be careful.” He kissed her again and didn’t notice one speck of pain when he swept her up into his arms and lowered her to their bed.

  Next time he gave her a chance to breathe, her eyes blinked open and she didn’t speak. In fact, she dragged his head down so she could kiss him again.

  A big improvement over nagging.

  Chapter

  18

  Ethan came into the kitchen sorting around in his head for excuses about why they were late for dinner.

  His hand rested on Audra’s slender waist because it seemed impossible to quit touching her. Before he could start talking, Seth came in the door with Steele right behind him.

  A distraction just when Ethan needed it most.

  “What do you think?” Steele was talking to Seth.

  Ethan heard the serious tone. “Think about what?”

  “I can’t be sure about those hoofprints.” Seth shoved his hands into his back pockets and scowled. “Whoever shot at us tied rags around their horse’s hooves to disguise them.”

  “I looked, too.” Steele looked at Rafe, giving his report to the real boss. Ethan did his best not to let that bother him. “They pulled the rags off and tossed them into the weeds on a stretch of ground covered in prints. Didn’t even try to hide the rags. There just wasn’t enough to pin down who was behind the shooting.”

  “And I looked at the footprints of every cowhand on the place. I narrowed it down. But not enough.” Seth moved to a chair as Julia set a steaming bowl of stew on the table.

  The thick, meaty smell of it made Ethan’s mouth water. He hadn’t eaten much today what with the fire and the tracking and Audra treating him like he was a helpless baby every time he quit running away from her . . . which had made him run all the faster.

  “Stay and eat supper with us.” Audra waved the foreman to a chair.

  “I’m mighty obliged for that, Mrs. Kincaid.” Steele’s usual deeply lined face lightened. “It would be a treat to eat a meal cooked and served by the two Kincaid women. I’d be honored if you’d ask me again sometime. But for tonight, I’m going to the bunkhouse to eat with the men. I want to keep my eye on them. I’ve got men standing watch, men I’ve known a long time. So we shouldn’t have any trouble tonight. Seth and I have talked this through, so he can give you the same report I would.”

  Steele tugged on the brim of his hat and left.

  There was the scrape of chairs on the wooden floor as Rafe and Ethan gathered enough seats around the table.

  Julia and Audra made short work of putting fresh bread, a ball of butter, and a pitcher of milk on the table.

  Rafe moved to the head of the table. He pulled the chair out.

  Audra said, “That’s where Ethan sits, Rafe. Go ahead and take the chair at his right.”

  Ethan froze. Rafe’s chin came up. Seth stole a piece of meat out of the stew bowl with his bare hands and ignored them.

  “It’s fine, Rafe.” Ethan was afraid he might be turning red. For some reason he found Audra’s simple statement of the truth embarrassing.

  “No, she’s right. You’re the head of this house. Your place is at the head of the table. Sorry. Old habit.” Rafe sounded like he meant it and he slid around the corner and sat before it could be debated anymore.

  “Didn’t matter much where I sat when I was here alone.” Rafe smiled and scooted his chair in.

  “Let’s say a word of prayer over this meal.” Rafe folded his hands on the table, the bandaged one a reminder of what they’d been through. “Ethan had a mighty close call last night and we all did today. I think we need to say a proper thank-you.” Then Rafe gave Audra a very phony look of innocence. “I’ll say the prayer if it’s all right with you, Audra.”

  Audra at the foot of the table gave him a saucy grin, and Ethan went from being embarrassed to being proud of his pretty wife, straight down the table from him. Rafe was across from Seth, so the three brothers were together. Julia was beside Rafe. Maggie was sitting boosted up on a chair between Audra and Seth. Julia had Lily in one arm while she dished up food.

  After the prayer, for a few minutes there was only the clink of metal forks and spoons against the glass dishes of food and the tin plates.

  When everyone was served and eating, Rafe looked at Seth. “Now tell us what you found out.”

  Ethan braced himself to get a long drawn-out story about where Seth was hiding nuts for the winter.

  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”

  God.

  Jasper’s jaw tightened and he turned his attention from what the parson was saying. It didn’t sit right with him to have so much talk of God in his wedding vows. He’d hoped to find a justice of the peace or a judge or someone besides a preacher. But Trixie had insisted and now here they were. Gathered in the sight of God.

  He and God weren’t on good terms and hadn’t been for a long, long time.

  Okay, never. And his preference would be to keep well out of God’s sight.

  “Do you, Henry Duff, take Beatrice Butts to be your lawfully wedded wife?” The parson was a sawed-off runt of a man. Short, fat, his skin so tan he could have passed for an Indian if it weren’t for blue eyes blazing with religion. “Will you love her, comfort her, honor her and keep her—?”

  Well, sure he’d do all that. Except he wasn’t sure he loved her. And he wasn’t sure what the parso
n meant by honor her. In fact, he wasn’t all that sure what honor was. He didn’t fail to note the shame of that.

  But he intended to keep her. As long as she didn’t make him tend chickens. And he’d be mighty glad to comfort her just as soon as the parson finished up and let them out of here and they could find a rooming house.

  “To have and to hold from this day forward.”

  Jasper turned his mind away again. He was marrying a woman named Beatrice Butts. It turned out that was Trixie’s real name. Could his life get any stranger? He’d told her they should use fake names to get married. She’d suggested instead using their real names. Which were as good as fake, since no one had ever heard of them before.

  Then she’d admitted her name was Beatrice Butts.

  He’d have laughed his head off if his name wasn’t Henry Duff. Henry Jasper Duff. Jasper had rid himself of that name the minute his father threw him out of the house.

  But the parson they’d found in Bryan, Texas, didn’t need to know a middle name, and Henry wasn’t attention-getting enough to give anyone a hint that a ruthless and infamous criminal was marrying a notorious Houston courtesan.

  “For as long as you both shall live.”

  Jasper was doing his best not to listen, but he’d heard that. Some dangerous men would be coming after him. Living a long time was going to be a real hard thing to manage. But it didn’t matter much as far as the vows went, he reckoned. He stood here, taking vows before God after all, and he had a feeling God didn’t believe a single word that came off the lips of Henry Duff. Jasper certainly didn’t.

  “I do.”

  “And do you, Beatrice Butts, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

  Trixie might have been flinching from the use of her name, but Jasper decided to pretend she was just showing him some affection when she crushed his hand.

  “In sickness and in health.”

  Catching that, Jasper acknowledged to himself that he owed Trixie a lot. He’d be in mighty poor health right now if she hadn’t killed a man early this morning.

  “For richer and for poorer.”

  That sent Jasper off into a daydream of catching up to Wendell and changing his poorer to richer. Jasper would head for Colorado City, the closest town to Rawhide that showed up on a map, and hope to find a letter waiting for him from Mitch and Grove.

  “As long as you both shall live.”

  He’d get Trixie to come along somehow. Then they’d get to Colorado City and he’d tell Trixie he wanted to settle there. He might even mean it. If they could get back what Wendell had stolen and kill any witnesses. Why not? They’d have enough money to live out the rest of their lives in comfort. Didn’t matter what town that was in.

  The smallest twinge of his very hardened conscience reminded Jasper he was planning cold-blooded murder right smack-dab in the middle of a church. Right square in the sight of God. He braced himself for a lightning bolt. None came, but it wasn’t for lack of deserving one.

  “I do.” Trixie squeezed his hand again and it drew his eyes around. She was looking at him with love in her eyes.

  Jasper did his best to keep the pity out of his expression, because he felt sorry for anyone who was hobbled with the burden of loving him. Mostly the folks that had done that in his life had died.

  The vows were done, and Jasper led Trixie down the aisle at a fast walk. Glad to escape the religious fire in the parson’s eyes. Jasper’s mind turned to the wedding night.

  “We need to get back on our horses and keep riding, Jasper,” Trixie whispered. “Bryan is too close to Houston.”

  “No one will recognize us dressed like this.” Jasper looked down at the coarse cloth of his shirt and pants. He studied Trixie in blue gingham sprigged with white flowers. He felt another pang of pity. This time for both of them. He purely missed the feel of silk on his body.

  “We aren’t staying here.” Trixie dragged him to the horses, and Jasper went along. She’d have to stop running sometime, and it was true that there could be people in Bryan who’d know him.

  He was getting a little old to be all worked up about the wedding night anyway. Right now, despite the vows and the tradition of a first night together as man and wife, Jasper was more interested in a safe place to bed down and a long night’s sleep. And revenge.

  Chapter

  19

  “So what did you find, Seth?” Rafe asked as he dished himself up seconds.

  Audra enjoyed watching the Kincaid brothers wolf down the dinner she’d prepared. She was amazed at the satisfied feeling she got from caring for her family. True, Julia had helped, but this meal came from Audra’s own kitchen.

  Seth looked up from his plate. “Just the usual. Carrots, potatoes, beef.” He glanced over at Audra. “The gravy is really good. You’re a great cook.”

  “Thanks, Seth.”

  “I don’t want to know what you found in the stew.” Rafe set his fork down with a sharp click. “I want to know what you and Steele found.”

  Ethan exchanged a glance with Audra, then turned his smile on Seth. “You told us you’d done some tracking during the war. Hunting men, not just following game trails. You should have been able to read a lot from those tracks.”

  “There were two of ’em, just like we figured.”

  Audra gave Ethan an encouraging smile.

  He shrank away as he looked at his little brother. “We know there were two of them. They were shooting at us. Hard to not count two gunmen.”

  “They circled around the clearing on horseback.” Seth frowned at his plate as if his vegetables were misbehaving. “You heard Steele tell how they’d covered their horses’ hooves.”

  Seth reached for another slice of bread and buttered it as if he were creating a great work of art.

  Rafe started drumming his fingers on the table, poorly concealing his impatience. “Anything else?”

  “Oh yes, there was one other thing.” Seth looked up, suddenly excited, eager. He turned to Julia. “Can we go back to your place tomorrow and get back to exploring that cavern? I want to show you that cave. I know you’re going to love—”

  “Seth!” Rafe cut him off.

  “What?” Seth took a hearty bite of bread and seemed genuinely curious as to what Rafe might want.

  “We’re not done talking about those tracks.”

  With a shrug and wide-eyed innocence, Seth said, “Sure we are. I don’t know nothing.”

  Rafe’s eyes narrowed and he looked about ready to start barking out orders.

  “Why’d you climb that tree today?” Ethan had his smile back.

  It was that moment, that question, which diverted Rafe from his anger and Seth from his craziness, when Audra realized what Ethan’s smile meant. He gave a very good show of being a man who didn’t care about a thing. But he did care. And what he cared about was peace. He wanted a peaceful life. He had a brother who was a wild man and another who could give Napoleon lessons on being dictatorial.

  Ethan kept the peace by changing the subject with a smile, drawing his brothers back from the brink.

  Audra wondered just how heavy a burden Ethan carried in trying to keep his family together. And the fact that he’d left, been the first to leave in fact, when he loved his brothers and his home so much, said just how unbearable that burden must have become.

  “I went up to the treetop,” Seth said.

  “Like a giant squirrel.” Ethan laughed.

  Audra could see the worry behind the teasing.

  Shrugging off the squirrel comment, Seth went on, “I learned in the war that men don’t usually look up. I could be ten feet above a bunch of Confederate soldiers and just sit there in the tree and listen. I’d do my best to hide, but it got so I wasn’t real scared even if I was visible. They’d never notice me sitting up there.”

  “You said you scouted behind enemy lines, right?” Ethan kept smiling but it wasn’t just an effort to head off Rafe’s temper now. He was clearly interested to learn more about
Seth’s war years. She wanted to know, too.

  “I did it from the first, but I kept getting promoted, so they let me go out in the field less and less.”

  “How high a rank did you reach?” Rafe asked.

  Seth’s brow furrowed. “I went up, then down, then back up again.”

  “Are we talking about your army rank or climbing trees?” Ethan grinned.

  Seth smiled back. “Rank. I was a captain for a while. But I hated it. I didn’t want to give anyone orders. I said some things, complained about some stupid orders we’d been given, and went back down. Then I did something some general liked and I went back up. The officers above me would order me to order the troops into battle. Well, I didn’t want to send them out somewhere they might get shot. So I was a lousy captain, or maybe a lieutenant . . . I might’ve been a major for a while. Which of those is highest?” Seth looked at Rafe as if Rafe might know Seth’s rank.

  “So today you went up in the treetop to get closer to those outlaws?” Audra prompted Seth before he started storing nuts for the winter.

  “I think . . .” Seth’s voice faded, then he went on sounding helpless. “I hate war. I got so hungry. And it hurts to get shot. Almost as bad as the burns.”

  “Do you remember where you were when you got shot?” Ethan asked. “We saw the wounds on your back.”

  Shaking his head, Seth’s wild blue eyes seemed to lose focus, as if he were looking at something inside his head. “Just somewhere. Some fight. There was always another fight. Always. That’s war. Fighting and dying and shooting and bleeding and burning. Cannons exploding. The horses. The men. Both blown into pieces. I guess—I think a cannon blew a real deep hole in the ground and I fell and caught on fire. My shirt was on fire.”

  Audra gave Ethan a nervous look. Seth seemed to be back in the middle of the war.

  “I couldn’t get out. I fell and I was burning. I was on fire and I couldn’t get out of the hole.” Seth’s voice rose. “It was like the devil was dragging me down into a fiery pit and I was on fire and I couldn’t get out—”