61
7th August 2012
Mid-Levels, Central and Western District, Hong Kong
The clock flashed 3:05am when Celeste heard the click of the front door. She had drifted in and out of sleep since twelve and her eyes were sore. It hurt to blink. She reached over to the glass on the bedside table and took a sip of water. She turned over and looked towards Alex’s side of the bed, the left side. Ruby had diligently placed a tall glass of water by the bed for him. She thought about spitting in his tumbler but she didn’t have the energy to move.
She could sense him outside their bedroom door. She turned and closed her eyes because she couldn’t face talking to him. Then she heard the door open and close. He was in the room with her. She sensed him walking around the bed then she heard the click of his sidelight being switched on. She imagined him undressing. His familiar scent of sandalwood drifted towards her, and she wanted to forget the last two days, but she couldn’t. A tear touched her pillow. When he slipped under the covers and she could feel the heat of his body next to hers, she recoiled.
‘Hey,’ she heard him whisper. She almost answered, but then realized he was on his phone. ‘No, I’ve just got back… at home…of course I do.’
She stiffened.
‘Wait a second,’ he was saying. Then he pulled back the covers and got out of their bed. She heard the soft click of the door.
How many times had Alex come home from business trips recently and was too tired talk? Now, she could imagine Bonnie on the other end of the line, running her fingers through her hair, telling someone else’s husband how much she loved him.
…you too,’ Alex said. He was back in the room.
Celeste clenched her teeth. She wanted to die.
*
The next morning her eyes were still sore as she opened them.
‘Hi,’ Alex said. ‘I’m back.’ He was looking directly at her, his face just opposite hers as she lay on her left side.
‘You are,’ Celeste managed. She closed her eyes. She couldn’t bear to look at him.
‘Got back early this morning. You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you.’ He pushed her hair back from her face and she felt her body tense. Then he sprang to his feet and she could hear him pulling on his jeans.
‘Still not feeling well? You look tired.’
‘I don’t feel great.’
‘Gonna pop out and get breakfast. Want anything?’ He said, grabbing a white T-Shirt from the drawer.
Celeste heard herself say ‘no’.
‘Coffee? A croissant?’ There was a distinct positivity in his voice. He must have enjoyed screwing Bonnie.
Eventually, she nodded, even though she knew she wouldn’t drink it. Alex had forgotten that she had stopped drinking coffee when she found out she was pregnant. But that didn’t matter now. She just wanted him to leave the house. She couldn’t think straight with him standing over her, looking at her with those big blue eyes. It was making her doubt what she’d seen. It was foolish not to have saved the information. She bit her bottom lip considering what her next move could be.
As soon as Alex had left the apartment, Celeste pulled on her dressing gown and went over to the phone. She picked it up and dialled Graham’s number.
62
7th August 2012
Mid-Levels, Central and Western District, Hong Kong
‘What the fuck’s wrong with you?’ Alex screamed, as he entered their apartment.
Celeste swayed slightly. She felt faint. She had hardly eaten anything yesterday. The dull ache had returned. She didn’t know if something was wrong with her baby or if it was just stress. She would call the doctor today. She closed her eyes. There was too much to think about. Her mind was shrouded in a thick fog. She opened her eyes and saw Ruby step out of the kitchen. She could sense the poor thing trying to disappear into the walls. Then, like a flash of light, Ruby shot up the stairs with a duster in her hand.
‘This pregnancy is making you delusional.’ Alex’s blue eyes bore into her and immediately she felt guilty, like it was her who had done something wrong. She reminded herself she was not at fault, but that feeling of dread had already made itself known in the pit of her stomach.
She braced herself, putting a protective hand on her belly. ‘I just wanted to know where you were last week?’
‘You’re paranoid. I sent you a picture.’
‘You were with her,’ she said, finding some strength. Her fingers trembled and her legs felt weak. She sat down. She had spoken to Graham, confronted him about Alex’s affairs, but Graham had denied it. Blood was thicker than water and she had been foolish to think otherwise. It was Graham who had mentioned a pre-nup before they were married. Something Alex insisted she didn’t sign. At the time, she had thought it sweet, now she knew why Alex was so nonchalant about the whole matter – the company owned everything.
‘What the hell are you on about?’
She watched him, his facial expressions and his hands – the way they moved. She looked for the signs of a liar – a twitching nose, a scratch to the face, a moment’s hesitation as he spoke.
Something.
Anything.
Nothing. Alex was a professional. ‘It’s bad enough that you’re fucking her. Do I have to say her name?’
‘Is this a joke? I was in Shanghai on business. Graham doesn’t know his arse from his elbow when it comes to Renshaw. We keep him out of it, like I’ve told you a million times. That’s why he didn’t know where I was. That’s why he called. Calling my brother and making a scene is ridiculous.’ Alex put the cup of coffee on the table along with a grease-stained brown paper bag.’ He started to walk towards her.
Don’t come near me.’ Celeste put her hand out and he stepped back. She looked away. His confidence had made her doubt herself. She still loved him, but she couldn’t believe him. She couldn’t deny what she had seen yesterday. Had he and Bonnie dined in the same restaurants that were special to her and Alex? He had flown to Scotland several times over the last year, she had seen that in his itinerary. He had taken her to Vienna and Miami too, she was sure of that. Places she had always wanted to go. Had he flown her to Hong Kong to be with her, like he had done with one of his Low Stock women? Yes, he had. She was certain now that it was Bonnie she had seen in the Mont Blanc store that time. Alex said she was imagining things. Hadn’t Alex received a new Mont Blanc pen from a ‘client’ that very week? She had never even thought to question it.
Cheating was on a whole other level when you had money to burn. And all the while he was screwing Bonnie, he had purposefully encouraged the distance in their friendship. Whenever she asked for his advice on trying to make contact with her, he would always say, ‘Let her call you.’ She had stupidly assumed his father’s cheating had turned him against adulterers. Yet he had turned a blind eye to Bill and the expats in Hong Kong and she had accepted that. She had been so naïve, only seeing what she wanted to.
She looked out at the hazy Hong Kong skyline and then up to the oppressive, blood-red, crystal chandelier that hung over their dining table. ‘It’s hard to leave,’ Kealana had said, ‘when you are accustomed to this lifestyle.’ Now she wondered how she would live if she left Alex with nothing but her dignity? And where did integrity get you when you didn’t have money for your next meal?
‘Just tell me the truth.’
Alex reached for the brown bag and pulled out a glazed pastry. He bit into it, ignoring her.
‘You do want us to get past this, don’t you?’
‘Your hormones are all over the place. When you’ve calmed down, we can talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you. Something’s upset you.’ He put his half eaten pastry back in the paper bag and walked towards her. They both sat down on the brown leather sofa. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked, but she couldn’t talk, instead she let him pull her towards him.
They sat in silence until Celeste pulled away. ‘You were in Scotland, not Shanghai.’
Alex pulled
back just slightly, and she noted a split second of shock in his eyes, before he regained his composure. Her heart sank.
He began to laugh.
‘You were with her?’
‘What?’
‘I’m not talking about Rachel. I met Rachel when I was in London.’
Alex looked nonplussed.
‘I’m sure you heard about it from the staff at The Emerald Rooms. She knew you as William. It explains why you were so desperate to speak to me that night, when normally you don’t give a toss.’
‘You told me about that. You found it all very entertaining. It was one of Bill’s women – you were laughing about it. Why are you projecting his affairs on me?’
‘This isn’t about Bill. Was Bill also sleeping with my assistant designer Mo Li? She was one of your conquests as well, wasn’t she?’
‘Did she say something? She’s young. Probably pissed about Cross making her redundant. Blames you as her manager.’
‘My designers were beneath your standing, I remember you saying that I shouldn’t hang out with them. Yet you didn’t mind screwing Mo Li, before taking away her job, did you? Taking away all our jobs. I know you own Cross.’
‘Who’ve you been talking to? Or did you make it up, like when you thought Kealana was trying to poison you?’
A shiver ran down her spine, Kealana’s warning came back to her. ‘The Renshaws are influential.’ She had implied that she could be in danger if she rocked the boat, but this was no ordinary boat, this was her marriage. She wouldn’t be a martyr like Alex’s mother. She was going to fight her corner.
She could feel Alex’s hot breath on her face as he leaned towards her. ‘Tell me who has been making up these lies,’ he whispered with such a chill in his voice that the fine hair on the back of her arms stood up. She dropped her knees and rubbed her belly. ‘It’s all lies.’
If Alex was having an affair, this was his opportunity to get out of their marriage, so why was he denying it? Was it because he wanted to be the innocent one? Was he that insecure? She took a deep breath. ‘You were with Bonnie this past week. I logged on to your computer. I’ve seen what you’ve been up to. I know you own Cross. I know you’ve been having affairs.’
Alex stood up and walked towards the stairs. ‘I told you categorically not to use my computer. You don’t know what you’re doing. I have sensitive data on there for Renshaw. This isn’t a joke.’
‘Do you have time to work, juggling all your women? Flying here and there to be with your stock? Graham said you had taken a back seat at Renshaw and now I see why. You criticized your brother for all these years but it was just a smoke screen, wasn’t it, for your ignorant wife?’
‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’
‘You’re the one who’s broken my heart. You can’t deny what you’ve done.’
‘How did you access my computer?’
‘That’s what you’re worried about?’
‘Tell me.’
‘I had a stab at the password. It was pretty simple to guess,’ she said, covering up for Kealana.
He stopped in his tracks and turned around. Then he walked up to her and squatted down to where she was sitting. He looked at her with intense eyes. Eyes she didn’t recognize.
‘I guessed,’ she said and then looked away. She did everything in her power to stop herself from bursting into tears. When she looked back at him she could see hatred behind the bright blue of his eyes. Had it always been there, lurking in the shadows of his eyes? Why did he hate her so much? Was it because he had been found out, because the perfect persona he had created for himself was crumbling?
Alex took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Her body tensed. She noticed his fists were clenched. She put a protective hand on her belly. He had never raised a hand to her before, but she had seen him hit a man and she could feel his anger now. It was radiating off him. For the first time in her life she was scared. Would he do something to harm her? Would he do something to hurt their baby? The baby he never wanted.
He opened his eyes. ‘It’s all lies,’ he said calmly, and walked away from her towards his study. Celeste breathed a sigh of relief. Alex would never hurt her, she told herself, but she wasn’t quite sure she believed it.
63
20th August 2012
Mid-Levels, Central and Western District, Hong Kong
Two weeks had passed and Alex and Celeste passed each other, like ghosts, in their own home. Alex had moved to the spare room and was out of their apartment most of the time. Celeste had tried getting into his computer again but he had changed the password – of course he had. It was her own fault for telling him how she had found out about his affairs. She knew now that she should have emailed some of the documents to herself if she couldn’t save them. She had been foolish not to, but she hadn’t been thinking straight.
She had visited the doctor and he had said that the baby was fine. He put her pains down to stress and now when she experienced a dull ache she calmed herself until they passed. She had her doubts about the doctor, on Renshaw’s payroll, but she had little choice. And she knew even if Alex had been unfaithful to her he wouldn’t harm their child. He wasn’t a monster.
Alex wasn’t helping. She lay back on the sofa thinking of his increasingly irrational and temperamental behaviour – one minute he was nice, the next he was horrid. Only last week he said he wanted to make things right between them. He had booked a table at one of her favourite restaurants and had sent her flowers that morning. She in turn had chosen a red dress, a dress she knew Alex loved, and one she felt attractive in, although it was difficult these days with her protruding belly. When they got to the restaurant he had ordered, asked her about her day and then indulged her by talking about their days travelling together. Reminiscing about their visit to Monkey Island and reminding her of the snorkelling they had done in Koh Phi Phi. But just half way through their main course she had tensed, knowing that Alex was about to do his Jekyll and Hyde act because it wasn’t the first time that he had done this to her.
It always started when he mentioned Cross, telling her how financially inept Maryanne had been, explaining how he had rescued the brand. Oh all hail Alex the saviour! A lump at the back of her throat would form when he told her that she only got to where she was because of him. ‘I told Maryanne to keep you on,’ he would say, stinging Celeste, even though she had heard it from his mouth countless times now. ‘Maryanne did what she was told. Why do you think she didn’t come to our wedding?’ If that wasn’t enough, he would tell her how fantastically the Paris store was doing and that the designer there was only in her twenties and a size two. He provoked her and she reacted, even though she knew the game he was playing. Each time it hurt afresh, but there was something about Alex that made her stay and listen to everything he had to stay. His tricks had worked and he had what he had wanted all along – full control over her.
Of course the first time he had emotionally attacked her like this she had been angry, she had fought back. But recently she had lost the energy – she found it was better to just listen. She thought she would be able to block out his harsh words, but after hearing them over and over, she began to believe them. The waiters would see her pain, but they walked past as if it were perfectly ordinary. They wouldn’t interfere, not with the kind of tips Alex doled out. It was her fault. She could have said ‘no’ to the dinner invite, but then it always was difficult to say ‘no’ to Alex. He would needle and cajole until he got his way and if she held her ground he would turn it around on her.
‘You see, Celeste,’ he would say. ‘I’m trying to make things right between us. You don’t seem to care, to want to make an effort.’ He always knew what buttons to press.
‘The last couple of times we fought. Let’s stay in and talk,’ she would say.
‘I can’t think clearly here. And you can’t cook. We can make this right. You just have to give us a chance.’ He would look at her with those big blue eyes, and eventually she would giv
e in, thinking maybe this time would be different. It never was.
This week Alex had been ignoring her. It was tortuous. But she didn’t have a choice. Her due date was in three months, so going back to England was no longer an option. A few weeks ago she had filled her empty days by busying herself with buying things for the baby, organizing the guest room into a nursery and making sure she read up on what being a new mum was like. But her thoughts were always peppered with concerns about Alex. If he wasn’t at home she wondered if he was with Bonnie or perhaps someone new. She played tortuous conversations in her mind over and over on what she would say if he asked for a divorce. Would she say she was relieved and walk out or would she break down and beg him to stay like the weakling she had become? Without a single true friend in Hong Kong she thought the latter was most likely to be true. She couldn’t cope with the idea of a divorce, let alone Alex asking for one. She prayed it wouldn’t come to that.
Lately she had been feeling lethargic. The more Alex ignored her, the less she wanted to move. Most days this week she didn’t even want to get out of bed. Her sleeping pattern was erratic. At night she would try and sleep but mostly she was gripped with anxiety – irrational thoughts waking her up. At times she thought she could hear Alex in his bed with another woman. Twice she had crept down to listen at his door – there had been nothing. The mornings were hardest for her. It was when she felt most sleepy, but still she couldn’t sleep, and by midday, Kealana would come to her room, draw the curtains and encourage her to get up and brush her teeth. It took her at least half an hour to walk to the bathroom, wash her face and brush her teeth, and although she had nothing but time, she didn’t see the point in any of it. She just about managed two meals a day, and that was mostly to stop Kealana and Ruby from hassling her. The baby was about the only thing keeping her going.
Poison in the Water Page 24