Doctored Death

by P. D. Workman

  “How is she?”

  “Good.”

  “It was really a good idea to get her involved with your work. You needed someone to help out with those jobs to free up your time. And it’s been really good for Heather and her self-esteem.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Kenzie ate her second slice of pizza without any further attempt at conversation and put her plate in the dishwasher. She walked away from the kitchen without excusing herself or saying another word to Zachary. A few minutes later, she could hear him putting his plate into the dishwasher as well. There wasn’t really enough in the dishwasher to run it, but she heard him start it anyway. Hopefully, he had remembered to put detergent in the dispenser.

  Kenzie shut herself in the bedroom and worked from her laptop and her tablet on the bed, catching up on some correspondence with friends, paying bills, and writing dutiful emails to her parents. She downloaded a book and read for a while, but couldn’t focus on the story, her mind on Zachary and work. The puzzle of what had killed Willis Cartwright festered. Would they end up just writing it off as natural causes? Age? It wasn’t a great solution, but she wondered if they would be left with any other option.

  She started to think, after a while, that she should call Dr. Boyle. Of course, she should call during the day when Dr. B would be at her office. But she would probably have appointments booked most of the day, and Kenzie would have a hard time finding private time during her own workday. She didn’t want to be discussing ultra-personal matters while sitting at her public-facing desk. For most of the day, she was alone, but she could be approached by the police or a member of the public for a request at any time. That meant that she had to be careful what she said and did there.

  Dr. B had told Zachary and Kenzie to call her at home if they needed to. Kenzie didn’t like to do that unless it were an emergency. But she was worried about Zachary. Not about his immediate safety, but she did worry that if she let him go downhill now, in October, then there wouldn’t be anything she or anyone else could do when he hit the really black time in the week or two before Christmas. Maybe there wasn’t anything any of them could do anyway, but she had hoped that if she kept track of his moods and was there to give advice and help him along, that he would do better this time. They could have a quiet December and give Zachary plenty of time and control over his own surroundings, and with her help, he could get through it more easily.

  Maybe that was naive of her. She’d seen him the previous Christmas and really understood for the first time that it wasn’t just December blues, but a real crisis point.

  The other question, besides whether Dr. B would want to get a call from Kenzie during the evening when it wasn’t an emergency, was how Zachary would feel about her calling Dr. B.

  Kenzie had made mistakes in that area before, talking to outside parties instead of directly to Zachary. But he wasn’t talking to her. Any time she asked him how he was, she got a one-word answer. She’d tried to engage him in various other conversational topics, but had failed.

  Eventually, Kenzie gave in. She would call. She would see what Dr. Boyle thought. And if necessary, she would go back to Zachary to ask for his permission. Dr. Boyle was Kenzie’s therapist too, after all. Maybe just for the couples stuff, but they did have a professional relationship.

  The phone rang a few times and then was answered by Dr. Boyle’s quiet, cultured voice. “Hello?”

  “Dr. Boyle. Hi, it’s Kenzie Kirsch. I don’t like to disturb you at home. Are you busy? Is there a time I could talk to you tomorrow?”

  “I have a few minutes now. What can I help you with?”

  Kenzie took a couple of deep breaths, trying to prepare herself. “Well... I guess you know I missed couples therapy this week.”

  “I did notice,” Dr. Boyle said dryly.

  Kenzie gave a weak laugh. “Yeah. I guess you probably did. How was Zachary? Was he okay?”

  “You should ask him that.”

  “I did. He says everything is fine. He says he understands that sometimes I have to work late unexpectedly and that I was called into a meeting with my boss and couldn’t call him to let him know what was going on. But... I know he’s still upset. He won’t talk to me about it. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to just let it go until he’s ready to talk about it. That’s what I did the last time, and it was weeks before he was ready...”

  “I would suggest that you continue to let him know that you will talk to him about it, that you’re prepared to hear his feelings. But know that he isn’t necessarily going to be open to sharing those feelings right now. It was a bit of a shock for him when you didn’t show up.”

  “And in the meantime, when he won’t talk to me? Do I pretend that everything is fine? Act like it’s all normal? Because things are pretty tense around here. I don’t know how to deal with him. He’s blocking me out.”

  “He might need a bit more time. It was just yesterday.”

  Kenzie let out her breath. Was it even possible that it had only been a day ago? It seemed like ages already. Every minute that she sat with Zachary, or separate from him, it felt like there was a war going on between them. A silent war, but a war nonetheless. And she didn’t know how to win it. Or if she needed to win it. She wanted things to go back to normal. Like the blissful night when she had invited Zachary back, and they had lain in each other’s arms for hours. It had seemed like everything had been healed between them and nothing else could ever open that rift again. And now she’d done it. It was as easy as forgetting an appointment she’d promised to attend with him.

  “There isn’t anything I could do to help him get through it faster? I’m worried about him. About his depression. It’s already getting worse and Christmas is more than two months away. What if I can’t reach him before that?”

  “That’s two months away,” Dr. Boyle assured her. “A lot can happen in that length of time. If you’ve apologized for what happened and he’s accepted it, I think you just need to wait patiently. He has a lot of emotions to work through.”

  And it would take longer than a day. Kenzie knew how he was still stuck on forgiving his mother for abandoning him and his siblings to the foster care system. She had demanded that they be taken away because she didn’t want to deal with them anymore. That was a decades-old hurt.

  And he was still dealing with his feelings for Bridget when she had kicked him out of the house and divorced him. That one festered not just because of Zachary’s feelings, but because of the things that Bridget had done since, using him, being verbally and emotionally abusive, if not physically abusive. Kenzie had seen Bridget slap Zachary once, and she was pretty sure that wasn’t the only time it had happened. The recent revelations about Bridget’s unborn twins and her own challenges had not helped Zachary to put the past behind him.

  So why did she think that he should be able to recover in a day after they’d had a major disconnect? Especially when his feelings with her were bound to be wrapped up with his feelings toward his mother and Bridget?

  “How do I wait? I want things to go back to normal. Not to feel like I have to tiptoe around here and avoid doing anything that will make him feel worse? I keep trying to talk—just about normal stuff, not the relationship and my screw-up—and he just won’t engage.”

  “Do you want me to talk to him?”

  Kenzie considered. She wasn’t sure whether that would be helpful or harmful. She’d talked herself into calling Dr. Boyle, telling herself it was the right thing to do, but was talking to Dr. B or asking her to intervene a betrayal of their relationship? Kenzie didn’t want to do that again.

  “No. I don’t think I should put this on you. I think that if he feels like I went to you and asked you to straighten him out...” Kenzie shook her head to herself. “That’s just going to make things worse. It’s going to break our trust again.”

  “Okay. Then all I can say is that you’re doing the right thing, letting him know it’s okay to share his feelings and then trying to live a n
ormal life while you wait for him to process it. It isn’t going to be a smooth, easy path. There might be a few blow-ups along the way. But you’re going to need to give him time. More time than you think it should take.”

  “All right.” Kenzie sighed. “That’s what I’ll do, then. At least... at least I know what he’s upset about this time. Before, when I didn’t know why he had suddenly withdrawn... all I could think was that something had happened and he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t want me around and just didn’t know how to say it. When Lorne told me... it was a relief to at least know what it was we were fighting about.”

  “Good luck. You have his schedule, so you know when his next therapy session is. Expect some fireworks that day. And then the next week we’ll have another couples session. And hopefully, Zachary will be okay with that, and you will be able to be there. Make an effort to be around when you say you will, to keep all appointments, even if they seem like small, unimportant things. He can get through this. If you both work at it.”

  “I will. Thanks.”

  31

  After hanging up with Dr. B, Kenzie just lay in bed for a while, sometimes with her eyes closed and sometimes staring up at the ceiling. She tried to put herself into Zachary’s place. To imagine what was going on inside his head and how it was affecting him. Eventually, she forced herself to roll out of bed, put her devices away, and go out to the living room to talk to him one more time.

  Zachary’s head twitched toward her for an instant when she entered the room, so she knew that despite the fact he pretended to be occupied with his computer, he wasn’t so hyperfocused on his work that he didn’t see her.

  “Hi,” Kenzie said and sat down on the couch. Near where he was seated at his computer, but not too close. His eyes went to her, then to the empty space between them. He turned back to his laptop.

  “Zachary.”

  “Uh-huh?” He deliberately made his voice sound far away.

  “I called Dr. Boyle. I wanted to make sure you knew. So you don’t think I’m talking to people behind your back.”

  His eyes turned to her, dark and intense. Already looking hurt and betrayed. “What?”

  “I wanted to know her thoughts on what I can do. I know I screwed up. I just wanted to know if there was anything she thought I should be doing to... let you know that I’m sorry and that I care about how you feel. To let you know that you can talk to me about it. When you’re ready.”

  He looked away again, tapping a key on his computer as if he were still engaged with what was on his screen.

  “Great. You didn’t need to do that. What did she say?”

  “Just to carry on. Give you time to process. However much you need.”

  Zachary nodded.

  “And I’m doing that. I didn’t come out here to push you to talk or to feel differently than you do. Just to let you know that I’m working on myself. And that I talked to Dr. B. I’m not trying to hide anything or to push you.”

  There was a long period of silence. It might have only been a few seconds, but it felt like forever. After a long time, Zachary nodded and said, “Okay.”

  Kenzie didn’t know how long it would take before things were normal again between them, but she felt like at least they had made a step. She had made sure that he wasn’t going to be taken by surprise by her call to Dr. Boyle and that he knew she was just going to continue to be patient and wait. As much as she was able to do that. What she would really like to do some days was just to smack him and tell him to grow up and get over it. But the fact was, he really was still that ten-year-old he’d been when his mother had abandoned him. And he was still the damaged kid he had been in foster care when his behavior had been too much for the Petersons to handle and he had spent much of his time in institutional care. And he was still the man he’d been with Bridget, beginning their life together, happy as two lovebirds should be, and then devastated when her love for him had soured and she had kicked him out. He was still all those people and stuck in all those relationships.

  But in an improvement over the night before, he agreed to go to bed with her. His body was too stiff and his movements conscious and forced, but he was at least trying to go through the motions, just as Kenzie was.

  After the restless night before and a couple of very long workdays, Kenzie couldn’t stay awake even if she was worried about their relationship. After a few minutes, her body relaxed and she drifted off to dreamland.

  But it wasn’t to be the peaceful, regenerating sleep that she hoped for. She was jolted out of sleep by Zachary a few hours later. Not having nightmares, but shaking her shoulder gently. Kenzie tried to open her eyes, rubbing one with her fist.

  “What? What’s wrong? Did you have a dream?” Kenzie croaked.

  “Your phone.”

  “What?” Kenzie forced herself to sit up and look for it. It flashed and vibrated on the bedside table. “Oh... dang!”

  Her phone was set to Do Not Disturb after ten, and the only people who were allowed through were Zachary and Dr. Wiltshire. And her parents, of course. Kenzie couldn’t shake off the memory of late-night and early-morning calls when Amanda had been alive. Gut-wrenching calls when no one knew if Amanda was going to make it through the night. Kenzie wouldn’t leave her mother to her own devices if Walter had a heart attack, or vice versa. She would be there when her parents needed her, no matter what their relationship was like.

  Kenzie fumbled her phone and scooped it up. She squinted at the bright screen. Not one of her parents. Dr. Wiltshire. Kenzie swiped and put it up to her ear. “Hello? Dr. Wiltshire?”

  “Sorry to call you in the middle of the night, Kenzie.”

  “No. It’s okay. What is it?”

  “There has been another death at Champlain House. I’m going to attend this time. Do you want to come along?”

  “Oh. Yes.” Kenzie pulled off the blankets. “Are you going right now?”

  “I’ll be on my way shortly. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. But you’ve been very involved in the Cartwright case and I thought you might...”

  “Yes, definitely.” Kenzie slid out of bed and went to her closet, squinting into it by the light of her phone to pick out a shirt and pants for the visit to the nursing home. “I will be there as soon as I can be. Do you know what we are looking at yet?”

  “No, not yet. They did not sound concerned. They don’t, I think, view it as suspicious.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you there.”

  Kenzie hung up the phone and started to dress.

  “Where are you going?” Zachary asked.

  “Champlain House. It’s just down by the river. Not far.”

  “I can drive you.”

  “And then you’d have to just sit in the car in the dark and cold waiting for me. You don’t need to do that. Just go back to sleep.”

  “You know that’s not going to happen,” he said with a hint of a laugh. “And I’m not exactly a stranger to sitting in a dark, cold car. If I take you, then I’ll know that you’re safe and not worry about you.”

  “I can drive myself. I’m awake. You may as well get what rest you can.”

  She could feel him watching her in the dark. “If you tell me not to go, I won’t. But if you don’t mind... let me drive you.”

  Kenzie was irritated and pleased in equal measures. He wasn’t acting remote and angry. And he wasn’t acting needy. He communicated his feelings, gave Kenzie a choice, and then waited. Just like they’d been taught in couple’s therapy.

  “You’d really rather sit in the car than stay here?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you know that afterward, we’ll have to come back here so I can get my car for work? I don’t want you to have to pick me up at the end of the day too. That’s a lot of extra driving around when I’m just going in to... observe.”

  “I know. I’d rather go.”

  Kenzie sighed. “Okay, then. I suppose I should be grateful to have you along and give me time to wake up.” She
knew that Zachary didn’t need time to wake up. Even in the middle of the night, his usual state of affairs was hypervigilant, not drowsy. He had woken up to the vibration of her phone, hadn’t he? While she was yawning and rubbing her eyes, he sat on the bed like he had just come in to watch her sleep rather than needing any sleep himself.

  He sprang up off the bed and was fully dressed before Kenzie, despite her head start. He slid out of the room as silently as a ghost, not waiting for her. Kenzie finished dressing, went to the bathroom, gathered her bag and her phone, and made her way out to the living room.

  “If you can wait thirty seconds, I’ve got coffee on,” Zachary told her, looking at the time on his phone.

  Kenzie didn’t want to wait, but thirty seconds for coffee beat going out immediately with nothing to fortify herself. She breathed out, trying to catch her breath and slow her heart, which was thumping rapidly with excitement. “Okay. Thanks. That was thoughtful.”

  “Dr. Wiltshire can take you for donuts in the morning.”

  Kenzie chuckled. He probably would, at that. They wouldn’t be taking time to go back home and follow their usual morning routines. Another reason it was probably a good idea to go with Zachary. Then he wouldn’t feel like he had been abandoned by her the whole day.

  “I’ll get the car warmed up.” Zachary pulled on a jacket, turned off the burglar alarm, and went out the front door to his car parked at the curb in front of the house. His breath was frosty in the air, reminding Kenzie that she’d better get her coat as well. She put on her jacket and shoes while she waited for the coffee machine to finish filling the large carafe, then used it to fill the two travel mugs waiting on the counter. Try to get Zachary to make a simple lunch while he was distracted by something else, and he would forget a major component. But when he was focused on a mission like getting Kenzie safely to the nursing home, it was a totally different story. He was as prepared as a boy scout. Or a drill sergeant.