Starting Over (Second Time Lucky Book 1)

by Kat Catesby

  “So why are you looking at your phone like you want to smash it? All this happened last night and if Kelsey is ignoring you, why the anger at the incoming message?”

  “Because I was going to fly back to Aspen at the weekend and try to sort some of this out but Max has told me not to come back. He hasn’t elaborated so all I can assume is that things with Kelsey are really bad and she wants nothing to do with me.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh? Care to elaborate?”

  “There’s not much I can say. You broke a woman’s heart and her life has imploded. It’s not unreasonable that she doesn’t trust you or want to talk to you. If your friend is telling you not to come back then you’re right, things aren’t great. If he doesn’t think the romantic gesture of turning up on her doorstep unexpectedly and facing up to your family will fix things, then your relationship might well and truly be fucked. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but you dumped the girl and then burnt every one of your bridges on your way out of town. You’re going to need a miracle…and someone with better ideas than me. Sorry, boss.” She shrugs a toned shoulder and looks a little sad for me, but she’s right. This is all my own doing and it’s going to take more than just turning up and promising Kelsey sweet nothings to win her back. It’s going to take decisive action, starting with chasing up my divorce attorney.

  I pull my phone from my pocket just as the fire alarm goes off.

  Perfect timing.

  I haul ass to the truck with Sanchez hot on my heels, my plan to win Kelsey back on hold until after we deal with this emergency.

  * * *

  There are only fifteen minutes of my shift left by the time we get back from the four-car freeway pile-up. We clean and store equipment and prepare to hand over to the next crew.

  I’m running on autopilot – my mind switched its focus back to Kelsey the moment we left the scene, thinking over and over about how to make it right. How do you win back the woman you love when you’ve crushed her repeatedly? And do I even deserve to?

  I’m finally realizing that it’s Kelsey’s choice about who she’s in a relationship with, age difference or not, and right now, she’s sending a pretty strong signal that she’s made her decision and it’s not one that I’m going to like.

  My mind drifts to the message Max sent me about an hour ago: Don’t fuck it up.

  Pretty sure I already have, but still, it doesn’t quite make sense. The man told me to stay here, not sure how I can fuck that up…unless I ignore him, which I’m sorely tempted to do and just get on a plane back to Aspen regardless.

  I’m staring into the middle distance, imagining the look on Kelsey’s face when I turn up at Lucy’s house, when Sanchez approaches me, looking concerned but oddly excited.

  “You need to see this, boss.”

  “See what, Sanchez? Our shift is nearly over, I’m exhausted. If it’s not an emergency, I’m not interested.”

  “There’s someone outside for you.”

  “Then I’m not interested.” The only other friend I have in this city is Xan and he would just walk in because he’s the Battalion Chief. Unless…

  “It’s not my parents or ex-wife, is it? Because I’m not going out there if that’s the case.” My brain leaps into gear and my stomach takes a sickening nose-dive at the thought they’ve figured out where I am. It’s almost hilarious that I can deal with a mass casualty scene involving kids and dismembered limbs but the thought of seeing my parents makes me want to puke.

  “Not sure how I’d know what they look like. But this person is young with dark blond hair and big brown eyes and goes by the name of Kelsey.”

  “What?” I practically shout, truly believing that Sanchez is taking the personal information I gave her and twisting it into some evil initiation hazing ritual.

  “Look,” she says kindly, nodding towards the front where a woman who looks a lot like Kelsey stands nervously by the open garage door with a suitcase.

  “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but she’s there, right? For real? I’m not seeing things?”

  “She’s there, boss. I guess you do have a shot in hell after all.”

  On numb legs I walk toward the front of the firehouse, my eyes refusing to leave Kelsey for fear that she’ll disappear, like a mirage in the desert. She has her back to me so hasn’t seen me yet. This gives me a moment to just take her in; the way her dark blond hair blows in the gentle breeze, the cut off denim shorts that I haven’t seen since last summer (and were a personal favorite of mine due to the amount of leg they reveal), the pale yellow short-sleeve blouse that strains ever-so-slightly around the swell of her breasts…the suitcase next to her that fills me with more hope than I have a right to ask for.

  She turns and in my state of shock and amazement, it’s almost in slow motion, her big chocolate eyes find mine and I don’t see even a glimmer of the hurt and anger she must be feeling toward me. All I see is relief. Her eyes sparkle when she gives me a small, shy but beautiful smile.

  I still can’t believe that standing before me, looking stunning but nervous as hell, is Kelsey.

  I’d be worried I’m conjuring her from my imagination and am descending into a deeper level of crazy heartbreak, were it not for Sanchez telling me she’s here. I’m working on the premise that if other people can see her then she must be real.

  On instinct, I glance around to see if anyone is watching us and then instantly realize it was the wrong thing to do. Kelsey’s eyes tighten immediately, the happiness that sparkled moments before fading, the heartache I expected to see creeping its way in.

  During our relationship I developed a habit that made Kelsey feel insecure; Helen used to hound us so badly that it became routine to constantly look over my shoulder when I was with Kelsey. I was always checking our surroundings to make sure we weren’t about to endure some sort of Helen-based drama; I knew Kelsey was well aware of it and that it was something she was increasingly uncomfortable with. To her, it looked like I was nervous to be seen with her. Embarrassed or even ashamed. And to a certain degree, that was true but not in the way she thinks.

  I was nervous about Helen ruining our time together, not about being seen with Kelsey. I was embarrassed about the scenes Helen would make, not about my twenty-six-year-old girlfriend. I was ashamed of how I let the situation get to me and how it influenced, and ultimately, ended our relationship.

  But I was never ashamed of Kelsey or the fact that I was dating a younger woman.

  Kelsey doesn’t understand this though, because I never really explained it. I tried to shield her from Helen’s bullshit and I let her believe that it was a combination of my dysfunctional family and the age difference that caused me to break up with her. I continued to let her think that because she’s a practically-minded person and there’s nothing you can do to shorten an age gap, so she was good enough to make it easy for me to walk away.

  Kelsey didn’t scream or shout at me, she didn’t hate me for it or bad mouth me to her friends and family (not that they knew about our relationship thanks to me). She simply told me she understood why the age difference bothered me and as there was nothing she could do about it, she accepted my decision.

  Except it was never about the age difference, not really. It was about Helen never letting us live in peace and instead of being a bigger man and fighting harder for Kelsey, I gave up. I was weak and she deserves better. Kelsey also deserves a man who can build a family with her and I can’t promise her that.

  But she knows about my fertility issues and she may not have shouted at me the first time I broke her heart, but she didn’t hold back with her messages yesterday, and yet she’s still here. She decided to come to L.A. for me.

  Her choice.

  Knowing everything that she knows, she still got on a plane and I’m finally smart enough to know how much love and respect that deserves.

  Suddenly Max’s ‘Don’t fuck it up’ message makes perfect sense, but looking at the tense and awkward way Kelsey is hoveri
ng by the door, I think I already have.

  Chapter Nine

  Kelsey

  Standing before him now, it occurs to me what a rash plan this is.

  When people break up it’s usually because one or both parties no longer cares enough for the other to shoulder the baggage and compromises that go with that relationship anymore.

  I’ve just traveled half-way across the country and it’s only now just occurring to me that maybe Mason stopped caring.

  Yes, our situation was stressful, but maybe he used that as an excuse when he bailed. Perhaps when he called Max it was out of a sense of guilt and responsibility, not love. Maybe he has stopped caring and the only person in love here is me.

  What if he’s moved on?

  The nervous glance over his shoulder certainly suggests so. It’s the same self-conscious, embarrassed-to-be-seen-with-his-young-girlfriend, guilty look he did throughout our relationship.

  Suddenly my gesture feels immature and nothing more than an ill-advised whim. He wanted a new life and made it very clear he wanted it on his own.

  I shouldn’t be here and I’m furious with myself for letting Lucy talk me into this.

  My heart thumps erratically in my chest and my eyes begin to burn with tears that I refuse to let fall in public. I was better off staying in Lucy’s house and ignoring Mason for the rest of my life.

  I’m such an idiot for coming here uninvited.

  Lucy was so sure about this that my flight was one-way, I’ve no job and nowhere to stay (again, Lucy was certain that I’d just stay with Mason).

  It’s rapidly dawning on me that this isn’t some romantic fairy tale with a happily-ever-after for the girl who makes the grand gesture, and that Lucy sees the world through her rose-tinted honeymoon-phase glasses and that I am a world-class dumbass.

  I take a moment to weigh my options and have no clue what to say or do, so I turn around and begin to wheel my case away, mentally calculating the amount of money I have left in my savings account and whether it’ll be enough for a flight home. I don’t think it will be, which brings me to my next depressing realization: I’m going to have to call my parents for help.

  Please, if there’s a God, let this be rock bottom. Please.

  I can’t take any fucking more.

  This literal flight of fancy to an unknown city for a man who doesn’t love me has to be it. Life has to start getting better from here.

  I have to start learning from my mistakes and as there’s nothing left of my old life that isn’t in ruins; I’d say Mason Fox may well be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

  I’m so lost in my thoughts and consumed with the need to just put one foot blindly in front of the other and escape the awful situation I’ve put myself in, that I don’t hear voices behind me. I don’t hear the approaching footsteps over my internal drama. So when a large, warm hand gently wraps around my forearm, I’m completely startled and yelp like a yappy puppy.

  “Where are you going, Kelsey?” Mason asks, his deep, soothing voice doing more to me than he has any right to. I swear the man could bring me to orgasm just by talking to me – it’s an unfair advantage that makes me weak in the knees and wet in my panties.

  From. Just. His. Voice.

  What the fuck is wrong with me? No one has ever had such an auditory effect on me before; when it comes to conversation, I’m naturally the talker, not so much the listener. But with Mason? I could sit in silence and just listen to him talk for hours.

  And when the man talks dirty…well, let’s just say I’m a wet mess of a puddle, bones melted with no ability to move.

  At this moment, I equal parts hate and love his voice.

  I love it for how it makes me feel, I hate it for the simple fact he can command me to do pretty much anything…like stop and listen to the inevitable car crash that’s about to hit me.

  “Back to the airport,” I manage to stammer as he pulls gently but firmly on my arm to make me turn around and face him. My body follows willingly but I can’t bring myself to look him in his intense hazel eyes.

  “And why would you do that? You’ve only just got here,” he purrs, knowing damn well what he’s doing to me.

  Ugh. Unfair advantage.

  “I shouldn’t have come in the first place. Stupid Lucy. Stupid Cooper brothers and stupid me for listening and flying out here with my heart on my sleeve. Nothing has changed. You left me behind for a reason and my life imploding in the wake of that doesn’t change the fact that you don’t love me. You’re still looking over your shoulder, ashamed that I’m even here. Well, don’t worry. I won’t be for much longer. I have a plane to catch.”

  “Let me just stop you there. I’m not sure which point to argue against first; that you think I’m ashamed of you, that you believe I’m going to let you get on a plane and leave me, or that you’re crazy enough to doubt that I love you? Please tell me which point will make you stay and I’ll start there.”

  “Walking away is a gesture you know all too well…figured I’d show you something familiar,” I know I sound like an angry, bitter harpy. I know I’m lashing out and yes, he might deserve it but it’s not my natural default to behave this way. It makes me feel even more wretched.

  “Hey!” Mason isn’t one for raising his voice but he does have a sharp bark when he needs it.

  …Apparently, he needs it now.

  It pulls me up short and I loathe that it has the desired effect.

  “What? The truth too much to handle? Hitting a little too close to home? You don’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to me and you dare to try and sound pissed at me when I point that out to you?” Yeah, I’m on an angry, angry roll.

  “I’m well aware of all my failings, Kelsey. You don’t need to be the scorned woman shouting at me in public.”

  “You deserve it.”

  “I deserve worse, I don’t disagree. But as we both unanimously agree that I’m an asshole who got everything wrong and deserves to be berated, perhaps we could skip that part and move onto the important bit of actually talking?”

  I’m taken by surprise by Mason’s admission of fault; the man always stubbornly occupied the realm of ‘I’ve made the decision and it’s in your best interest, so it’s happening and I’m right’. To know he finally sees how he fucked up knocks me off balance…but I’m not giving into him that easily.

  “So you can avoid the consequences you mean?”

  “I live with the consequences every day, Kelsey,” he says softly. “You are the one person in the world I never want to hurt and I have to live with the knowledge that, despite my best efforts, I’ve hurt you deeply. Repeatedly. I have to spend my days without you and worse, knowing that you hate me. Knowing that my heartache and yours are all my own doing. That’s a bitter pill to swallow. I know that your life is fucked up at the moment and I know that it’s all my fault. I should’ve been there for you and it kills me to know I left you alone when you needed me the most. I’m sorry, Kelsey. So truly, deeply sorry.”

  “I hate that that was a pretty good apology. Nowhere near enough to make up for what’s happened to me, but enough that I no longer want to kick you in the balls.”

  “They’ll be no use to you if you kick them,” he smirks that devilish smile of his and I tingle in places that really should be dormant for this conversation.

  “I’m not sleeping with you anytime soon, Mason. So get that idea out of your filthy head. And for the record; I don’t hate you. I tried to talk myself into hating you because it was easier to cope with everything that way. But I wouldn’t be here if I did. I let our friends buy me a plane ticket and allowed them to talk me into moving my life halfway across the country. That’s not the actions of someone who hates you. But just because I don’t hate you, don’t be fooled into thinking I’m not monumentally pissed at you right now.”

  “I know. You have every right to be. Wait…you moved your life out here? What exactly do you mean by that?”

  Shit.


  It’s been so long since Mason and I had a proper conversation that I feel like I’ve forgotten how to read him. I don’t know if his shock is good or bad…and I’m terrified it’s the bad kind that has him thinking I’m some kind of stalker bunny-boiler.

  Everything that’s happened over the past seven months has me feeling on edge and insecure. It doesn’t take much for me to doubt my actions or other people’s opinions of me. And I still stupidly place too much emphasis on Mason’s opinion of me.

  But what’s the worst that can happen at this point? He doesn’t want me and I either fly back home (to Lucy’s house because I don’t technically have my own home) or I pull a Mason and make a fresh start out here in L.A….without Mason.

  “There isn’t exactly anything left for me in Aspen, apart from Lucy. There are no job prospects, thanks to your parents and Helen, and my savings are terrifyingly low, so with those two combined it’s not like starting over is going to be easy. Why would I attempt it in a town where no one will employ me? Half of my belongings are already in storage, my bags were still half-packed and according to Max and Lucy, you still love me, so what did I have to lose by coming out here?”

  My heart stops in my chest while I wait for his reaction.

  His lips twitch with the smallest of smiles, his hazel eyes flare and burn with heat, he tightens his grip on my forearm and pulls me to him.

  I go willingly into his arms, expecting him to kiss me, but he just holds me tight, wrapped in both of his strong arms. The moment continues and I relax into his embrace with every pulse of my heart and in all honesty, I needed the hug more than I needed a kiss. Kisses from Mason do nothing but amp up my sex drive and I don’t need my libido confusing matters.

  “I should’ve let you come with me when you first offered,” he eventually says to the top of my head, his voice a little thicker and rougher than it was before.