by Rutter, M J
I got up early and decided to go swimming again, thinking it would take my mind off her again, but I wasn’t completely sure that I wanted my mind on anything else but her. I suspected that she would feel foolish and embarrassed. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I saw her on the beach, I swam towards the shore and watched as she threw a ball for the dog, she did have some sun glasses on, other than that, you wouldn’t have known she was almost attacked the night before.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her.
“I’m okay,” she replied amicably. It took me by surprise, she didn’t even look at me.
“About last night…” I began.
“Kaden, you stood me up, it’s not the end of the world, is it? I doubt that you will be the last guy to ever decide that I am not worth sharing a meal with.”
“No, Skylar…I…” why wouldn’t she listen to me?
“If you are referring to you accusing me of deserving what that asshat Keith did to me, then whatever, I am over it and I am over you.” She walked towards her house and yelled at Misty, leaving me standing alone on the beach feeling like a jerk. I was an asshat.
I kicked my front door closed, anger raged my veins and my hands shook even more. I raced to the bathroom and lifted a towel, rubbing it over my hair, as I gazed at my reflection I noticed that a nerve on the right side of my face was twitching. I scooped cold water into my mouth and spat it out. When I lifted my head the room turned white and the floor met my face with a thud.
After a while, though I am not completely sure, I opened my eyes and my head was already pounding. As I got onto my knees vomit raced up my throat. I rinsed my mouth and brushed my teeth, then staggering towards the bedroom, I thought my head was going to split open, the pain was excruciating.
I flopped down onto the bed and pulled the covers over my head. Trying to hide my eyes from the light hoping it would give me some sort of relief. But it didn’t and after a while I got up and made my way to the kitchen, searching the cabinets for pain killers of some kind. I didn’t even have an Aspirin. I had to suck up my pride and go to Skylar, I didn’t wanted after she had yelled in my face, but I was desperate.
At the risk of her slamming the door in my face, I gently knocked on the door and waited. Misty barked and it felt as if a knife stabbed at my temples. I winced with the pain and broke out into a cold sweat. The door opened and I stared at her pink painted toenails.
“Didn’t I make myself clear?” she asked angrily.
“Perfectly,” I grumbled and lifted my head, anger in her eyes melted as they filled with concern.
“Kaden, what’s wrong?”
“I uh, I would leave you alone, but I’m desperate and I guess I’m pathetic, add to that that I am an asshat and that’s m I’m afraid.” Nothing, she merely blinked. “Look, I need something to make this headache go away and I don’t even have an Aspirin.” I admitted.
“Well, can’t you drive to the drug store?” she asked frostily.
“If I could, I would, believe me, having you yell in my face again is the last thing I need right now.”
“I didn’t yell,” she said softly.
“You did and I deserved it, please just…” I leaned against the door jamb to stop myself from collapsing again. “I just need this pain to stop and I’ll never bother you again…”
“Come in,” she told me. I followed silently and watched as she pulled out a cookie tin filled with medication. She lifted out a box of Advil and she held them out to me. As I raised my hand to her it was shaking uncontrollably, I pulled my hand back and hid it behind me. “Kaden, what’s wrong with you, why are you always shaking?”
“That’s my business,” I snapped and turned to leave, “keep your damn pain killers…” I tripped over the dog and hit the floor hard, I remember hearing her scream and Misty yelping and then I blacked out…
I opened my eyes and immediately tried to sit up, I was in a bed and the scent told me it was a hospital. How the hell did I end up there?
“Don’t try to move, sir,” a soft spoken female voice said, I didn’t recognise it at all.
“What happened?” I grumbled.
“You blacked out, your friend called a paramedic when she couldn’t wake you.” She stepped in to view and she had that sympathetic look on her peach coloured face. “The doctor needs to know that you have woken up. Shall I send your friend in?” Skylar!
“No,” I snapped.
“I won’t be long,” she muttered and left.
A few moments later the door opened again and a man entered the room, he wasn’t very old, slightly older than me I guess. He wore green scrubs and a stethoscope around his neck.
“I’m the doctor who treated you when you came in.” He said as he walked across the room. “I believe your name is Kaden?” he checked.
“Yes, Kaden Wright.”
“Well, sir, you scared us there for a while.” He smiled slightly. “I ran some bloods and scanned your head to rule out head injuries.” He then frowned deeply, “Are you aware that you…?”
“Have MS, yes, I know.” I interrupted, “I have my meds and I am waiting for it to ruin what’s left of my life. I need to eat three meals a day, take light but regular exercises, take my meds and wait for it to eat me alive. You are not going to tell me anything I don’t already know, Doc, I just as sooner go home and stay in bed for a few days. I had a headache, just a stupid headache and I am sorry for wasting your time.”
“Actually, I was going to ask you why your insurance is in the name of Max West, as in SOS, Max West, you are him, aren’t you?” his question took me aback.
“You can’t tell anyone I am here,” I frowned. “Please, I just need to disappear.”
“Why?”
“I have MS, it is eating me away, I know this, I watched it kill my dad.”
“Treatments of MS have come a long way, Max… I mean Kaden. It’s not as devastating as it was a few years ago. Lots of people, granted, their lives are changed dramatically, but they live fulfilled lives…”
“And how would this fit in to the life of a rock star? Can you tell me that, because I can’t even play the guitar anymore or the piano for that matter? My fans would know, everyone would know and they can’t. At the end of the day, this is going to kill me, I will die from this.”
“We don’t know that for definite. You have MS it may not be the same strain that killed your father, it’s not normally hereditary, but I can understand how debilitating it is and I am sure your doctor would have explained that there are different strains as well as stages. You are merely at stage one, the earliest stage and it can take years to start affecting your body.”
“So, shaking, the tremors I feel are what then?”
“Okay, your meds should be calming them down. Have you cut out anything?” he asked.
“Try everything,” I sighed, “no caffeine, fat, alcohol, nicotine, pot, coke, nothing. I have stopped everything.”
“Well, in that case you could be going through withdrawal, cutting everything so instantly could have an effect on the body.” He explained.
“And the blackouts? I’ve had three now.”
“Migraine, which also causes nausea, shaking, vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, imbalance and blurred vision.”
“So, none of this is the MS?” I asked.
“I won’t lie, I am sure there are links, but know this, you are young and healthy, you look after yourself and if you eat properly, medicate at the right time of day, you will be fine for a long time yet. I am going to sort out some discharge papers for you.” He added. “I am Dr Simpson by the way and I am a Neurologist, so I know a thing or two about the brain, if you have any concerns, please come and talk to me before you Google it.”
“I will, thanks, Doc.” I nodded and watched as he left. So, maybe I had this wrong, and if that was the case, now I felt a total jerk for treating Skylar so badly.
When the nurse returned I asked her to send Skylar in. A few moments la
ter the door opened and she peeped around it.
“Come in,” I told her. She stepped into the room and closed the door by leaning against it. “Apparently I am suffering with severe migraines,” explained thinly.
“Well, at least you are alright.” She muttered coldly.
“I am, thank you for uh, taking care of me.”
“I just called nine-one-one,” she frowned. “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” I said as I sat up a little straighter. “I am sorry about everything, Skylar, I have treated you appallingly and I deserve everything you have to say to me, so come on, say what you want.”
Her eyes looked up as if she were fighting tears; that was the last thing I wanted. “You obviously had your reasons or you wouldn’t have said it in the first place.”
“I have been dealing with a lot of shit recently and it’s left me angry, okay? I took it out on you and for that I apologise.”
“Fine, you’ve apologised. I need to get home so…”
“The doctor said I can go home too,” I explained.
“Good, you have your wallet,” she stepped away from the bed, “get a cab.”
“Skylar,” I frowned and tried to get out of the bed.
“I have to go, Kaden, I hope you feel better soon,” she pulled the door open and hurried out.
I stared at the door for a long time after she had left, after the sound of her shoes on the shiny floor faded and I knew she was truly gone. I had blown it, pure and simple.
After an hour of rest the nurse ordered me a taxi and I headed back to my house. Skylar was nowhere to be seen, her car was gone and I couldn’t hear Misty barking when I got out. Under doctor’s orders I went to bed and stayed there until the following day.
I got up and made myself some eggs and as I sat on my deck overlooking the beach, the sun shone brightly and the turquoise ocean glistened. It was a beautiful day and for about three seconds I was excited, then the harsh reality that my life was going to be a lonely one kicked in and I decided that second I saw Skylar again, I was going to try and make it up to her.
I waited for her to return, by four that afternoon, she still hadn’t come back to her house and I wondered where she could have gone. The day ended and not even a light had flickered on in her house. It began to concern me, maybe she was so upset when she left the hospital that she had an accident, I didn’t even have a number for her.
The following morning I decided to try and look for signs of life in her house. But the blinds were down and there were no signs of life at all. I needed groceries so headed to the outskirts of town to the supermarket to shop for supplies. Filling my cart with healthy food and a selection of juices I wandered down the aisles oblivious to all around me, my mind was elsewhere, Skylar Reynolds, where the hell are you?
Seven
Skylar
As soon as my eyes opened I remembered everything from the night before. That dickhead Keith and his forceful advances, his disgusting mouth on mine but more than anything, Kaden’s harsh accusations still rang more prominently than anything.
I pushed off the covers and took a much needed shower. Gulped down a mug of strong coffee and took Misty out for her walk. Any thoughts that Kaden may have been just a little bit special were completely eradicated and replaced with contempt. Any man that could talk to me like that after I was almost sexually assaulted was not worth any more of my time or energy.
When he approached me on the beach and tried to apologise I almost forgot about the fact that he thought I deserved Keith’s attack, I was almost distracted by his six pack and the thin black line of hair disappearing under the waistband of his swim shorts which pressed against his body, almost. I bit his head off and even though I felt bad for it after, at the time, I felt empowered.
It knocked me for six when he knocked on my door to ask for painkillers. I invited him in, not because I had forgiven him, but I felt sorry for him. He looked so sick, his lips had no colour and his eyes seemed to have sunk into his skull. His face was covered with a sheen of sweat and he couldn’t stop shaking. I was about to hand him some Advil when he collapsed on my floor.
The paramedics asked if I wanted to go with them, but I refused and took my car. I was concerned, but oh so angry at him. How dare he drag me into his drama? He was probably a junkie and needed drying out or something. I certainly didn’t need that around me or my life.
The nurse told me he was awake and waiting to see the doctor, I think I was relieved and was about to leave when the same nurse came and told me he had asked to see me. I felt a pinch of guilt at the sight of him in the bed. He looked so pale and dehydrated, but for the first time since we had met, he had a sparkle in his eyes, one that hadn’t even been present when he smiled before. He looked full of hope and it unnerved me, I realized that I was falling for him and the reason I was so pissed at him was because he had let me down. If he had gone out with me then Keith wouldn’t have tried it on with me. Instead of turning to mush, instead of being sympathetic or kind, I snapped at him and left, and when I say left, I didn’t just leave the hospital, I left town.
I stopped by my house for a few supplies and Misty’s bed and then we hit the road and left. No Kaden drama, no upsetting the neighbour and no more staring at him wishing we could feel something more than contempt. No, it was time to cut my losses and by leaving town I felt totally in control.
I headed north towards the border; I stopped at a camp site and rented a cabin. I was fine, right up until I climbed into bed, the cabin was stuffy, the crickets were loud and I missed the sound of the ocean.
In the few days I had known Kaden, he had worked his way under my skin. My thoughts and my dreams were filled with him, his smile, his movie star teeth. There was something about this guy, nothing I couldn’t put my finger on, but a genuine reason as to why he wanted to keep me at arm’s length. Did I appear to be that needy? So desperate that I had scared him off?
As I lay there in the darkness, loneliness smothered me. It crept up from my toes and touched every part of my body, pressing down on my legs and abdomen, pinning me to the bed. Where the loneliness left its cold and prickly tingle, it was soon replaced by a pain, the pain I felt when Jay died, the pain of never knowing how it felt to be loved again. Not just a crush love like I felt for the male leads in my books, or the obsessive, close to stalking love that I feared Keith felt for me, but a love that was pure and new, a love that would warm my soul and ignite the fire inside. I mean, I was only human and like any other woman who had gone years without so much as a kiss let alone anything else, I hoped Kaden would have been the man to wake my dormant heart… but as I lay there, listening to Misty breathing and the slow and rhythmic beating of my empty heart, it felt like that concept was way out of my reach and it didn’t sit so well.
I woke early after a loud bang shook the cabin. Rain lashed at the windows and the room lit up with lightening. Misty did her usual thing whenever we had a storm and curled into me under the covers. I didn’t have anywhere to go so we stayed inside, warm and dry. I found my latest book and read by lamp light until the storm finally passed.
After spending almost a day hidden away from everyone and everything I finally took Misty out in to rain so she could do her business. I pulled my hoodie around my body and waited while she sniffed around in the bushes and grass. She turned to look at me and for the first time since I had bought her home, she actually looked scared. I knew then it was time to head home, she needed her home, her bowls and her beach and in truth, so did I. My mother always said to me when I was younger, you can’t run, it always catches you up. Only then, standing there as the rain poured over me, did I realize that running away was not going to change things, if I was truly going to stay away from Kaden, I had to do it from my house and not hiding away like I was in the wrong.
I settled my bill and we drove back towards Silver Bay. I stopped for gas and got us both something warm to eat. By seven we were back on the road and heading home. The rain still poured as I
pulled our bags out of the trunk and ran inside. I glanced up at Kaden’s but there was no sign of life. I wondered if he was still in the hospital and I suppose I was concerned for him.
Misty ran around the house like the crazy dog she was, jumping on the furniture and slipping on the wooden floors. I put on the TV to bring life back in to the house and made a cup of cocoa. Sitting on the couch with Misty sprawled over my legs, I sipped my cocoa while watching a movie, not that it held my attention for long. They never did, I enjoyed movies, but struggled to find one I could lose myself in.
My lazy day of doing nothing meant that I struggled to sleep that night. I sat up on my laptop until early hours of the morning just checking in with my friends and wishing that I had had the courage to actually leave when they did. Envious of their lives and families, the fact that they got to meet their soulmate and not have him snatched away in his prime.
Misty pounced on my stomach and I snapped my eyes open. The sun was shining and it felt warm on my skin. I pushed off the covers and ran to the bathroom. Slipped into my swimming costume and hurried outside.
The bright sunshine dazzled my eyes briefly as I ran towards the ocean. I felt free again, alive. I wanted to take life by the horns again and why? I had decided that maybe it was time for me to spread my wings and leave for a while. The break had been amazing and made me appreciate my home, so for me to truly love being back in Silver Bay, I had to leave it for longer.
The cool water tingled on my skin as I swam with Misty at my side. The sun already felt warm on my face and after I could see her tiring, we headed for the shore. Once we were back to the beach, I saw Kaden petting, yes, he was actually making a fuss of Misty.