Soul Decisions

by Casey Harvell

  Mistake or not, I burst into tears.

  I hear Shay explain the situation to Maxwell in a quiet tone from my spot on the living room sofa. Maxwell’s face when he enters says it all.

  “Lettie, you know you’re welcome here for as long as you need to stay.” His indignation on my behalf is more than apparent. “I’d just love a nursery here, if it comes down to it.” He drops beside me and throws a comforting arm around me.

  “Thanks, Maxwell.” I manage. It’s the first thing I’ve said in hours.

  Shay comes in with some tea and for the first time since the text message I allow myself to think about it. Nobody would take pictures of their fiancé with someone else lightly, that much I’m certain. There’s no denying it’s Gabe, or that he’s embracing a woman. A woman who’s not me.

  “Okay, what are our options here?” Shay asks after we all have a sip.

  “I just don’t know.” I say softly. “I’d never think...but the pictures...” My voice trails off.

  “I think we need more information.” Maxwell says.

  “I agree.” Shay pipes in. “So let’s start there.”

  My eyes well up. “Thanks, you guys. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “We’ll handle it together. No matter what.” Maxwell promises.

  “We’re family, Lettie.” Shay says. “It’s what we do.”

  I sniffle hard and wipe at my eyes. “Okay, more information. I guess there’s the number the text came from. I’d bet it’s a burner phone, but it’s something. I’m not sure what else we can do.”

  “I am.” Maxwell says. Shay and I look at him expectantly. “There’s only one way to know for sure. We need to take a road-trip and see for ourselves.”

  “That’s if Gabe is where he says he is.” Shay points out and my heart clenches. He must see me wince, because he mouths the word sorry.

  “If the GPS is on his phone, Lettie might be able to find out.” Maxwell says. I hand him my phone so he can see what he can find. “Bingo.”

  “Your call, Lettie.” Shay says. “What’s our next move?”

  I sigh. “At least I didn’t unpack anything yet.” I have to know. I have to see for myself, one way or another.

  “That a girl.” Maxwell says. “We’ll grab our stuff and get ready to leave.”

  I nod as the couple leaves to get ready and contemplate life without Gabe. My hand drops to my stomach. I won’t mind being a single mom if I have to. I won’t stay with someone I can’t trust... and certainly not with a cheater.

  The thought hurts so deeply. To add to my confusion, Gabe is usually so honest and open that I have no idea who this woman in the photos could be. I’ve met his family, friends—even some co-workers. But I’ve never seen this woman before.

  My mind begins to play dark games of how and why, but I squash them out for now. I won’t react until I know the truth.

  Whatever that truth may or may not be.

  Crash

  A few hours in the car and the three of us sit outside a diner that Maxwell says Gabe’s phone is in. We hunker down and wait to see what happens. My stomach is in knots, wanting answers yet scared to have them all at once.

  A million different wat-ifs run through my mind, scenarios where Gabe is innocent...and some where he isn’t. So much of me hopes that this will be some stupid misunderstanding that we can laugh about for years to come. Only the rational side of my brain tells me to be wary. People cheat on their significant others every day. Gabe may be a Cerberus, but he’s still as human as the next guy.

  Perhaps the greatest mind-screw here is that if he is as guilty as those pictures made him look, that it’s still somehow my fault. I’m simply not enough. The thought depresses the hell out of me.

  “How long do you think he’ll be in there?” Maxwell asks. I shrug.

  “We don’t even know if he’s alone.” Shay points out.

  I remain silent. So much of my future depends on this outcome. I twirl the diamond Gabe gave me around on my left ring finger nervously. It’ll be strange not to have it there anymore, if that’s what has to be.

  I’m not certain how long we sit for, my nerves and thoughts distort all normal sense of time. Eventually Gabe walks out the front diner door. On his arm is an incredibly beautiful woman, far more attractive than me. My heart falls and a numbness takes over me as I watch them move together, their body language telling me all I need to know as his hand rests in the small of her back and she gazes up at him in admiration.

  I begin to feel sick. “Shay, take me home.”

  “Lettie, are you sure?”

  “You should say something,” Maxwell coaxes.

  I shake my head. “No. Home, please.”

  Shay squeezes my shoulder and starts the car. We begin our journey back up the coast while the tears fall freely down my face.

  “Is that everything?” Shay asks as we stare at the contents of his trunk. A lot of my stuff got blown up, though some is still at my office, I mean home. It’s home again now... that’s going to take some getting used to.

  “Yeah, that’s it.” I tell him. “Can you give me one more second? I have one more thing to do here.”

  “Of course. Maxwell and I will be out here.”

  I walk back through the door and the smell of Gabe punches me in the gut. I fight back the tears as I go to what was our room and to Gabe’s side of the bed. On his night table I leave my key to the house and my—his now I guess—engagement ring. I almost break down, but instead steel my spine. I’ve walked through the depths of hell easier than I’m dealing with this, but I know I can survive. It’s going to be hard for a while, sure, but I’ll soldier through.

  It’s not just me I have to worry about, after all.

  I walk out and pull the locked door shut behind me. On my short walk to the car, my phone pings. It’s a text from Gabe. I pause for a moment and find myself blocking his number. I don’t want to hear excuses. I know what I saw. Even if it’s not what it looks like, it’s still a lie. I refuse to stand for it.

  “Shay,” I ask as I climb into his car. “I need the locks changed at the office—I mean apartment.”

  “I really wish you’d stay with us, Lettie.” Maxwell says with his voice full of concern.

  “I appreciate the offer, guys. It’s really sweet. But I’ve done this before, remember? I’ll be fine. We’ll have sleepovers, but I’m not going to leech off you two.”

  “She’s too proud.” Shay adds in. He knows me well. “I’ll get a locksmith over today.”

  “Thanks, Shay.”

  “At least let me have another show for you at the gallery. You’re going to need all the money in your savings account that you can get.” Maxwell points out.

  “Deal.” I say, partly to appease Maxwell and partly because he’s one hundred percent correct.

  It doesn’t take long for us to get everything upstairs. Even though the guys won’t let me carry much, frankly there isn’t much to begin with. Shay begins to unpack while Maxwell makes a pot of tea and gets on the phone with the locksmith.

  Shay’s phone goes off and I can tell by the look he gives me that it’s Gabe. “Lettie, don’t you think you should tell him something?” He asks me.

  “You tell him whatever you want. I’m done. I’m not speaking to him until I’m ready, if ever.” It’s not just my pride that’s hurt. It’s my soul.

  Shay nods his quiet understanding. We’ve been friends long enough that he knows when my mind’s made up that I’m incredibly stubborn and the more he fights me, the more I’ll dig in and hold my ground. Maxwell shoots Shay a dirty look and I almost laugh.

  “Don’t consort with the enemy, Shay.” Maxwell says and I do laugh now.

  “I’m sorry, I just really appreciate your championing for me, Maxwell.”

  “Good.” Maxwell says with his own stubbornness set in his jaw. “I hate liars and cheats. We may not be sure which one Gabe is yet, but he’s obviously one or the other.”

 
Yeah. Only the truth in his words does nothing to appease the pain within me. Whether I want it or not, it’s time to think of a life without Gabe in it...

  Over the next few days I throw myself into my work and pretend not to notice the lack of Gabe in my life. I ignore the mean voice in my head that tells me I must not be important enough to return home from his “trip” for—not that it’d matter at this point. I feel the betrayal too deeply.

  I know Shay has been in contact with him, from explaining the situation to bitching him out on my behalf. Still, it doesn’t make me feel any better about anything.

  As I shuffle through computer files, I hear someone at the front door downstairs. A knock sounds soon after. I peek out the window and see Gabe’s car outside, so I sit tight. I’m not ready to face him.

  Gabe knocks a few more times before he gives up. Right then I decide that I don’t want to hear him out. Anger begins to replace my pain. It’s probably best to stay away from him for now. A pissed off woman with special abilities is an even more dangerous creature than most. I don’t want to hurt him. It may be satisfying now, but I’d surely have an attack of conscious about it later.

  I stand at the corner of the window, hidden from view as I watch Gabe look up from the street. He looks like shit and part of me is glad for it.

  He looks like I feel.

  It doesn’t take long before he reluctantly gets back into his car and drives off. For a moment all I want is to be wrapped tightly in his arms and for everything to be okay... but I know that’s not an option. Instead, I allow myself one more cry and wonder how wrong it’d be to use my abilities to forget he even exists.

  “Lettie, are you okay?” My mom asks through my dreams. It’s a nifty trick we do.

  “Not really, but I think I will be.” I say honestly. “I’ll come see you soon. I’ve just been trying to stay busy.”

  “I understand. You come when you’re able, no rush. I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  I open my eyes and for the first time since I’ve been back, I don’t have to remind myself where I am. Shay and Maxwell will be by to pick me up in a few hours. Shay put together a small cookout at his place with Jocelyn, Antonio, and the kids. I’m actually looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them since that night—which they thankfully don’t recall as I wiped it from their memories, as much for their benefit as my own.

  This feeling in my gut won’t go away, this feeling that something is very wrong. I tell myself that it’s because of Gabe and his betrayal. I mean, come on—what else could it be? My entire life is upside down. Everything that I thought I could trust has become demolished. It’s like I’ll have to learn how to do life all over again.

  Shay lets himself up right as I finish getting ready. He gives me a big hug and I manage a small smile as I look up at him. Despite the years Shay spent keeping his true identity secret from me, he’s still never let me down. Not really. Not when it counts.

  I lock up tightly behind us and hop into Shay’s nice car. When we get to his place I can see that he and Maxwell went all out for this barbeque. Jocelyn and fam aren’t here yet, so I ask Maxwell if he needs help with anything.

  “Absolutely not. All I need you to do is sit your pretty little ass down and relax.” Maxwell says with a grin.

  Despite everything, Maxwell’s grin is infectious and I return it. “I suppose my pretty little ass can handle that.” I tease back.

  It doesn’t take long for Jocelyn, Antonio, and the kids to arrive. It’s always nice to see them—and considering the terms of our last gathering this is a vast improvement. Antonio gives me a dashing greeting as always. Jocelyn and I hug while she asks how I’m feeling. The kids hold far too much excitement for a day at the beach and make a bee-line for the sand at the edge of the patio.

  “Not too far,” Antonio warns them.

  “Yes, Papa,” they chime back and begin to dig in the sand, filling toys to make sandcastles.

  “And no water without an adult.” Jocelyn adds.

  “We know,” Adrian says.

  Jocelyn shakes her head. “He knows everything these days.”

  I give her a wry smile. “Something to look forward to, no doubt.”

  She grins. “I’m going to get a drink? Want some juice, water, anything? It’s hot out here!”

  “Some juice maybe,” I thank her as she goes inside.

  The men stand around the grill and poke at the steaks and other various forms of meat that smolder upon it. It smells amazing and true to Shay’s nature looks like enough to feed a professional football team. I watch them laugh and joke. I miss Gabe so deeply watching the testosterone fly, but not enough to speak to him yet. I don’t know if I ever will.

  Jocelyn returns and hands me a glass of apple juice, snapping me out of my thoughts. I’d filled her in over the last few days, so she’s up to speed on the whole Gabe situation.

  “Were you able to get any of your deposits back?” She asks me.

  “A couple. Luckily it was still pretty far off.” I’ve spent the last few days cancelling the wedding plans and thanking my lucky stars no invitations went out yet.

  “How’s business been going?”

  “Can’t complain. Plus, Maxwell has another exhibit planned since the last couple did so well. I have some savings—which is weird—but I figure the more the better.”

  “Kids are expensive.” Jocelyn agrees.

  We continue to sit and chat until Maxwell announces that the food’s ready. It’s set out buffet style, so Jocelyn and I stand together.

  “I’m going to grab another glass of wine. Would you like more juice?” She motions to my empty glass.

  “Maybe just a bottle of water, that juice doesn’t seem to be sitting too well. Thanks, hon.”

  Jocelyn looks at me with a frown. “You probably just need to eat something. Pregnancy hormones.”

  “Yeah,” I say and grab a plate. The food looks and smells amazing, only my stomach grows queasier at the thought of eating it.

  “Lettie, are you okay?” Shay asks. “You look a little green.”

  “It’s too hot out here for her.” Maxwell insists. “Go lay down in the air conditioning for a bit, hon. The food will keep.” He waves at the Sterno cans keeping the buffet line warm and I allow Shay to usher me inside.

  On our way we pass Jocelyn who holds a cold bottle of water out to me. “You okay?” She asks almost nervously.

  “Too much sun, I think.” I give her a small smile. “I’m just going to rest for a bit.”

  “Good idea. We probably shouldn’t stay too late, anyway. The kids have a birthday party to go to early tomorrow.” She makes a face. “Feel better if I don’t see you before we go.”

  I give her a quick squeeze. “Thanks, hon. Tell the fam I said sorry to bail.”

  “Don’t worry, they’ll understand.”

  Shay leads me to the spare bedroom. He tugs the small wastebasket next to me. “Just in case.” He says with a wry grin.

  I laugh and then clutch my painful stomach. “Thanks, Shay.”

  He shuts the blinds. “Get some rest, love. I’ll check on you in a bit.”

  I’m in a panic. Someone is trying to kill my baby. She’s already here and she’s just beautiful, but I’ve just had her and now someone wants to take her away.

  I go into full defense mode. I use every ounce of my power to form a protective shield around us—and just in the nick of time, too. Demons begin to bash into the invisible wall around us, scratching and clawing. For the first time in a long time I feel real fear.

  Real fear and real rage.

  I’ll do anything to protect my baby—anything.

  I strengthen the shield around us, but there are just so many of them. As one breaks through and scratches me, I scream.

  “Lettie!” Shay gently shakes me awake. “Lettie, wake up, love. It’s just a dream.”

  My eyes open
and the look of panic on my face tells Shay to grab the waste basket. He gets it to my mouth right before I expel the meager contents of my stomach into it.

  “I’m sorry,” I manage after I sip the bottle of water he hands me.

  “I don’t care about that.” Shay says, “Are you okay is what I’m worried about.”

  “I—I don’t know.” I say honestly.

  Shay pulls me in for a hug. I know something is wrong when I feel him stiffen.

  “Lettie, we need to get you to the hospital.”

  “What?” I ask in confusion.

  Shay releases me and slowly directs my gaze to the bed behind me. It’s covered in blood. My fear grows as I look between my thighs and find its source.

  No. Please, not that.

  Shay springs into action, but I can’t move. It was only supposed to be a dream. How could this happen?

  Through the dimness of the room I stare at the drop ceiling tiles. Shay’s by my side while Maxwell waits in the reception area. Gobs of goop cover my stomach and pelvis while the technician works her sonogram machine. I hear click after click, but I don’t dare look at the screen. I don’t need to. I already know the small life force that grew inside me is now gone.

  Shay squeezes my hand. I feel it, yet at the same time I feel nothing. Complete numbness.

  We finish and the silence lingers. My abilities would likely confirm the pity and sympathy the technician carries for me. It’s written plain on her face.

  Once the goop is wiped clear I re-button my jeans and lower my shirt. Shay guides me as the tech leads us to an exam room.

  “A doctor will be with you shortly.” She says politely and shuts the door behind her as she leaves.

  Shay doesn’t bother with small talk. He just remains at my side in silence. His presence is enough and neither of us have words for this.

  The doctor comes in. He confirms my worst fears. Even though I already knew, a sharp shard of pain tears through me. I nod when he looks at me, but can’t hear a word he says.

  Shay asks the question that spins in my head. “How did this happen?”