by RJ Scott
Colorado sighed softly and cracked his neck. “A month ago I would have seen your sister’s point of view. What’s the point in staying in one place when there is so much life out there to conquer? Not just hockey, or music, but art to see, mountains to climb, people to meet. And then Maddie arrived, and the insatiable need for everything that seemed important, like seeing new places, and meeting strangers, and having as much sex as I could, it all meant nothing compared to her.”
“Exactly. Family first.”
He hummed a little, and then squeezed my hand. “Maybe she’s not pushing you away so much as wanting to give you the space to make decisions.”
“There’s no decision to be made,” I said with fierce determination.
“Maybe she thinks you feel trapped by them—”
I yanked my hand from his. “I’m not trapped, this is my family, my sister and niece, and I love them more than life itself, and I would do anything to make sure that they were safe because they mean everything to me.” The anger died as quickly as it had started, as I realized what he’d done. He’d made me say the words out loud that I should have been saying to Natalie. She probably thought I was staying out of obligation, but it wasn’t anything like that, it was love and family that drove me. I slumped back against the wall and he retook my hand.
“You should tell her that,” he murmured.
“I will.”
“So, is this a bad time to suggest a solution to everyone’s problems?” Colorado asked softly, re-lacing our fingers and holding tight. “They could move in permanently, I could convert the pool house into their own place if they want, it’s only two bedrooms but we could extend easy enough. Or I could cover rebuilding the house, or maybe buying a place and gifting it to you all, somewhere closer to here, so you could study and also stay with me?”
My heart expanded a little, was he asking me to stay with him?
“Stay with you?”
“Kill two birds with one stone, you’d be here for Maddie and have somewhere to stay.”
The hope and dreams part of the conversation was chipped away, and the need to protect myself, Natalie, and Emma outweighed the affection I was feeling for Colorado and his crazy psychedelic world. “No, thank you.”
“No to what?”
“All of it, we don’t need charity, and proximity and money isn’t the solution to all of our problems.”
“It seems to me that right now, it is. Money would go a long way to easing everything, and I have a shit ton of it, plus we’re getting along great, right? We’ve got something that could be way more, you’d have space to study, and you’d be good for Maddie if you were in her life.”
My heart fell. Good for Maddie? What about being good for Colorado?
“You throw your money around as if it’s water—”
“That’s not fair,” he said tiredly. “I don’t throw money around, I just like trying to make people’s lives easier.” He was hurt, I could tell, but some insane part of me craved an argument just so I could release all the tension inside me.
“You buy people off, trying to get people to like you, and you don’t need to do that because you’re a good guy and people like you anyway.”
“Jesus, say what you really think,” he muttered.
“Do you even have any money left?”
He rolled his eyes at that. “I’ve just put a huge chunk into a trust for Maddie and I can still buy you a house.” He wasn’t bragging, him having all the money in the world would mean nothing to him. “I’ll talk to Natalie—”
“No, you won’t. It’s insulting to just hand out money hand over fist to anyone and everyone. She won’t take it, I won’t take it, and we need to work our way through this as a family, get a place to live that is wholly ours.”
“What if I want to be your family as well,” Colorado murmured. “We have something here, a connection—”
“I can’t, I have goals—”
“Maddie would—”
“You’ll always be able to find another manny.” I tugged my hand free and stood, but he was just as fast and blocked me from leaving.
“I don’t want another manny, or another man in my life, or a woman, or whatever. I want you to think seriously about staying, all three of you.”
Part of me wanted it to be a real option for me and Colorado to be more, because he consumed my thoughts and made me want things I never imagined before, but the other bigger part of me knew that I had to be serious about putting my family first. I wanted more than being a manny, and if I couldn’t have something serious with Colorado, if this was the end of things, then we needed to find a place to start over. I refused to be just some convenient partner for sex, who also happened to be primary caregiver for his baby while he was on the road making music or playing hockey.
“It’s not going to happen.”
“What if we do it another way.” He held up his hands in front of him, “You won’t take my money or help, but at least set up a page for donations?”
“I don’t think so.”
He yanked me close. “You’re a prideful idiot,” he muttered against my neck.
“And you’re a wasteful one,” I said back, even though it broke my heart to say so. We stood in that close embrace where I buried my face in his neck and gripped his T-shirt for a long time. Who was I trying to kid by telling myself I could ever walk away unscathed from this job? In the short time I’d been here I’d fallen for Maddie, and I’d fallen for him, and it made no sense whatsoever. He’d come into my life, turned it upside down, shown me what romantic love could be like, and I was losing myself in him. If only he’d been an asshole, or a bad dad, or didn’t make me smile—then I’d be able to handle this slow break.
“Okay, I’ll stay out of it,” he said on a sigh. “But, the reason I came to find you? I need to get away, we’re going to my cabin. Just me and Maddie, and you, Simon is staying here with Natalie and Emma, but I need Maddie and me time.”
“I have to stay—”
“It’s contracted that you come with me,” he murmured, and kissed me, and sue my traitorous body, but whatever doubts and misgivings I had, and despite all the tension and stress I was holding inside, I leaned into him and kissed him back.
Fifteen
Colorado
Breakdown day did not make me smile, or even lift my spirits. The Tucson press were kind enough, but it was hard just the same. We all had to stand there in front of our empty cubicles and talk about next year and how we’d come so far but still had some kinks to work out of the system. Coach pulled us all in after the media left for a short but heartfelt talk.
“I know this loss has left us all feeling gutted, but instead of focusing on the loss, I want you all to concentrate on how far we’ve come in a short time. Remember just a few years ago we were reviled and spit upon? That’s not happening anymore.” He looked each of us in the eye as he spoke. You could see the pride in his gaze. “We’ve worked our asses off, faced obstacles and personal hurdles, and have come out stronger and wiser. Next season we will go all the way, because we have the drive, the skill, and the motherfucking courage.”
“Raptors!!” We all shouted then had a massive team high five. Coach shook each hand as we exited our now empty locker room. When I got to him, he grabbed my hand and gave it a hard shake.
“I’m so damn proud of you, Colorado. You’ve grown so much. Get a haircut before training camp.”
I snorted in amusement then did the hair flip that drove all the girls and guys wild. “I’ll do that, Coach.” I hugged him because I’m a hugger, then moved on, out into the blistering sun.
I ran over to my friends who were gathered round Vlad’s car. “Guys, hey, I’m heading to the desert for a week with just my baby girl and her manny so I’ll be a ghost on social media.”
“Wait, what? No party?” Henry asked.
“Nah, man, no parties. Not right off. I have some major life issues going on and I need to just spend some time with nature to fi
nd my center.”
“You sound like your grandmother, but it’s cool,” Tate said as he leaned on Vlad’s ride nonchalantly. “We’ll just call Apollo and he can toss one of his shindigs.”
“He’s been looking for an excuse,” Henry confided, looking all kinds of smitten as he spoke about his man.
“Call us when you get back from the wilds. We can hang out.” Ryker tossed his bags into the rear of Alex’s Jeep.
“Totally.” I hugged them all, aside from Vlad who patted my head.
“Stay out of trouble. Tate and I are leaving the country in a few days and I am not flying back to save your scrawny ass from another emu situation.”
“No more emus, I promise.” I wouldn’t rule out a llama, Maddie would love one, but I kept that to myself.
I’d gone behind Joseph’s back, in fact as soon as I could, and set up a fundraising page after debating with Natalie about how she wouldn’t take charity. I listened to all the same stubborn arguments that Joseph made. Then I’d called my teammates and told them all to donate.
By the time I was back home there was fifty-thousand in the account but I wasn’t going to tell anyone what I’d done. I should’ve warned Simon about the fundraiser, because he was home with Natalie so I sent him a quick text that he would read after I was well out of the way.
Joe was waiting when I pulled into the driveway, Simon standing stoically behind him. Alchemy was there in a red caftan and a headdress crafted out of bark and what looked like roadrunner feathers.
“I don’t like this,” my bodyguard said as we piled suitcases, coolers of food, playpens, diaper bags, and a box of stuffed animals into the back of my Dodge truck. “I’m being paid to keep you safe.”
“I’d rather you watch over that old woman,” I jerked a thumb at my grandmother who’d wandered off to wade in the goldfish pond after blessing us all with a dusting of something that smelled like ginger. “Also Natalie and Emma. Joe’s worried about her sugar, and she needs someone to lean on. I think she likes you as much as you like her, and as much as I love Joe.” I walked over to Joe and handed him the high chair which he neatly collapsed and placed strategically among the other items.
Simon’s mouth was open. “You love Joe? And me and Natalie, and… I don’t—”
“Dude, it’s cool. I see love in the air. It’s like my superpower. Just keep them close while we’re gone.” I patted his thick biceps.
He nodded and no other worries about me were voiced.
Once we were ready to roll, I buckled Maddie into her car seat in the rear seats while Joe kissed and hugged his girls. Simon had already been talked into a trip to the zoo, a park, and several playgrounds. Emma had that effect on men.
“There is Internet access at this camp, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s shitty. There’s cell service in case anything happens. Stop worrying. This time away is going to do us both good. You look tight as a piano wire.”
He exhaled slowly as we headed west toward the Sonoran Desert. “I guess I have a lot on my mind.”
“I know. We’ll get our heads sorted out at camp. Did you bring your telescope?”
“It’s in the back beside your guitar case.”
“Excellent. Let’s get some tunes going.” The truck soon filled with Aerosmith’s Rocks album. Maddie dozed on and off, and Joe was quiet for the most part. I let him have his silence. I was kind of withdrawn myself. We’d both been through big losses.
Not to mention I got the feeling I’d fucked up by offering to take away his stress. I’d heard the argument about the insurance, and I could do something about that, but how I’d gone about it was the most fucked-up thing I’d ever done. I wanted Joe to stay because he couldn’t imagine life anywhere else, but not everyone flew through life guided by heart and instinct.
Somehow I needed to appeal to his scientific side and get him to see the two of us, plus Maddie, made sense.
The ride was soothing and uneventful. Joe’s pretty eyes widened when we pulled off the main road and rumbled along a track that led to my cabin. He stared at the small adobe house with the pergola porch and hot tub for at least two minutes. The mountains were off in the distance, and a crooked old tree shaded the porch.
“This is not a mansion,” he muttered. I nodded. “I mean it’s a lovely little home but I just assumed…”
“Yeah, I know. This place is pretty magical, especially at night. I love the desert.” I gave his leg a squeeze then hurried to get the camp open and aired out. It was a small place, no doubt, with two bedrooms, one large bath, a kitchen, and a dining/living room combo. The interior was all cool shades of tan and white with blue accents. We set up Maddie’s stuff and fed her, then put her down for a nap while we tidied up and unpacked our clothes.
“I get I messed things up with you,” I began.
“You didn’t, it’s me, I just—”
“No, I did. I’m too used to being able to buy my way out of issues, but you’re different. This is different. I had this idea that we could… look if you’re not comfortable with sleeping in the same bed we can set up the sofa to—”
He spun from the unpacking, grabbed my hips, and jerked me to him. His mouth landed on mine with a clack of teeth. The man was growing bolder and bolder with each passing day, only of late we’d both been so down kissing had fallen off the radar. Seemed it was back. His fingers bit into my hips as our tongues tangled.
“I want to sleep with you,” he whispered when we came up for air. “At least once, properly, before we have to stop this.”
I ignored most of that statement, because as far as I was concerned, Joe was a drug and I was addicted, and he was never leaving me.
“Night can’t come quick enough,” I answered before claiming his mouth again. Maddie’s weak little I’m-awake noise danced out of the baby monitor. We both sighed. My brow came to rest on his. “Tonight.”
“Tonight,” he replied softly before heading off to tend to Maddie.
We spent the rest of the day lazing around, eating the food we’d brought, lounging in the shade, and being lumps. Joe set up his telescope as he chattered on and on about the Milky Way and this star and that constellation. I could feel his excitement and the love he had for the stars and planets. Maddie was asleep in my arms when the sun set, her pudgy arms and legs growing chilly as the night crept over us.
“I’m going to put her down then we’ll fire up the hot tub,” I said and got a nod from Joe who was fiddling with the big black telescope. “Then I’m going to transform into a scorpion man and go on a bloody rampage at the campgrounds a few miles away.”
“Okay.” He pressed his eye closer to the viewfinder thing. “I want to show you Hercules and Sagittarius. Oh! And Cassiopeia!”
I walked off, shaking my head. After a clean diaper and one final bottle, I sank into the old wicker rocker we’d hauled in from the porch and rocked my baby girl. She curled into my bare chest, her long lashes resting on satiny pink cheeks.
“I love you above all else, my sweet angel,” I cooed, kissed her dark, downy hair and then placed her in her playpen.
Once I was sure she was covered well and the window closed, I turned the monitor on, closed the door, took off my shorts, and padded outside. Joe was still looking at the sky. I grabbed his ass as I passed, dick swinging in the cool air, and got a squeak from him. He jumped and spun, his eyes going round when he saw my naked ass sinking into the hot tub after I turned the jets on.
“Oh are we not wearing trunks?”
I chuckled. “Nope. No trunks. It’s tonight, Joe.”
He stared at me then glanced at the telescope. “But Hercules…”
“Will be there tomorrow night.”
“Uhm yes, right of course it will be. They’ve been there for hundreds of thousands of years and so only a fool would think that they’d not be there tomorrow night.”
“Are you scared?”
He sounded scared. Actually he sounded panicked.
“No! I just�
��” He ran a hand over his face. “Yes, not really. Scared. Not really scared just… nervous. I’ve never… you know.” He flung his hands in the air. Fuck the man was too cute.
“Never danced the tango? Never played craps? Never sailed across a silver lake in a boat of bright pink and gold?”
“Your mind is really whimsical.”
“It’s the Penn creative gene. I promise we won’t do anything that you’re not ready for or want to do. Come on, get in.”
He jerked his Space for Rent T-shirt off then went to work on his shorts. His eyes kept darting up to mine and I was glad that I’d not turned the solar lights on the porch off just yet. Seeing the cascading emotions playing over his face as he stripped had me harder than watching any porno ever had. He made his way to the tub as I looked him over. He was a lovely sight. Long legs, strong arms, a cock that had a big purple head and a slight list to the right, and fat, heavy balls. My mouth watered. When he was seated, he turned to me, the bubbling water splashing his face. I watched a droplet run from his brow to his nose. I slid closer to catch it with my tongue as it slipped over his lips.
“I want to do it all tonight,” he said, his words nearly lost to the rumbling water rushing around us. “Everything, I want to experience it all with you.”
I kissed him hard then, leaving him gasping and writhing when I moved from his puffy lips to his neck. I took him in hand under the rushing water. His head fell back. I nipped and sucked on his neck and then his clavicle as I stroked him.
“Oh God, oh God, that’s so good. More, please, more…”
Wanting more just as he did, I nudged him upward, pushing on him until he got the clue and slid up out of the tub to rest his ass on the edge. I placed my hands on his knees and spread his legs. There was his cock jutting up proudly and those beautiful balls.