Never Let Go

by Cynthia Eden

  She gave a gasp and shuddered. “Sawyer?”

  “Right here, baby. Always here.” Only, he wasn’t always there. When he was out on missions, he’d often think about her. Worry about her waking from her nightmares, all alone.

  She’s not alone now.

  “I had a bad dream.” Those, too, were words that she always said.

  “I know.” His voice was gentle. With her, he found a gentleness that he hadn’t realized he’d possessed.

  She cuddled close to him, and the sound of her breathing was ragged. She usually drifted back to sleep, and the nightmare didn’t come again, not until the next night.

  But this time, her body remained tense.

  “Sawyer?”

  “Yeah?”

  “It wasn’t a dream.”

  He swallowed and kept his light hold on her. “I know.” He’d suspected the truth for a long time, but she’d never talked with him about the nightmares, not even when he’d asked as carefully as he could.

  “They both died.”

  His hand was on her back. He stroked her spine.

  “There was so much blood. I didn’t know how to save them. I was left with their bodies…for two days.”

  Fuck.

  “Two days at the bottom of that ravine. Two days while they stared at nothing, and I stared at them.”

  His jaw ached because it was clenched so tightly.

  “Two days.”

  His head turned. He pressed a kiss to her lips. There was so much pain—in those two words.

  She didn’t speak again, and he didn’t let her go, not until dawn came.

  ***

  One week later—just one week!—Sawyer sat on the exam table. Elizabeth stood in front of him, the stethoscope gripped in her hands, and anger fueling her blood. “This is ridiculous. You haven’t fully healed from your last mission. You cannot go out again now.” She knew her voice held a furious edge, but Elizabeth couldn’t control herself.

  It was too soon. She’d just gotten him back. He wasn’t supposed to disappear into the field again. Too soon.

  But his blue gaze just held hers. “I won’t be the one doing the ground work. I’ll be giving orders, safely away from the line of combat. Flynn will be the one leading in the field.”

  His words didn’t make her feel better. There was an ache in her chest, and it wasn’t going away. The ache came each time he left, and it stayed until he returned.

  Fumbling, she put the stethoscope to his chest. She listened to his heartbeat. Strong, fast. It was a beat that seemed to match her own.

  “Don’t worry, doc, I’ll be back before you know it.”

  She slid away from him. His hand flew out and curved around her wrist.

  “I’ll always come back to you,” Sawyer told her, his voice low.

  I love you. Those words were on the tip of her tongue. Elizabeth wanted to say them to Sawyer, but he was leaving. She had a job to do and, dammit, she hadn’t even told Landon or Wright that she was quitting. And now she couldn’t quit. Not until Sawyer was back. She had to stay there so she could remain updated on his mission. If she left now, she’d lose her link to Sawyer.

  I can’t do that. I have to know he’s safe.

  While he was gone, she’d continue working on Lazarus. Maybe…maybe she could fix the formula. Maybe it would get better.

  When Sawyer returned…then she could plan. They could plan. They’d stop hiding their relationship. No more secrets.

  She pulled her hand away from him. “I’ll need to run a few more tests before I give my approval on this mission.”

  He smiled at her. His dimple winked.

  “Be careful,” she told him, her voice barely a breath. “I want you returning back to me in one piece.” Then she turned on her heel and headed for the door. A nurse was waiting outside, and Elizabeth gave her a list of orders.

  Her heart kept racing. Far too fast.

  I’ll always come back to you. Her lips curled in a smile. One thing she’d learned about Sawyer—he kept his promises.

  Chapter Four

  “Lazarus is a go.”

  It took a few precious moments for those words to register in Elizabeth’s mind. She was bent over a microscope, her eyes on the slide, and she hadn’t even been aware that Landon was in the lab with her, not until—

  “Did you hear me, Elizabeth?” Excitement sharpened Landon’s voice. “Lazarus is a go. Right the hell now!”

  She spun toward him, nearly falling off her stool. “What?”

  His cheeks were flushed. His eyes were almost wild behind the lenses of his glasses. “We’ve got test subjects. They’re on the way to lab five now. The bodies are being prepped for the injections.” He licked his lips. His breath came in little pants. “I figured you’d want to do the honors yourself, since this is your discovery—”

  She bounded toward him and grabbed his lab coat, fisting it in her hands. “I told you the formula wasn’t ready yet.”

  His gaze hardened. “Wright said it’s time. We have the perfect subjects. Lazarus is a go.”

  No, no, Lazarus couldn’t be a go. For the last three weeks, she’d been working frantically on the project, but while the rats had reanimated and some had exhibited stable behavior, there were a million unknowns still at work. “There is no way we can experiment on humans—”

  “They are dead, Elizabeth.” That was the argument he loved to throw at her. Impatience flashed on his face. “You can’t hurt the dead.”

  She just stared at him. This isn’t happening.

  Landon raked a hand over his face, then he smiled. “You can’t hurt them, but you can try to bring them back to life. These bodies were donated to science—that means these bodies are ours. And Wright gave the order. Lazarus is a go. So either you administer the injection…” His chest puffed out. “Or I will.”

  She didn’t think her heart was beating. The whole world seemed to have stopped spinning. Landon’s voice was too loud. He was too close. She was still holding his lab coat too tightly.

  “You worked on this for so long—long before Wright found you. Hell, it’s the reason he found you in the first place. He’d heard whispers about your early research. He gave you every resource that you could possibly want, and now you’re hesitating? Now?” His tone indicated Landon doubted her sanity.

  And, yes, she was hesitating. “Because Lazarus isn’t ready.” How many times did she need to say that line? “The formula has to be perfect. It’s not yet. I’ve told you that. The test subjects—forget them. We can get others, later. We don’t need to rush.”

  His gaze glittered down at her. “These are the perfect subjects. Wright wants us to begin the process now, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” He turned away from her and marched from the room.

  For a moment, Elizabeth just stood there, rooted to the spot. The formula was not ready. Why was Landon doing this? Why was Wright in such a damn hurry?

  Breaking from her stupor, Elizabeth chased after Landon. “This is insane. You don’t rush something like this!”

  “We’re not rushing a damn thing. You and I both know you’ve been working on Lazarus non-stop for years. Long before Wright. Long before me.”

  Truth. But Lazarus isn’t ready. Maybe it should never—

  “I’ve read over all your work, reviewed everything you’ve ever done…” He kept walking, but slanted a glance back her way. “And I know it’s ready. Despite what you say, I know.”

  He didn’t. “No, it isn’t, I—”

  “You’re worried about aggression. Right. Got it. But aggression isn’t a minus, not for Wright.”

  She grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could walk into lab five. “Some of the rats killed each other.”

  He offered her a grim smile. “They’re rats. Not people. But, for the record, humans kill each other plenty, too…and they don’t need Lazarus to do it.”

  Outrage had her shaking. “My work—”

  “Actually, it’s our work. E
verything you create at this facility belongs to Wyman Wright, and you know it.” He pointed toward the lab door. Lab five. “Now, are you coming with me? Or do you really want to miss the single most important moment in your own life?”

  He was an asshole. An absolute ass. “Landon—”

  He strode inside lab five. She scrambled after him, and when she entered the lab, she stopped short at the sight of the armed guards. Four armed guards. “What’s happening? Why are they here?”

  Landon picked up a chart. “Because in case any of that aggression that you mentioned manifests with these test subjects, I want to be prepared. I am taking precautions. I’m not some amateur. I am being careful.”

  A dull ringing filled her ears.

  Landon nodded as he read the notes in the chart, and then he looked back up at her. “This is your moment, Elizabeth. Don’t back away now.”

  Her hands clenched at her sides. She eyed the exam tables. Two of them. Two tables with test subjects. She could see the bodies—they were covered with plain, white sheets. The syringes were already out—out, prepped, and waiting on a surgical tray next to each subject.

  “There can’t be any degeneration to the tissue,” she heard herself say. “The subjects—”

  “Their bodies were protected,” he assured her. “Exactly per your preservation protocol.”

  Her right leg slid forward. She lurched toward the first patient.

  “Glad to see you’re getting on board,” Landon murmured.

  Her hand lifted and reached for the sheet. She wanted to see this man, she needed to see him—

  Elizabeth stopped breathing as the sheet slid away from the first test subject’s head and revealed his face. Only she wasn’t staring down at a stranger.

  That dark hair…that hard jaw…the high cheek bones…the lips…Lips that have kissed mine. No. No!

  “S-Sawyer?” Her finger slid over his cheek. Ice cold. ”Sawyer!” Elizabeth yelled his name because Sawyer…he couldn’t be on that exam table. Sawyer couldn’t be cold, he couldn’t be lying there with his eyes shut. Sawyer couldn’t be dead.

  “He was killed on the mission.” Landon’s voice was brisk. Totally devoid of any emotion. Like he was discussing the freaking weather. “Both he and operative Flynn Haddox didn’t survive.”

  Flynn? Flynn, too? Dazed, feeling numb, she watched as Landon pulled the sheet off the second test subject’s face. Flynn.

  Oh, God.

  “Wright knew these two men would be prime candidates for Lazarus, so he immediately ordered the preservation process to be utilized with their remains.”

  No. No, no, no, no, no, no. “Flynn’s…dead. Sawyer’s… dead.” And she was breaking apart on the inside. She was touching Sawyer’s cold cheek and shattering because this—this was Sawyer. Her Sawyer. He’d said he would come back to her. He’d said he would always come back. But his eyes were closed, and his body was like ice. Tears slid down her cheeks.

  “Obviously, they’re dead.” Now Landon was annoyed. “But if Lazarus works, they won’t stay that way. We’ll start with Sawyer first—”

  His words pierced straight to her core. She whipped toward him. “Sawyer…no! We can’t use Lazarus on him!”

  Landon frowned at her. “Why not? He’s the perfect specimen.”

  He wasn’t a specimen! He was Sawyer. He was her lover. The man who held her when she had nightmares. The man who flashed his dimple to charm her. The man who—

  He’s dead. He’s dead!

  “His body is strong, he’s a warrior, exactly the kind of test subject that Wright wants in Project Lazarus. Sawyer is the ideal candidate. With his background and training, he’ll be the alpha for this group.”

  She swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “Lazarus isn’t ready. You can’t—you can’t do this to him!”

  “Do this?” Landon repeated as he blinked owlishly at her from behind the lenses of his glasses. “Sawyer Cage is dead, Elizabeth. We can either let him stay that way, or we can try and bring him back.” His jaw hardened. “You’re crying. Look, I get that it’s…difficult…because this is someone we both know—”

  “Difficult?”

  “But you had to realize the men here would make perfect subjects for the program. And if they died on a mission, well, isn’t this the natural next step for them?”

  There was a nervous murmur from the nearby nurses. Two men and a woman. Both looked very, very uncomfortable. They should. Elizabeth realized her mouth was hanging open in shock. Sawyer is dead. He’s next to me, and he’s dead, and I’m breaking apart.

  Landon edged closer to her. “Sawyer is dead. What we’re doing…we’re bringing him back.”

  “What if he comes back wrong?” The question burst from her. “The Lazarus formula is not perfect and it’s—it’s Sawyer!” Pain crashed through her as more tears slid down her cheeks. “No, no, this is not happening. I can’t do this to him! I won’t—Sawyer isn’t some lab rat. He’s—”

  Everything.

  Landon stared at her a moment longer. His gaze seemed cruel. His face too hard. And… “I feared you might respond this way,” he confessed as he lifted one brow and studied her. “Once you saw it was him. Unfortunate, but…it is what it is.” Then he motioned with one hand. “Guard, escort Dr. Parker out of the lab. She’s done here.”

  Wait—what? The guard grabbed her, locking Elizabeth’s arms behind her. He yanked her back, hauling her toward the lab’s door.

  “Stop it!” Elizabeth yelled. “Let me go, right now!”

  But the guard only tightened his hold.

  Landon reached for one of the pre-filled syringes. He shoved the sheet farther down Sawyer’s body. There would be two injections…one in the heart and one in the base of the brain. That was the protocol she’d created. “Don’t!” Elizabeth screamed. “Not to him!”

  But… I want him back! Sawyer said he’d come back to me!

  Landon put the long, sharp syringe needle over Sawyer’s chest. Then he plunged it into Sawyer’s heart.

  The guard had dragged Elizabeth to the door. “Sawyer!” She dug in her heels, fighting with all of her strength.

  Landon was already reaching for the second syringe. He moved behind Sawyer, placing the needle at the back of his head—

  “Sawyer?” Elizabeth whispered. This was so wrong.

  Landon looked up. “Don’t you want him back?”

  More than anything. But I can’t—

  Landon gave Sawyer the second injection.

  “Stop! Let me go, please!” Elizabeth begged the guard.

  Landon was frowning as he peered down at Sawyer. “Nothing is happening.”

  The guard hauled Elizabeth into the hallway. A nurse slammed the door shut as soon as they were clear. But Elizabeth could see through the nearby glass viewing window of the lab. Landon was glaring down at Sawyer, and her lover—he was so still on that table. Dead.

  “Stop,” Elizabeth whispered to the guard who kept pulling at her. “I need to see…”

  The blonde nurse brought more needles to Landon. Landon grabbed one and injected the formula into Sawyer’s heart again.

  No! Leave him alone!

  The guard’s hold eased. Wrongly, he thought she wasn’t a threat any longer. She broke free, rushing as fast as she could and ripping the lab door open once more. “Don’t give him too much!” Elizabeth yelled. “Don’t—”

  Landon administered another dose to Sawyer. “He’s not fucking moving. This doesn’t work.” Sweat covered his forehead. “I have to tell Wright this doesn’t work!”

  The guard grabbed her again.

  Sawyer was unresponsive. Sawyer was…dead.

  Her heart felt like lead in her chest. The nurse shut the lab door once more, glaring, and the guard led Elizabeth down the hallway. His grip didn’t ease this time. Instead, it bruised. She looked back through the viewing window, staring at the inside of the lab, desperate for one last glimpse of Sawyer—

  He sat up.

  “H
oly fuck,” the guard said as his hold on her tightened even more.

  Her mouth dropped. Sawyer—back. I’ll always come back for you.

  Landon was smiling. He was reaching for Sawyer. And Sawyer—

  Sawyer threw Landon across the lab. Landon’s body smashed into the glass viewing window right near Elizabeth’s face.

  The guards inside that lab room lunged to attack. They pulled their weapons. They fired.

  But Sawyer didn’t stop. He ran right at them. He attacked, punching, kicking, taking their weapons—firing on them.

  The nurses were racing for freedom. They screamed as they fled into the hallway.

  Sawyer was still attacking the guards.

  No, no, this couldn’t be happening! “I can stop him!” She glanced at the man who still held her, frantic. “I can stop him! Just let me go!”

  The guard had gone absolutely white. He released her, not even bothering with a token fight. She ran back into that lab. Landon was trying to crawl for the door, and Sawyer…Sawyer had just fired once more at a guard who was on the floor.

  “Sawyer!” Elizabeth yelled his name.

  His head lifted. He still held the gun in his hand. His eyes immediately locked on her. But there was no recognition in his stare. No emotion. Nothing at all.

  “Sawyer, put down the gun,” Elizabeth told him, her voice shaking.

  He looked at the gun in his hand.

  She crept closer to him. Behind her, Landon continued crawling toward the door.

  “Put it down,” Elizabeth urged Sawyer. Her whole body trembled. “I know…I know this is confusing and scary, but I can help you. I will help you.” He’s not dead, not anymore. It worked. My formula worked. Sawyer is alive.

  He glanced back up at her…and he…he aimed the gun at her.

  Elizabeth froze. “Sawyer? It’s…it’s me.”

  His eyelids didn’t so much as flicker. He stared at her with zero recognition.

  “Shoot him!” Landon suddenly bellowed.

  Her head whipped back as she looked over her shoulder. The guard who’d dragged her from the lab now stood in front of Landon. The guard’s quivering fingers held a gun—and that gun was aimed right at Sawyer.

  “No!” Elizabeth cried.