Never Let Go

by Cynthia Eden

  “Then tell Wright it’s on me.” Her shoulders squared. “Say I’m the one who told her. Blame me, and keep your hands clean.”

  “Is it true?” Cecelia pushed.

  “She needs to know what she’s dealing with! You realize that, Landon, I know you do, and—”

  He gave a jerky nod. “It’s, fuck, yes, it’s true.”

  Silence.

  Then Cecelia staggered back. “Oh. My. God.” Her eyes had doubled in size. “They’re dead?”

  “Actually, they were dead,” Landon explained quickly as he rolled back his shoulders. “Now they’re part of Lazarus.”

  The shrink was having a moment. That was obvious. Her breath was coming faster and her body swayed as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that she’d been treating dead men for weeks. Elizabeth let the woman have her moment, and she focused on Landon. “I want to see the other videos.”

  He sighed. “Why? They’re all the same. The men volunteering, agreeing to participate in Lazarus—”

  “Sawyer never volunteered.” She slapped her hands down on his desk. “He didn’t know about Lazarus. He didn’t know what I was doing. He was leaving, getting out, planning for a civilian life. Not planning for this.”

  Landon’s lips twisted. “You never once considered that you weren’t the only one keeping secrets, did you?” He turned the laptop back around to face him. He opened it once more and activated the system. She could barely hear the taps of his fingertips over the frantic beating of her heart. “Here you go.” He presented the screen to her once more. “Just click the arrow to make it play.”

  “I know how to make it fucking play.” She clicked the arrow.

  Sawyer’s face filled the screen. “Why the hell do you need to record this?”

  “For the record,” came Landon’s fast response.

  Sawyer rolled his eyes. “This is such bullshit. Fine. Okay. I, Sawyer Cage, volunteer to be part of Project Lazarus.”

  That was it. All of thirteen seconds. Her stare rose to Landon’s face. “That’s bullshit. He didn’t know that you were talking about bringing the dead back to life! He just thought you were talking about the work we were already doing. He didn’t know.”

  “Keep telling yourself that,” Landon muttered.

  “If he’d volunteered, you would have told me when I tried to stop you from administering the formula to him!”

  He rocked back on his heels. “There wasn’t time then. You knew we were working against the clock with the injections. The preservation process only lasted so long before deterioration began! Was I really supposed to stop and show you a damn video? Sawyer Cage volunteered. He wanted to keep working for Wright. He had no intention of leaving. If Sawyer told you anything different, then he was lying to you.”

  She almost punched him in the face. Almost.

  “You want all the cards on the table? Is that what this is all about?” Landon’s hands flew into the air. “Fine. You were fucking Sawyer Cage.”

  She couldn’t move. Cecelia was dead silent.

  “I knew about it. Wyman Wright knew about it. You thought you were keeping the affair secret? You weren’t.”

  She should say something. Do something.

  “Sawyer knew you two were breaking the rules by getting involved,” Landon continued doggedly. “So he told you that lie to make you feel better. The guy was a ladies’ man, you had to see that. And you aren’t the first woman he misled.”

  No, no.

  “They all volunteered,” Landon said. “Every single test subject. No one is a prisoner—each man is here willingly. They wanted the power we could give to them. And now they have it. They are the best fighting machines in the world, and each day, I swear, they just get better and better.”

  Her cheeks were burning hot, but her body felt ice cold. Was it possible that Sawyer had lied to her all that time? She didn’t want to believe it. But she’d been keeping secrets from him. Maybe he had kept secrets from her, too.

  “You’re not at Lazarus to hook up with your ex.” Landon’s words battered her. “You’re here to do more research, but if you can’t do the job, even you can be replaced, Dr. Parker.”

  She gave him a hard smile as she tried to keep her shit together. “If I could be replaced, Wright would never have come crawling back to me.” She pushed away from his desk. “Wright needs me. You need me. But if you piss me off again, I’ll walk the hell out without any hesitation.”

  He laughed. Laughed. “Now who is lying? We both know that you won’t leave Sawyer.” He leaned toward her. “Wright knew you’d be tied to the program through Sawyer, and he was right.”

  Her heart just—stopped. Was it possible…no, surely they hadn’t used Sawyer as the first subject because of her. Had they? The horror must have shown on her face.

  Landon blinked. His expression immediately closed down. He shoved his laptop into his desk drawer. “I hope this has reassured you—”

  Not even close.

  “We have a lot of work to do, and it’s time we get busy.” He nodded briskly. “The men have a mission at 0600 tomorrow. We have to make certain they are in top form before they leave.” His gaze slid back to Elizabeth. “Can you handle this?”

  I can handle anything you throw at me.

  But before she could respond, she saw that his stare had dropped to her chest. He wasn’t staring at her in some kind of ogling way. Actually, pity flashed in his eyes.

  And she realized that her hand had risen. She’d been pressing her fingers over the scar hidden just beneath her shirt. The scar from the gunshot wound she’d gotten in D.C. when she stepped between a guard and Sawyer.

  Her hand fell. “I can handle this.”

  Chapter Twelve

  He waited until night fell, until the facility was locked down and silence reigned. The folks in charge had tried to ramp up security, but their efforts were pretty much useless. Sawyer still easily opened the lock of his cell, and he crept down the hallway, going straight for his target. He didn’t make a sound, and he stayed in the shadows. He knew the placement of every security camera, and he knew exactly how to avoid being seen by those cameras. He also had the guards’ schedule memorized. But even if he hadn’t, Sawyer would have heard the guards approaching from a mile away.

  He made his way to the staff quarters—specifically, to her room. Sawyer followed Elizabeth’s scent straight to her door. When he reached for the knob, he wasn’t surprised to find it locked. Not after last night’s activities. Dr. Cecelia Gregory’s room was right next door, so he made sure to not even let a whisper of sound escape as he picked Elizabeth’s lock.

  Then he was inside. The room was pitch black, but he could see well—very well—in the dark. Another Lazarus bonus. He locked the door behind him, and he headed for the bed. Elizabeth was in that bed, turned on her side away from him. She was beneath the covers, her shoulders hunched a bit. He didn’t want to scare her with his approach, but it wasn’t like he’d be able to wake her up gently.

  Before he left on the morning’s mission, they needed to clear the air. And after the mission…

  Everything will explode.

  He bent over her, his hand reaching out to curl around her shoulder, but before he could touch her skin, Elizabeth erupted. She lunged up, and he saw the gleam of a knife’s blade.

  She wasn’t asleep. She knew I was in her room. She was waiting for her chance to attack. The knife was going straight for his throat.

  Impressive.

  But not quite good enough. He tore the blade from her hand and threw it right at the wall. It sank in deep even as he grabbed her hands, yanking them above her head and pinning them to the pillows. “Now, doc, is that really a polite way to greet a visitor?”

  She’d been twisting and struggling for her freedom, but at his words, she went statue still.

  Sawyer didn’t make the mistake of letting her go. She was far too much of an unknown for him. “How about you promise not to attack me again? And we’ll see
if we can have a nice, civilized talk.”

  “Talk?” Her voice was husky and sexy and it made his dick twitch far too eagerly. “Is that why you broke into my room? To talk?”

  One of the reasons, yes. He’d also come in because he’d needed to see her. No, it went far past need. More like he’d been obsessed with seeing her. The hours had ticked away after Landon had taken her from the training area, and Sawyer hadn’t seen her again all fucking day. He’d had to go to her room. Had to find her. Touch her.

  I’m touching her now.

  “You kept secrets from me,” he accused.

  She yanked against his hold, and he just tightened his grip on her wrists. His body covered hers, holding her easily in place, but the position also meant that he was between her legs. The bedcovers separated their bodies, yet he could still feel every inch of her beneath him. He was pretty sure she felt all of him, too, including the erection that had to be impossible to miss.

  The doc turned him on—with a wild, dangerous hunger.

  “You kept secrets, too,” she whispered back. Then she said, “Asshole. I trusted you.”

  What? He had no clue what she was talking about. “I’m the one without the memories, so if I did something to piss you off, well, sorry, doc, but I don’t know what it was.”

  “You just broke into my room! You’re holding me down!” Her voice started to rise. “That pisses me off, that—”

  He kissed her. Sure, there were plenty of other ways that Sawyer could have gotten her to quiet down, but kissing her was the most pleasurable way. His lips took hers, and it was just like before. He tasted her, and desire exploded within him. She was sweet but rich, and her lips were soft as silk beneath his mouth. He licked her, then nipped that plump, lower lip. His tongue thrust into her mouth, and she kissed him back. Kissed him with the same hunger.

  They’d been lovers, no doubt about it. And he would bet his life the sex between them had been absolutely phenomenal. He wanted to take her, to feel the pleasure that he’d experienced in his dream. Would it be as good in reality? Even better?

  Not fucking now.

  Sawyer made himself pull back. Rather, he pulled back, but then he kissed her again. I missed her. The thought slipped through his mind, and it chilled him. If he’d missed her…

  She mattered.

  And that was about to make things very, very complicated.

  With one hand, he secured her arms above her head. Sawyer locked his fingers around her delicate wrists. His legs stayed between hers, pushing her thighs wide and his body trapped her against the mattress.

  “Stop this.” Her voice was thready, scared. She wanted him, there was no missing her physical response, but she was also scared to death of him. “Let me go.”

  “I could have said you were in my cell last night. Could have let Landon and the guards find you with me. I saved your sweet ass.” He wanted that reminder. Wanted her to know he’d protected her. So she should stop fearing him.

  “And I saved your ass,” she whispered right back. “I didn’t tell anyone that you could get out of your cell, even though I damn well think that one of your men broke into Cecelia’s room last night.”

  Yeah, he thought so, too. Though every man had denied it.

  “You made Lazarus.” The words broke from him. They were angry and rough and his muscles were rock-hard with fury. “You did this to me.”

  He waited for her denial. Waited for her lies. Waited for—

  “I’m sorry.”

  Her pain?

  Because pain was in her voice, he was sure of it. She trembled beneath him. Elizabeth didn’t fight. She just stared up at him in the darkness. He could see every detail of her perfect face. And her expression was filled with true sorrow.

  “This isn’t what I wanted. I never meant…” She bit her lower lip, stopping the words.

  “No, doc, you don’t stop now. You tell me every single thing that I want to know.” He was sick of being blind. Sick of being a test rat.

  “Did you volunteer?” Elizabeth barely breathed the words.

  “Volunteer? How the hell should I know? I remember nothing about my life before this place.” His hold was too hard on her wrists. He didn’t want to bruise her. He eased up and said, “No, that’s a lie.”

  Beneath him, Elizabeth flinched.

  “I remember you. Fucking you. Holding you between my body and some wooden door. You were wearing a black dress that was as soft as silk—but not as soft as your skin. I shoved that dress up—”

  A tear leaked from the corner of her eye.

  “And I put my hand on your sex. I had you coming for me. I remember you didn’t cry out, but I wanted to hear you. I wanted to hear you when you came because I love the sounds you make for me.” He leaned forward and kissed away her tear drop. His mouth lingered on her skin. “I remember that you were mine.”

  “You died!”

  His heart jolted in his chest.

  “You said you’d always come back, but you died!” She struggled against him, twisting her body with a sudden fury. He didn’t let her go, though.

  I won’t let go.

  “You died on that mission! You were on the exam table and you were so still, and I was telling Landon that he couldn’t do it. Not to you. He couldn’t give you the Lazarus formula. The guard pulled me out. I was screaming and you were dead.”

  The sound of her ragged breathing hurt him. But…

  Dead? No, that had to be a lie. “I’m breathing. I’m talking to you right the hell now.” Anger churned inside of him, deepening with every word that he spoke. Why was she deceiving him? “Cut the bull and tell—”

  “Lazarus brought you back. Why do you think this place is called the Lazarus facility? You were given the Lazarus formula—my formula, a formula that wasn’t ready—and just like the story in the bible, you came back from the dead. Lazarus rose.”

  He shook his head. No, there was no way—

  “The formula has side effects. That’s why you’re stronger, and your senses are sharper. That’s why you heal faster. It’s also why you don’t have memories of your past. Because we’re dealing with life and death, and the human body—God, there are still mysteries out there. I shouldn’t have been freaking Frankenstein, I shouldn’t have been—”

  Frankenstein. The name had a flash appearing in his eyes.

  He was suddenly in a bedroom. Elizabeth was there, standing in front of a large window. A glittering city waited beyond the glass, shrouded in the dark.

  I think I’m Frankenstein.

  For an instant, he could hear her words so clearly.

  And then…

  Then the image was gone. He was back in the bed with her, holding her tight. He tried to think. Tried to push through the fury that was crowding in his thoughts. “I’ve been here for months.”

  She shivered beneath him.

  “Where in the hell have you been, doc?”

  “I’ve been looking for you.”

  His eyes raked over her.

  “Wyman Wright is the man in charge of this program. He’s Landon’s boss. When we were all back in D.C., he was my boss, too. But after they gave you the formula, there was…something happened, okay? You were taken away, and no one told me where you went. You were gone. Landon was gone. Wright was gone. I tried to find you, I swear I did, but it was as if you’d never been there at all.”

  He let her go. Jumped from the bed. Sawyer had to put some space between them because the rage he felt was too strong. He could feel his control shredding.

  I died? I fucking died?

  The bedsheets rustled as Elizabeth climbed from the bed. His gaze shot to her as she stood, her body stiff and nervous, a few feet from him. She wore a faded, blue t-shirt. One with the world NAVY across the top. It was too big for her, falling to her thighs and covering her body. A man’s shirt.

  His hands clenched into fists. “Who the fuck does that shirt belong to?”

  His thoughts were twisting, becoming too c
haotic. Too enraged.

  My life…gone. Dead.

  Elizabeth.

  Lying…

  Everyone had been lying to him. He was a prisoner. A weapon.

  Attack. The sinister thought slipped through his mind as a wave of darkness seemed to overwhelm his thoughts. Destroy…

  “It was your shirt,” Elizabeth said.

  Sawyer shook his head, trying to clear the darkness as he took a step toward her.

  “You were in the Navy. You were a SEAL. The shirt was one of the only things I had left that belonged to you.”

  You fucking belong to me. The knowledge was burning inside of him. He found himself lunging toward her, grabbing her arms and yanking her toward him.

  “Three months. I’ve been in this hell for three months.” He sounded like a man possessed. Maybe he was.

  “I came to help you. Wright approached me recently. He wanted me back in the program, and I just came to help you.”

  He wanted to believe her, but her heart was racing like mad. Fear had turned her pupils into pinpricks. Her breathing hitched. She was giving every single sign that she was deceiving him—or that she was utterly terrified of him.

  The only time she didn’t seem afraid was when he kissed her. When he made her want him as desperately as he wanted her. Despite everything, he craved her. His dick was still fully erect and straining against the front of his jeans. Her soft body called to him.

  Too long. I’ve been without her too long. Need her. Want her.

  Take her.

  He pulled her flush against him. Sawyer’s mouth crashed down on hers. Can’t be dead. Can’t be dead when she makes me feel this alive. His tongue drove into her mouth. She gave a little moan in the back of her throat, and it was a sound he remembered. His hands were sliding along her body, moving over her back, down to the curve of her sweet ass, and he remembered how she felt beneath him.

  I remember how she feels. I remember what she likes.

  If he remembered that…

  Have to see if it’s true. Have to see.

  He lifted her into his arms. She was kissing him back with a hungry desire that matched his own. A wildness that he hadn’t expected, but he wanted. He wanted her desire for him so badly.