Bursting With Love

by Melissa Foster

  Jack’s slick body came to rest atop hers, breathing as heavily as she was. He was so big. So heavy and strong, and when he looked down at her, she saw a gentleness that didn’t quite fit but stole another piece of her heart.

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “Savannah, I want you to know something.”

  “Sounds serious.”

  “I don’t know if this is the time to talk, but I need you to hear this. I know I’ve got a long way to go in dealing with everything.” His eyes played over hers. “And I’m sure you’re wondering if I’ll ever get over Linda. I spent two years wondering if I would. Last night I realized that I’ll always love her, and I will probably always feel guilty about losing her the way I did. But the way you’ve touched my heart is one hundred and eighty degrees different from the way anyone ever has before. Everything about us—how we talk, how we touch, how we make love—it’s all different. Deeper. There’s no comparison between you and her, and I’ll do my best to try to keep from mentioning her name.”

  She knew she could believe him, but she also knew the pressure that would put him under. She could already see the gears in his mind ticking away, worrying, preparing the guilt for when her name came up, and that’s not what she wanted him to live with.

  “Jack, Linda was a big part of your life, and I don’t expect you to forget her or to pretend she didn’t exist. She did exist, and that’s okay. You are who you are because of everything you went through and everything you had together. I can’t imagine that getting over the hurt and dealing with the grief is going to be easy.”

  “I can do it,” he said. “I will do it.”

  “I know you can, and I believe you will. But please, you have to know that Linda is not a threat to me.” As she said the words, she realized it was true. “You’ll probably have times when you remember something about her and it makes you happy or sad, or when you just need to talk about her. I’m a big girl, Jack. I get that. I’ve watched my father grieve for my mother forever.” Not that I’d want you having conversations with your dead wife. “You’re not in this alone anymore. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” She brushed his hair from his forehead and cupped his cheek in her hand.

  “I love you, Jack.” The words came without effort or thought, and she didn’t have any inclination to stop them. She didn’t care if she’d known him an hour, a day, or a year. She knew she should worry about scaring him off, but after the things he’d said to her, she couldn’t even hold on to that thought for a second. There were all sorts of things she should probably worry about, like if he’d ever get completely over Linda. If they’d ever be able to share a bedroom, or if the anger and guilt would come back and haunt him later that afternoon or the next day. But her father’s words came back to her loud and clear. The strength and ability to survive comes from within. When Jack looked down at her, she knew he had everything he needed to survive. He was stronger than any man she knew. He had to be to survive what he already had.

  And when Jack looked into her eyes with so much honesty she wanted to make love to him again and he said, “I love you, too. I really, truly do,” she knew she could believe him.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  THE MORNING SUN beat down on Jack’s back as his motorcycle climbed the steep hill toward the Grays’ colonial home. He felt stronger than he had in years and was certain he could deal with whatever lay ahead. The evening before played like a rerun in his mind, and he’d finally pinpointed the moment that he knew he was going to be okay. It wasn’t when he and Savannah were making love or sharing secrets. It had nothing to do with the fact that he had an insatiable appetite for her and that she seemed to have the same for him. It wasn’t his multiple intense orgasms—although aftershocks continued to rattle him when he thought about them. It was what Savannah had said and the look of love in her eyes when she’d said it. I love you, Jack, and then, You’re not in this alone anymore.

  He parked his motorcycle in the circular driveway and set his helmet on the back. Jack pulled his shoulders back and drew in a deep breath, trying to ignore the nervousness spinning in his stomach and the pinch to his heart from the bundle of memories—both happy and sad—that he’d gathered in the Grays’ home over the last decade. He had to do this, and he was not going to chicken out. He walked to the front door, and as he reached for the doorbell, the door swung open.

  “Jack.” Elise opened her arms.

  Jack embraced her, and the unique warm vanilla smell of the Grays’ house sifted through the doorway.

  “I’m so glad you made it,” she said.

  “I meant what I said, Elise. I’m ready to do this. It’s time.”

  She led him into the expansive foyer, then across the ceramic-tiled floor to a grand living room decorated with velvet and ornately carved wooden couches covered in rich mulberry, greens, and blues. The walls were lined with cherry bookshelves, and a marble fireplace filled the space between two enormous bay windows. Everything looked just as Jack remembered. Everything except the addition of the hospital bed placed just beside the grand piano on the left side of the room. Jack swallowed past the sadness that pressed in on him. Ralph Gray’s skin was ashen. His once virile body lay shrunken and diminished beneath white cotton sheets. The strength Jack had taken solace in on his way up the driveway fell away, and he felt another fissure form in his heart. He felt like he was in a sick game of tug-of-war. On one side was a life waiting to be lived. And Savannah. On the other side was the guilt not just of losing Linda, but of losing all the people he’d turned his back on. How was a man supposed to survive such heartache and enjoy the awaiting pleasure?

  “Jack?” Ralph’s voice was barely above a whisper, scratchy and painful.

  “Yes. I’m here.” He went to Ralph’s side, and all the anger he’d felt for the last two years was replaced with sadness and regret. Ralph had welcomed him into his family, treated him like a son, and respected him, and Jack had thrown it away. Jack thought he’d cried all the tears he’d had in him over the past twenty-four hours, but as his tears returned, he knew the well had not been tapped dry.

  He took Ralph’s frail hand in his own.

  “Jack.” Ralph’s eyes were already damp. “I’m glad you’re here, you sorry bastard.”

  “Dad!” Elise chided him.

  Jack’s heart warmed, glad to see a remnant of his friend return. “I’m here, Ralph, and I’m sorry for all the time I missed.”

  Ralph drew his eyebrows together. “Cut the poppycock,” Ralph said in a weak tone. “You listen to me. I don’t have much breath left. This cancer shit really sucks. But you need to know that I never blamed you for Linda’s death.”

  Jack’s muscles tensed as a tear tumbled down his cheek. “Ralph—”

  “Jesus. You’re the same old stubborn bastard as you’ve always been. I told you to listen.” He sputtered a cough. “I’m still plenty of years your senior, so shut up and listen. You are a good man, Jack. You were a great husband, and I know Linda felt the same way. I couldn’t have asked for a better son-in-law. She loved you, Jack. For all your stubbornness, for all the love you have in that gigantic heart of yours, and for all the things you had hoped to become.”

  Jack blinked away tears, but he could not ebb the flow of them. “Thank you,” he managed.

  “I’m not done yet.” Ralph drew in a long, slow inhalation; then his body shook with another phlegmy cough. Elise came to his side with a box of tissues and helped him clean the gunk from his mouth.

  Elise brushed her father’s hair from his forehead. “You okay, Dad?”

  Ralph nodded. “You’re a good egg, Elise. Thank you.” He turned to Jack. “Just like Linda, right?”

  Jack nodded, afraid that if he spoke he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from sobbing.

  “There’s one more thing that I wanna say, and I know this is gonna kick you in the gut, Jack, but you need to hear it. This bullshit you’ve pulled of running away to a cabin in the woods and hiding from life, that’s not who
you are. You’re a survivor, all right, but a survivor of a different kind, and I think you know that by now; otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

  “You know about my cabin?” The cabin I haven’t told a soul about?

  “Never underestimate people, Jack. You know that from your military career. Do you think I’d have let Linda down by letting you go from our lives forever? Hell no. Don’t ever forget that there’s nothing a man can’t do if he really wants to do it. I had to know you were okay. Even if not emotionally. I needed to know where you were in case you really did need someone.” He held up his palm to stop Jack from even thinking about refuting his words. “A good private investigator is worth every penny. I know where you’ve been, and I’m pretty certain I know where you’re headed now.”

  “Headed?” Jack was blown away by the lengths Ralph had gone to after the way Jack had treated him.

  “Remember Elizabeth and Lou?”

  Jack narrowed his eyes. “Yes.”

  “They’re my friends, Jack.” Elise touched his arm.

  Elise continued. “We didn’t spy on you. She and Lou had registered for your course, and I found out about it after the fact but before she left. Dad really wanted to talk to you, and we weren’t sure if you would be approachable. You were so angry for so long. I asked Elizabeth to let me know if you seemed okay enough for Dad to talk to you. I’m sorry, Jack. It was like fate stepped in.”

  “You went to that extent to make sure I was okay?”

  She nodded. “And their son, Aiden, adores you.”

  Jack thought of how drawn he’d been to the little blond boy and how natural it had felt to teach him. Then the fear the day he went missing and how Jack had felt as if his world were crashing down upon him until he’d found Aiden, safe and sound in his makeshift shelter.

  “Jack, Elizabeth told us about a woman. Savannah,” Ralph said in a frail voice.

  Ralph held his gaze, and Jack could not turn away. His chest constricted. “Yes.”

  “Elizabeth said she was quite fond of you, and that it appeared mutual.” Ralph’s eyes never left Jack’s, and Jack didn’t back down from the question.

  He couldn’t lie about Savannah, but he hated to hurt Ralph and Elise with the truth of his feelings. He settled on honesty. It was the least he could give back to them.

  “Yes, sir. She was right.” Jack addressed Ralph formally due to the importance of the subject they were addressing, and he hoped it conveyed the respect that he felt for him. He drew his shoulders back, ready to face whatever they might hand him. God knew he deserved it.

  A weak smile spread across Ralph’s face, gathering the loose skin around his mouth and multiplying the fine lines that surrounded his eyes. “That’s good, Jack. That’s good.” Ralph motioned with his hand for Jack to come closer.

  Jack leaned in close, catching a whiff of his medicinal breath.

  “You deserve this, Jack. Be happy. Let love find you and have that family you always wanted. Linda would want you to.” Ralph reached up slowly and patted Jack’s back.

  Jack put his mouth beside Ralph’s ear. “Thank you, Ralph. Thank you.” He drew back, and Ralph grabbed his arm, his frail fingers pressing into Jack’s skin.

  “Jack, listen to me. You gotta let your guilt go. People die every day. We’re all gonna go sometime. This woman, Savannah, she doesn’t need to live with Linda’s noose around your neck. Let yourself be happy. Linda would want that for you. You know she would.” He released Jack’s arm and settled back on the pillow, looking even more depleted than when Jack had arrived.

  “Ralph, I’m so sorry for all that happened and for what you’re going through now.” Jack touched his arm.

  Ralph’s eyes met his. “I know you are. Let it go,” he whispered.

  “I love you, Ralph, and I’ll always love Linda.” Fresh tears pressed on Jack’s eyelids.

  Ralph nodded. “She knows, Jack. She knows.”

  An hour later, as Jack climbed back on his motorcycle and drove away, he finally felt as if he were moving forward instead of standing still.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  AIDA BARGED THROUGH Savannah’s office door and closed it behind her. Her breasts were practically bursting the buttons of her blouse with every heavy breath as she pressed her back against the door.

  Savannah startled. “What the hell? Is someone armed out there?”

  “I ran from reception.”

  “Why would you do that?” Savannah came around her desk and eyed Aida’s black pencil skirt and the four-inch heels on her Jimmy Choos. “How did you do that?”

  “Are you kidding? I can run like a deer in these. I can pull my ankles behind my ears, too.” She winked.

  “You’re so weird.”

  “Remember that creepy client of Ed’s? He was out there when I was coming back from the ladies’ room.” Aida shivered. “God, he creeps me out.”

  “You’re so dramatic.”

  Aida grabbed Savannah’s hand and dragged her to the chairs in front of her desk. She sat down and pulled Savannah down to the chair across from her. “Enough about the creeper. I had the hottest date last night with that attorney from Greenberg’s office.”

  “The blond guy?”

  Aida rolled her eyes. “Yes, the blond guy. The man has a body that should be tattooed with too hot to touch.”

  “Yeah? Did you have a good time? Was he nice?” Aida wasn’t known for a long track record of meaningful relationships. The other women in the office called her a man eater. She rarely went on a date with the same man more than three times.

  She shrugged. “Eh. But he was incredibly talented in bed. Enough so that it might warrant a second time around. We’ll see.” Aida pursed her lips and ran her eyes up and down Savannah. “What’s up with the after-sex glow?”

  Savannah waved her hand in front of her face and made a psht sound.

  “You think I didn’t notice you humming in the meeting this morning? Hell, you might as well have worn a sign across your forehead that said, Recently fucked, and no, I cannot stop smiling.”

  “You’re such a pig,” Savannah teased. “You always think you see something that has to do with sex.”

  “So? Tell, tell.” Aida lifted her slim eyebrows in quick succession.

  Savannah sat back and looked out the window, remembering the way her heart had stopped when she’d seen Jack in her doorway.

  “Jack came over last night.”

  Aida arched a brow. Savannah hadn’t thought twice about sharing all the dirty details of her affair with Connor. The good, the bad, and the embarrassing. But something about her relationship with Jack felt different. Private. More intimate.

  “And?” Aida pushed.

  “And we had a great night.” She pushed to her feet and circled the desk, then leaned over it and pretended to be looking for something.

  “Yeah, that’s gonna work.” Aida followed Savannah’s path, shoved her body between the desk and Savannah and crossed her arms.

  “Okay, fine.” She felt her cheeks flush.

  “Wait a second.” She ran her eyes up and down Savannah. “Why all the deception? You’re blushing. Give me your hand.” She held her hand out.

  Savannah put her hands behind her back.

  “Mm-hmm. Clammy hands at the mention of him.” She narrowed her baby blues, scrutinizing Savannah’s every move. “Deception, embarrassment, humming. You like this guy. Like, really like this guy. Counselor, how do you plead?” She hiked herself up onto the desk and crossed her long legs.

  “God, I hate you.” Savannah took a step toward the door, and Aida grabbed her wrist.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  Savannah covered her face with her hands and groaned. “Yes, I’m fine.” She lowered her hands and leaned in close to Aida. “You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but…” She slammed her eyes shut and whispered, “I think I love him.”

  “What?” Aida yelled.

  Savannah jumped back. “I know, okay? It’s way too soon and he�
��s got shit to deal with, and I’m on the rebound and a million other things that should send me running for the hills.”

  “Oh no, honey, that’s what got you tangled up with him in the first place.” Aida crossed her arms and tapped her cheek with her finger. “Good in bed?”

  “Very.”

  “Treats you well?”

  “Adoringly,” Savannah answered.

  “Kind?”

  “Yes, but rough edges until he feels safe.”

  “Skeletons?” Aida narrowed her eyes again.

  Aida’s ability to cut through bullshit was one of the many traits Savannah loved about her. “Wife died in a car accident. He was the one who found her. He blames himself.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “Priors?”

  “No relationships or women for two years. Military background. He’s also a pilot.” She knew that would strike Aida’s adoration for men in the fast lane.

  “Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. Two years? You’re kidding, right? Either that or this man is so good in bed that he’s turned you into an idiot.”

  Savannah shook her head. “No women since his wife died.”

  “You sure he’s not gay?”

  “One hundred and fifty percent sure.” Savannah leaned on the desk beside Aida. “What am I gonna do? I can’t keep my hands off of him, and I love his voice. God, his voice is like…it’s like hot chocolate on a cold day.”

  Aida rolled her eyes. “Oh God. Here we go down La-La Lane.”

  “I’m being serious. When he talks to me, I swoon like a teenager. And when he touches me, I turn into a sex-starved seductress.”

  “Hmm. Now, that could be interesting. Do you have anything in common? Besides sex, I mean.”