FullDisclosure

by Soarde, Nikki

  Jake slid in next to her.

  Evan lifted the lid on a small saucepan and peered inside. She caught a glimpse of vibrant red and a whiff of something pungent and sweet. She almost swooned—again. “Oh, I always knew how to cook. I just…forgot for a while.”

  A large stainless steel frying pan lay empty and waiting on one burner. Beside another smaller one lay a bunch of asparagus, trimmed and ready to go. She assumed the rest of the meal was roasting in the oven. That delicious roasted garlic aroma must be coming from somewhere.

  “So what’s on the menu?” she asked, her mouth watering. “What have you remembered for us tonight?”

  “Yes, Evan,” added Jake. “I’m curious too. What have you remembered?”

  Evan stopped, his spoon hovering over the sauce, dripping its glossy goodness from the tip. His gaze met Jake’s—and something passed between them. But then he turned his gaze back to Sadie. “Cinnamon-dusted duck in a raspberry coulis sauce with herb-roasted potatoes and steamed asparagus. The breasts only take a few minutes. They’re waiting in the fridge.”

  “Wow,” said Sadie. “You’ve got quite a memory.”

  “I suppose—” He was smiling—until he glanced up at Jake. “Not really.” They looked at each other, the moment stretching. “But I am a pretty quick study.”

  Apparently the words did not have intended effect, because Jake’s lips didn’t even twitch. In fact he shook his head and slid from his stool. “I can’t do this.”

  Alarmed, Sadie slid from her stool as well. “What? What do you mean?”

  “You heard me. I can’t stay.” He turned to Evan. “I’m being the big man here and bowing out. You need to figure out what you want, Evan, and who you want in your life. But it’s apparent to me that at this point I am not part of that. I haven’t been a part of your life for a long time now.”

  “Jake, I—” said Evan.

  “No. I never should have come in the first place. You and Sadie need to figure things out between you. You need to figure out if you have a future, and my presence will just interfere with that.” He turned to Sadie. “I’m sorry, Sadie. I never should have come in the first place.”

  He moved toward the door but Sadie caught his arm. “What about me? What about your future with me?” She was battling a sudden surge of panic. She loved Evan. Had loved him for years. But the truth was she barely knew him, and needed time for that to happen. Jake on the other hand had been her rock, her savior. It may have been only a few days, but she had come to depend on him.

  To care deeply for him.

  “You can’t abandon me, Jake. I need you.”

  Jake hesitated, her plea obviously unsettling him. And that apparently gave Evan the time he needed to gather his wits together. He rounded the island and placed himself between Jake and the door.

  “Don’t go, Jake. We need to talk. You and I need to talk.”

  “Well, then do it, Evan. Whatever the fuck you have to say, say it! I’m sick of the evasions and the stalling. Of the half-answered questions and avoidance. Tell me what—”

  “I love you.”

  That stopped Jake in his tracks. He stared at his lover, eyes unblinking and jaw slack. “Wh-what?”

  “You heard me. I love you. I love you, perhaps more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and that scares—has always scared—the crap out of me.”

  For as much as those words touched Sadie and she thrilled to the joy that she could see blooming in Jake’s eyes, they also sent a dagger of pain through her heart. But before it lodged too deeply, Evan turned to her. “But the thing is, I love you too, Sadie. I know I don’t really know you right now, and we need time to rediscover each other, but I know I love you. And I want you in my life.”

  He took a step backward. “I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past few hours. And I’ve been thinking about things from a brand new perspective. What you said to me, Jake—it hit home. I love my daughter, but if she can’t love me for me, then what’s the point? I’ve spent too much of my life doing the right thing, living my life the way others think I should—and being miserable while I’m doing it. I should live my life to suit me. I should have people in my life who love me for who I am—no matter who or what that is. And that I can love for who they are. And that’s you—” He turned to Sadie again. “And you. I’m sorry, Sadie, if this is shocking to you, but Jake and I—”

  “I know,” she said softly. “I know, and it’s okay. In fact it’s more than okay. I think it’s amazing that two men I care about are in love with each other.”

  He blinked, registering his own shock and relief at this news. “Oh.”

  “But what I didn’t know—what’s news to me—is that you have a daughter. That’s wonderful. But…is that what’s been screwing with your head?”

  He nodded.

  “But…why?”

  “That, my dear, is a long story, and one best told over dinner. But for the moment—” He grasped Jake’s hand. “Will you stay, Jake? I don’t know for sure how to do this, how to make it work, but I do know that somehow, someway I want to have you in my life. I want to have you both. If you’ll have me.”

  Jake’s face was a study in raw emotion. “Of course,” he managed to whisper. “Of course I will.”

  Evan reached for Sadie’s hand, his gaze a question mark. “Yes,” she breathed. “I’ll have you. How can I turn down someone who makes duck breasts with raspberry sauce?”

  The tension broken, they all laughed. “Well, maybe you should reserve judgment on that until after you actually taste it.” He released their hands, but suddenly, apparently on impulse, he cupped the back of Jake’s head and drew him in for a long, sensual kiss.

  Sadie watched, wide-eyed and intrigued as the two men shared a very intimate and extraordinary moment. When they finished, Evan turned to her and asked, “So that’s okay with you? Because it really needs to be.”

  “Oh yeah,” she breathed. “That’s okay.”

  “You’re amazing.” Evan beamed and gave her a peck on the cheek before returning to the kitchen.

  Frowning, she watched him go. So that’s how you think it’s going to be, she thought. Well, Evan Valerian might just have another surprise or two in store.

  She glanced at Jake—and winked.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It had been a long time since Evan’s apartment shimmered with candlelight—and echoed with laughter.

  The spicy aromas of cinnamon and roasted meat mingled with the sweet scent of raspberries and merlot wine. The room had taken on a glow—a glow that had less to do with lighting and aromas than with love and acceptance. There was a sense of joy here. A joy that had been lacking in Evan’s life for far too long. As Jake’s silky voice regaled Sadie with yet another story of his misspent youth and troubles with identifying his nebulous sexuality, Evan refilled everyone’s glasses with the last of the wine, settled back in his chair—and savored.

  Sadie’s laughter tinkled like the finest crystal, and sent tiny shivers of excitement coursing through him. As did the way her eyes glittered when she looked at his lover. Jake was his lover. He loved Jake. Evan’s heart knew it—had always known it—but his mind was still having a little trouble wrapping itself around it.

  “So you thoroughly disappointed your parents then,” said Sadie, grinning.

  “Oh yes,” agreed Jake. “In every way possible. Abandoning the family business, ditching college, dumping the high school sweetheart…” He shrugged. “All of that was bad enough. Getting caught in bed with my college rugby coach was just more than they could take. I had to move to the other side of the country just to save my father the risk of yet another heart attack.”

  Evan leaned forward. “They blamed you for his heart condition?”

  “No. Not openly, at least.” He leaned back, considering his wine intently. “I think what they blamed me for was not being clones of them. Not being what they raised me to be. Expected me to be.”

  Evan sighed, took a sip of his own
wine. “Expectations. They’re a curse.” His thoughts returned to Rachel, and the tale of woe he had just related to Sadie. It was Rachel’s expectations of him that he was fighting. If there was anything worse than a child disappointing a parent, it was for a parent to disappoint a child. But he would do it. He had to.

  Sadie’s whisper caught his attention. “And yet we can’t live without them.”

  He turned to her, curious.

  “Well, when you love someone and they love you, there are certain expectations that go along with that. Good expectations.”

  “Such as?”

  She replied, “Such as being there for each other. Such as keeping promises and doing what you say you’re going to do.”

  Jake piped up, “Such as expecting that the other person will love and accept you for who you are. No matter what.”

  “I suppose,” conceded Evan. “As expectations go, those are pretty decent ones. Necessary ones. It’s the unreasonable expectations, the ones that people develop out of selfishness or intolerance or closed-mindedness that cause the problems.”

  He looked up to find Sadie staring at him. Something in her gaze was particularly piercing, even accusatory. “Yes. Exactly.”

  “What? What are you implying?”

  Very slowly, Sadie got up and rounded the table. Before he knew what was happening, she had swung her leg over the chair to straddle his lap, facing him. Her face was inches from his, her breasts brushed his chest. Her perfume filled his nostrils and the knowledge that her bare thighs beneath the light cotton skirt were separated from his by only the thin layer of denim he wore had his cock at red alert.

  But despite his arousal and longing to pursue it, his thoughts were drawn to Jake. He glanced at his lover, but before he was able to meet Jake’s gaze, Sadie had cupped his chin and drawn his face back to hers. “See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

  “I-I don’t understand.”

  Even as Evan heard a soft sigh from Jake’s general direction, his attention was snapped back to Sadie as she slowly—very slowly—unbuttoned the second and then the third button at the neck of his shirt. “You’re making an assumption, Evan Valerian.”

  “I am?”

  “Yes. A closed-minded, old fashioned, right-wing conservative-type assumption.” Her hand slipped inside his shirt and he could barely breathe. “You’re making the assumption that you have to choose between me and Jake. That if you have him, you can’t have me. And vice versa.”

  “I…but…I didn’t think—” It was at that moment that he felt Jake’s large, strong hands settle on his shoulders.

  “No. You didn’t. You didn’t even allow yourself to consider the possibility, did you?”

  Sadie leaned in, her breath caressing his lips as she spoke. “The possibility that you could have us both. And that we might want the same thing as you.” Her kiss was sweeter than the raspberry sauce that had graced his tongue just a few minutes ago. His initial reaction was to bracket his hands around her rib cage, draw her in tight and make love to her mouth, devouring her like the starving man he was.

  But even as his hands encircled her dainty waist and his arms ached to hold her tighter, he resisted. Instead of drawing her closer, he very gently pushed her away, her mouth separating from his reluctantly—like the agonizing movement of a child pulling off a bandage too slowly.

  When he looked at her, he expected to see anger, but instead her gaze was laced with amusement. “What is it, Evan?” she asked, tracing his jaw with her finger. “What are you afraid of?”

  Gingerly, he lifted her off his lap and set her on her feet beside him. He pushed away from the table, stood and walked over to the kitchen counter, taking the moment to suck in huge gulps of the oxygen that had been eluding him.

  He turned to find them both staring at him. “Jake,” he said simply. “I’m afraid of losing Jake.”

  “Oh, Ev…” Jake stepped forward but Evan raised a hand.

  “No. I’m serious. You mean a lot to me, Sadie, but our history is older. A lot more uncertain. My life with Jake is more…recent. More immediate. And I’ve done a lot over the past months to sabotage that relationship.” He looked to Jake. “I tried very hard to screw it up, and I very nearly succeeded. I only just now figured out how much you mean to me, and that I need to do everything in my power to keep you. I’m not doing anything—anything—unless I’m certain that it’s all right with you. Or, more importantly, right for us.”

  To Evan’s surprise, Jake responded by drawing Sadie into his arms. “It’s okay, Evan. It really is. I don’t think for a second that Sadie is going to steal you away from me. However…” And with that he drew Sadie’s face to his and bestowed a long, slow, sumptuous kiss on her lips.

  Evan watched with a mixture of intrigue and surprise. The surprise coming from the fact that he found the sight to be almost as arousing as having Sadie straddling his lap.

  Jake ended the kiss and drew away from a breathless Sadie. “How do you feel about it? Are you worried about Sadie stealing me away from you?”

  Finally Evan understood. Smiling, he stepped forward and drew Sadie out of Jake’s arms and into his. Her body flush with his, but his eyes locked with Jake’s he said, “I can handle it if you can.” He kissed her, without reservation or hesitation, locking his lips to hers and ravishing her mouth like the Spartan he had suddenly become. He sensed Jake move in behind her, and soon felt Jake’s hands on his arms. When he broke the kiss, he looked up to find Jake’s face very close to his.

  They kissed.

  Sadie could barely breathe. She was sandwiched between two of the most gorgeous, smart, sensitive men she’d ever met. Their bodies were pressing against hers, stealing the oxygen from her lungs—and stimulating responses in her body that she was completely unprepared for. The lack of oxygen had less to do with the pressure on her lungs and much more to do with the pressure on her libido.

  While the two men kissed, she managed to sneak a hand under Evan’s shirt, touching skin that she had always considered to be a dream. A fantasy. Undeserved and unattainable. And yet here it was, flowing beneath her fingertips like satin-covered steel.

  Her fingers had just found his nipples when she sensed the end of their kiss and felt a telltale tug on the skirt of her dress. Jake bunched up the material and sneaked his hands underneath. His fingers caressed her thighs just above the knees—and slowly glided upward. She was already shivering with anticipation from that when she became aware of the added sensation of Evan’s hand slipping inside the bodice of her dress to touch her breast. His mouth found her throat and she arched her neck in overwhelming pleasure.

  Jake’s hands reached her ass, cupping her cheeks and testing their shape briefly before moving across her hip bone toward her pussy. His lips brushed her other ear. “You’re not wearing anything under this dress.”

  She smiled, secretly astonished it had taken him this long to figure it out. “I ran out of clean underwear,” she lied.

  She sensed the sudden halt to Evan’s movements. Slowly he lifted his head from her throat and gazed into her eyes. “Do you mean to tell me…” He removed his hand from her breast and followed Jake’s hand beneath the bunched up material of her skirt. “That you were walking around my apartment all this time…with a bare pussy?”

  Suddenly she had two hot male hands parting her feminine lips. Rubbing her clit. Sinking inside her. She parted her thighs and managed to whisper, “Uh…apparently so.” She opened her eyes. “Does it matter?”

  “Well fuck, yeah.”

  In a heartbeat her dress was whisked over her head. It fluttered through the air, settling gently on the floor and leaving her completely naked and vulnerable before these two men.

  “I think that’s just about the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.” Evan just stood there, staring at her, raking his eyes over every inch of her, and she swore she could feel every sweep of his gaze like a blow torch on her skin. Her nipples puckered in response, and impossibly she f
elt herself grow more wet.

  She experienced a sudden and inexplicable wash of selfconsciousness, but curbed the urge to cover herself. “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m looking at you.” His gaze touched her newly shaved pussy. “Savoring you. Drinking you in.”

  “Well stop it.” She shifted her feet as if to turn away, but Jake’s hands on her hips stopped her. “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

  “No,” whispered Jake. “Be still.”

  Evan’s gaze grew hotter. “It’s just that I’ve waited so long for this. I dreamt of this moment for so many years, fantasized about it. Never thought it would—or could—happen.” He stepped a little closer. “And now that it’s here I don’t want to miss a thing.”

  She was torn. At once mesmerized by his fascination with her and yet confused by it. Plagued by it. It didn’t feel right.

  He traced a line down the center of her chest and then over the curve of each breast.

  Her breasts were uneven. The left one was slightly larger and higher than the right. He was going to notice. Of course Jake hadn’t noticed when they’d made love, but for some reason she hadn’t been nearly as conscious of it. Perhaps it was because she had waited so long for this with Evan. Envisioned it so many times. She had fantasized about it while she was in prison, but in her fantasies she was perfect. In fact, in her fantasies she’d borne a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie. But here there was no makeup artist and no air brushing. This time it was just her and Evan. The real—and scandalously un-Angelina-like—her.

  She flinched, the only thing keeping her from moving away the insistent pressure of Jake’s hands on her hips and his chest against her back.

  Evan stopped. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m not used to this. I think I’d prefer the bedroom. Where it’s a bit darker.” Darkness would help. The darkness would hide her imperfections and allow her to retreat a little bit into the camouflage of her fantasy.