Remember Honor

by Ginny Sterling

  “I’m fine,” Brandon bit out and she could feel him tense against her. “I want to go home and rest for a bit before rehashing this nightmare out for the hundredth time.”

  “I think that sounds like a reasonable request,” Tabitha said evenly, staring at the clerk. Was Brandon crazed and did he need psychiatric help? Was she aiding someone that could hurt her? “I know this was traumatizing for him and being in comfortable surroundings might help him.”

  “Yes. PTSD can be very tough to handle and there are a few triggers.”

  “I’m right here,” Tobin snapped from behind her.

  “Brandon, I need this. Please, bear with me and then we are leaving here together, okay?”

  His tight nod and flush to his pale cheeks told her he was embarrassed at being discussed like he was an object in the room. It felt very detached and she wanted nothing more than to envelop him in a safe haven so he could heal.

  “He’s afraid of the dark and loud sounds,” the attendant began, and Tabitha cut him off.

  “HE is standing right here and can tell me that himself,” she said firmly, grasping Brandon’s hand. “Is there anything else?”

  “I have a few prescriptions for you that might help.”

  “Are they for physical pain? Is he hurt or injured?”

  “No. They are for anxiety and could help him sleep.”

  “I’ll let you know if we need them.”

  “Take them and get them filled, just in case.”

  “Are you the doctor?”

  “No. I’m the clerk.”

  “So, the doctor isn’t even here to talk to me?”

  The aide hesitated and she smiled sweetly to hide her aggravation, plucking the prescriptions out of his hands. “Do you need anything else from me?”

  “Yep. I want those cameras in front of the building shoed off and we are going to pull a vehicle around back so my husband,” Tabby hesitated, feeling a little nervous at saying the word aloud. “…So Brandon doesn’t have to run the gauntlet of nosy reporters shouting at him. Are we clear?”

  “I’ll get someone to move the cameras now.”

  “And we’ll be leaving.”

  “Thank you, Tabby,” Brandon said quietly, clutching her hand. She nodded tightly, feeling tears burn at her eyes as she realized that he was lost and floundering, holding on for dear life until something felt normal to him. He’d reached out to her as a tether; there was no way she could let her friend down.

  “Anytime, my soldier.”

  Walking out of the office room, she realized it was awfully telling that he walked behind her. She expected him to walk beside her just like before, leading the way, yet he was dragging along behind her, as if he was afraid of what was lying ahead of him.

  Her brave, laughing friend was wounded, just like a raw nerve. As she stepped forward into the room where Tobin’s friends waited, she stopped, blocked the doorway, and smiled tightly.

  “John, please get the car and pull it around to the back entrance. Everyone, he’s healthy and safe – but very tired. I want some alone time with my husband,” she said brightly, meeting Lily’s eyes and hoping she picked up on what she couldn’t say aloud.

  She didn’t want to make Brandon any more uncomfortable than he already was right now. She felt him clench her hand, giving it a light squeeze as if to silently thank her for the gesture.

  “Of course,” Lily said, nodding.

  “I think that is a brilliant idea,” Ethan’s wife, Daisy, agreed.

  Tabitha let out her breath at that moment, knowing Daisy was a counselor, and she’d guessed right that Brandon needed time before they swamped him with attention.

  “Let’s head out and we’ll call you later.”

  “How about you text so the phone isn’t ringing loudly all night long?” Tabitha countered with a firm smile and nodding. Daisy nodded quickly, taking the hint and moving.

  “Again, smart. Now we know why Tobin married you,” she said kindly. Tabitha knew Daisy was saying it for the office staff’s benefit. Everyone knew they weren’t married… they were just friends and still getting to know each other.

  “We’ll text you both later on. Just get some rest.”

  “Thank you.”

  Tabitha felt Brandon slip a hand on her shoulder silently. She glanced up to see his thin face and hollowed eyes as he looked over her shoulder to his friends departing. It was like he was hiding from a world he’d left behind. What happened to the smiling man that was so carefree, so flamboyant?

  Brandon and Tabitha slipped out the back door of the building and climbed into the patrol car’s back seat. Tabitha saw John’s stunned expression only seconds before he masked it. Apparently he hadn’t expected to see Brandon so thin, so broken.

  She also noticed that Brandon wouldn’t meet John’s eyes in the mirror. It was like they couldn’t bear to look at each other and she was really glad the others had left.

  Brandon needed time.

  That was certainly something she could give her friend.

  “John, if you could take me to my car? It’s still at the school and we are both worn out. We are going home. I’ll text everyone later and we’ll make plans for a celebration later once this all settles down.”

  “Are you sure? I can take him home…”

  “No,” Brandon bit out in a quiet voice, interrupting the two of them unexpectedly. She felt him reach over and grab her hand, clenching it. She knew he was afraid of their reaction to how he acted or looked.

  “It’s okay,” Tabitha said quietly, laying her hand on Brandon’s.

  “If you need anything Tabitha…”

  “I know – and I appreciate it,” she cut off quickly with a warm smile. She met John’s concerned gaze in the rearview mirror and nodded to let him know she was okay – and more so – Brandon would be alright if given enough space.

  John dropped them off at the school and she quickly unlocked the doors to her truck. She saw that Brandon had to use the grab handle to get himself up in the truck, unlike before. The last time he’d rode in her truck, he’d hopped up like it was nothing. His captivity had taken more out of him than she realized.

  “Listen,” Tabitha said brightly, smiling at him. “I don’t know about you but I’d like to pick up drive-thru instead of cooking tonight, if that’s okay? I can wow you with my mad culinary skills another time but for tonight, let’s have some greasy American fast food. Does that sound okay?”

  “That sounds amazing,” he admitted, looking at her. “I’m so heartily sick of chicken, salad, and Jell-O. Can I get onion rings instead of fries?”

  “Is there even anything else out there that compares? Uh-hello?” she teased, rolling her eyes playfully. “And I hear that the cookies-n-cream milkshake is back. It was an abysmal idea to take it off the menu and poor business planning. Sheesh.”

  “I don’t know how I’m going to process all of that,” he admitted painfully, putting a hand over his stomach. She smiled softly, if nothing else, to keep her from crying. He was so gaunt, so sallow, and needed a little TLC.

  “Well, I’ve got medicine at home for that and if you need to puke, I’ll hold back your hair for you. That is the golden rule among friends – when one is puking, the other holds their hair,” she teased, reaching over to tug on one of the neatly trimmed locks at his temple. With his short hair, there was no reason to even suggest it, other than just to tease him. He looked at her and she saw a hint of a smile in his eyes before it disappeared.

  “I’m so glad you are here,” she admitted honestly.

  “Me too.”

  Tabitha drove through the drive-thru and ordered a ton of junk food. Two burgers covered with cheese and bacon, a large order of loaded tater tots, two large milkshakes, and a bag of fried donuts.

  “That’s more food than I’ve probably eaten in weeks,” Brandon said quietly. His voice was so soft, she barely caught it over the turned down music playing on the radio. Instead of commenting, she decided to tuck that litt
le nugget of information away. She didn’t want to make him feel self-conscious or embarrassed. She wanted him to feel safe and welcomed. He didn’t have a thing with him other than one large duffle bag that almost pulled him backwards from the weight of it.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a little lazy and want to relax a bit. Care to watch a movie on TV with me, eat until our hearts are content, and maybe let our guts stick out?”

  Brandon didn’t say anything. He just stared at the cups he held in his hands as the bags sat between them on the bench seat. She was trying to draw him out of his shell and bless his heart, he was retreating away from her.

  “I bet you are a Sci-Fi guy, aren’t you? Oh no… I know! You like romantic comedies, am I right?”

  “I haven’t seen a movie in a while. I think the last thing was Finding Nemo. They showed it on base one night.”

  “Oh ho! A Disney man? I’m partial to Disney movies myself. I think we can manage to find something for us to watch.”

  “You don’t have to do this,” he said quietly, still staring at the floorboard and the cups. He wasn’t looking at anything, but rather staring sightlessly away, lost in thought. Tabitha sighed, realizing she was a few minutes from her house and needed to find a way to reach him.

  She wasn’t the enemy.

  Pulling her truck into the driveway, she put it in park and looked at him. She reached over and the second she made contact, Brandon jerked back bodily in alarm. Slinging his arm upwards, he knocked her arm away, sending one of the milkshakes flying. Milk and whipped cream splattered everywhere. She was stunned at the intense reaction and he looked just as shocked.

  “Tabby…I…” he stammered, looking horrified.

  “That was your shake,” she teased in a flat, dry tone.

  She was trying to keep the fear out of her voice as she realized just how traumatized he actually was. “It’s a good thing I like you and I’m willing to split the other one. Do us both a favor and don’t throw this one, okay?”

  She smiled at him softly and put her hands up slowly.

  “I’m teasing you, Brandon. Relax.”

  “Don’t pity me or look at me like that. I shouldn’t be here,” he said painfully, looking away from her. “Thank you for trying. I need to get my bag.”

  “I am not ‘pitying’ you, Brandon. I’m surprised at your reaction but considering everything, it’s okay. It’s just a shake and this can be cleaned. You carry our milkshake and I’ll get the burgers. Take things one step at a time.”

  Brandon didn’t respond, and there was something in his expression that bothered her. He went to open the door and Tabitha stubbornly hit lock, giving an audible click as the knob was sucked down into the door of her older truck. He went to open the door again and as he pulled the handle, she deliberately hit lock again. He swung his head around and she saw tears in his eyes.

  “We are going to talk through this, soldier.”

  “Just unlock the truck, Tabby,” he repeated, looking away.

  “And what?” she said stubbornly, staring at him. “Where are you going? Are you going home? Your parents? Back to Afghanistan? You trusted me enough to ask for me, telling the military that I was your wife. Now, listen to your new pseudo-wife: let’s go inside the house, kick off our shoes, and eat dinner.”

  “I’m not the same person anymore,” he whispered painfully.

  “And I’m not going to let you retreat into that shell. You always said you felt safe with me. That we were friends,” she entreated quietly, reaching tentatively for his hand and ignoring the dollops of milkshake on the bench seat between them. She slowly touched his fingers with hers and saw him tense.

  “Let me be that friend to you. Be my friend, because I’ve missed you terribly and was worried sick about you. No pressure, just a little time relaxing and stuffing our stomachs with greasy food.”

  “I hurt so much here,” he whimpered, putting his hand over his heart. “I don’t know if I can be that person again.”

  Tabitha felt tears burn at her eyes at the honesty in his gaze.

  He felt as broken and wounded as he looked.

  “I will never hurt you, my friend,” she vowed. “I don’t care how long it takes; we’ll get through this together.”

  Climbing out of the truck, she ran around to the other side to see him getting out of the truck slowly. He was weak and that was something that would come back in time. He needed food, a chance to heal, understanding, and some time to find himself again.

  Tabitha was a little nervous about bringing him home to her house. It was an older home with one large room, a single bathroom, and two smaller bedrooms. It was all she could afford at the time and was decorated the way she liked it. She’d never had to worry about bringing a guy home because there was never anyone interested enough to look past the tomboy in her.

  Walking in, she smiled and kicked off her shoes.

  “C’mon in, make yourself at home. Nothing fancy here, but it is comfortable and lived in. You have the run of the place, my friend.”

  “I just need a place to sleep.”

  “Brandon, relax. You can consider this a friend giving another friend a place to stay until you get on your feet. I’ve got an extra room that can be yours as long as you need it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive.”

  “I should clean up the mess I made,” he said nervously.

  “You don’t have the keys, I do. You need to work on eating some of this food while it’s hot and I’ll get the shake cleaned up.”

  “Tabby I can do it.”

  “I know you can, but what kind of host would I be if I made my guest and my best friend clean up a simple accident? I’d prefer that you ate your meal and relaxed a bit. One step at a time, soldier. Remember that.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Now, kick off your shoes and I’ll be right back.”

  Tabitha ran to the sink to grab a washrag and wet it under the faucet. She watched him slowly move towards the small couch and gingerly sit down, looking around carefully. He appeared scared that someone might harm him or take any comfort away from him. It was breaking her heart.

  She quickly headed out to the truck so he didn’t see her own tears.

  Walking back inside, she saw that his burger was only half-eaten and he was staring at his hands. He jumped nervously as the screen door smacked closed behind her.

  “Sorry about that. I need to get the spring a little looser so it doesn’t shut so forcibly, but it’s nice to keep mosquitos out of the house.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “How’s the burger?”

  “It’s good,” he said quietly. “I think in my imagination it smelled and tasted better than it is. I’ve wanted one for months and thought it would be a little different.”

  “Their burgers are alright, but maybe we can grill some that taste a little better that these processed ones. Did you try the onion rings? They do have amazing ones.”

  “No. I wanted to wait for you.”

  “I’m right here,” she countered with a cheerful smile and sat down on the other couch cushion. “How about I turn on a movie and we just graze until we can’t eat anymore?”

  “Whatever you want to do.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want to feel safe.”

  “You are safe, Brandon. I promise,” she said gently, reaching for his hand, only to see him pull away. She tried not to let it hurt quite so much, but it did. “I was going to get the quilt from behind you, if that’s okay?”

  “Sure.”

  Tabitha flipped on the television and realized it was still early in the afternoon. She was usually at school until four and it was barely that now. She flipped through the channels until she settled on a movie that had already started. Maybe something like this could distract him a little so he could relax some.

  He looked so stiff, so lost sitting there.

  Getting up, she grabbed a Dr. Pepper
and nudged the milkshake in his direction when she sat down. Brandon was quiet for several minutes and she could easily tell when he finally started to relax a bit. He slumped against the arm of the couch and picked up his burger again, taking small bites.

  “What movie is this?”

  “It’s a remake of Robin Hood.”

  He didn’t say anything else; he just watched the screen fascinated and munching quietly. Tabitha finished her burger and wadded up the wrapper before setting it on the coffee table. She slumped down on the couch and covered up with the quilt lazily. This was her favorite Saturday afternoon activity and being home so early on a Thursday made it feel that way.

  It wasn’t five minutes later that Brandon did much of the same.

  He, too, slumped down on the couch, extending out his legs, and crossed his arms over his chest. She saw him out of the corner of her eye and decided not to say a word. She wanted him to feel like he could relax with her, because it was the only way he would open up eventually and talk. The seconds ticked by and she heard a faint snore. Looking over, she saw he was out cold and sleeping.

  “Poor thing,” she whispered painfully, her heart clenching as she realized he must have been truly exhausted from everything that had happened. She slowly got up and covered him with the quilt she was using before tiptoeing to the unused guest room that also served as her storage room.

  Opening the door, she pulled out a set of sheets from the small wooden dresser drawer and quickly made the bed. He would need someplace he felt was his own so he could hide away. She wanted to give him a sense of peace that he seemed to desperately need.

  Pulling a small coverlet off the end of the guest bed, she padded back into the living room and rejoined the sleeping man on the couch to finish watching the movie. She didn’t want him to feel alone or scared when he awoke in a place he didn’t recognize.

  Chapter 6

  Tabitha jumped to the sound of someone whimpering nearby. She’d fallen asleep in front of the television and now it was late in the evening. The television was on, but none of the overhead lights or lamps were making the living room almost pitch black except the one source of light.