Remember Honor

by Ginny Sterling

  “Tabitha Mason, will you marry me… because I love you?”

  “For real this time?”

  “Only if you love me,” he amended.

  “I do love you, Brandon,” she said tearfully.

  “And I love you, my little Tabby.”

  Brandon had tears in his eyes as he smiled at her. She nodded at him and saw him return the motion, nodding at her. He then turned to look over his shoulder and smiled proudly.

  “We’ll take our dinner to go, please.”

  “Of course, sir… and congratulations.”

  Chapter 9

  Tabitha accepted the bag of food from the restaurant and tried to keep her chin up. She shouldn’t be embarrassed, and truthfully, she wasn’t. She was more stunned that Brandon had actually said the words she’d been longing to hear forever… unfortunately it was in a women’s restroom at a restaurant. She’d pictured some romantic moment, some intense interlude, maybe with candles or something wonderful, but then she realized that everything she’d ever pictured simply centered around him.

  They drove home silently, unsure what to say after such a big reveal. It was like being thrown candy that was intended to be put inside the pinata. What was the point? What did he mean by saying that he loved her, and could she trust that he knew what he was saying? He’d told her that he had a lot to go through still and certain things bothered him, but what if this was one of those things? Those fears, those doubts were still there.

  “I’m sorry I ruined our dinner by making you cry,” he said quietly in the silence as they pulled into the driveway. The sun was setting and it was getting dark later in the evenings now.

  “Instead of our date being ruined, maybe we look at this as an opportunity to talk about things between us?”

  Brandon’s tight nod as he held open the screen door for her made her realize that things were just as awkward as before – if not more so. He carried the bag of food into the kitchen and Tabby got two plates, serving up their portions.

  As she turned to put the plates on the table, she hesitated, seeing Brandon lighting a few candles on the table. It wasn’t anything fancy; rather it was like he’d quickly raided the room picking up a few scented jar candles, a single tapered candle, as well as two small tea lights that she recognized from one of her little ceramic displays on the shelf.

  He smiled shyly at her.

  “There’s no reason we can’t try to make our date special in our own way, is there?”

  “No. This is really sweet,” she admitted, setting down the two plates.

  “Would you like a coke or some juice?”

  “Actually, they gave us wine,” Tabitha replied, flushing nervously. “There is a bottle of wine in the bag with a big ribbon bow.”

  “That was really nice of them.”

  “Considering they kicked us out? Yeah, it was,” she agreed.

  Brandon grinned as he pulled the wine from the bag and hesitated. Turning the bottle towards her, he held it up for her to see. There were several hearts, smiles, and signatures on the bottle that had been drawn on there with a silver Sharpie.

  “Oh, that’s so nice!”

  “Do you want to keep it? Would you like something else instead?”

  “Actually, I’d kind of like to celebrate and talk – and I could use something for my nerves. I’ll keep the bottle for memories,” she said, flushing at the idea of keeping such a memento.

  “Maybe we can get another bottle of this brand on our first anniversary and look back at this moment?”

  “That might be fun,” she whispered nervously, nodding, touched at the fact that he’d even considered that. Every time she turned around, he won her over by the things he said or did.

  Brandon tore off the ribbon and peeled away the wrap at the top, smiling. He quickly unscrewed the bottle and poured two juice glasses halfway full of the wine. Walking over towards her, he held out one of the small glasses to her.

  “I’m no connoisseur, but I do know that most wines actually have a cork. I’m not sure how good this is but it’s an adventure I’m willing to go on with you,” he said lightly, tapping his own glass against hers. “I feel like I’m excited to try everything as long as I know you are by my side.”

  “Are you making a toast?” she blurted out, surprised and touched.

  “I’m trying,” he chuckled, taking a seat with her at the small table.

  “No, no. You are doing wonderfully. I just didn’t realize it.”

  “Let me try again,” Brandon said softly, looking at her. Tabitha was glad that she was sitting down because that intense look in his eyes was there and made her weak in the knees.

  “To a life full of adventures…”

  Tabitha smiled.

  Part of her wanted to hear words of love or praise from him, but it just didn’t feel like the time or the moment. They were both a little nervous about everything and it was as if the pieces were falling all around them, but no one knew if they were the right pieces for the puzzle or not.

  “To adventures,” she repeated.

  Tapping their glasses together, they both took a sip and looked at each other in stunned surprise. The wine was actually quite good! She’d truthfully expected it to be horrid and already had plans for the little decorated wine bottle into becoming a vase for flowers or perhaps a candle holder… like the ones with the wax running down the sides?

  “This is actually pretty delicious,” Brandon laughed, getting up to get the bottle off the counter where he’d left it. Tabitha giggled as he set the bottle between them and tapped her glass again emphatically. She took a large sip, hoping it would take the edge off her nervousness.

  Picking up his fork, she watched as Brandon began to eat and started talking all of a sudden. It was like the floodgates had opened and he was just chatting away. He was smiling, laughing, and talking with her just like the old version of himself. This moment was priceless to her and she had been hoping for him to be able to put the past aside, long enough to find himself once again. It was like he was finally letting down his guards and letting her into his world.

  Tabitha talked about her days at sea and what made her get into teaching. She told him about her reasons for leaving the Navy and what a relief it was to find a different outlet for her. She’d loved traveling the world and seeing different places. Mt. Vesuvius, Egypt, the Seychelle Islands, the way the waves looked on a moonlit night. Brandon told her about sunsets over the desert in Afghanistan, the fear he felt when he was captured, and the camaraderie he missed in being in the military.

  “I miss some of those guys and I don’t know how to reach out to them without reliving it all again.”

  “You could send them an email, so you can control what you want to say to them.”

  “I might do that,” Brandon admitted, nodding. “I never had a chance to tell Parker ‘thank you’ for saving me.”

  “I’m sure he knew it.”

  “No, it wasn’t just the rescue. It was the fact that I was so close to breaking that when they put the mask on my face to prevent me from being gassed, that I panicked. I think if he hadn’t knocked me out, that might have been the point of no return,” Brandon whispered, staring at his wine, swirling it in the glass.

  “I was so close to being actually gone and I see that now. I don’t ever want to be in a position like that again. That is why I knew deep down inside I couldn’t go back. I’m scared at how I would react.”

  “No one will ever harm you again,” she said firmly, reaching over and touching his hand. “I promise you – and I don’t want you to feel obligated to be here or marry me. I will always have your back, be a friend, or share a part of your life. I meant it when I said no one will ever harm you again because you’ll never be abandoned, hurt, or forgotten. I couldn’t forget about you then and I will never do so now.”

  “I know.”

  “You are safe.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

&nb
sp; “I wanted to,” Brandon breathed, lacing his fingers with hers. “I do love you even if I feel like you deserve better than some washed up soldier.”

  “I kinda love my soldier,” she whispered as he leaned towards her, hesitating at the last moment. She felt his breath hitch and could smell the fruity scent of wine on his breath as he softly brushed his lips against hers.

  “This soldier loves you more than you know.”

  They spent the rest of the evening talking, finishing off the small bottle of wine, and laughing with each other. They shared a few dances there in the middle of her living room to songs on her iPhone before looking at the clock.

  “I’m so sorry but I’m exhausted,” she apologized, yawning.

  “I should be apologizing to you for keeping you up so late.”

  “We seem to be doing a lot of apologies,” she teased.

  “Yes,” Brandon admitted and then smiled. “Don’t forget we are going to the Griffins’ tomorrow. Right?”

  “Are you up to it?”

  “I think I want to try.”

  Brandon hesitated as Tabitha stepped away.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Tabby,” he began, looking at her, “let’s make it official tomorrow. Let’s get up, have breakfast together, and go to the courthouse to get married.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “I feel like we are a couple already and I can’t imagine life without you. It’s a piece of paper that makes what I already feel official in everyone’s eyes. To me, you were my wife the moment you walked in that office to come help me. I want the world to know it too.”

  Tabitha nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

  “You really mean that, don’t you?”

  “I do.”

  “I’ll set an alarm for in the morning.”

  “I can’t wait,” he said shyly. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Brandon.”

  Tabitha lay there in her room, unable to sleep with the day’s events rolling through her mind, along with so many doubts and fears. Was she doing the right thing? He was so good to her, so sweet and kind, that it made her heart skip a beat. She’d always adored him from afar and it just seemed too surreal to think that she was going to be marrying the man she’d secretly longed for – and that he wanted to marry her.

  She sat straight up in bed as she heard a hollow shout split the silence. Reaching for her pistol under her bed, she hesitated as she heard faint sounds of crying through the walls that broke her heart. It just seemed so unfair that such a beautiful soul was so alone and having to deal with the scars of what had happened to him.

  He’d told her tonight of his capture and what he didn’t say aloud revealed so much. He felt like he’d been forgotten, left for dead, or abandoned. His security, his very stability and confidence had been shattered by doubt and the most basic fears of impending doom that it rocked him.

  She heard another muffled cry and got out of bed, wrapping her robe around her as her eyes blurred with tears for what he was going through alone. Turning the knob silently, she heard him weeping and gasping, realizing that the lightbulb had burnt out at some point during the night. She had no idea what time it was but had a strong feeling that this wasn’t the first time he’d been like this.

  “Brandon?”

  “Tabby, I’m sorry. Go to sleep, sweetheart,” his voice was thick with tears and shame. There was a tremor to his words that broke her heart.

  “I can’t and you’re hurting,” she said gently, entering the open doorway of his room. She saw he was laying on his side with his knees pulled tightly to his chest, curled in a fetal position. His tank top and shorts kept him decent as he’d kicked off the covers. Without a word, she walked over and picked up the blanket, shaking it out as he lay there trying to get his breath under control.

  “Did you have a bad dream?” she asked gently, laying the blanket on him and gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “This is nothing,” he said with a tormented chuckle, sniffing hard as he wiped his face in the shadows of the darkened room. The nightlight was awfully dim and she understood now why he slept with the door open and the hallway light on. That single nightlight probably reminded him of the crack in the ceiling of his cell.

  “I need to get some lightbulbs at the store tomorrow.”

  “It’s okay, Tabby. I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine,” she countered, laying a hand on his where it rested, holding his ankles against him in a tight ball. “This is not fine… and you aren’t alone, Brandon. Scooch over.”

  When he didn’t move from where he was laying tautly, she rolled her eyes and stepped up onto the bed, stepping over him, before lying down behind him, on top of the blankets.

  “Shhh,” Tabby whispered, wrapping her arms around his middle and laying her cheek against his back. She felt him tense the moment her arms wrapped around his middle and heard a shaky sigh escape him as he started to relax slightly.

  “I’ve got you and no one will harm you. I promise.”

  “You probably think I’m such a loser for crying like this,” he said in the darkness after several moments of silence.

  “No. There’s no shame in having a good cry when you’ve been traumatized. I think that no one will ever understand until they’ve walked a mile in your shoes – but you are never alone. Even if I have only an inkling of what you are going through, part of loving someone is that we go through it together,” she said, moving her hand up his stomach to rest directly over his heart. “This is what makes you special and no one can take that away – ever.”

  “It’s yours,” he said quietly. “I love you, Tabby.”

  “I love you too, Brandon.”

  She held him silently for quite a while until his breathing began to even out. She stroked his hair and just listened to his heartbeat, feeling him relax further. His body was uncurling and he stretched out a bit.

  “I’m okay. You don’t have to stay here and babysit me.”

  “Funny thing is that I am okay too,” she whispered, repeating his words back at him. “I’m perfect, right where I am, by your side.”

  Stunned, she felt him push against her as he suddenly rolled over to face her. Brandon didn’t say a word, he just gathered her in his arms, cradling her against his chest. He kissed her on the top of her head and let out a shaky sigh.

  “I’m so glad you asked for that ride home that night,” he breathed against her hair. She treasured the way he felt in her arms, the warmth of his body, and knowing that this was the person she cared about most in this world.

  “I am too,” she admitted, listening to him breathe. “I don’t think we’ve ever looked back, have we?”

  “Not one bit.”

  “I’ve never felt such contentment.”

  “When you are with me, I feel the same way.”

  “We aren’t crazy for getting married?”

  “I don’t think so but if you want to…”

  “No,” she interrupted, pulling her head off his chest and looking up at his face, covered in shadows. “I’ve never wanted anything more. I’m scared. I wonder what people will say or think, but in this moment I’ve never been more sure of you – of us – than I am right now.”

  “I understand. I worry that I’m not the guy for you or that I am going to ruin your life, but I can’t stop thinking about you or wanting to make you smile.”

  “You know what would make me smile?”

  “Anything, just say the word and I will make it happen.”

  “Kiss me and let me keep you safe through the night.”

  She heard his breath hitch and felt his hand cup her face tenderly, his thumb caressing her cheek. She wished there was a bit more light in the room so she could see the love in his beautiful brown eyes. Instead, she laid her palm over his heart, feeling it beat strong and true under her fingertips.

  “I love you so much, my soon-to-be-wife,” he breathed against her lips so reverently, so tenderly, that she felt her
bones turn to butter. There was nothing that would pull her away from this man. She kissed him back with all the love she could, treasuring these small moments between them.

  This was the glue that held it all together.

  It didn’t matter what happened in their future, she would always have these moments with him. He might have felt ashamed at his reaction to the nightmare he was having, but she felt proud knowing that she could comfort him. He was hers, just as she was his.

  This is what being in love meant.

  They were one – and no one ever had to understand or decipher what it meant but themselves. She would marry this man cradling her in his arms and holding her tenderly without a second thought. She didn’t care that they were lying in the same bed, holding each other. He was not pressing her for more simply out of respect and honor for her. He treated her like she was precious – and she felt every bit of it when he smiled at her.

  Brandon kissed her forehead and held her against him again.

  “Get some rest, love.”

  “You too.”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Tabby shut her eyes and lay there peacefully, content with knowing that this beautiful person she held would love her the rest of her days. She was going to be Mrs. Brandon Tobin… Tabitha Tobin… in a few short hours, and couldn’t be more excited about it.

  It was a dream come true.

  Tabitha got up with the alarm blaring in the next room. It was the weirdest sensation waking up in someone’s arms, no matter how sweet or innocent it happened to be. She awkwardly climbed out of the bed and ignored his delighted laugh as she tried to smooth down her hair, holding the sleeve of her robe over her face in an attempt to hide.

  This was her wedding day!

  Grinning, she took her time getting ready, taking infinite care to make sure she looked fantastic. Pulling out some white slacks and a white blouse, Tabitha curled her hair all over and put a few bobby pins into place to hold it back loosely. She put on some makeup and felt strange wearing it at all on her face, looking at her reflection and realizing that even though she was the same person who’d first glimpsed Brandon across the room – they were both so different now.