Lois Lavrisa - Chubby Chicks 02 - Murderous Muffins

by Lois Lavrisa

  I knew the answer was no. “Very loosely. It’s like we are complete strangers.”

  Cat took a sip of her drink. “Nice and strong.”

  I giggled. “Like you.” I gulped my margarita. My lips puckered.

  Xavier strolled into the kitchen. “Happy hour?”

  Cat poured Xavier a glass. “Here, we have plenty.”

  Xavier thanked Cat and took the glass. He took a swig. “Great cocktail. So, do you have karaoke to go with it?”

  “Huh?” I asked.

  Xavier pointed up. “Someone is singing.”

  I said, “Oh, that must be Mr. Phong.”

  “Mr. Phong?” Xavier asked.

  “You know him, don’t you? I mean, he’s your relative.” Cat topped off her drink.

  Xavier’s mouth dropped open as he looked at me.

  I raised an eyebrow, hoping that he would remember what I’d said earlier today about pretending to be my cousin.

  “Yes. Sure. I mean we haven’t seen each other in years. He’s from the other side of the family.” Xavier leaned against the counter and winked at me. “It sure is nice to be back here amongst relatives.”

  “And I’m going to let you two catch up. I have some paperwork to do in my room.” Cat picked up her glass and waved with her free hand.

  “Looks like we’re alone.” Xavier set his glass down and then crossed his arms. “Don’t know if I can trust myself with such a pretty, sweet cousin, so distantly related.”

  I let out a nervous laugh. A chill ran over me. Xavier both repulsed and attracted me. That combination was not good, any way I looked at it. I chugged the rest of my drink. Whoa. Sweet and sour collided on my taste buds. “Well, I trust that you’ll be a gentleman as well as a good tenant and mind your manners.”

  Xavier sauntered next to me. “Can’t make any promises I can’t keep.”

  As he moved closer, I breathed in a slight grapefruit-cinnamon scent on Xavier, reminding me of Bradley’s Ambre Topkapi cologne. I turned my back to him and set my glass in the sink. Grabbing the blender, I removed the glass top and set it in the sink, then filled it with hot water.

  Xavier said, “I’m not sure if I’m reading you right. But I seem to make you uncomfortable.”

  “Really?” I shut off the faucet.

  “C’mon. You’re nervous around me. I can sense that.”

  I dried my wet hands on a towel. Placing my hands on my hips, I glared at him. “So now you’re a psychic?”

  He put a hand to his forehead. “Yes, I am. And I see you falling madly in love with me.”

  “You need to get your crystal ball checked.”

  Xavier let out a guffaw. “It’s twenty-twenty.”

  I needed to stop this conversation now. I’d end this on a professional tenant-landlord type note. “I hope that your accommodations are acceptable. Please let me know if there is anything else you need.” I began to leave.

  Xavier said, “Wait a minute. There is something I need.”

  I stopped and turned around. “Extra towels?”

  “No. I’m good on those. I’d like to know who your other tenants are.”

  My mouth hung open. That was so bold of him to ask. “I’m not sure I’m at liberty to disclose that to you.”

  “I think you are. The way I look at it, we are all living under the same roof. So it makes sense that we should know each other.”

  He did have a point. I said, “I’m not sure.”

  “Listen, we are all supposed to be relatives, right?” he said.

  “Well, I mean, yes, of course, I’d appreciate it, if anyone asked, if you’d say that.”

  “So I’m thinking there is a reason you want us to pretend that we know each other instead of us all disclosing that we’re paying tenants.”

  He was the devil dressed in cute dimples. My jaw clenched as my heart sped up. I felt like a rat trapped in a corner with a hungry cat blocking the way.

  “I’m thinking that you don’t want anyone out there to know something that is happening in here.” He waved his hand in a circular motion.

  Damn him. He had me over a barrel. Jerk. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

  He chortled. “Hey, it’s not like I want to know their life history. Just a few details.”

  “Like what?”

  “Maybe just their names and occupations. Like who is that young couple staying here?”

  Why did I feel as though I’d just walked into a lion’s den with a hunk of raw meat? I answered, “Frank and Lily. She’s a student at Savannah College of Art and Design, and he’s at South University getting his PA degree.”

  Xavier flexed his arm. “And a muscle degree, too.”

  I grinned. “Frank’s involved in body building.”

  “He has the build for that.” Xavier smirked. “Now what about that man who sings all the time?”

  “Mr. Phong.”

  “What do you know about him?”

  “Not much.” And sadly that was the truth. He had lived with me almost a year, and I didn’t know that much about him. My parents and Hattie would be ashamed; it seemed that anyone they’d met became lifelong friends. In my defense, he kept to himself, and didn’t know English very well, making it difficult to get acquainted with him.

  “Does he work anywhere?”

  “I think he works at that new business on Bay.”

  “Which one?”

  “I believe it’s called Souza something. He does some type of janitorial work for them a few hours a day.”

  Xavier furrowed his brow. “Does he bring anything home with him?”

  Purposely avoiding eye contact, I gazed at a spot on the floor. “Like cleaning supplies and brooms? No.”

  Xavier cleared his throat. “Let me reword that. Does he say anything to you about his job?”

  My eyes widened. “Pardon me, but I will not answer that. It’s a little personal. And I think that is the end of what I’m willing to share with you.”

  He held his hand up, palm facing me. “Yes. Of course. I just want to make sure that when anyone asks me about you and your relatives that I sound informed. And I want to make sure I can honor your request to keep your secret.”

  Was he threatening me? Cad! “Of course, you are welcome to do what you need to do. I have four other inquiries on your room. So, if this makes you uncomfortable in any way, please know I will give you a full refund.”

  Xavier’s wide smile accentuated his dimples. “Now, now, Bezu. I certainly want us to be friends. I think you may have misunderstood me.”

  My insides were boiling with rage. “No. I think I read you loud and clear.”

  It was too late and I was too tired to do anything about him tonight, but tomorrow morning, I was kicking him to the curb.

  Chapter Five

  After Xavier left the kitchen, I did the dishes. From under the sink, I pulled out a green glass bottle containing Ant-B-Gone. I went into the upstairs hallway and sprinkled some poison along the floorboard where I had seen the ants. Thump. I smacked the floorboard to see if they would come out.

  Lily and Frank exited their room. Frank’s sleeveless, barely there Atlas Gym tank top worked well with his sweatpants and his gym bag—his usual ensemble. Lily wore a tight, low-cut, black sequin top and a miniskirt with four-inch stilettos.

  I said, “I hope I didn’t disturb you.”

  “No. Not at all,” Lily said.

  “Miss Bezu, you’re not the problem. It’s that Oriental idiot.” Frank jammed a fist toward Mr. Phong’s door.

  “I’m working on that.” I screwed the top back on the bottle and put it in my pocket. “Listen, give me a little time. I’m sure that I can silence Mr. Phong.”

  “You have to, or we’re out of here. A buddy of mine has a room we can crash in if we have to,” Frank said.

  “I don’t want to leave here. That makes me sad just thinking about it.” Lily ran a hand down Frank’s bicep as she kissed his neck. “And you always make me happy, and I love that abo
ut you.”

  “Yes, sweetie, I’ll do anything for you.” Frank blushed. Then he looked over at me. “I’m just saying, Miss Bezu, he’s driving me absolutely nuts. You are a super nice lady and all. And Lily loves it here, but I have to get some sleep.”

  “Yes, I understand. And I certainly apologize,” I said. “I promise I will do whatever it takes to make Mr. Phong be quiet.”

  “We know you will.” Lily looked at her cell phone. “I’m running late. We have to go. See you later.”

  I walked to the end of the hallway and knocked on Cat’s door.

  “Come in,” Cat said from the other side of the door.

  I opened it. Cat sat in the middle of the floor, two boxes opened and paperwork spread all over. She had a calculator in one hand and a pencil in the other. A pad of paper sat next to her.

  “This looks rather intense,” I said.

  “It is, but the margaritas have helped numb the drudgery of it all.” Cat put the calculator down and patted a spot on the floor next to her.

  I sat down. “Have you had any luck figuring out your store’s books?”

  “Sort of.” She exhaled loudly. “But it’s more confusing than ever now.”

  “How so?”

  “It seems that there’s been a fifty-thousand-dollar deposit every year.” Cat shuffled through the papers and handed one to me. “Like this one. See there?”

  I looked where her finger sat on the spreadsheet. “That’s a big credit.”

  “That’s what I thought, too. Except look here.” Cat flipped more pages and then produced several more sheets, with a fifty-thousand deposit highlighted in yellow on each one. “See? I went through these and highlighted the large deposits.”

  I held the papers. “What does it mean?”

  “I’m not sure.” Cat handed me more pages. “This doesn’t add up.”

  I looked at the dates. Each large deposit occurred during a different calendar year but the same month. “Hmm.”

  Cat shook her head. “Here’s the problem. I have no idea where the money came from.”

  “Oh?”

  Cat twisted the ring on her thumb. “Who or what business would be funneling money to us?”

  “Funneling? That makes it all sound, I don’t know, underhanded. I’m sure there’s a very legitimate explanation.”

  “Like what?”

  I bit my bottom lip in thought. “Let’s think about this. Did your dad have any investors or partners in the Sunshine Market?”

  Cat shook her head. “Not that I know of.”

  “None at all?”

  “My mom told me that he and some men formed a company before he started the store.”

  I held up the palms of my hands. “See? Maybe they were all silent partners with him.”

  “Yeah, but their former business together had to do with cars. Not health food.” Cat took a deep breath. “And they disbanded that business. My mom told me that after that business dissolved, my dad started our store.”

  “Did she say how he financed it?”

  “Yes.” Cat tapped a pencil on the calculator. “She said that he made some money on an investment.”

  “Okay. See? Maybe that same investment allowed him to put money into the business every year.”

  Cat scrunched her face. “Hmmm.”

  I swiped my hands together. “Problem solved.”

  “Except that it’s not. I have to unravel this mystery money. Because without the extra money, our store could be in trouble.”

  “Oh?”

  “And did you notice that the deposits always come in the same month, and last month there was no deposit?”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Huh.”

  “My dad is gone, and now no more deposit. Is it just a coincidence?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Cat shook her head. “Or perhaps I’m stretching it here. But remember how three of the former car business partners have died in the last few months? Well, maybe there’s something that has to do with their deaths and the money coming into the business.”

  “Oh? So what does this mean?’

  “I have no idea. I wish I did.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not much help.” My heart sank for Cat. I handed her the papers. “What next?”

  Cat stacked the pages. “I don’t know, but I need another drink.”

  “That I can do.” As I leaned forward to stand up, the small green bottle of poison slipped out of my pocket.

  Pointing to the bottle, Cat laughed. “Hey! It’s not that bad. I’m not ready to kill myself or anything.”

  Placing it back in my pocket, I stood and laughed. “I would hope not. Why don’t we just get tipsy and forget about this day? It’s been quite a humdinger.”

  “Who says humdinger?”

  “I just did.”

  Cat got off the floor and followed me. “Besides you, of course.”

  Two hours later and one finished bottle of wine between us, Cat went to bed. All the tenants were in their rooms. Before I went into my walk-in pantry bedroom, I placed the tray of muffins in the middle of the kitchen table, tightly covering them with plastic wrap. I set out the coffee cups, saucers, and small plates. Fidgeting with the fragrant flower arrangement, I pulled out a wilted hydrangea. The rest of the flowers still looked fresh and perky.

  I put my hands on my hips, breathing in the sweet smell of chocolate chip muffins as I looked around the kitchen. The moonlight shone through the large window above the sink. Some slivers from a light in the alley peeked in the back door window. A nightlight below the kitchen counter added further illumination.

  This was nice. Everything seemed neat and orderly. The way I liked it. All the rooms were rented. I’d be able to make a payment on the equity line and maybe put a little aside for my new roof fund. It was nice having Cat here. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed having someone to hang out with. All work and no play had made me feel as old as this house.

  An hour later, I awoke from a deep sleep. Exiting the pantry, I turned on the kitchen overhead light. Looking at the table, I noticed that the plate of muffins was gone. Darn it. I bet Mr. Phong got to them. That’s what I got for trying to get ahead. Next time I’d just hide them until morning. Scanning the kitchen, I noticed that the cabinet under the sink was cracked open.

  “What in the world?” I said out loud to no one. Darn loose hinges.

  I closed the cabinet. Then I rummaged in my pantry hoping that I had enough ingredients to make another batch of muffins. If not, I’d have to commit a sin, at least in Hattie’s book, and buy a batch of store-made treats. Luckily I found what I needed to whip up another dozen, but it would have to wait until morning.

  The floor above me squeaked, followed by a loud crash.

  What was that?

  I looked at the wall clock: 12:45 a.m. Maybe something fell in Cat’s room. Darn it. Maybe I didn’t fix the folding cot as well as I thought I had. Poor Cat had probably fallen out as it collapsed on her.

  Entering the upstairs hallway, I put an ear to Cat’s room. Softly I said, “Cat, are you okay?”

  I heard nothing. Then I cracked the door open and found her asleep on the cot. Thank goodness. Quietly I closed her bedroom door.

  Tiptoeing down the hall, I heard noise coming from Mr. Phong’s room. Rats, I’d promised Frank and Lily that I’d talk to him about keeping it quiet. And I hadn’t. Now was as good a time as ever.

  Outside of his slightly opened door, I picked up my heirloom china platter on which my muffins had been set. It was empty save for some crumbs. “Darn it. Why does he take all of them?” I guess I should’ve been flattered that he enjoyed my baking so much.

  Gently knocking on his door, I said, “Excuse me, Mr. Phong. It’s Bezu.”

  Holding the platter, I tapped again, and the door cracked open enough to see into the room. Next to his bed was an upturned nightstand. A lit lamp lay askew on the floor. That must have been the loud noise. “Mr. Phong? It’s me, Bezu. Can I
please come in?”

  No answer.

  “Mr. Phong?” Entering his room, I switched on the overhead light. The incense burner on the dresser emitted a smell of sandalwood and eucalyptus.

  “Mr. Phong?” Setting down the plate on the dresser, I righted the nightstand and placed the lamp upright. “Is everything okay in here?”

  The bathroom door, which connected to the room, flew open. Mr. Phong ran out holding his throat. He pointed at his mouth. His face was crimson as he erratically staggered, his arms flailing, knocking over a pile of things on the bed, which landed with a loud clatter on the hardwood floor.

  He grabbed his iPod. He yanked the earphone jack from it. The music blared: “This is how I roll, come on, ladies, it’s time to go. We headed to the bar, baby, don’t be nervous. No shoes, no shirt, and I still get serviced. Girl, look at that body….” Which sounded like “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO.

  The color began to drain from his face.

  “Mr. Phong, what’s going on?”

  He clutched his throat, eyes wide.

  He’s choking. My heart beat quickly and caught in my chest as I said, “I’m going to do the Heimlich to dislodge whatever you have in your throat.” Poor guy. It was probably the muffins he’d eaten.

  He kept his hands on his neck and shook his head; his eyes watered.

  I grabbed him from behind, my chest to his back, circling my arms around the front of him. Holding my own hands in a fist, I quickly thrust inward and upward under his ribcage, my action lifting him slightly off the ground with each thrust.

  Mr. Phong thrashed and twisted.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you.” Panic filled every pore in my body. I had to save Mr. Phong. But what if I couldn’t? I held him tight.

  Frank and Lily stormed into the room. Frank said, “What are you doing? All the noise woke us up.”

  “Frank, I think they’re having sex.” Lily squinted her eyes. “Maybe we should leave them alone.”

  As I thrust my fist under Mr. Phong’s ribcage, I panted, “I am not having sex. I’m trying to save him.”

  “They would be naked if it was a booty call, and clearly they have their clothes on,” Frank said to Lily.

  Lily waved her hands. “Well, I’ve seen all sorts of stuff, and that could’ve been sex.”