Doing It

by Melvin Burgess

  It was. Jackie.

  As soon as she saw us she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at us, before turning and heading fast up the road in the opposite direction.

  ‘Jackie, where you going? Are you all right?’ called Deborah. Jackie turned and looked at her, nodded, then shook her head and leaned her arm against the wall and rested her forehead on it. Deborah told me to wait for her and went clopping off herself to see to her, with Fasil, who fancies Jackie chronically, trailing behind her.

  Ben looked at me and I looked at Ben – and we both just cracked up. Poor old Dino! After all that. We had to turn our backs so we couldn’t be seen. He was so sure he was on to it tonight. And here she was running away! Poor old Jackie was obviously in a right state and we couldn’t show her how hysterical we were. We didn’t say a word, we just stood there with our backs to them, trying not to shake too hard.

  Finally we got ourselves under control. Debs and Jacks were having a heart to heart with Fasil hanging around the edge, like he was looking for a spare bone. As if he didn’t have enough bone already.

  I was starting to move over towards them, but Ben hung back. He put his hands in his pockets and sort of rocked on his feet and said, ‘Well, looks like there’s enough gooseberries about. I think I’ll go home.’ And he smiled grimly at me.

  ‘You bastard,’ I hissed.

  We looked across. Deborah was trying to listen sympathetically to Jackie and keep an eye on me at the same time.

  ‘Make a run for it now?’ suggested Ben.

  There was a pause. He always scares me by lunging straight into things.

  ‘It was just a snog,’ I insisted.

  ‘Not for her. She’s smitten, I think,’ he said. Then he looked at me and said, ‘But it’s nice to have someone who’s smitten with you, isn’t it?’ I didn’t say anything, so he asked me right out, ‘Do you fancy her or not?’

  ‘Yes,’ I lied. ‘Of course I do. But …’

  ‘But?’

  ‘I just don’t want to go out with anyone at the moment.’

  Ben smiled wryly. ‘You’ll just have to tell her then,’ he said. He wagged a finger at me, and I could have strangled the bastard. I suppose he was only offering me a piece of advice but it felt like torture. He knew very well I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Didn’t he?

  ‘See you,’ said Ben, and he left, giving me a friendly little wave over his shoulder as he slid off.

  So I sauntered over to see what was going on, like a puppet in a puppet show. Free will? Don’t make me laugh.

  Deborah looked as if she was having a good time. She has this gift, Deborah, she always manages to look as if she’s having a good time. Maybe she is, who knows? – but on the other hand, maybe she was doing it for Jackie, who kept giggling and bursting into tears. Fasil was standing there staring at her like a weasel. He kept offering to walk her home every minute or so, until Debs snapped at him to shut up going on, couldn’t he see she was upset?

  So, of course Deborah had to offer to walk home with her. Which should have been great because I could have said, OK, see you later … What a pity! Just as we were getting to grips with each other, you have to rescue a friend! Oh well, I’ll try not to be disappointed. Maybe another time (which will never come). But Deborah said, ‘You can keep us company,’ so I had to go along.

  That bit was quite funny actually. Fas came along too, and we ended up walking behind, like a pair of shotgun riders or something. I tried to make conversation with him, but Fas, he gets so stoned, he could hardly say a word. He just kept staring at me with these big dopey eyes every time I said anything, so I shut up and we walked along in silence. Meanwhile, ahead of us, Deborah was being magnificent as usual. She was sorting Jackie out, no problem. They were laughing and talking, and Debs kept patting her and comforting her. She’s just great like that.

  Finally we got Jackie home. Goodbye goodbye goodbye. Fasil went off in one direction, Jackie flung her arms round Debs and went indoors and there it was, Meandeborah all on our own. She linked her arm through mine and smiled.

  ‘I’ve been waiting to get you on your own all night,’ she told me, and lifted her eyebrows up and gave me one of those big lovely smiles, so I knew what was in store. And of course Mr Knobby, the traitorous little fletch, stood up at the mere thought.

  We walked along a bit, and then Deborah started cracking up, and had to tell me the story. See, Jackie had got herself all ready, all powdered and washed and lovely and naked and plumped up and ready in the bedroom, pulled back the covers to the bed to get in so she’d be like a nice tender, juicy little filling when Dino came up … and there under the sheets was this huge pile of cold puke lying there, all squidged up into the covers. And she was so offended, she put her clothes straight back on and left. Deborah just cracked up – it was pretty bloody funny. I mean, it wasn’t even Dino’s fault. She stormed out – very quietly by all accounts – and was halfway home before she realised she’d sabotaged her own shag.

  ‘So why didn’t she just go back?’ I asked, and Deborah said,

  ‘Because she didn’t want to!’ She thought this was priceless, Debs, she just kept bending over and roaring with laughter.

  It was a real gas, that walk home, actually. We started pretending to be Jackie and Dino, with her dying to shag him and then panicking every time he took his knob out. I really lost it, actually. I started pretending I was Dino’s knob in disguise, trying to look all friendly. I found some roses and sprinkled some petals on my head and ran around Deb with this crazy, knobby walk, wagging at her and promising all sorts of things if she’d just let me get in her. Deborah was killing herself. I was off my head – pretending to be Dino’s knob! God, if he ever found out he’d never speak to me again. It was great. Then we got near to her place and I felt myself lose it again and got all quiet and anxious. We stood there holding hands. She moved up very close to me and said, ‘Aren’t you going to see if I run away screaming from yours?’

  I said something, I don’t know what it was. She came right up to me and kissed me and put her hand on it so it went up like a rocket inside my jeans.

  ‘Yum,’ she whispered.

  So we stood hidden round the corner to where she lived, and we had this huge, magic, mammoth snog. It was just fantastic. And I felt her all over. It was like … well, how can you describe that? It was like drinking Fine Old Wine. I mean, not really – I’ve never drunk Fine Old Wine, only once, you know, and I didn’t like it all that much. But it was like you’d imagine it might be. Or swimming in Fine Old Wine or something like that. Just rich and filling up all your senses and well – gorgeous and thick and loads of it.

  I’d felt up other girls before, but Deborah was womanly. Tits and belly and bum. She smelt like a piece of fruit cake. I was really getting into it, and there was this little bit of my mind that was watching the whole thing, and another bit that was imagining someone else was watching us, which really turned me on. I got her jumper hoisted up and her tits out of her bra and right out into the air, and I kept turning her so that the street light was shining on her, and imagining that someone could see what was going on. She was breathing these deep, heavy breaths and staring up at me like she was stunned or something. She kept glancing up the road but I don’t think she minded. I kept bending to kiss them and they got all wet. I kept trying to pull her knickers down too. I had this vision of her standing there with her tits out and her knickers round her knees that was making me go mad, but she wouldn’t have it. And all the time she had Mr Knobby out in her hand, working away with him. She was having little looks at what she was doing. And finally – this was just so great – finally, she pulled away slightly to get a really big look, like it was a big treat for her, and stroked and pulled until I came all over her hand and on her skirt.

  ‘Sorry,’ I groaned, hanging onto the wall to stop falling down. It was all over her clothes. She roared with laughter.

  ‘I enjoyed it,’ she insisted.

  ‘What about yo
u?’ I whispered, when I’d got my breath back. I’d spent the past ten minutes labouring away down there, with no success.

  ‘I’ll be all right,’ she said. She paused and then added, ‘I’ll show you how another time.’

  I stared down at her. She was looking up at me, her white teeth smiling in the dull light. I was thinking, Does that mean I don’t know how? Yes, it does. And does it mean that she’s expecting to see me again? Yes, it does.

  And do I want to?

  ‘You know what?’ a little voice in my head said. ‘I haven’t got a clue.’

  ‘I’d better go in now,’ Deborah said.

  ‘OK. Thanks.’

  She laughed at me. ‘You don’t need to say thanks!’ she gurgled.

  ‘Did you really like it?’

  ‘Yes!’ she roared, as if that was a great joke too. It was beyond me what she got from it, but she seemed to be telling the truth.

  ‘Are you helping clear up at Dino’s tomorrow?’ she asked.

  ‘I said I would.’

  ‘See you there then. About midday?’ She reached up and kissed me. When she pulled back she put her hand on the side of my face for a moment, a very tender touch, then she turned and went inside. And I thought, That was so gorgeous.

  Help!

  11

  party fairy

  ‘AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!’

  What was it? A murderer? Jackie? The sick? Please, please not the sick shouting at him! He spun in a circle and landed facing the opposite way. The candlewick cover on the little settee under the window had opened up and inside it was a pale, grubby girl. Her bare arms made her look like a child. Her eyes were as big as saucers popping out from under her curly brown hair. She looked as terrified as he was. She was pretty. In the first fraction of a second, Dino had another mental illusion. As soon as he realised she wasn’t the sick he wondered if she might be a fairy.

  ‘Who are you? Jesus! What are you doing there?’ Dino asked.

  ‘I was asleep, sorry, sorry.’

  ‘Jesus,’ he said again. ‘You look like a bloody fairy. What are doing there?’

  ‘I fell asleep.’ She looked around the room anxiously and tried to smile. ‘A party fairy, that’s me. Do you want three wishes?’ As soon as she said it, she regretted it and blushed. Then she tried to smile as if she was being funny.

  Dino thought, What? And then his heart went bang bang bang because there they were, alone in the bedroom, strangers – and she was offering three wishes. A shag, a blow job and a … He’d think of the other one later. He was so terrified by the thought that he hardly dared to look at her for a few seconds and walked round in a circle instead. Of course it was ridiculous – she was just saying it for a joke. But you never knew. When he looked back at her she was scowling.

  ‘Do I really look like a fairy?’ she asked suspiciously.

  ‘Everyone’s gone home,’ he told her.

  The girl stood up. She was wearing a tiny pink dress, which she tugged down over her thighs. She looked so bare standing there in her party dress that Dino thought again that she might be offering. Maybe she was waiting for him to ask. He remembered what someone had once said to him about girls: if you don’t ask you don’t get.

  ‘What?’ he said anxiously.

  ‘Got a fag?’ she asked.

  ‘I don’t smoke,’ he told her. ‘I expect there’s some somewhere, though.’

  ‘Hang on …’ She walked to the side of the bed and bent down to pick up a packet of Marlborough Lights and a lighter lying on the floor by the bed. She shook it; the pack rattled. She took one out and lit it. She stood there smoking and looking sideways at Dino.

  ‘Someone must’ve left ’em behind,’ she said, shaking the packet at him.

  ‘Yeah.’ Then for some reason Dino looked at the bed. Her eyes followed his. Then they both looked at each other.

  ‘I better go,’ said the girl.

  ‘Someone was sick,’ said Dino. ‘Look.’ The girl looked at the bed again.

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ she said.

  Dino began, ‘My girl … I mean, this girl did that and walked out,’ he said. ‘Just now. Did you see her?’

  ‘I was asleep.’ said the girl, and she took a big hard drag on her fag. She looked pissed off, but she wasn’t leaving, not so far. She was just standing there, looking all bare with her arms wrapped round herself, holding tight to her fag. Her legs were grubby too, he noticed. Actually, she looked like a bit of a tart. Make-up smudged all over the place, grubby legs – what did she have grubby legs for? She saw him staring and tugged at her dress again.

  ‘Been a long party,’ she said, and laughed.

  ‘All night,’ said Dino.

  ‘Two bloody days I’ve been at it!’

  ‘Oh … Well. Wow. You’ve had a good time, then.’

  ‘Huh, yeah!’

  She took another big drag on her fag and then she said, ‘What’s the time?’

  ‘I dunno, maybe three.’

  The girl sighed and said, ‘Look, it’s late, I don’t like to ask, but can you put me up here?’

  ‘My parents are back tomorrow evening.’

  ‘I’ll be gone by then, I won’t be any trouble, I can sleep here.’

  And Dino thought, Oh ho! But he was scared to ask her if she’d sleep with him, so he said, ‘Will you help me clean up in the morning?’ instead.

  ‘Yeah!’ She looked pleased about it. It was a deal. ‘Yeah! All right. Thanks.’

  ‘All right!’

  ‘OK, then.’ She nodded. ‘Thanks.’ Then she sat down on the settee and said, ‘See you then.’

  ‘No, you better …’ Dino was about to be the host and say that she could sleep in a bed, but the word ‘bed’ froze on his lips. Then he thought, Sod this – she knows what I want. What sort of Wally would find a situation like this on their hands and then not try it on? What would he say to his mates? ‘Nah, we just had a chat and then she went to bed …’

  He said, ‘Do you want a cup of tea.’

  ‘Nah. I’ll just sleep.’

  He frowned. She knew what he wanted all right! There she was with her party dress up round her knickers … So he did it. He said,

  ‘You can stay the night … So long as you stay with me.’

  She didn’t look at him at once. Her mouth opened slightly. Then she glanced up. Dino half smiled and took a step towards her. She didn’t move when he sat there awkwardly next to her on the little settee. Dino knew, suddenly, without knowing why, that he could do anything he liked to this girl and she’d let him; he just knew.

  He put an arm round her. Her shoulders were cold. He kissed her, she tasted sour and faggy. She shook her head and said, ‘Don’t.’

  ‘Go on,’ he told her. It was so obvious she wasn’t going to stop him, it was as clear as day. He pulled her backwards and sideways onto her back and looked down. Her little dress had ridden up and there was a little white triangle of knickers. He kissed her again and stuck his hand down there straight away, no messing. She wriggled slightly and turned her head away. He kissed her neck instead, nudged her legs apart and rubbed into her. He lifted his head to see her face and he was put out to see that her eyes were open as well. She was on her back looking away from him, staring at something on the other side of the room. Dino looked over in alarm. There was nothing there, just the wardrobe. But it put him off, her staring like that.

  She said, ‘I’m cold,’ in a whiny little voice.

  ‘We can use my bed,’ he told her. He stood up and gave her his hand, which she took, and led her by the hand through to his room. Her expression looked so odd that he actually said to her,

  ‘You don’t mind.’

  She shrugged, and he thought to himself it would be truer to say she didn’t care. It was awkward, standing by the bed. He kissed her again to stop her mouth in case she complained. Then he pulled the pink dress over her head and there she was, with her knickers hardly covering her bush and her little titties out. Dino said, ‘Oh, oh
, oh.’

  He pushed her gently to the bed, and she got in. He took his trousers off and got in after her. She asked him to turn the light off, but he took no notice. He peeled her knickers off and she lifted her legs to help him. And then … and then …

  Dino began to lose it.

  She was lying there, she felt all chilly under his hands as if she’d just come out of the fridge and he was trying to spread her on his bread. He kissed her again, hard, to try and stop his erection collapsing. Quickly, before it went altogether, he rolled on top of her and pushed her knees apart with his knees, giving himself a bit of a rub with one hand and holding himself up with the other. But by now the thing was almost hanging. He rubbed it between her legs and even gave an optimistic push, but it just bent. He kissed her again. He reached down and stroked her down there again, and began to nibble her breasts, but it did no good. He thought about getting cross with her because she just lay there like she didn’t care, but it was too embarrassing. He rubbed his pubis on hers, but as his fear of failure grew, so his knob got softer and softer and now at last it was nothing but a felty slug hanging off him.

  And that was it. It was over. It had just melted away. It was terrifying how easy it was for it to just melt away. The girl lay under him looking up with a half smile on her face, and Dino had never felt so alone as he did then, in bed with a girl and no erection.

  ‘It’s … I must be tired or something, I dunno. It’s been ages.’ Desperate for an excuse, Dino blurted, ‘I’ve forgotten how, it’s been a while since.’ Then he stared at her in yet more horror. Had he really said that? Was she going to notice how ridiculous that was? The girl slipped sideways from under him and put her arms around him with her little white face pressed hard against his.

  ‘Don’t mind.’ She giggled. It was a very pretty giggle, even Dino had to appreciate that. ‘After all that,’ she said, because he’d been so big and hard making her sleep with him and now he was all soft and pathetic and …

  ‘Sweet,’ she said. Then, bless her, she tickled him under the ribs, so of course he tickled her back. They had a little struggle in which the covers came off her and Dino got hard again. Quick as he could, before it disappeared again, he kissed her, very hard, suddenly. She said, ‘Ouch!’ because he banged her lips.