First Kiss Last

by Sara Miller

  “Did someone say donuts?” Cade asked and both kids took off at a run. He took his phone back and scanned the photo. “Thanks, hun.” He gave her a peck on the cheek and they followed more slowly. Leah breathed in, enjoying the moment.

  A dozen donuts and many ounces of cider later, they were all tucked back into Cade’s extended cab truck. The interior was warm from the sun and between the warmth and sugar buzz crash, both Liam and Sky quickly fell asleep in the back.

  Leah and Cade talked in hushed tones. He inquired again about her fall.

  “She didn’t push you, right? You wouldn’t lie for her?”

  “Oh Cade, no! It really was an accident. I lost my balance.”

  “Okay, just checking. She may not look like me but I’m worried she got some of the worst of me,” he shook his head.

  “Well then, she’s really lucky to have you, isn’t she? To help steer her through and learn how to deal with it. And being like you is not all bad either. You are kind, fierce, and loyal.”

  “Thank you. I never thought of it like that.” He reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’re great with them, and me. I wish . . .” His voice trailed off.

  “What do you wish, Cade?” she squeezed his hand back encouragingly, “Please tell me.”

  “I wish you were really ours.” His voice was barely even a whisper.

  Leah opened her mouth to reply but no words came out. A buzzing started in her head and she suddenly felt dizzy. She gripped his hand as tightly as she could. Trying to hold on.

  “Leah.Leah?” Cade’s voice seemed both alarmed and too far away.

  “I . . . stay forever if . . . could . . .” She barely got the words out before everything started to fade. Leah hoped her words got through. She thought they must have because she felt one last squeeze to her hand before everything went black.

  Chapter 15

  “No!” Leah did not even need to open her eyes to know she was back in her own bed. She wanted to cry, “five more minutes!” like she did as a child. She squeezed her eyes tight, trying to will herself back. She wanted to finish the conversation.

  Instead, she heard noises coming from the other side of the apartment. She opened her eyes and listened as footsteps grew closer and there was a knock at the door.

  “Leah?” Eric popped his head in without waiting for an answer. “Oh, I thought I heard you. Sorry. I figured you’d be up already.”

  Leah thought the last part sounded a bit judgemental but she did not want to pick a fight. She offered a simple, “I overslept. Sorry.”

  She instantly regretted her words. Why should she apologize for sleeping? He was the one who didn’t reply to her text. He was the one who never even said what time he would be home. Yet she was the one apologizing. Old habits were hard to break.

  “Did you still wanna do brunch?”

  Leah thought he sounded hopeful. She checked the time, “Just give me twenty minutes.”

  He did not look happy. Eric hated waiting.

  Leah was already up and moving. She saw Eric watch her for a moment as she grabbed clothes. She turned, wondering if he was going to watch her dress, something he hadn’t done in ages.

  The door clicked shut behind her and she hurriedly stripped out of her pajamas and put on clean underwear and a bra. Next came a lightweight floral sweater with lace down both sleeves. She threw on jeans and socks before heading to the bathroom.

  Leah finger-combed her hair and pulled it into a messy bun. She quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth. After applying a little make-up, she figured she was good to go.

  When she presented herself in the living room, Eric looked surprised to see her. He glanced at his Apple watch but did not comment on how quickly she was ready. He got up to grab her jacket. He did not help her into it, just handed it off to her. She sighed.

  “What?”

  “Oh, um . . . just deciding on my shoes,” she covered with the first thing that popped into her head. “The boots are cuter but these flats are better for walking.” Would it have killed him to help her into her jacket? She didn’t mean to compare him to Cade, it just came unbidden to her mind.

  “Do whatever you want.” Eric mumbled, heading out the door without her.

  She sighed again, stepping into the flats and pulling on her jacket. If only I could, she thought as she followed Eric out the door.

  They walked side-by-side. They did not hold hands and they did not talk. Leah wondered where he had been and what he’d been doing. She also wanted to know why he had come back in time for brunch if he didn’t actually want to go. Instead of asking, she kept her questions to herself.

  Brunch wasn’t much better. Sure, the food was delicious but the conversation was lacking. She tried to ask about his weekend but he answered mostly with “yes” or “no,” even though she was asking open-ended questions.

  When it came time to pay the bill, Eric stared at his wallet in annoyance.

  “Do you have any cash for a tip?”

  She knew Eric hated tipping on the credit card. He was convinced the server would not get the tip if it was put on the card.

  “Sorry. I didn’t bring my purse. Shoot, I didn’t even grab my phone.” That surprised her.

  “Check your pockets,” he demanded.

  She checked her coat pocket and found a gum wrapper and her grocery list. She merely shrugged in reply.

  “What about your jeans?”

  Now Leah was annoyed. She stood up and checked the rest of her pockets as Eric watched. Nothing. No money.

  But then Leah felt something. There was a small, hard object in her pocket. As her fingers closed around it she knew instantly what it was, but it couldn’t be. She pulled out the small nub of crayon and stared at it.

  “Gross, what is that!?” Eric was appalled.

  “Seriously?” She sat down with a huff. “Look, it’s just a crayon,” she held her palm out for him to see.

  “What happened to your hand?” He grabbed for her hand and the crayon fell on the table with a tiny thud. She tried to pull her hand back but he held it. Both of them staring at the angry red mark just below her thumb.

  “I scraped it,” she winced as he probed her hand.

  “Clearly. But how and when? You should put something on it.”

  “I fell . . . outside the door. Lost my balance. It’s fine. And I did put something on it . . . and ice too.” She caught her ramble and stopped before she sounded even crazier. Although, all of what she said was technically true.

  “You could’ve told me,” his voice was gentle. Maybe he did still care after all. Cautiously, she disengaged her hand.

  “It wasn’t a big deal. I’m fine, just embarrassed. It was not my finest moment.” She forced a laugh and smiled outwardly. Inwardly she was annoyed. Assuming she had fallen at the apartment, just how was she supposed to tell him if he wasn’t there?

  Eric nodded and got up to pay the bill. When his back was turned, she searched for the crayon. Finding it, she stood, slipped it back into her pocket and followed Eric out of the restaurant.

  The walk home was just as quiet until they turned on their own block.

  “Was it your nieces’?”

  “My nieces’ what?”

  “Crayon. You said they didn’t come over.”

  “They didn’t.”

  “So then where did it come from?” He had stopped, just outside their apartment now. Eric stared expectantly as Leah tried to come up with an answer.

  “It’s hard to say. It’s just a crayon.” She laughed it off with a shrug, walking past him. When she got to the door, Leah realized she did not have her keys. She turned and leaned against the door, waiting.

  Eric stood several feet away, arms folded across his lean chest. He was the typical “tall dark and handsome” type. It was what had initially attracted her to him. Nothing about him reminded her of Cade. Thinking of him brought a smile to her face.

  “Who is he?”

  “What?!” Eric’s quest
ion caught her so off guard, she hadn’t even realized he moved. He was inches from her now. One arm raised, hand against the door. Glaring. Angry and demanding.

  “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?” He practically had her pinned to the door.

  “Eric, please. I work and I am home! How and when do you see me having this supposed affair?!” She stood her ground. Albeit, unsteadily.

  He searched her face. Leah tried to remain calm. She needed to do or say something, anything. But she did not want to lie either. Her brain swirled, her mouth opened and words came out.

  “You’re the one who has been gone two weekends in a row, not me. Where were you, Eric? Who were you with? What were you doing? Who the hell is Tim?” She spit out the words hotly. “And yet you accuse me? Unlock the door. Now. I’m done with this conversation.”

  Eric’s eyes never left hers. He kept eye contact. She heard him get the keys out of his pocket and unlock the door. It squeaked slightly as he shoved it open. He waited, still staring.

  Leah broke the gaze and dashed into the apartment. She went straight to her room. It felt strange to realize that was already how she viewed it—as hers, no longer theirs.

  Leah grabbed her phone and some clean clothes and hit the bathroom for the shower she skipped this morning. She locked the door behind her and looked at her reflection for several long moments. She checked her phone. Sure enough, Cade had sent a corn emoji.

  What was happening? How had her life gotten so mixed up? What was she supposed to do? No answer came to her.

  A few minutes later, she was in the shower. Hot water washed over her body. Leah replayed the conversation with Eric in her head. Worried about what she had said and what she didn’t say.

  She also realized he hadn’t answered her either.

  Chapter 16

  The rest of Sunday and the next few weeks were uneventful. Leah never brought up their fight and Eric didn’t either. They both gave each other a wide berth.

  Leah grocery shopped and cooked. Eric ate without comment and spent his evenings on his phone in front of the TV. Leah read, sometimes also in the living room, other times in her room. It was as if they had called a truce.

  Eric even stayed home on the weekends. Sometimes they went out but mostly, each did their own thing. The awkwardness of living in the same space but not being a couple had begun to fade and started to feel normal.

  Yes, everything had a new pattern to it. Including her nights. Leah did not dream with Cade each night, but once every few nights they were together. The dreams were not always entire days or long events like going to the corn maze. Sometimes they were just short conversations by the lake or sitting on the couch. Leah wasn’t sure which dreams she liked best: sharing normal everyday life moments or finding herself in Cade’s bed. Just being with him made her happy.

  Last week they prepared a meal. He was outside grilling steaks and she was inside making mashed potatoes from scratch. She watched him repeatedly come to the slider door to make sure she was still there. Each time, she smiled and blew him a kiss.

  “You guys are pathetic.” Sky sounded annoyed but Leah watched her hide a smile.

  The girl had camped out at the end of the counter to do her homework. If Sky was truly bothered by them, she could have simply moved somewhere else in the house. Leah figured that was a good sign. If she had to guess, she’d bet Sky liked seeing her dad so happy.

  While Sky studied, Liam played in the backyard and Cade grilled. Leah finished the tossed salad, then pulled a fresh batch of cookies out of the oven. All she had left to do was set the table.

  Grabbing a stack of plates from the cupboard, Leah moved to the table. She eyed the floral design and set a plate down a little too hard. There was an audible thunk.

  “My dad bought those at a garage sale.”

  Leah looked over. Sky hadn’t even lifted her head from her work.

  “What?”

  “The plates,” Sky explained. “He didn’t want us kids to break great-grandma’s china, so he bought that whole set for like five bucks. Ugly, huh?” She looked at Leah expectantly.

  “Well, they are sort of sweet and, uh . . . delicate,” Leah shrugged.

  “Yeah, delicate is my dad’s middle name,” Sky snorted.

  “Well, he is known for his love of flowers,” Leah played along.

  Cade walked in, catching them off guard. They took one look at him and burst out laughing. He eyed Sky, then Leah. He squinted his eyes and pursed his lips, guessing the joke was on him.

  “Dinner in five,” he said. Obviously choosing not to call them out. He kissed Leah on the cheek, then walked back out the slider door. As he closed it, he used two fingers, pointed to his eyes, then at them and back to himself. Leah and Sky laughed even harder.

  Leah never did get to taste the steak. The dream had ended there. Even with the dream’s brevity and her limited interaction with Cade, she wasn’t disappointed. It felt real and she was glad to have been a part of it.

  There were plenty of other dreams that also didn’t leave her disappointed. Leah thoroughly enjoyed finding herself in Cade’s bedroom. Sometimes she had no clothes on and when she did, they didn’t last long. Like last night.

  Leah lay in her bed remembering the sex dream she had just shared with Cade. One minute she was sleeping, the next minute she was in his room. She stood by the bedroom door and watched him strip out of his clothes. He was beautiful.

  She must have made a noise or maybe he just sensed she was there, because he looked up sharply. A big smile spread across his face. She watched his body respond to her presence. It was hot for her to know he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  “I was just going to take a shower.” His eyebrow quirked in challenge, “Join me.” Not waiting for a response, he turned and entered the private master bath.

  Leah enjoyed the view before she slowly followed. She wanted to, she really did, but she was also nervous. She didn’t want to admit she had never showered with a guy. The logistics of how it would work were beyond her. But this was Cade, so not knowing wouldn’t stop her.

  The bathroom itself surprised her. It did not match the time period of the house. She noticed Cade had made other improvements around the house and expected something a bit more contemporary but nothing like this.

  Leah actually touched the wall to convince herself it wasn’t real wood. The wide tiles were cool to her fingers. They ran horizontally across the main wall and shower, giving the room a log cabin feel. The rest of the bathroom was done in bright white, contrasting with the bronze fixtures. But Leah’s favorite part was the sliding barn-door style glass door. If this was any indication of Cade’s work, he was a true craftsman.

  She felt proud of all he had accomplished. From the rough-and-tumble boy to the grown man she knew today. The very solid, very naked man in front of her. Her cheeks flamed. She knew it was time to join him.

  Leah could see Cade already had the water going. He was fully soaped up by the time she had finally stripped and joined him. She reached out and tentatively touched his slick, sudsy body. He grabbed her hand and used it to help him finish rinsing off. His hard, muscular body felt like heaven to her.

  When he reached for the shampoo, she took it from him and lathered his hair. She massaged his head and he clearly enjoyed it. Cade rinsed his hair and splashed her with water. She shivered and he pulled her under the hot steamy spray.

  Cade grabbed the soap and worked it over her breasts. Leah’s senses were heightened. She felt every stroke to her core. An ache started between her legs and she clenched her muscles in anticipation. He moved so the hot stream of water hit her directly, washing off his work. Cade lowered his head and let his mouth replace his hands.

  He licked and sucked at her right breast while his hands and the soap headed lower on her body. Leah stepped her legs apart as Cade’s hand worked. He stopped far too soon for her liking. As he rinsed her off, she pouted. He laughed and kissed her, sucking in her bottom lip before re
leasing her.

  Cade turned her so her back was to the spray. He stepped away from her and got down to his knees on the hard tile. In the midst of her arousal, she was momentarily confused.

  Then Cade grabbed her butt and pulled her to him.

  “Oh,” she said, realizing what was happening. “Ohhh,” she sighed as she felt him kiss at her inner thigh. She looked down and ran her fingers through his soft, wet hair. Hot water pulsed at her back.

  Cade lifted her left leg to the shower ledge, her foot just inches from the shampoo bottle. She adjusted her balance and braced her right hand on the glass shower wall. Her left hand stayed in Cade’s hair.

  As his kisses got closer and closer to where she wanted him most, she tilted her body to meet his mouth trying to speed up the process. He chuckled in response to her eagerness, yet she did not feel embarrassed. The rumble of his laugh vibrated and felt too good.

  “Cade, please,” she begged.

  He obliged. His mouth was hot. His tongue licked. When she thought she couldn’t stand it any longer, his hands kneaded her butt before pulling her even closer to him. He sucked hard and Leah felt her pleasure explode in response. She tightened her grip on his hair and rode the waves of bliss.

  Leah released the breath she had been holding and relaxed her grip on Cade’s hair. Her leg muscles trembled and she felt herself sway. She lowered her left leg and let go of the wall. She grabbed Cade’s shoulders to steady herself. He gave her a moment to regain her balance before he rose from the shower floor. He kissed up her body as he stood.

  She sighed contentedly, enjoying the gentle kisses. Her body was sensually languid. Cade on the other hand, looked strong and energized. Leah slid her hands down his body, wrapping one hand around him, cupping him with the other.

  “My turn,” she told him as she began to kiss her way down his chest.

  “God, Leah . . .” he grunted. She felt him grow even larger in her hands but he stopped her. “Next time,” he begged. “Right now I just want to fuck you. Hard. Please. If your sweet mouth touches me right now, I’ll be done.”