by Sara Miller
“Boring old grown-up stuff,” Lily told her daughter. “Which house next?”
Allison, AKA Elsa, pointed ahead and dashed off, clearly unaffected by her aunt’s tears.
Leah looked down. Emmie had stayed at her side. She took Leah’s hand and squeezed it.
“It’ll be okay, Aunt Leah,” she reassured her.
Leah scooped her up and hugged her close. “Thank you, sweetheart.” Emmie had always been the more sensitive of the two sisters, just like she had been more so than Lily. “Ready for more candy?” She bounced her when she said candy. Emmie smiled and nodded, so Leah set her down. Hand-in-hand they followed Allison.
When her nieces finished trick-or-treating, Leah was in no hurry to head home. She stayed and helped Lily check the candy before the girls were allowed to eat any. Allison and Emmie sorted and traded their treats as Lily and Leah used to. Both girls were generous and shared with their mom and aunt. They even set aside pieces for their father.
“Um . . . what about Uncle Eric?” Allison inquired, her little face clearly showing her displeasure. “We don’t have to share with him do we?” she asked indignantly.
Emmie looked up, wide-eyed. Neither girl really liked Eric. At best, they tolerated him. Leah supposed the feeling was quite mutual. How had she never noticed it before? It was so painfully obvious now.
The silence dragged out as she contemplated. The girls must have decided that was a “yes.” They both selected two pieces to share. Allison gave away two sketchy pieces she probably would not have eaten anyway. Emmie did a little better; one of her pieces was even a coveted chocolate. Leah smiled and thanked them before finally saying her goodbyes.
Driving home, Leah reflected on her evening. It was a good night. Maybe not quite as good as Halloween with Cade and Liam, but infinitely better than handing out candy with Eric.
By the time Leah arrived back at the apartment, she was exhausted. She found Eric lounging on the couch flipping through the channels. “How was it?” he asked without looking up.
“It was fun. The girls were so cute. They dressed as Elsa and Anna.”
“Who?” Eric’s attention was still on the TV screen.
“From Frozen.”
“Yes, it’s cold outside, tomorrow is November.” He’d picked up his phone and began typing.
“No, the girls, they were Elsa and Anna . . . from the movie, Frozen.” She tried again, “Do you want to see pics?”
“Oh, right. Nah, I’m good,” he responded, still typing.
Leah tossed the small bag of candy onto the glass coffee table in front of him. It hit with a clink and he finally looked up.
“Meow,” he said, laughing at her outfit. “Cute, babe.” Then he looked at the bag on the coffee table, “What’s that?”
“The girls shared some of their candy with us. The little sweethearts!” she smiled.
“Well, don’t eat all that.” Eric looked her over from top to bottom. “Black only hides so much,” he warned.
Leah was taken aback. Who was this guy? They might not be as close as they once were, but her husband wasn’t usually this rude to her. No wonder her feelings were so confused! The man made no sense.
She snatched up the bag and left the room. After a quick step on the scale and a hot shower, Leah grabbed her phone and quickly messaged her sister.
Am I fat?
What? NO!
Lily’s response was immediate. And apparently she wasn’t finished because she continued to type. Leah waited. The text bubble came and went, as if Lily was typing, deleting and starting again. Finally a single-word response popped up.
Why?
I’m short and curvy. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where curves end and fat begins. :P
You aren’t fat. And your curves are gorgeous. Didn’t you see all the guys checking you out tonight?!?!
HA! Funny, sis.
Leah was laughing at her sister when her phone rang. It was Lily and she picked up immediately. Lily didn’t bother with hello, she just went right into it.
“I’m not kidding, Leah. Guys really like your curves. I saw at least six guys check you out tonight. Two of which I’m pretty sure are not only married, but will also be sleeping on the couch tonight if the looks I saw from their wives was any indication.”
“Uh-huh, sure!” She laughed again. This had to be a joke.
“I’m serious.”
Lily’s voice was agitated and Leah didn’t know what to make of it.
“I . . . for real?” She tried again, “I just don’t see myself that way.”
On the other end of the phone, Lily sighed.
“Maybe you haven’t but I don’t know why. The rest of us see it. Even Eric hates it when guys check you out.”
“Except tonight he basically told me I was fat. So apparently he’s changed his mind.”
“I don’t have any idea what that was about. You looked great tonight. In fact, I’ve always been jealous of your curves. Maybe not your height, I like my extra few inches, but yeah. And the only times I’ve even come close was when the girls were born. Even then, my boobs never looked as good as yours!” she laughed. “Although, Robert wasn’t complaining.”
“I never knew,” Leah was at a loss.
“Oh yeah. And all through high school I watched the boys watch you.”
“Okay, now I know you’re making things up. Nobody wanted me in high school. Every time I tried, I got friend-zoned. I didn’t date, I didn’t have boyfriends, I wasn’t even asked to prom! If the boys thought I was hot, explain that,” she demanded. The memories of how rejected and alone she felt still hurt.
The line was silent. Leah took her phone from her ear to make sure the call was still connected.
“Lily?”
“Do you really wanna know?” Lily’s voice sounded serious.
“No. But yes.”
She heard Lily take in a deep breath.
“I’ll tell you but please don’t be mad at me.”
“Why, what did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything but I . . . um . . . may have known something for a while, something I heard. Something I heard after the fact. And I didn’t think it worth mentioning. Well, until now.”
“Okay”
“I mean, you’d met Eric and had your whirlwind romance and you seemed so happy.”
“Whirlwind,” she muttered under her breath. It had felt that way at the time. Looking back, knocked up and married off was more accurate.
“Promise?” Lily pleaded.
“I promise not to be mad at you for not telling me something you heard. Happy? Now tell me.”
“Robert and I were out with some of his old school friends. And one of them asked about you. So I happily shared how you’d met someone and fallen in love and were getting married and—”
“Who?” Leah was curious. She wished this conversation was in person so she could see Lily’s face.
“That’s not the point, lemme—”
“Who was it, Lily? Who asked about me?”
Lily sighed. “Fine, it was Mitchell. There was Brandon and Mitchell and a few others, it was years ago and not the point. Can I finish my story?” She didn’t wait for Leah to answer, just plunged ahead.
“Well, one of them said something like ‘it’s about time, he must finally be off his game.’ or ‘over himself’ or something and they all laughed. Even Robert. They’d been drinking and laughing, and I wasn’t catching all of it. I looked at Robert and saw him trying to get the guys to shut up. They all changed the subject and ordered more drinks.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Neither did I. So I confronted Robert later at home and made him tell me.”
“And?” Leah didn’t know what was coming, so she didn’t know how to prepare herself for it. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe not knowing was better.
“You were wrong earlier.”
“Huh?”
“When you said you didn’t date or have a boyfriend . . .”
“Yeah
, I meant in high school.”
“What about Cade?” Lily asked.
Leah’s head spun. Hearing the name out loud. Her heart pounded in her chest.
“W-what about him?” She tried to ask in a normal voice. “That was basically middle school,” she dismissed it. “We were kids and we broke up because he didn’t want to kiss me.”
“Apparently, he did.”
“Lily, I was there. I’d know if I’d been kissed or not. And I hadn’t. Not until college. I know because they are my lips! But seriously, what does any of this have to do with what Mitchell said? I’m so confused. Have you been drinking?”
“No, no. And no I haven’t been drinking. Listen! Cade did want to kiss you.”
“Ha!”
“Robert told me.”
“Robert told you,” Leah repeated.
“Yes! Don’t you see?”
“Robert told you, right before I got married, that Cade wanted to kiss me when I was fourteen? Okay, good to know. Goodnight.”
“No!”
“No, he didn’t? Okay fine. I knew that all along. I’m hanging up now.”
“LEAH! Listen to me!”
“I am listening but you are crazy talking! I love you, Lily but what the heck?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” Lily sounded as aggravated as Leah felt. “According to Robert, Cade didn’t stop liking you. And if any guy showed interest, well, you know how Cade was. Remember? Always getting in trouble. Picking fights. Robert said all the guys knew to leave you alone or else they’d have to deal with Cade.”
Leah heard laughter. It took her a second to realize it was coming from herself. She tried to stop and couldn’t.
“Leah? Leah!”
“Okay, thanks for telling me,” she knew her voice sounded weird.
“Are . . . are you okay?”
“Yup, just tired. G’night, sis.”
“And you aren’t mad at me? For not telling you sooner?”
“Nope. We’re good. Kiss the girls for me. Love ya,” Leah hung up. Didn’t even wait for Lily to say goodbye.
She lay in bed trying to process the information she’d just been given. Could it be true? Could Cade have stopped the other boys from asking her out? Was he capable of that? Yes, no doubt in her mind. He had seemingly gotten in fights over anything. But were they about her? About him wanting her for himself? When he never made a move? That’s the part she doubted. And even if it was true, so what?
Leah closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep. Tried to conjure Cade with her mind. Ready to demand answers. When sleep finally claimed her, she dreamt.
Chapter 19
Football. High school football, to be more specific. Well, she already knew that real-life Cade was not without faults and being at a football game proved dream-Cade wasn’t perfect either. It made what they were sharing feel more real.
Cade’s obsession with local sports was not her thing. He cheered loudly. He knew many of the players. He was familiar with plays and positions. Leah, however, was clueless.
Sure, she had gone to a few games back in the day, but that’s what teenagers did on Friday nights. Especially in a small town, there was nothing else to do. It brought up bittersweet memories. Tonight was different though. Tonight she was with Cade, not watching him and the other boys from the sidelines.
Leah tried to follow the game but it was impossible. Other than knowing which team Cade was rooting for and who was winning, she was lost.
She did enjoy the marching band. In her humble opinion, they gave a decent performance at halftime. The cheerleaders were also fun to watch. Leah would have never guessed Sky was a cheerleader, but she watched with her own two eyes as Sky jumped, kicked, and shouted, leading the crowd along. Cade looked proud. He had played football and been into the whole school spirit thing too, so she guessed it made sense for Sky to be the same way.
Cade seemed genuinely happy to have her with him. He tried keeping an arm around her, but he frequently jumped up to cheer or shout at the ref. Leah sat beside him on the metal bleacher, shivering. The light jacket she wore was not enough. She wished she had a hat and gloves, maybe even her winter coat. She wondered why she wasn’t better prepared in this dream. Thinking about it made her head hurt. She put her icy fingers to her head and rubbed her temples, hoping for relief. Cade noticed her action and looked at her with concern.
“You okay, ba—hun?” He’d almost called her “babe” again but had caught himself. Leah was glad he was making the effort. She smiled awkwardly, trying to hide her shivers.
“Oh my God, you’re freezing!”
“N-n-not r-really,” her voice shook, betraying her.
“Come on!” He pulled her to her feet and down the row.
Leah stepped carefully down the stairs. Her toes were numb.
Cade rubbed her hands as they walked to the concession stand. He bought her a hot chocolate and she spent the first few minutes just holding it, not attempting to drink any.
She held the hot liquid up to her face and blew on it. The steam warmed her chilled cheeks. Leah was sure her nose was red and knew it was not a flattering look.
“Any better?”
She nodded.
“You should tell your face,” he teased and touched her forehead and nose.
She realized she was still grimacing and tried to smile for real. Cade laughed.
“Let’s walk,” he suggested, “get your blood flowing.”
She took a tentative sip of her cocoa before they set out.
“Doesn’t this take you back?” Cade spread his arms out and gazed around, smiling happily.
Leah chose not to respond. Instead, she drank more hot chocolate.
“Remember the game when . . .” Cade kept talking, reliving memory after memory. Leah listened to the cadence of his voice, enjoying his gravelly tone, while she watched the expressions play across his face. His actual words were not registering.
“I loved it. Didn’t you?” He’d finished reminiscing and was waiting for her agreement. When she did not immediately reply, he stopped walking and faced her.
“Um, it was okay . . . I guess.” She shrugged and took another drink.
“You went to the games, I saw you.”
“Going to a few football games with my girlfriends or loving sports and high school, are two completely different things.” Leah could tell her answer was not what he expected. “I mean, I’m glad you liked it!”
“I guess I knew you weren’t into sports too much. Or at least you never really played one.”
“I tried out for volleyball but my boo—” Leah abruptly stopped, mortified by what she almost said.
Cade looked her over. A sly smile stole across his face. He clasped his hands together, thumbs side-by-side, and extended his arms. He looked down at his chest as he mimed bumping a volleyball but his upper arms ran into his sides. He laughed.
“It’s not funny!” she scolded, knocking his arms apart with one hand.
“So the girls got in the way, huh?”
“Yes, yes they did. They also aren’t conducive to running or jumping either, in case you were curious.” She stuck her tongue out at him and walked ahead.
Laughing, Cade jogged to catch up. He captured her free hand and they walked the rest of the way around the field without talking. Cade’s attention was clearly divided between her and the end of the game.
“Come on, I know you want to watch the game. Didn’t someone say this is the last one?”
“It is and I do, but this is as good a spot as any.” Cade stopped along the field, just shy of where most people were watching the game. He tucked her in front of him and wrapped his arms around her. They watched the remainder of the game like that, with Cade’s body warming hers from behind. She twisted her head and got a sweet kiss. Football aside, Leah liked this part.
♦
When the game was over and everyone was leaving, Cade steered her toward the exit.
“Wait, don’t
we need to meet Sky?”
“Nope. She’s going home with her friend Kyrsten.” He checked his phone to be sure. “Yup, she’s good.”
“And Liam?” realizing she had not questioned his absence. Cade took her empty cup and tossed it in a trash bin before answering.
“Staying over at a friend’s house.” Cade paused. “You know what that means: we’ll have the house to ourselves.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Leah couldn’t help laughing. She turned and kissed him in the middle of the crowd. She heard a few cheers and whistles and felt the rumble as Cade laughed as well.
He pulled her out of the throng of people. She found herself at one end of the bleachers. Her back to a metal beam, Cade moved in, kissing her face and neck.
“Wait, what are we doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he laughed. “Making out under the bleachers. I always wanted to do this,” Cade said as he initiated more kisses.
“Uh-huh, sure.” She poked him in the chest playfully. “You had plenty of make-out sessions, Mister!”
“But not with you.”
“Your choice.”
They stared at each other for several long moments. Leah held her breath, nervous for how he might respond and also kicking herself for steering the conversation to this subject. Here it is, she realized. Her opportunity to ask him about Lily’s accusation.
Leah sucked in air. She was going to do this. Gone was the non-confrontational Leah. This was Cade. They’d been able to talk about almost anything.
“About high school . . .” she started and faltered. So much for her new-found courage.
“What about it?” Cade’s face was curious and open.
“You dated so many girls. Like, all the girls.”
His face protested and she tried again, “Not literally, but you had a lot of girlfriends.”
“It was high school, it’s what you do,” he forced a laugh, attempting to make light of it.
Leah was not buying it. “I didn’t,” she said softly. “We had a very different high school experience.” She could tell he did not understand so she tried again.