First Kiss Last

by Sara Miller

  Cade shook his head. “When did you get so smart?”

  Sky smiled at him.

  “Someone around here has to be smart!” she teased. “But no, seriously, I just started thinking that I wanted something just for me. Something special. And I just kept going back to the nose piercing thing. I really like the idea of a tiny stud. Just the little glint of sparkle. So I started researching it. Where to get it done. How to care for it. I even checked the school policy to make sure there isn’t a rule against it.” She shrugged, running out of words.

  “And there’s not? Really.” Cade was surprised.

  “Nope. I even double-checked with the guidance counselor.” She bit her lip and looked at Leah.

  “Sounds like you’ve really thought this through,” Leah praised her.

  “I guess you aren’t twelve years old anymore,” Cade concluded. “But you aren’t even sixteen yet either.” His words sounded too final. Sky hung her head.

  “What if . . .” they turned sharply and stared at her. Leah knew she was about to overstep. Cade had one eyebrow raised in a “careful how you proceed” look. Leah plunged ahead.

  “Sky has been thinking about this for months now, but it’s all new to you. What if you take time to consider her request? What if maybe it’s not a complete ‘no’ but more of a ‘not yet’? And while I’m digging myself into a huge hole, I’ll just add that your daughter came to you—she didn’t sneak and do this behind your back. That’s a level of maturity worthy of respect.”

  She turned to Sky, “When do you turn sixteen?”

  “Not until March.” Sky held her breath. Her eyes darted between the two adults.

  Cade got up and kissed Sky on the temple.

  “Thank you for explaining. I’m still not saying yes, but I’m not saying no either. I need some time. I’m sorry I didn’t listen, darlin’. I love you. I forget how fast you’re growing up. Be patient with your old man, okay?”

  Leah watched them beam at each other. Sky mumbled an “I love you,” gave her dad a quick hug around the middle, mouthed a “thank you” to Leah, and jetted off to her room. Cade got up and wrapped Leah in a full hug. Over Cade’s shoulder she saw Sky’s head pop back into the room.

  “Hey Dad, wait—what decisions were you making at my age?”

  “Goodnight, darlin’!” Cade called out, chuckling.

  Leah’s heart felt good. Father and daughter were set to rights. And it was clear by the way Cade was now kissing her that he was not upset about her interfering. The kitchen was warm and cozy. Between the warmth of being in Cade’s arms and the comforting smell of pizza, Leah felt like all was right in the world.

  She closed her eyes to breathe it in but the moment was gone. The smell of pizza was gone.

  The warmth was gone.

  She was alone in a king-size bed.

  Leah reached over and touched the spot where her husband was no longer sleeping. Her hand and her heart felt nothing.

  Chapter 21

  “So, about Thanksgiving . . .”

  Leah looked up from her breakfast in surprise. Eric had not initiated conversation with her lately. She had been thinking ahead to the holidays but had decided not to broach the subject.

  “It’s our turn to go to my sister’s,” Leah reminded him.

  “Yeah, I know but I heard from my parents that my Nana has been having a rough time. So I was thinking I’d fly out East. Maybe leave a little early and make a whole trip of it.”

  Leah tried to think quickly. She would have to break plans with Lily. She hoped the girls would not be too disappointed. Then she wondered about the logistics. Could she get the extra time off? She always took the day before and after Thanksgiving off, but this sounded like more. She had not put in for more than her normal two days but maybe if she played the “sick grandma” card—then his words clicked.

  “Oh,” she said feeling stupid. Eric was going without her. “I’m sorry about your Nana. Did you . . . do you want me to come too?” she found herself asking, just in case.

  “I kinda already booked my flights,” he squirmed. “You and me, lately . . . I didn’t think—” he stopped trying.

  “No, of course, that makes sense. And Lily is expecting me.” She finished her cereal and took her dish to the sink. As she rinsed it out she heard him speak.

  “I’ll be here for Christmas though.”

  “That sounds good,” she heard herself reply.

  Did it? She wasn’t so sure. Leah thought of their previous Christmases together. Most of them were happy memories, all except that first one. She still didn’t know what happened to the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament they had purchased. She instantly shut the memory down and refused to think about what Christmas would look like this year. She would take this one holiday at a time.

  “Good,” Eric repeated. He sounded as unconvinced as she felt. He cleared his throat. “I’ll be late tonight. If you’re cooking or whatever, don’t wait for me.”

  Leah turned around. Eric had gotten up and was grabbing his things for work. As he made his way to the door, he looked back at her and she nodded.

  “Bye, babe.”

  ♦

  “What do you mean he’s not coming?”

  Eric had flown out the weekend before Thanksgiving. Leah had dropped him at the airport. She had his return flight info and knew when to pick him up. Now, the day before Thanksgiving, she was finally telling her sister.

  “He went to visit his family,” she shrugged, trying to pretend it was no big deal.

  “But . . .” Lily looked confused. “Why? It’s your turn here.”

  Lily’s confusion did not change as Leah gave the vague excuse about Eric’s grandma he had offered.

  “So then why didn’t you go too? You love his Nana.”

  Leah looked at the floor. She had picked up fancy coffees and brought them to Lily’s house. It was their tradition to do meal prep and baking together the day before Thanksgiving. They were sitting at the counter drinking and chatting before they began.

  “Lily . . .” she tried but no more words came out. Her sister squeezed her hand.

  “Is this about him?” she asked quietly.

  Leah shook her head, knowing full well that Lily was no longer talking about Eric.

  “No,” she said firmly. Eyes still cast downward, she saw a Cheerio and a Barbie shoe. It made her happy for the life her sister had but wistful for herself. Time to come clean.

  “Eric and I . . . we aren’t really together right now.”

  “What?!” Lily shrieked. “I mean, I knew you were in a rough patch but how ‘not together’ are we talking?”

  “Nothing official. But separate bedrooms. And now, apparently, separate holidays. Although he says he’ll be here for Christmas and I have no idea how that will work. We barely even talk,” she shrugged and looked up. She felt a bit lighter releasing the secret. Or at least half her secret.

  “Well . . .” Lily looked guilty.

  “What?”

  “I probably shouldn’t say.” Clearly she wanted to say.

  “Just say it.”

  Leah watched Lily search her face. Her sister struggled with whatever was on her mind. Lily opened her mouth to speak, then closed it just as quickly.

  “Fine, I’ll say it for you,” Leah offered. “You’re glad. You don’t like Eric. You’ve never liked Eric. You’ll be glad to be rid of him. Is that it? He’s my husband, Lily. What am I supposed to do?”

  “It’s not Eric . . .” Lily squirmed. “Not exactly, anyway. It’s just— it’s more like . . .” she kept trying and failing. Leah could tell her sister was frustrated.

  “Safe zone,” Leah resurrected something they used in their childhood. It was Gigi’s special solution when they fought. They could safely share their feelings as long as they only talked about how they felt, not what the other person did or did not do. Lily nodded.

  “I miss you.”

  Leah was caught off guard. She was not expecting
Lily to say that. She grabbed her sister’s hand and held on, waiting for more.

  “I know you are here but I feel like I lost you somewhere. Your vibrancy. Your personality. Your dreams. I miss those parts of you. And I have disliked Eric. Partly because we just don’t have much in common but more because I feel like he took all that away from you. When I married Robert, I feel like he blessed and enriched my life. He gave me our beautiful girls, yes, and he also gave me this amazing life. Full of love and support. And I hurt and am sad and mad that I don’t see that for you in your marriage. I feel like Eric would probably make someone else a great husband. But not you. I’m your big sis and I feel like I let you down. When I thought you finally found someone, I wanted you to be happy so I didn’t look closely. I just let Mom push. I failed you.”

  Lily was crying in earnest by the time she finished. Leah, also quite emotional, simply wrapped her arms around her sister and held her. She had let Lily get all her words out without interrupting, just as Gigi had taught them. Leah had no idea that Lily had been holding in all these emotions.

  “Listen to me, Lily. Are you listening?” She felt a nod and continued, “None of this is your fault. I love you and you’ve always had my back. Me marrying Eric was wrong from the beginning.” Leah took a deep breath before continuing.

  “He only asked me because I was pregnant. That’s why Mom rushed and pushed. It wasn’t the great romance she told everyone.”

  “WHAT?!” Lily screeched, pulling away from Leah. “But . . .” She grabbed a napkin and wiped her eyes before turning to her sister.

  “I lost the baby. I can’t get pregnant and the doctors don’t know why. Eric is . . . relieved is probably the safest word. Turns out he never wanted kids. We finally had one last fight about it and I think we’re both finally done. But neither of us has called it. Now you know.”

  It was Leah who broke down this time and Lily who held her. Leah cried for her baby, for the loss of her dreams, and the probable loss of her marriage.

  “How did I miss it?” Lily pondered. “You must have needed me and I was—”

  “At home with the most precious infant and the most precocious toddler and a husband who was traveling all the time back then. Your plate was full,” she said firmly.

  “True, but I wish you could have come to me. ’Cause seriously? Mom? Of all the people? You and Mom—” Lily stopped abruptly.

  “Mom and I . . . we’ve never really understood each other, so we just haven’t been close. Or comfortable with each other,” she admitted. “First the dreams, then Dad left, then my marriage. I don’t want to talk about Mom.”

  “Okay. I hear you. Everything makes more sense now. Thank you for finally telling me. I’m going to forgive you for keeping something so important from me. But don’t do it again!” Lily scolded and hugged her again. “Love you, Sis.”

  “Love you too.”

  “So what are you gonna do?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “And you still won’t tell me who—” Lily tried again but Leah was done confessing things for today. She stood up.

  “These pies aren’t going to make themselves!” It was what Gigi always said and it worked, Lily dropped the subject. Both girls got up and got to work.

  They worked for hours in Lily’s kitchen. Together they cooked, baked, simmered, and prepped everything they could so tomorrow’s Thanksgiving feast would be perfect. Leah fell into bed so tired she doubted she would even dream.

  ♦

  “Wake up sleepy head.” The voice whispered in her ear as warm breath tickled her neck. She squirmed, disoriented. Leah felt like she had gotten no rest.

  When she didn’t move, the person in her bed tried another tactic. A calloused hand slipped under her shirt and began to massage her breast. Leah felt her traitor body start to respond. Her nipples hardened and the hand flicked. She sucked in a sharp breath and smelled that familiar woodsy scent of Cade.

  Leah was on her side in Cade’s bed. His body was tucked up close behind hers and he tweaked her other nipple just as hard. Her body jerked and she moaned.

  Cade’s hand slid down her side and rested on her rear. He rubbed. He traced her panty line. He grabbed and squeezed. Leah instinctively rolled to give him more access.

  When he pulled at her underwear, she lifted her hips and let him remove them. He continued to explore her backside, then curve up between her legs. She moved one knee up to give him access.

  “Mmm,” still too sleepy to bother with words, she moaned and rolled to her belly, spreading for him.

  Cade’s fingers continued to work. She could both feel and hear how wet she was for him.

  “Cade,” she begged, barely recognizing her own voice. The things this man could do to her. In retrospect, she’d been a borderline prude before. Now with Cade, she found herself beyond willing.

  “Up on your knees,” his hands pushed at her and she quickly complied. Cade moved behind her, smoothed both hands over her butt cheeks before giving one a playful slap.

  Leah almost lost it. She was so close and Cade knew it. He liked to drive her right to the edge, then enter her so he could feel her orgasm. She felt him rubbing against her now but not entering.

  “Hurry,” she begged without shame. She widened her legs and pushed back. “Close, I’m so clo—”

  Cade pierced her from behind and her body jerked violently. She felt him grab her hips and hold on. Thankfully since she was mostly face down, the bed muffled her scream.

  When Cade began to move, she got up on her elbows to give herself more leverage. She met him thrust for thrust, their bodies smacked together loudly.

  “Touch your breast, hun.”

  “W-what?” she managed to ask between thrusts.

  “I’d do it but I got my hands full back here. Touch them,” he instructed. She shifted her weight onto one arm, and with her other hand did what he said. “Squeeze them, pinch, do whatever feels good to you.”

  Tentatively, Leah pinched and twisted. He was right, it did feel good. While she played with her nipples, her arousal intensified and she squeezed Cade from the inside. His rhythm quickened. He pounded harder and harder until they both broke at the same time. Leah fell to the bed completely spent and slept.

  Chapter 22

  When Leah woke the second time, it was to sunlight coming through the curtains and high-pitched whispers coming from the hallway.

  “Do you think she’s awake yet?”

  “Mom said not to wake her up!”

  “But she’ll miss the parade. We always watch the parade. It’s tradition.”

  “I dunno . . .”

  “Mom didn’t say we couldn’t check on her. Let’s just sneak in and look.”

  “Very super extra quiet, promise?”

  The conversation outside the door fell silent. Leah closed her eyes and listened. When she heard the latch click and door creak just long enough to admit two tiny creatures, she slowed her breathing and laid very still.

  Leah listened as the shuffle of socked feet drew closer. She imagined her nieces nudging each other and pointing silently. One of them made a muffled sound and she knew they were right next to her.

  “AHHHHH!” Leah yelled and sat up in bed, reaching out and grabbing the girls.

  Both girls shrieked and dissolved into giggles.

  “Aunt Leah, you scared us!” Allison scolded through her laughter.

  Her nieces had climbed up into the bed uninvited. They were having a merry time of it when their mother appeared in the doorway.

  “What is all this racket? I thought I told you to let Aunt Leah sleep!” Lily’s hands were on her hips and her words reprimanding, but her face danced with mischief. The girls could tell they were not in trouble. Lily entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Hey, she scared us!” Allison accused, turning on her aunt.

  “Yeah, put her in time out, Mommy!” Emmie demanded with a giggle.

  All four were laughing hard when Rober
t showed up on the scene.

  “Is everyone just going to lay around all day?” he teased. “I thought for sure someone wanted to watch the parade . . . I guess I can go find some sports to watch—”

  “Daddy, no!” both girls yelped and threw themselves out of the bed.

  “Oof!” Leah felt a knee and an elbow as they made their hasty exit.

  Robert stood laughing. They all watched the girls rush down the hall. Footsteps thudded down the stairs.

  “It never ceases to amaze me that two little girls can make so much noise,” he smiled and shook his head.

  “And you love every minute of it!” Lily countered.

  “It’s true,” he pulled Lily to her feet and into his arms, giving her a sound kiss.

  Leah cleared her throat. Lily’s cheeks were flushed and Robert looked over at Leah sheepishly.

  “Get a room!” she teased, “or more accurately, get a different room so I can get up. I don’t want to miss the parade either! Shoo!” she flapped her arms, motioning them out the door.

  Robert laughed and pulled his wife out into the hall. As he was shutting the door to give Leah her privacy, he winked. He was such a good man. Her sister was so lucky. Leah would not begrudge them their happiness, no matter how envious she felt. She hurried to get ready so she could join her family.

  A half-hour into the parade, there was a knock at the door. Leah, tucked between her nieces, didn’t bother to get up. She did wonder who it could be, since Lily had not mentioned any other company. Maybe someone from Robert’s family was joining them?

  “Leah, aren’t you gonna get the door?” Lily looked confused.

  “Why would I? It’s your house. Who is it?”

  “Seriously? You’re kidding, right?”

  As the sisters stared at each other, Robert shook his head and moved to answer the door. Leah craned her neck to see. She was seriously confused.

  “My man!” Robert said. Leah heard the tell-tail back slapping of a man hug. “Long time no see. Come in, come in!”

  So it was one of Robert’s old friends. She relaxed for half a second before she heard the reply.