Daughter of Ashes

by Esther Mitchell

  "'Tis bloody useless!" Lysha snapped in disgust, giving voice to Telyn's own frustration, as night set in and she stumbled over a rock, then ran face-first into an outcrop. It was the first time anyone had spoken all day, cutting through the thick tension they'd been travelling under.

  Though a large part of her was in total agreement, Telyn kept her mouth firmly shut. If she voiced her frustration, the whole quest would fall apart on the spot, and if they gave up now, they'd lose not just Brunnari and Sele, but also Telyn's only lead on the Phoenix Book. She couldn't take that chance.

  "Let's make camp for tonight." She gestured to an outcrop of rock that made a small, hollow cavern in the mountain. Left to her own devices, she'd simply continue on, but she was well aware that none of her companions shared her Bathron heritage, or the night sight that came with it.

  "What is this tower supposed to look like?" Marat watched Telyn as she made the fire, his gaze openly curious when she used neither flint nor Dorfaíle to do so. "Perhaps we have already passed it because we did not know what it looked like."

  "I have no idea," Telyn admitted quietly as she sat back on her heels, then rose and moved to the edge of the outcrop, her night sight scoping through the settling darkness of the mountains as she spoke. She hugged warmth to herself as the chill air seeped through her travelling clothes, and stared sadly into the night. "I'm not sure anyone does."

  Lysha snorted derisively. "Well, Brun-Gild sure figured it out, din't 'e?"

  Telyn shrugged as an incredible sense of sadness and solitude stole over her. What was going on? She'd been fine just moments ago... "I'm sorry you don't believe me."

  Lysha's heavy sigh reached her, and Telyn's spirits sank even lower. How was it possible for someone to be this wretched, and still live?

  "Oh, I believe ye," Lysha assured her. "I've heard tales o' the Aerai Majin an' 'is tower, m'self. But, Telyn, they say the tower can' be found unless it wills so. I doubt greatly 'tas made itself visible ta the likes o' Brun-Gild, but nah ta us."

  Telyn shook her head in frustration. "I'm not sure the tower he found belongs to the Aerai Majin. It doesn't matter, anyway. We still have to find him."

  Nacaris shared a worried look with Marat, before he spoke. "I understand your hatred for Brunnari, but why are you so determined to find the man, himself? Isn't it Sele we should be focused on?"

  Telyn turned away from them all. "You wouldn't understand."

  There was shuffling, and then quiet murmurs, before Nacaris' hand fell on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze and, against her ear, he entreated, "Don't shut me out, Telyn. Tell me why this is so important."

  She closed her eyes and swallowed against the gnawing solitude and burning sting behind her eyes. Against her will, the truth spilled out. "Pelarius Brunnari knows where the Phoenix Book is. He may even have it with him. I have to retrieve that Book."

  "And you think he's taken it back to the Aerai Majin's tower."

  "I don't know!" She ground her teeth in frustration. "That's the worst of it all -- I don't know enough to know what to do, or where to go. My mother never told me about my father -- not the whole truth, anyway. And until I returned to Raiador and met Sala, no one else who could tell me would."

  His arms came around her from behind, and he hugged her back against his chest. His warmth seeped through her, driving away the chill on the air, and filling the void opening in her soul. Telyn sighed and closed her eyes as she stood there, letting him hold her.

  "We'll find him, Telyn," he promised in a whisper against her ear.

  She nodded silently, unwilling to break the moment while it lasted. She didn't want to think about all the things that could pull them apart. Then, with a regretful sigh, she eased away from him and, with a small smile of thanks, laid her palm against his cheek.

  "You're good for me, Old Bear."

  He chuckled, and kissed her palm lightly. "I can live with that."

  Still smiling, Telyn returned to the fire, and her other two companions, who were silent and studiously trying to avoid intruding.

  "It's all right, you two. I'm all right."

  Marat looked up from the fire with a kind smile, his dark eyes still shadowed with concern. "You have grown moody, in the summers since I first met you."

  Telyn settled herself near the fire with a sigh. "What can I say? I've had a hard life since."

  It was a clear signal for him to not probe any more, and Marat's expression told her he was astute enough to recognize that. Lysha shifted, and cleared her throat, drawing everyone's attention.

  "So, I had me a thought," she started hesitantly. " 'Tis a chance, but could Brun-Gild've built 'is own tower?"

  Telyn frowned. "What do you mean?"

  "Say 'e couldn' find the Aerai Majin's tower, either. Could 'e've built a tower out 'ere, where 'e knows the Majin is, an' still draw the energy 'e needs?"

  Cold certainty rushed over Telyn, and she knew that Lysha had just voiced the very thing that had bothered her all evening. "You may be on to something, Lysha. Aye, he could have done just that, and he doesn't have to be in the Aerai Majin's tower to use his power. He just has to be near it."

  "So how do we find it, then?" Marat wanted to know.

  "Telyn can find it." Nacaris dropped down beside her, his eyes radiating confidence her direction. "She's the legacy."

  "Wait a minute," Telyn protested, casting him a dark glare. "I'm no Majin."

  "Nah," Lysha agreed. "But ye've Gifts aplenty. Ye've unco'ered lies at Raiador that no'ne else was like ta see. Ye're the only one's that saw through Brun-Gild's disguise, as well, an' knew 'im ta be the monster no'ne else saw."

  "The Miners at Raiador had lots of stories about you," Nacaris agreed. "And Lanoki seemed to think highly of you, as well. I agree with Lysha. If anyone can see through Brunnari's illusions, it's you."

  Anger erupted suddenly in Telyn's chest, and she surged to her feet, consumed by the unfairness of it all. She hadn't asked for this. All she wanted was a normal family, a normal life. She didn't like that it always came back to Majik and legacies. Without looking at anyone, she turned on her heel and retreated from the fire, and her friends.

  Telyn fought down a sob as the cold night closed around her again, and wondered what was wrong with her. She was never this emotional, never given to fits of crying or temper. She didn't even understand the rebellious, angry urges that clawed through her. Could she be running mad?

  You are not insane.

  Telyn swore beneath her breath as Sala's voice filled her head, startling her enough to make her jump.

  "Quit doing that!"

  There was a flash, and then Sala was there, hanging in empty air before her. You had need of me, young Phoenix. I am here. And you are not insane.

  A strangled laugh lodged in her throat. "What am I, then? Why am I acting this way?"

  Forgive me. We were unsure how this journey would affect you.

  "You mean you knew?" Fresh anger surged through Telyn.

  No. Some among us believed that being so near the seat of the Aerai Majin's power might bring Fire's energy to the surface. We couldn't be sure how it would happen, however, or if you could control it.

  "So I'm crazy and dangerous. Great."

  "I wouldn't say that."

  Telyn whipped around to see Nacaris behind her, leaning against the rocky side of the mountain's face. She knew he couldn't see much of her face, with only Sala's small light as illumination, but her eyes gave her away, so she quickly averted them.

  "Why did you follow me?"

  "Why did I..." He straightened from his slouch, and she could feel the anger pouring off of him. She gasped. She'd sensed what others felt, before -- a brief tug of emotion she wasn't feeling herself -- but this was the first time it ever smacked her in the face. As Nacaris advanced on her, his anger and sadness grew more palpable, as did something else -- something she could only label as dangerous by the way it made her heart pound. Finally, when he was barely inches away, and she n
early drowned in his emotions, he spoke again, his voice a rough whisper. "I followed you because I care, Telyn. Whether you want to believe it or not, I love you."

  Another gasp tore from her as his hand skimmed her face, and she sensed more than saw Sala's disappearance. Callused flesh rasped against her cheek, and raw emotion poured over her, blotting out all thought. Without even an awareness of herself, she suddenly craved his touch as if it was the breath of life. Emotions stirred within her that had no explanation. They defied the logical, ordered existence she tried so hard to live, they dwarfed the tangled emotions Raiador once lifted to the surface of her being. These were primal emotions and needs, and they blocked out everything else.

  With a cry that tore from her very source, she latched her hands into Nacaris' shirt and dragged them together, until they were wedged tightly, mouths fused in a kiss that sent a raging wildfire crashing through Telyn.

  Nacaris quickly took control of the kiss, turning her and backing her against the side of the mountain as his hands ran over her body and his mouth claimed hers. Then, with an agonized groan, he tore his mouth from hers and put torturous inches of space between them.

  "We can't do this. Not here. Not now."

  "Nacaris..." She pleaded, unable to explain the firestorm that raged inside of her. She needed him to make sense of it all, to calm the flames and make her feel whole and in control, again. Couldn't he see that?

  One look in his eyes, and she knew he could. And the determination there told her he wouldn't be doing what she wanted any time soon. He lifted one hand to skim her face again, and she could feel the tremble there, even before he spoke.

  "Telyn, balnyt, I want you more than you can possibly know. But I want more from you than this."

  Pain seared her, and she closed her eyes against it, knowing it belonged to them both. "I know."

  "Do you? You shut me out more often than not, and you keep your emotions so buried it's impossible to tell if you feel anything at all." His sigh carried the weight of all that pain, and she struggled to hold back the tears that burned behind her eyes. "I think these mountains do something to you, and I don't think you can control what you're feeling, right now. If we do this, you'll only regret later everything you feel right now. I won't be party to that."

  He tilted her face up and brushed a soft kiss across her lips before murmuring, "When you figure out what you really want, let me know."

  Then, before she could respond, he was gone, striding back down the path toward the faint glow of the fire. Telyn hugged herself, and slid slowly down the rocky wall as her heart ripped open, and she shook with the force of the tears that streamed down her face. For the first time in her life, the person she most wanted to escape was herself.

  When the tears finally dried up, she felt a sense of renewal that startled her. That one great, burning wave purged all the terror, horror, and fear in her life away. Drawing a deep breath of cold mountain air, she rose to her feet, and a smile spread slowly over her mouth. Nacaris was right. She hadn't wanted him for the right reasons. She'd just felt needy and lost, and she'd looked to him to fix it. And, in a way, he had -- by letting her face her demons alone. Finally, she was in control of herself in a way she'd never really felt before. She felt reborn, free, and like she could fly if she stepped off the edge of the path. Not that she was foolish enough to try.

  A small laugh bubbled up from inside her chest. She could have gladly kissed Nacaris at that moment, knowing that he'd given her a gift he might not have even realized. She still didn't yet know where, or if, he fit into her life, but that was something she had time to figure out. She had no idea if the Phoenix Book was still even safe. Not until they found Brunnari

  Her companions all warily glanced up at her as she approached the campfire, possibly gauging her state of mind. The questioning expression on Nacaris' face touched her most. He was well and truly worried for her. With a smile, she put Lysha and Marat at ease, and crossed to sink down beside Nacaris, facing the fire.

  "Thank you."

  They were such inadequate words in exchange for the gift he'd given her, but for now, they'd have to do. Once they captured Brunnari, restored Sele to the Gild, and Telyn finally knew once and for all where the Book was, there would be time to express her gratitude to Nacaris properly.

  "We've been talking while you were gone." Nacaris' smile looked forced, and she could still sense the tinge of pain in him. She resisted the urge to frown as she wondered what bothered him so.

  "About?"

  "We would cover more ground, and increase our chances of finding the tower we seek if we split up," Marat explained in his calm baritone voice.

  Telyn shook her head. "Travelling alone in these mountains is too dangerous. There are Ceteraktou out here."

  "Not alone," Nacaris said quietly. "In pairs. You and Marat, and Lysha and I."

  She blinked, surprised. The trust Nacaris put in both her and Marat was never more obvious. But why didn't he want to go with her himself?

  "In four days' time, we shall meet at the Majin Lache," Marat said, referencing the famous mountaintop shrine they'd passed earlier that day. "If none of us have found the tower by then, we must declare the quest lost. If either of us finds it, we can direct the entire party back to the tower."

  Slowly, Telyn nodded, her gaze fixed on Nacaris' clenched jaw. The plan was a good one, and gave them a better chance of finding the tower. What she didn't understand was how they'd chosen to break up the party. If Nacaris needed to get away from her enough to do this, the only thing she could do was accept it.

  "All right. We'll leave at first light, Marat." And, determined to ignore the nagging roil of unease in her gut, Telyn rolled herself into her cloak and told herself to go to sleep. There'd be time to mend her bridges later.

  *****

  They set out at first light, and it was barely past mid-day shadow when they stopped for a rest. Though the climb was difficult at times, Telyn had learned enough about Marat that she could almost say she remembered him. It bothered her that, whenever reality set in, she was reminded that she actually didn't, though he knew things about her only someone who spent those cycles in the same Camp with her would know.

  Now, as they rested and ate traveler's bread Telyn scrounged from her pack for their midday meal, she felt his gaze on her again, and knew he had questions of his own.

  "You might as well ask." She cast him a wary smile, uncertain what she was setting herself up for. "I don't promise I'll know or share the answer, but I'll at least hear the question."

  "Fair enough." Marat, typical of a Shelliac, was unabashed by his own curiosity, or her awareness of it. "Why is it you remember nothing of your time with Dariadus?"

  She stiffened defensively. Of course, the curiosity of a Shelliac was famed second only to their uncanny perception, and their way of getting straight to the bones of an issue. It was why they made such excellent mediators, but such poor lifemates to anyone not also a Shelliac. After a long pause, she finally shrugged. It was a fair enough question.

  "I remember some things. I remember Dariadus, and many of the things he taught me."

  "And Nacaris?"

  Telyn swallowed hard as the piece of bread she'd just swallowed suddenly congealed in a hard lump in her stomach. Seoman's words, and Nacaris' own cagey admission came back to her, and she felt sick.

  "I don't know what you mean."

  "Yes, you do. You cannot hide from this, Telyn. Nacaris deserves to know your true feelings."

  She glared at him, wishing he'd just shut up. "Why? I don't know my true feelings."

  One of Marat's dark eyebrows lifted skeptically. "Do you not? It amazes me that you could so easily dismiss one you cared so deeply for once. Or do you not recall the only time you ever lifted a blade against your friend and master?"

  Images flashed through Telyn's head at the blade end of those words. None were clear enough to make much sense of, but she remembered what they cost. Raiders in the Camp.

&
nbsp; She saw it through a smoky haze, heard the sounds of battle in her ears. They rode to defend a Caravan from attack by bandits. The sounds of metal against metal, the squealing of terrified horses and the shouts of men engaged in fierce struggle filled her ears. She stood frozen, unable to move. Afraid of the mayhem around her. Then she saw it. A horse, stumbling wildly from the heart of battle. Blood poured from an open wound in its flank, and it was in so much pain the feeling was overwhelming. She knew she had to kill it. It belonged to one of the bandits. It was already dying. She raised the anaqueri to deliver the mercy stroke that would end its life. Then there was a voice, a hand, halting her. Someone she trusted, his face obscured by smoke and haze. His voice soothed her and the horse both, though she couldn't understand his words. He and the horse disappeared into the smoke, a wounded animal and his broad-shouldered young rescuer.

  The Raiders descended on their Camp a cyclath later, screaming like Sheehai, and stole half the Tribe's horses. Dariadus was furious. A horse, he'd screamed in one of his rare fits of temper. A horse was the cause of all of this. He wanted the head of the softhearted young wretch who'd saved the horse. She'd stopped him. She'd flung herself in front of the stroke, her anaqueri raised against her own friend and master, for the life of a young man who spared the life of an injured animal. A horse he'd named Dust Demon.

  She blinked at Marat as she resurfaced completely from her memories. Why could she remember the name of the horse, but not of the man? Yet, she didn't need to ask who that stableman was. She already knew it in her bones. Instead, she asked the question that burned in her since Ulambara.

  "Why didn't he tell me? Why keep it a secret?"

  Marat chuckled, his dark face crinkling in lines around his laughing eyes. "Because, my dear girl, that boy has been in love with you for so long he's afraid the truth will chase you away. Yet again."