Finding Home with You

by Claire Raye

  Ryan pulls away from me, and his fingers rest under my chin, tipping my face up to look at him. “You still have normal with me, Erin,” he whispers, his lips nearly touching mine. “I will always be your normal, your constant. I will always be here.”

  I want to believe him, and I want to have a life with him that doesn’t revolve around my past, but I can’t help but think it won’t ever happen. I have that fucking subpoena stuffed in my kitchen drawer, beating like the “Tell-Tale Heart” just waiting to ruin my life all over again.

  But I also know, if this is going to work, I can’t keep it from Ryan anymore.

  I slip out of his arms and grab the envelope from the kitchen drawer, handing it to him without an explanation. I know this envelope is going to bring forth a lot of questions, more than I’m willing to answer, but it’s a risk I need to take to keep Ryan here with me.

  I watch his eyes flick from the name on the front to my face and back again and then he slides the single sheet of paper from the envelope.

  He quickly glances at it and sharply says, “You’re not going.” It’s not a question but more of demand.

  “Yes, I am,” I shoot back. “I can’t keep running from this, and what the fuck do you think is going to happen if I don’t go?” I ask, but I can hear the pitch in my voice rise and once again we’re back to where we started. “You know exactly what’s going to happen, Ryan. You’re a cop for fuck’s sake. I could go to jail. Is that what you want?”

  “Of course not, Erin, but I don’t want you involved in any of this. These are terrible people, and I know what they’re capable of.”

  “You know what they’re capable of?” I question back harshly, as I blow out on a long exhale. “These people are my family. I know exactly what they are capable of and that’s why I’m going. I need this to end.”

  “I’m going to take care of this,” Ryan responds completely ignoring me as he reaches into his pocket for his phone. Like he’s going to make some miraculous phone call and end everything.

  “The hell you are!” I scream, my foot stamping hard on the ground. “Stay the fuck out of it, Ryan.”

  I don’t want him throwing around his police muscle and making things worse. I’m still under the impression that I’ll be able to head to court, do what needs to be done, and disappear back to Rockport like it never even happened. Ryan getting involved will put my name out there, and put a target on him and I both.

  Once again ignoring me, he begins to hit the call button on his phone and I all but slap the phone out of his hand. I grab for his wrist and he stops, his face impassive as he looks at me.

  “This is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d go all protective detective and blow the whole thing out of proportion.” I drop my hand from his wrist and he returns his phone to his pocket, but there’s no way he’s over it that quickly.

  “Out of proportion?” he mocks. “Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t want you involved in this and I’m going to make sure that happens regardless.”

  “No!” I shout, ready to throw a fit and have it out with him, but I’m silenced once again with Ryan’s mouth crashing into mine. His lips bruising mine with their force as he pushes me against the cabinets.

  “Don’t you fucking get it, Red?” he growls in my ear. “It’s fucking killing me to know that you won’t let me protect you.” He sucks hard at my neck making me gasp out loud and I can feel my heart begin to race.

  “Ryan,” I say, but it comes out breathless and needy. “This isn’t going to fix anything,” I mutter knowing both of us are beyond the point of distraction.

  “Fuck, I know that, Red, but I need to be close to you, I need to be inside you again.”

  His legs are spread wide and his hard cock is pressing into my hip when he takes my face in his hands. “You see what you do to me?” he demands, thrusting his impressive cock directly against me again. “My dick is so fucking hard right now that even jerking off won’t do me any good. I. Want. You.” Each word comes out uneven and hoarse making me ache with need.

  “Ryan,” I moan, knowing that I should be doing the exact opposite. How is it possible that I can go from arguing with him to wanting him to fuck me in a matter of seconds? There’s something wrong with me.

  “Erin,” he barks and it almost makes me smile. As much as I thought I didn’t want this, it’s exactly what I need. “Take off your clothes and bend over the counter, I wanna see that perfect ass.”

  I don’t need to be told a second time. I strip quickly as Ryan pulls out his dick and begins stroking it. His eyes never leave my body as I take him in, his hand moving slowly up and down his long, hard shaft.

  As I shimmy out of my underwear, Ryan’s spinning me around and pulling my hips back so I’m bent at the waist.

  “This is going to be hard and fast, Red and then we really need to fucking talk,” he hisses in my ear and then bites down on my shoulder.

  “Just fuck me, Ryan,” I answer back, because right now we both need a distraction from reality.

  Ryan’s thick, hard cock nudges at my pussy and he uses his knee to spread my legs wider and that’s when he slams into me. His cock filling me and making me call out his name.

  He thrusts in and out of me over and over, unrelenting and rough, but it’s what we both need.

  Oh god, Ryan,” I moan, looking back over my shoulder and he bites down on his lower lip. My pussy clenches around him as I come undone, and his hips speed up their tempo sending Ryan into an orgasm as he unloads himself inside me.

  Before either of us can speak, Ryan picks me up and walks us out of the kitchen, down the hall and into the bathroom, where he starts the shower.

  “Get in,” he says gesturing to the shower. “We’ll talk in here; that way neither one of us can walk away.”

  And as ridiculous as it seems, he’s right.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ryan

  I pull Erin into the shower with me, both of us somehow a little calmer than we were five minutes ago. It’s crazy that we can fuck like we do, with everything that’s going on between us. As weird it is, it’s great for releasing all the tension our fighting creates.

  But it can’t continue like this. I need answers and Erin really needs to start talking to me.

  Erin steps toward me, her hands sliding around my waist as she rests her head on my chest, almost in defeat.

  “Baby,” I start, sliding my hands down her back. “Whatever happens here. Whatever…whatever you decide to do. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” I say, pushing her back so she can see me when I tell her this. “I’m not leaving you.”

  Erin swallows hard. “You sure about that?” she asks, resignation in her voice as though that’s exactly what she expects will happen.

  I cup her face in my hands. “Yes,” I tell her. “I promise. It’s gonna take a lot more than your dad to scare me off, you know.”

  “It’s not just my dad,” she says, exhausted as though she knows how this is all going to play out because it’s something she’s been through before. “It’s all the people who work for him. The people who still fucking work for him. If you stay, Ryan. If…” she stops, swallows again before continuing. “If you stay,” she repeats. “Then they’ll know about you. And when they know about you, it puts a target on your back…and...”

  I drop my hands. “And you think I don’t already have a target on my back?” I ask, cutting her off. “That me killing a couple of his guys the other night doesn’t mean I’m not already fucking involved in all of this?”

  “What?” Erin half yells, stepping backward. “You killed someone?”

  I scrub a hand down my face, closing my eyes as I force myself to take a deep breath and remain calm. I can’t afford to lose it right now. Yelling at each other gets us nowhere and there are still things Erin needs to explain.

  “I did,” I say, grabbing the soap. “The same night this happened,” I add, gesturing to my still bandaged arm.
Thank fuck for water-proof bandages. “I shouldn’t even be telling you any of this Erin. But…”

  “But you somehow still expect me to talk to you,” she says, immediately cutting me off as she slaps me across the chest.

  “But,” I repeat, holding up my hands in concession to let her know I’m not trying to start a fight with her. Erin stares at me a second before dropping her hand as I move mine and start to work the soap over her body in an attempt to distract her. “I understand there are some things you need to know. That it’s only fair I tell you these things if I expect you to talk to me.” Erin says nothing at my words now, so I continue. “What happened in the warehouse,” I say, “I didn’t know all of that was connected to your dad. We’d been watching these guys for a while and we knew a big gun deal was going down, but I didn’t know it was connected to your dad. The first I realized he was involved was when someone found the photo and showed it to me that night.”

  “When exactly was he arrested?” Erin asks, her words quiet.

  I pause. “You didn’t know he’d been arrested?”

  She shakes her head. “Not until I got that subpoena,” she says. “I left that life behind, remember? And I made sure I never gave them any opportunities to find me.”

  I exhale, knowing whatever she’d done in the past obviously hadn’t worked because they have found her. The subpoena is proof of that. “He was arrested about a month ago,” I say. “Nothing to do with our thing, it’s all unrelated charges, but it looks like we can add to those now. Seems we now have a connection,” I add, knowing there is one thing I still need to ask her about. “Who’s the other guy in the photo, Erin?”

  I watch as she avoids eye contact now, stepping under the water to rinse off before she gets out of the shower. I shut off the water and follow her, both of us drying off in silence.

  “He’s my dad’s right-hand guy,” she eventually says, still not looking at me. “I guess he probably runs things for him now. It was always in the cards and the way it was supposed to happen,” she adds. “He picks a guy and he practically becomes a son to my father. Learning everything, getting involved in… everything.”

  The way she says that last part is like a punch to the gut because I know it isn’t just the family business she’s referring to. Erin says nothing more though, just walks out of the bathroom and into her bedroom where she pulls on some sweats and a t-shirt. I do the same, both of us standing awkwardly as we wait for the other to speak.

  Eventually I sit on the bed, pulling her down beside me. “Finn told me who he is,” I say, not letting go of her hand. Erin nods, but says nothing. “Did they help you?” I ask, changing tact. “Finn and Pop?”

  Erin nods again, taking a deep breath as she stares down at our joined hands. “Yeah,” she whispers. “Them and Kelsey,” she adds. “Beck had left by then.”

  I nod, even though she isn’t looking at me. At least it confirms what Beck had told me and means I’m not the only one who’s been kept in the dark about all of this.

  “Do you think this guy could have been the one to drop the photo in the warehouse that night?” I ask.

  Erin slowly raises her head and looks at me. “Maybe,” she whispers. “Yeah.”

  “Why would he have it?” I ask, swallowing hard. A part of me already knows the answer to my question, Erin’s body language all but confirming what Finn had told me earlier. But the other part of me really needs to hear her say it. I’m sick of all these secrets and lies.

  I watch as she bites her bottom lip. I can tell she’s nervous, but honestly, so am I. It’s hard enough knowing she’s related to Fitzgerald, but to think she might have been in even deeper, that she might have been connected to all of this shit in much more intimate and personal ways. That scares the shit out of me, especially knowing this guy is still out there and is still carrying a picture of her around with him.

  “His name is Anthony Macklin,” she finally says. “He’s worked for my dad for as long as I can remember,” she repeats. “He used to…” she stops, looks down at our hands again.

  “Used to what?” I ask, squeezing her hand in mine.

  Erin looks up at me, her eyes filled with sadness. “He used to…” she whispers and I can tell she’s struggling with how much she doesn’t want to tell me this. It breaks my heart seeing her like this, knowing that this is a part of her life that neither of us will ever be able to escape from. Taking a deep breath, she tries again. “My dad and my family weren’t the only thing I ran away from, Ryan. They weren’t the only ones who destroyed me.”

  “Fuck,” I murmur as I pull her against me, wrapping my arms around her and holding her in a tight embrace. Even though they are words I was expecting to hear, it still feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest and it’s in this second that I know I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep Erin safe.

  Even if it means I have to kill this motherfucker with my bare hands.

  It’s still dark when the alarm rings out, cutting through the quiet of the room. Erin stirs in my arms as I reach out to silence it. I’m already awake, have been for hours as I’ve mentally run through all the things I need to do today.

  We didn’t talk much more last night. Not after she’d confessed to having been in a relationship with this fucking Macklin character. A man I now know is not only running Fitzgerald’s crew but is also involved in some seriously dangerous shit. I really need to pass this info onto the boss, but before that happens there is someone I need to talk to first.

  Scrubbing my hand down my face in frustration, I know it’s gonna be a long fucking day today. And it’s one that’s now been made a million times worse on account of the fact I’m going to have to make a detour on the way back to Boston.

  “Are you leaving,” Erin murmurs, as she wraps her arm around me.

  I press a kiss to the top of her head. “Yeah, I have to, babe. I’m sorry.”

  “S’okay,” she mumbles. “I figured you would.”

  “I’m gonna talk to Finn before I go though,” I continue, sliding my hand down her back. “Get him up to date with what’s happening in Boston. Make sure he keeps an eye on things here, keeps me in the loop with anything that happens.”

  “He already does,” she says against my shoulder. “He’s okay with everything, says I can call him whenever I need to, Ryan. You don’t need to worry.”

  A knot of tension starts to form in my stomach at her words and I don’t know if it’s because Finn is here for Erin when I’m not or because he’s known about all of this for far longer than I have. Maybe it’s both, but either way, it pisses me off.

  “I do worry, Erin,” I say, rolling us over so I’m lying on top of her, my body completely covering hers. “I don’t want it to be Finn taking care of you,” I continue, pinning her hands above her head. “That’s my job and it pisses me off that he’s the one doing it. That he’s been fucking doing it for all these years.”

  “Ryan,” Erin whispers as she squirms beneath me, still half asleep.

  I tighten my grip on her wrists, holding them in one hand as I move the other between us, grabbing my cock and positioning it against her. Erin widens her legs in response and I immediately push into her in one hard thrust that makes her gasp.

  “You don’t need to worry,” she moans, arching beneath me.

  “I do fucking worry, Erin,” I say, my jaw tight as I force the words out between thrusts. With one hand holding her arms above her, I hook my other arm under her thigh, hitching it higher as I continue to push inside her. “Things are going to change now,” I continue, my grip tight as I pull all the way out before slamming my dick back into her pussy, our hips crashing together. Erin widens her legs even more, hooking the other around my hips, and I prop my body up on my elbow to get more leverage. “No more key under the mat,” I say, never stopping my movements. “No more going out without telling someone where you’ll be,” I continue. “No more…”

  “Shut the fuck up
and just fuck me, Ryan,” she says, yanking an arm from my grip. She slides her hands into my hair, her fingers gripping it tightly as she pulls me closer, slamming her mouth against mine.

  I practically growl, our teeth clashing together as we kiss each other hard. I let go of her other arm, hooking both of mine around her back now as I pull her up and sit back on my heels. Erin straddles my lap and with my arms tight around her, I work her against me, lifting her up and down on my dick over and over again.

  As I watch her ride me, her whole body covered in sweat as her tits bounce in rhythm with our movements, Erin moves a hand to her clit, her fingers rubbing furiously as she works her own body in sync with mine.

  “You’re going to do what I tell you to do,” I say, my fingers digging into her skin.

  “I don’t do what anyone tells me to do, Ryan,” Erin moans, her eyes closed as she continues to rub at her clit.

  My fingers tighten; stilling her as I hold her body above me so just the tip of my dick is inside her. Gritting my teeth, I wait until she opens her eyes and meets my stare. “You don’t have an option here, Red,” I growl, before slamming her pussy down on my cock, thrusting my hips up into her at the same time.

  Erin says nothing, just moans loudly. I lift her off me now, flipping her over so she’s on her knees. Grabbing my cock, now glistening with her juices, I position it against her swollen pussy. Reaching forward, I grip her shoulder and say, “This is not up for discussion,” before thrusting into her again.

  “Fuck,” she screams, throwing her head back as I start to pound furiously into her. My whole body feels wired and ready to explode, my skin on fire with both anger and lust.

  I don’t stop, slamming my hips against her ass as I ram my dick into her pussy over and over again. Erin moves her hand between her legs and continues her relentless assault of her clit, eventually letting out a long moan as she starts to come.

  I can feel her pussy clenching around my now throbbing cock and that’s all it takes. I slam into her one last time as I feel my balls tighten and I explode inside her, coming harder than I ever have before.