by Claire Adams
“And I promise to try to be more respectful of your decisions,” I continued, unable to leave things at such a vague conclusion. I grimaced. “I have a bad habit of thinking, as a doctor, that I know what's best for people, all the time,” I admitted.
“I'd noticed that about you,” Olivia said, echoing my earlier words.
I smiled at her. “I promise to be better this time,” I said softly. “Whether that means that we're just friends or something more. But that's the last thing that I'm going to say. I'll let you think things over.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Olivia
It was hard not to be moved by all the nice things that Eric was saying. I had to admit that I was still a little worried about where things would lead. It sounded like he wanted to be involved with the baby, as well as with me, and I had to take that at face value, especially when he'd taken me on such a wonderful, relaxing weekend retreat.
The place was gorgeous, and after a week of horrible, crushing sadness, I was starting to finally come to terms with Mom's passing. That didn't mean that I was feeling 100% okay again or that I was ready to jump into things with Eric, but I was seriously considering everything that he had promised.
The thing was, deep down, I knew that Eric was a good guy. I could tell that he cared about me. And I still couldn't deny that I loved him. We might have had our disagreements, but he had still been there for me when I needed him, and I could trust in that if nothing else.
And ever since he had come over the previous day, I hadn't been able to stop picturing starting this family with him. I could picture Eric by my side during the pregnancy, and Emma playing dress up with her future sister. I could picture holidays together, and birthdays. I could even picture visiting Mom's grave with Eric by my side, lending silent support, just like I would when he wanted to visit Emily's grave.
What's more, I was surprised at how easy it was to picture all of that. Like he had said today, it felt like we were right for one another.
As I'd told him, I was pretty sure this was what Mom would have wanted, too. I didn't want to make the decision just because Mom had tried matchmaking the two of us, but that had some weight on my decision as well. Mom wouldn't have gone on and on about what a looker he was if she hadn't thought that he was a good guy as well, and her opinion meant a lot to me.
I was afraid to rush into anything, but at the same time, this didn't exactly feel like we were rushing into anything. Maybe we had at first, but now we'd taken some time apart. I still didn't know all the details about his life, but I knew the important ones, and he knew important things about me. What's more, I knew that we understood one another, with that shared experience of losing loved ones to cancer.
As we walked back to the bed and breakfast, I slipped my hand into his. Eric smiled down at me but didn't comment.
“I didn't schedule anything for the afternoon,” Eric informed me as we neared my room. “I figured that you might want to try to take a nap, once you were good and relaxed. But if not, you could relax in the hot tub or the sauna for a little while. Or I'm sure we could talk to the front desk and see if they could book you for another massage.”
“A nap actually sounds like a really good idea,” I told him honestly.
We lingered outside the door to my room, and I could tell that we each wanted to say something more but weren't sure what. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I stood up on my tiptoes, grabbing his collar so that I could pull him into a messy kiss.
When I pulled back, Eric seemed surprised. And hesitant. I didn't like that look in his eyes, the one that told me he was about to push me away.
I wondered how I could have read things so wrong. It had seemed like he was finally ready to be in a relationship with me. But had he only been saying that because he had thought that was what I had wanted? Or had he thought that he had wanted it, only to realize now that he didn't actually?
Sure enough, he took a step back, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears.
“Hey,” Eric said, reaching out and tapping my chin with his index finger so that I would look up at him. I couldn't quite meet his eyes. “Oh, honey,” Eric said, folding me into his arms.
I struggled against him, not wanting to feel his pity, not over this.
“Olivia, please,” he said, sounding desperate. “I'm sorry, you just took me by surprise, that's all. I didn't realize that you had already made a decision, and I didn't want you to do anything that you would regret.”
I stilled against him, pulling back so that I could peek up at him. “Why would I regret this?” I asked him.
Eric scratched the back of his neck, looking rueful. “Well, I'd hope you wouldn't,” he said honestly.
“I want this,” I admitted hoarsely. “I've wanted this.” I bit my tongue to keep from admitting how much I loved him. I shook my head. “Things have been crazy lately, but you've been there for me when I needed you the most,” I pointed out. “And this weekend, this is exactly what I needed, and somehow you knew that.”
Eric smiled softly at me. “Does that mean we're going to label things this time?” he asked teasingly. “Because I'm not sure what I would do if you said we were just casual again.”
“We can label it,” I said, feeling a swooping feeling in my gut as I even considered it: Eric, my boyfriend. I smiled at the very thought.
“Good,” Eric said. He continued to linger there, and I rolled my eyes.
“Come on inside,” I said, opening the door and pushing him in.
“Are you sure?” Eric asked seriously as I started unbuttoning his shirt.
“Please,” I said, my voice already sounding raw and fucked-out.
Eric's eyes went dark, and he stepped away so that he could strip himself down, his nimble fingers making quick work of the buttons. I gave myself a belated shake and hurriedly stripped down as well.
I wanted to take my time with this, to show him how much I appreciated everything that we had gone through, how much I was looking forward to our future together. But at the same time, I was desperate to have him inside me already, practically dripping into my quickly-shed panties.
I sprawled out on the bed, watching as he moved toward me with catlike grace. I couldn't help sliding my hand between my legs, playing with myself a little as I waited for him.
Eric made a soft, punched-out noise as he watched me, interest written all over his face. “God, that's sexy,” he told me as he crawled in between my legs. He bent down to press a soft kiss to my lips and then moved lower, kissing my belly, his meaning clear. Then, he moved his lips down to the space that I'd previously been exploring with my fingertips.
I gasped, unable to help myself. “Eric,” I groaned as his tongue flicked out, playing over my clit. He sucked and laved at me, leaving no part of my folds untouched. Then, his fingers came up to gently explore as well, playing through my wetness, making me cry out with pleasure.
“You like that, do you?” Eric asked, grinning wickedly up at me.
“Please,” I begged, not even sure what I was asking for. On the one hand, I didn't want him to stop what he was doing; one the other hand, I wanted desperately for him to slide inside me, to fill me up as only he could manage.
Fortunately, it seemed like Eric was intent on giving me the best of both of those options. He continued to use his mouth against me until I was helplessly consumed with pleasure, twisting against the sheets. Then, before I'd even had a chance to come down from that orgasm, he repositioned himself and thrust inside of me in one smooth movement.
I really hoped the walls were soundproof, because I was sure the whole B&B could hear me cry out as he breached me. I was breathless with sensation, utterly overcome, my feelings from the past weeks cascading over me, making everything that much more intense.
There was sadness, for sure. It seemed like we might just be able to forge something beautiful, the two of us together.
I urged him on with my heels, pulling him into me, rocking into
my thrusts. My fingers couldn't get enough of his skin, and when he lowered himself down onto his elbows, changing up the angle so that he could get deeper inside of me, I leaned up to press open-mouthed kisses to his neck and collarbone.
As though taking that as a hint, Eric bent down further, pressing his mouth to my skin, biting a mark into it. Like he was finally, finally ready to tell the world that I was his.
I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, and Eric seemed to sense them, pulling back so that he could stare down at me, his eyes full of wonder. His hand came up to caress my cheek, and he kissed me again, his lips so soft. They were a perfect counterpoint to the almost violent thrusts that he was still using to rock my body.
Suddenly, he slowed down, until I could feel the perfect glide of his member inside of me, until I could register his weight pressing down on me. The air was pregnant with the words that we both wanted to say. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I didn't say the words yet, but I felt them, and I wondered if he could feel them too. Something about this told me that he could: the sensual drag of his fingers down my sides, the reverent look in his eyes, the way he focused on giving me exactly what I needed. The way that he somehow knew exactly what I needed, just like he'd known that I needed this weekend away, just like he'd known how to comfort me the night that Mom had died.
Somehow, he seemed to have an innate grasp on my psyche. I remembered how he said that he felt like we were right for one another, and I smiled.
“What are you smiling about?” Eric whispered.
“I love you.” The words slipped out thoughtlessly, without conscious direction from my brain.
Eric's eyes widened fractionally, and I prepared to take them back, to say that I hadn't meant them but that I was just so caught up in these feelings. But before I could, his expression melted into a smile. “I love you too,” he said, punctuating the words with a few sharp thrusts that had me spiraling over the edge for the second time.
I moaned, fingers clenching desperately against his arms as I came for what felt like an eternity, my walls shuddering around his length. He came as well, and in that perfect moment, I couldn't tell where I ended, and he began, or even if there were an end and a beginning between us. We were suspended there, in bliss and harmony. Our fingers twisted together, and I smiled as I opened my eyes.
Eric groaned as he pulled out of me and flopped to the side. I immediately rolled toward him, snuggling close, putting my head on his chest. I held my breath, hoping that this was okay and that he had meant everything that he had said.
Not that I thought that he would lie about it, but at the same time, this was a big shift in our relationship. A week ago, I could never have expected this.
To my relief, Eric maneuvered his arm so that it was around my shoulders, pulling me even closer. I exhaled heavily. “Relax,” he murmured. He cracked a grin at me. “I give it about 10 minutes before I'm ready to go again.”
I blinked up at him and then giggled. “You act like it's been weeks since we slept together,” I said.
“It has been weeks,” Eric said gravely. “Weeks since I made love to you.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I realized that there was still part of me that was worried he had just said that he loved me in the heat of the moment, in a flood of passion.
I aimlessly traced patterns on his chest, trying to think of a way to say what I was thinking. “I meant it, you know,” I said quietly. “I love you.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Eric said, holding me close. “I meant it too. I love you. I've known that ever since I thought I lost you to Buck.”
I stared up at him in surprise and then surged up to kiss him, hardly daring to believe it, but it resonated between us, and I knew it was true.
I settled back against his side, a smile on my face. Then, I yawned.
Eric laughed. “I think you probably need a nap before we go for another round,” he remarked, pulling the blankets up around us.
I pouted, but I knew that he was right. “I love you,” I whispered again as I drifted off to sleep. I knew it was sappy, and I didn't want to say it too much, to make it seem meaningless. But I couldn't help it: I wanted to say it over and over, to make sure that he believed it.
For what it was worth, Eric didn't seem tired of hearing it yet. Instead, he leaned down and kissed me lightly on the forehead. “Love you too,” he murmured.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Eric
Two weeks later, it was time for Olivia's first ultrasound. I felt silly for being nervous about it, but there I was. I had made an appointment for us with one of the top gynecologists in the area, using an old connection that I had made in grad school and calling in a couple of favors. I wanted to make sure that she had the best of everything during this pregnancy.
Olivia laughed, not for the first time. “It's going to be fine,” she said as I glanced over at her from the driver's seat of the car. “I don't know why you insisted on coming all the way to Chicago for this anyway. We could have just gone to see Dr. Lazaro. Anyway, we already know the baby is happy and healthy; I'd be able to feel if there was something wrong. But right now, everything feels right.”
I loved the emphasis that she placed on that last word. Everything did feel right, that was the thing. I could never have imagined it would feel this right.
That wasn't to say that things hadn't felt right with Emily as well, but things had been different with her. Our love had been quieter, more self-contained. With Olivia, it felt all-consuming, a powerful fire ready to catch us up in the heat of passion at any moment. Maybe it was just that our relationship was so new, but I had to hope that this feeling would never die.
“We could have gone to Dr. Lazaro,” I agreed, shaking those other thoughts out of my head. The truth was, I hadn't told Olivia the real reason that I wanted to take her into the city: I had plans for us that night. I'd gotten us a reservation at a fancy restaurant for dinner, and I'd booked us into one of the city's nicest hotels for the night. Emma was excited to stay over at Christina's house for the night, a novelty for the young girl.
Olivia and I had been on a few dates already, over the past few weeks, but I wanted to do something special for her. I still kept trying to come up with ways to show her how much I loved her, buying her flowers and giving her gentle massages and making sure that she was comfortable in bed with me.
Not that I thought she was worried about it. She had spent nearly every night at my house that week, and things were going well for us. We had initially said, at the B&B when we'd finally gotten around to talking about what this meant for our relationship, that we didn't want to rush into anything. But neither of us seemed able to stay away from the other.
I had simply wanted to take her out to dinner one night, and that had led to a mind-blowing bout of sex in the back seat of my car on the way home. After that, as we lay there staring up at the stars, we'd been forced to reevaluate things.
“Maybe it would be all right if Emma knew,” I mused.
Olivia raised an eyebrow at me. “Do you think she'd understand at all?”
“Well, I'm not going to explain everything to her,” I said, grinning. “But if I told her that you were my special friend, maybe you could spend the night sometimes. I'd like to wake up with you.”
“Mm,” Olivia said, considering that. “If waking up next to you means you are cooking me breakfast every morning, I am interested in that!”
I laughed. “I don't know about every morning, but I'll see what I can do,” I promised.
“I might just have to reward you for that if you do,” Olivia said teasingly.
“I see,” I said, smiling against her hair. I paused. “You realize that if Emma knows, though, there's the possibility that she might mention it to someone. A couple of the other kids from town go to the same daycare as her. Or she might say something while we're shopping, I don't know.”
“Kids say the darndest things, don't they?” Olivia asked,
but she didn't sound worried about it. If anything, I was pretty sure she sounded happy about the whole town knowing.
Come to think of it. I would be happy if the whole town knew as well. Not only would it be a weight off my chest, but I also couldn't help but want to show Olivia off, to make sure that everyone knew that she was mine and that I wasn't about to let anyone interfere with that ever again.
Which I supposed was what that whole night in Chicago was meant to be about. Not that I'd invited the whole town, or a sky-writing airplane, or anything that extreme. But I had plans for the two of us. I smiled to myself just thinking about them.
At this point, I was just happy to see Olivia smile. Even Emma seemed happier having Olivia around. I didn't know if it was the woman's calming presence or just the balancing effect of having two 'parents' to come home to at the end of the day. Or maybe it was just that Emma was growing up, or that her time in daycare was making her more mature. Whatever it was, I couldn't believe that everything was working out. They'd been so rocky at first that I had hardly dared to dream that we might get to this point.
At the doctor's office, I watched as they squirted gel on Olivia's stomach. She still wasn't showing, of course, but it was exciting just being here, knowing what was coming. “Only a matter of time now,” Olivia said, echoing my thoughts. I grinned down at her and reached out to take her hand.
“Now, as I'm sure you know, Dr. Jones, we're not going to be able to see much with this ultrasound, given that it's still pretty early in the pregnancy,” the doctor cautioned before she started. “We aren't going to be able to tell the gender of this little one. However, we will be able to give you an estimate of the due date, based on what we're seeing today, as well as let you know if the baby's healthy. Based on those two things, we'll be able to devise a plan for the pregnancy, including prenatal vitamins, birth classes, and everything else. In addition to that, we should be able to hear a heartbeat.”