Knocked Up By The Doc Box Set (A Secret Baby Romance)

by Claire Adams

  It was bad enough not to know what was going on in the life of the man I loved. What made it all worse was that I couldn’t go anywhere on campus without people staring, whispering amongst themselves, or laughing when they saw me. I hated it. It is just as well that Johnny is apparently no longer anywhere to be found on campus, I thought; if it was that bad for me, it would be far worse for him.

  “Hey,” Georgia said when I finally managed to get myself out of bed and walked out into the common area where she was sitting on the couch, watching cartoons. “Hungry?”

  I hadn’t been hungry for days. I made myself eat because I knew I had to have something in my stomach, but every meal seemed to twist and turn and churn in my stomach even while I was eating it and especially afterwards. I’d taken to just grabbing the easiest foods I could from the dining hall and going on my way. I didn’t want to have to deal with the other students any more than I had to. I just wanted it all to be over; I wanted something to happen to someone else, so that everyone would forget about Johnny and the whole incredible mess. I wanted to be able to go to classes without everyone staring at me and talking about me until the teacher called them to order. I wanted to see the man I was in love with again.

  “Not really,” I replied, throwing myself down into a chair. “But I should probably eat anyway.” Georgia looked at me, and I could see the real pity, the real concern in her eyes. I hadn’t been sleeping well, I hadn’t been eating enough, and even after only a few days, it was starting to show all over me.

  “Why don’t we grab something off campus? It’s not like the DH has anything worth a damn to eat on the weekends anyway.” I considered it. After my fight with my dad, I wouldn’t be surprised if he closed my card on his account, but so far, it had continued to work, so I had to trust that however mad at me he was, he didn’t want me stranded. I could afford breakfast.

  “Sounds good,” I said, though I couldn’t manage to work any enthusiasm into my voice. Georgia bounced up anyway, giving me a quick hug before she started towards her side of the dorm room.

  “We’ll get some pancakes and bacon in you, and some good diner coffee, and then you’ll be right as rain,” she said, ruffling my hair. “Go get some clothes on, and let’s head out.”

  I got up and went back into my room. I wished, stupid as it was, that Johnny could have been there, that we could be going to breakfast with him. I knew it was an idiotic thing to want; I didn’t know where Johnny even was, and he wasn’t taking my calls or answering texts anymore.

  I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I decided that that was all the effort I was going to make. I wasn’t likely to see Johnny, and I was too exhausted to make an effort to look good for anyone else. I grabbed my keys and my purse and made sure that my phone was fully charged; I didn’t think I was likely to get a call from anyone I actually wanted to hear from, but just in case, I wanted to be able to answer.

  “Let’s head out,” Georgia said, and I nodded. My eyes felt itchy—scratchy, as if they had sand in them, my eyelids heavy. My stomach felt unsteady. My legs felt as if they weighed a ton each. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed, but I knew that even if I did, I wouldn’t sleep. The only thing that would allow me to sleep would be to know that Johnny was okay, that he really loved me.

  I tried to keep up my end of the conversation as I drove off campus, ignoring the few people who looked at my car as we left the parking lot. Georgia was reminding me about an upcoming test; she tried to get me to talk about one of the shows we both liked, and I tried to be interested in it, but I was too consumed with worry, guilt, and depression to really feel it. I wanted to get through the day. I wanted to find out what was happening. I wanted the situation that Johnny was facing to end.

  After a while, Georgia seemed to realize that I wasn’t going to be distracted by anything else, that the only thing really on my mind was Johnny. She sighed as we pulled into a diner, one we’d been to a few times before as an alternative to the dining hall and liked. “You’re not going to even pay attention to anything unless it’s about Johnny, are you?”

  I smiled weakly. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it’s pathetic, and I should just—move on or something. Just like Johnny said. But…”

  Georgia returned my smile, reaching out to rub my shoulder. “But you’re in love with the bastard.”

  I nodded.

  We went in and found a table, and I tried to decide what I wanted to eat. Everything sounded terrible, even though I had been to the restaurant before and had enjoyed everything I had eaten. It was the typical greasy spoon—nothing fancy, just large portions of food cooked in old-fashioned style with plenty of fat. I got a breakfast plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon, and we ordered a pot of coffee to share along with a carafe of orange juice. I had my doubts about my ability to keep it down, but I went along with it anyway. I went along with everything; there was nothing else left to do.

  “Johnny’s going to have to come back to school soon,” Georgia pointed out. “He could fail his classes if he has too many unexcused absences. And, more importantly, to some people, he might miss the college championship if he doesn’t get back soon.”

  I laughed. “God, it’s just so…” I sighed and added sugar and milk to my coffee, stirring it much longer than I had to. “I can’t believe any of this is happening. It’s so terrible. I mean, what that girl went through, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, and if I really thought that Johnny had had anything to do with it…”

  “You’d gut him?” Georgia suggested.

  I laughed again, weakly. “Yeah, probably. Or cut his dick off.” I shook my head. “But I can’t believe he actually did anything like what people are accusing him of. I know him. I saw him talking about it. You just can’t—you can’t fake that kind of frustration and sadness.”

  “He’s really torn up about it, isn’t he?”

  I nodded. “He is. He’s…he thinks that he has to basically be responsible for it never happening to any girl he’s around ever again. He’s wrong—he did everything he could; I know he did. But he’s taken it so hard, and something like this…” I swallowed. Our food arrived, and I poured maple syrup indiscriminately all over my pancakes, not even caring if it landed on my eggs. I wasn’t sure how much of it I would even be able to eat.

  “It’ll stop soon, one way or the other.”

  “It’s not even that,” I said with a shrug, cutting a bite out of the pancakes and forcing it to my mouth. “I can’t even function. I can’t go online. Every time I do, I either see some horrible comment about Johnny or someone’s posted something awful on my wall. I can’t…” I felt my eyes burning with the tears that seemed to come so readily. “I just want everyone to shut up and leave me alone. Leave him alone.”

  “Everyone loves to see a golden boy fall,” Georgia said, digging into her eggs benedict. She shook her head. “It happens with celebrities all the time and sports guys. They love it when someone who’s had a little bit of luck has something bad like this happen to them.”

  We talked and ate, and I drank coffee mindlessly, sipping in between each bite, refilling my mug and doctoring it again and again. I started to feel the caffeine surging through me; I was jittery from all of it, my stomach not nearly full enough to justify how much coffee I’d had. I was so tired, so afraid, so sad, that I didn’t care.

  I paid for breakfast, and we went back to the car, still talking about the incredible, awful situation. “Do you think he meant it?” I asked as we pulled out of the parking lot. I didn’t really want to go back to campus; without Johnny, there was really nothing for me there, at least not over the weekend. If I knew where he was, I’d go after him. I couldn’t even think about going back to my parents’ house because I knew I would be just as miserable there.

  “Meant what?” Georgia asked, settling in the passenger seat and changing the song on the stereo to something a little more upbeat.

  “About forgetting about him.
About just…moving on. Do you think he really means it’s over for good?” Georgia bit her bottom lip.

  “If things—if it doesn’t clear up, I could see him meaning it,” she said. “I don’t think he’s fallen out of love with you at all, but, I mean, it’s not like he can expect you to stand up for him to everyone and deal with all the shit being flung.”

  “But I would!” I said. “If he can take it—if he can deal with it, the least I can do is support him.” I shook my head. “I just wish I knew how to make him understand that.”

  Georgia shrugged. “You have to be patient. You have to let things settle down. Once everything is cleared up, you can try again with Johnny. I really don’t think he’ll forget about you or something stupid like that.” I tried to take comfort in what Georgia was saying. I knew that Johnny had told me to stay away from him, to stop reaching out to him, for my own good. He didn’t want to involve me in his disgrace. But I also knew that I didn’t have any choice in how I felt.

  We pulled up to a stop light next to the train station near campus, and I looked around, wondering at the fact that everyone on the road with me looked so cheerful. The weather was even cheerful. How could everything look so pleasant and happy when I was so miserable? “Hey, isn’t that Johnny’s truck?” Georgia asked me. My heart started pounding. I looked over at the train station where she had pointed. Sure enough, parked in the near-vacant lot, right there, was Johnny’s truck. I would recognize it anywhere. He had gone to the train station; that much was obvious. But where had he gone to from there?

  Chapter Two

  When we got back to the campus, I let Georgia out at the dorms. I was determined to find out something—anything—about where Johnny had gone. “Are you sure about this?” Georgia asked me. “I mean, if he wants you to stay away…he might be doing something risky or dangerous.”

  I shrugged. I was miserable without Johnny.

  “If he is, he is,” I said. “That’s not about to stop me. I know for a fact that if I was going through something, Johnny would be by my side the entire time. I can’t do any less for him. Besides…” I took a deep breath. “If he really doesn’t want me around, if he wants it to be over, he will have to tell me to my face.” Georgia looked doubtful, but she got out of the car, and I watched her walk back towards the dorms. I had to think; if anyone would know where Johnny had gone, it would have to be his frat brothers. At least one of them would have to have at least some clue of where Johnny was. I didn’t know any of them well, but they at least knew that I was Johnny’s girlfriend. Assuming they didn’t think that I had abandoned him in the wake of this mess, they would hopefully have enough pity on me to tell me what they knew. I could only hope.

  I drove over to the Phi Kappa house and pulled into parking on the road. I tried to decide how best to go about asking, but I knew there was no point. Either they would tell me or they wouldn’t. Either they would know that I was trustworthy or they’d think the worst of me. Either they were standing behind their brother or they’d already disowned him and wouldn’t even care where he was. I took a deep breath and got out of my car.

  It was still fairly early, at least far as weekends went on campus went. No one was around, and I had to wonder if anyone was even awake at the Phi Kappa house. Had they been partying last night? I had no idea. I walked up from the street to the front door and took another deep breath to steady my nerves. I really didn’t have any other choice but to ask them for information. They were the only people save for his teammates I could possibly ask. I swallowed down the sense of panic I was feeling and knocked on the door.

  I waited. It was, after all, only ten. It was possible that no one was awake yet, but I didn’t want to knock again. I didn’t want to piss anyone off. I was beginning to lose hope when I heard someone call out that they were coming. I closed my eyes and focused on what I was there to do. I opened my eyes as I heard something at the door in front of me. I bit my bottom lip to stifle the instinct to run away. I wasn’t normally this scared, but there was so much at stake.

  The guy who answered the door was in pajama pants and, from what I could see, nothing else. I put on my best smile, though I knew that my best smile at the moment was a poor imitation of my usual smile. “Hey, sorry if I woke you up,” I said.

  “Nah, it’s all good,” the guy said. He was relatively good looking, but not a patch on Johnny, with dark hair and eyes and a bronze complexion. “You’re Johnny’s girl, right?” I nodded.

  “I saw his truck at the train station,” I told the guy. “I’ve been…kind of looking for him. You know?” I shrugged. He had to know—everyone on campus knew. “I’m worried about him.” The guy smiled.

  “He said you’re pretty sweet,” he told me. “It’s good of you to be worried. I mean, not that I’d want you to worry, but you know.” I managed a little laugh.

  “Yeah, I know,” I said. The guy scratched at his rib cage, leaning against the frame of the door. He looked out onto the street; no one else was around.

  “Come inside,” he said. “I don’t know where he got to, but one of the others might have an idea.” He opened the door wider, and I slipped past him, feeling a little relieved; he was willing at least to let me in, to give me the chance to find out where my boyfriend was. Surely someone in this frat has a clue, I thought. I couldn’t imagine Johnny getting onto a train without telling anyone. It also made me happy to know that his brothers, this one, at least, were supporting him and cared about him still. I didn’t know whether they believed the rumors about Johnny or whether they knew the truth, but they at least were not kicking him out, either way.

  It was weird to be in the frat house without Johnny, knowing that he wasn’t even in there. The house had the same odor of tons of guys living in one place: sweat, stale beer, dirty clothes somewhere in another room, a kind of grimy funk that I didn’t think any amount of cleaning would ever manage to get out of the walls and floors. I followed the guy who had answered the door into the living room to see a bunch of guys gathered around the TV, watching something—I thought it might be the recap of a game. A few of them were in pajama pants, but most of them were in nothing more than boxers. I recognized a few of them from Johnny’s team. “Yo, guys,” the brother who had let me into the frat house called. A few of them looked up; they had been so absorbed in the TV and their bowls of cereal that they hadn’t even noticed that anyone had come in. I tried not to blush or laugh.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling nervously. “I know a couple of you guys are on the team with Johnny. Does—does anyone know where he’s at?” The guys looked at each other, and I could see them hesitating.

  “She’s worried about him,” the guy who’d let me in said.

  “Johnny didn’t want anyone to know where he was,” one of the guys said, more to the others than to me.

  “She’s Johnny’s girl, though,” another guy said. “I mean, you heard him talking about her. He trusts her.” I tried not to fidget as they debated amongst themselves, feeling more and more desperate. It was obvious that they weren’t going to really acknowledge me until they had decided matters between themselves by the way that they were talking about me as if I wasn’t even there. I waited, telling myself that they were just looking out for Johnny, just like I was. They weren’t sure what to think of me, and I could imagine that they’d probably been hounded over the past few days about their brother. They weren’t going to open him up to someone else hounding him.

  “Just tell the girl; can’t you see she’s miserable? Besides, if Johnny doesn’t want to see her, he can tell her to get the hell out of dodge.” I sighed, relieved. I wasn’t exactly glad that I was obviously miserable, but at least someone was talking sense.

  “Johnny told me the other day he needed to go home and make things right. I offered to give him a ride to the train station, but he said he’d just park it—they don’t tow you.” I considered. I had no idea where Johnny lived. I looked around the room; it was obvious that they wanted to help me, but it w
as equally obvious that they were not fully awake, that they were probably hung over.

  “I don’t actually know where Johnny lives,” I said, blushing. “Does anyone have the address?” Some of the guys shrugged, others frowned in thought. Finally, one of them got up.

  “His mom sends him stuff sometimes; let me see if anything’s hanging around in the kitchen.”

  “That’s where the mail goes,” one of the other guys explained. I waited as the first guy walked out of the room and into what I could only assume was the kitchen, while the others started to turn their attention back onto the show in front of them. The brother who had let me in had wandered off once it was clear that the others were willing to help me, so I didn’t even have a chance to thank him.

  The guy who’d gone into the kitchen came back with an envelope. “He hadn’t opened it yet, so you can still see the address,” he said, handing it to me. I smiled.

  “Thank you. I’m—I’m really worried about him,” I said. “I just…” I sighed. “It’s a lot for him to deal with, and I don’t want him to be alone.”

  “You’re pretty alright,” the guy said, grinning a little. “Johnny told us you’re the sweetest girl he’s ever met.” I blushed, smiling.

  “I don’t know about that. But I care about him a lot.” The guy nodded.

  “Just so you know, you’re always welcome here. You’re Phi Kappa by affiliation. Anyone bothers you—anyone from the other frats or one of the sororities, you let us know.” I felt like I was going to cry; it was so good of them to take up for me.

  “I can mostly handle it,” I said quickly. “But thank you.” The guy hugged me briefly.

  “Johnny’s a good guy. If he’s into you, we figure you must be something special.”