Lovesick Gods

by Amanda Meuwissen

“I’m sorry,” he said, half-turned, staring at the floor. Lightning people weren’t known for being docile, but that was no excuse for his temper. He was grateful, actually grateful that he felt the shame and ache of what he’d done, because when he felt nothing it was so much worse. “I’m sorry,” he tried again, sniffling and gasping and—damn it. He hated being weak, almost more than he hated the shell of himself he’d become.

  Danny tried to lift his head, to look at Andre and Lynn, but before he could, he felt their arms surround him, and he just couldn’t anymore—couldn’t be strong, couldn’t be angry, couldn’t be anything but miserable and lonely even with his friends at his side.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me…” he whimpered as they held him.

  “Danny,” Lynn spoke against his shoulder, “nothing is wrong with you. You’re hurt and frustrated and weighed down by far more than any one person should have to shoulder alone. But you’re not alone. Let us help.”

  “Yeah, man,” Andre said, “we’re a team, remember? Tell us what’s going on.”

  They’d been a team since night one. Because Danny owed Thanatos for Rick’s death and had been granted powers he refused to let lie dormant. Because Lynn had dedicated her career to police work after a random Elemental attack took her husband years earlier and Thanatos was a reminder of that. Because Andre had come up with far too many ideas about how to turn Danny into a superhero to be left out of the loop.

  Slowly, limbs extracting one at a time, they released him. Within the hug, he’d felt grounded and good, but out of it again he just felt hollow.

  He closed his eyes and clenched his fists tight. “Lately, no matter what I do, I just want to…hurt someone. Pound someone into the ground until they break and feel as broken as I do.”

  “Danny…” Lynn said softly.

  “I won’t do that.” He opened his eyes. “I know I don’t really want that, but sometimes I feel like I need to scream and hit something, and there’s no outlet other than patrol. But I can’t risk losing it out there when people’s lives depend on me.” He wished he hadn’t demolished the hospital bed so he had somewhere to sit.

  Lynn smiled with endless patience. “Maybe you need to blow off steam another way. Talking about it, telling us what you’re feeling, that’s good, that’s a great start, but you are allowed to take a break.”

  “What, take up a hobby?” Danny said humorlessly. “Date? Tried that, failed miserably.”

  “Why does it have to be dating?” Andre said. “There are other ways to blow off steam, if you…get what I’m sayin’.”

  “Andre,” Lynn wrinkled her nose.

  “I don’t mean break some poor girl’s heart,” Andre held up his hands toward her defensively, “I mean mutual understanding that gettin’ busy is all that’s on the table. Everybody happy come morning.”

  Danny huffed an abortive laugh. “Maybe, but that’s not really me, you know?”

  “Hey, Elementals can’t attack every night,” Andre said more seriously. “The rest of the OCPD can handle plenty on their own. We can do movie nights right here in the morgue, relax, and still be on call if something comes up. I miss getting our geek on, man.” He nudged Danny with his shoulder. “Get take-out. Play some GTA heists.”

  “I will never understand how you two can fight crime and put away the people who commit heists,” Lynn said, “and then want to spend your free time pretending to be those same people in a video game.”

  “Wanton destruction and escapism are good for the soul, sister,” Andre countered.

  This time Danny laughed heartily. “I’d like that,” he said, thinking of all the nights that had differed from Camo, where the big bad had just been some car thief or purse snatcher. Zeus didn’t need to give up his evenings for that.

  “It’s a date,” Andre said. “We’ll pick a night this week.”

  “For now, just get some rest.” Lynn gripped his shoulder. “Maybe find some time to take off from work coming up, some vacation days if you can. You have a right to stop and breathe, Danny. If you were anyone else…”

  “What?”

  She sighed as her hand dropped back down between them. “It’s been weeks, Danny, months like this, don’t think we haven’t noticed. At times like these, some people find medication to be helpful.”

  “Only my metabolism would burn through anything I took,” Danny finished what she hadn’t said. Having a healing factor wasn’t always a good thing. If he was…unbalanced, how could he find equilibrium again when he had superpowers?

  “That doesn’t mean we can’t figure something out,” she said. “Just keep talking to us. Don’t keep us in the dark. Some time off and the right outlets may help. But if they don’t, you should never feel like being miserable is okay or the norm. No one is meant to go through life unhappy.” When her eyebrows downturned in sympathy, Danny knew she spoke from experience not condescension.

  Lynn had been in a similar state when she lost her husband, low and miserable like nothing could make life worth smiling over again, and she’d still found a way to crawl her way out.

  “Thank you,” Danny said, looking to each of his friends in turn. “I mean it…thanks. Both of you. Maybe I needed this detour with Camo to get my head on straight.”

  “Dude,” Andre sneered. “Camo? That sounds seriously lame. It’s Camouflage,” he drew out the ending syllable dramatically, “excuse you. Otherwise, it sounds like Camel, and you better not ever get a supervillain who deserves a name like that.”

  “I was thinking Erebus,” Lynn shrugged.

  “Oh no,” Andre gave an even more exaggerated sneer. “Did you miss the part where we agreed to veer away from Greek mythology? That shit is getting old.”

  Danny and Lynn both laughed.

  Cho had taken up the title of Prometheus and dubbed his team the Titans years ago, fitting in a city called Olympus, but they had still been under the radar for the most part as thieves that rarely got caught. It was Thanatos’s appearance that gave the citizens something to fear, which was why Andre had suggested the name Zeus for Danny, to remind people that someone just as powerful as the monsters was on their side.

  “Do you know how annoying it is to say ‘Camouflage’ over and over again?” Danny said. “Camo just came more naturally to my internal monologue.”

  “Well your internal monologue don’t get a say over my naming convention,” Andre turned back to him.

  “Who’s the hero here again?” Danny held a mocking hand to his chest.

  “And whose suit you wearing and tech you using, Miss Thang,” Andre snapped his fingers in a Z formation. To be fair, a very high-end 3D printer had made the Zeus suit and most of their tech, but Andre had been instrumental in the designs.

  Laughing once more, this time it came out easier, freer, especially when Lynn and Andre joined him. “Okay, guys, sleep,” Danny said, offering both of them a quick half-hug in gratitude. “Tonight I’m going to sleep. I’ll keep you posted on anything else, I promise. Scrounging up some vacation days sounds like just what I need.”

  ß

  Danny resisted the urge to hurl his phone at the far wall of the Pronto coffee shop. He didn’t have any vacation days. Every time he thought he was getting better, feeling better, and maybe on the upswing out of whatever was wrong with him, something anywhere from the very small and mundane to admittedly tragic would rear its head and pull him right back down into the muck.

  The barista had already gotten his order wrong once, and now his calendar betrayed that he had used up his last sick day and vacation day ages ago and wouldn’t accrue more for weeks.

  “Danny!” the girl filling orders declared as she slid his drink onto the pickup counter. At least it was the right size and in one of those cups with a lightning bolt across it.

  The thing about being a superhero was everyone tried to benefit from the brand, and
Zeus sold. Danny’s favorite triple espresso drink had been renamed Liquid Lightning months ago.

  He snatched up the drink without even a mild thank you and took a quick pull to feel some semblance of a caffeine rush but nearly spat his first sip onto the floor. One of the girls in the back was new. She’d burnt the espresso. It tasted terrible, but Danny didn’t have time to get back in line. Pronto was always jam-packed this time of morning.

  Shouldering his way through the crowd of people to the condiments station by the exit, he needed to add as much cream and sugar as he could to save his morning coffee fix. A girl he’d seen at Pronto before, another morning coffee frequenter, flashed him a smile as he passed her and may have even added a greeting or good morning, but he ignored her and pressed on toward the sugar. He knew he was being snippy, but he was not having a good morning. He wasn’t having a good anything. All of Andre and Lynn’s supportive words and gestures the night before seemed stale now as Danny plummeted right back down to rock bottom.

  He wanted to chuck his coffee at the window like he’d almost chucked his phone, smash the napkin case in his fist, take the extra coffee cup lids and crush them under his—

  “Come on, Mickey, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t love the taste of lightning on your tongue.”

  Danny’s own lid went flying to the floor as he fumbled to keep his very full coffee from spilling over his hands.

  “Your euphemisms are not as funny as you think they are, sis. Coffee, black, is fine by me.”

  Cho. And his sister Lucy. In Pronto. Shit.

  Danny knew those voices, and Lucy always referred to her brother as ‘Mickey’.

  “Right—coffee, black. With enough sugar to kill a diabetic,” she said, so close that Danny was certain they were standing right behind him, but when he dared to look, he saw that the pair had passed him unaware and now stood in line about two feet back. “And what, like your puns are so hilarious?”

  “Clearly.”

  Danny turned forward again so they wouldn’t catch sight of his face if they glanced back and tried to nonchalantly add cream and sugar to his coffee as planned. It had been months since he’d seen Cho. He hadn’t dared track the man down when he first broke out of prison. He’d been too busy waiting for his name to plaster all over the news—Prometheus reveals Zeus’s identity.

  When that didn’t happen, Danny had expected another heist. He had to wonder if Cho’s lacking presence meant he was planning something bigger. But why did Danny have to run into him now, after the interview with Liu yesterday and the disaster with Camo, when all of his hatred toward his nemesis was rekindled hotter than ever?

  “He’s not so bad, you know, your little…Sparky,” Lucy said in a whisper that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else, since most people were buried in their phones. “Just protective of his city, like someone else I know. Be honest,” she practically purred. “You wanna bend that boy in half.”

  Danny tore his second sugar packet in two, showering granules all over the countertop. They were talking about him.

  Cho and Lucy’s voices grew fainter as they moved further up the line. Backing up a few steps while he stirred his drink, Danny kept within hearing distance.

  “Don’t you have a man to see about a job, sis, or you gonna pester me the whole way to getting my morning coffee?”

  “I know you know his identity, Mickey. You know his haunts, his routine. The way you cased this place before we came in, I bet you chose this particular coffee shop on the off chance of seeing him again.”

  Danny’s gut twisted like he’d been punched. He was lucky Cho hadn’t spotted him. He also realized that Lucy didn’t know his identity; Cho hadn’t told her. But her teasing wasn’t merely empty jokes. Cho’s reactions made it clear that she knew exactly what buttons she was pressing.

  “When’s the last time you got laid anyway?”

  “Can we drop this?” Cho grit out. “Do I look like I’m retiring any time soon? Our electric friend wouldn’t stoop to fraternizing with someone like me even if he does think I have a soft spot for this city.”

  “You do have a soft spot for this city. And for him.”

  “Lucy…”

  “See ya later, Mickey. But if you’re not gonna try a little lightning any time soon, at least go for something with some bite.”

  Danny pivoted to face away from the entrance as he felt Lucy breeze past him. He’d encountered her when he was Zeus many times. Gaia, she called herself, because she could create and control plant life large enough to wrap a grown man up like the next meal for a boa constrictor.

  Awakening as an Elemental was often hereditary but not a guarantee. Danny knew from Cho’s police file that he and his sister didn’t share the same mother, obvious only in Lucy’s paler skin tone. Otherwise, they had striking similarities in their features—the shape of their eyes, the line of their noses, the dark color of their hair, though Lucy’s was bobbed at her chin shorter than her brother’s, and as an Earth Elemental, her eyes were brown.

  Waiting a safe amount of time after she’d left, Danny darted back to the condiments counter to get a new lid. He took a sip to calm his nerves. Still terrible, but he’d risk being late now if it meant getting a fresh coffee and the chance to confront Cho.

  He’d always assumed Cho’s subtle flirting was just to get a rise out of him. The man mocked him, lied to him, betrayed him. And all that, that got his crank turning? Even when he’d played nice with Danny in the past, he’d just been hoping to bend him over the nearest surface.

  Cho wasn’t good or redeemable. When the city needed him, when Danny had needed him, he’d run away and hid, then dared to show his face right after and expected Danny to act like nothing had happened. Cho just wanted to use Danny like everybody else. Even Andre and Lynn wouldn’t look twice at him if he wasn’t Zeus.

  Just like them, Cho only saw Danny suit deep, not even skin deep, just leather and lightning. No one cared about Danny Grant. His past relationships proved that. He’d never once been the one to end things; they’d always left him first. Vanessa left because he was too distant; he couldn’t tell her he was an Elemental, and it had only gotten worse after his mother’s death. Before that, his last boyfriend had been sweet and soft and loving, but he couldn’t handle Danny’s intensity.

  “Maybe I need someone who isn’t Lightning leaning,” he’d said.

  Danny didn’t care what element someone was, but he didn’t want sweet or soft right now. He definitely didn’t want loving. He shouldn’t have to always be the lonely superhero that couldn’t be honest about who he was without putting people in danger.

  Cho wouldn’t be in danger. He could take care of himself. Danny wouldn’t have to hide that he was Zeus. He wouldn’t have to hide anything, worry about anything. He could take what he wanted and blow off some of that steam rising steadily within him.

  Turning around, he spotted Cho in line, halfway to the counter now. Cho was smooth and handsome and exuded sex appeal. It wasn’t as if Danny was blind to that. This could be everything he needed. And he’d finally get his revenge.

  He started to walk forward.

  Andre had told him not to break some poor girl’s heart. No worries there. At worst, Danny would get some no-strings-attached sex out of the deal. At best…well.

  Wouldn’t it be something if he could swindle the unflinching Prometheus? If he could get Cho to actually fall for him, head over heels in love with him, and then rip the rug out from under his feet? It would be such sweet vengeance for what Cho had done to Danny. A guy like him probably wouldn’t even feel it, but it would still be validating to finally be the one on top.

  “Crap!” Danny said as he shouldered into Cho—purposely, but playing up that he’d tripped. “Sorry, shoot, I am so sorry, I just—Cho?!”

  “Well, well…this is an expensive coat, Danny. I hope you’re planning on paying for that.�
� Cho smirked despite his words, amused at seeing Danny rather than upset that he now had coffee all down the left side of his trench coat.

  Other than the mess Danny had made, Cho looked good. He always did, always so slick and put together compared to Danny’s button-down, sweater, and seen-better-days blazer. Today Cho looked like a businessman to better blend in with the crowd. Blue suit, dark trench, shiny striped tie. He wore glasses to veil his identity, and his dark hair hung loose to frame his face. He was equal in height to Danny, both over six feet tall, but Cho was broader than Danny’s lankier frame.

  The faint scent of cologne wafted up from him, and when Danny reminded himself of his goal, the scent and sight of the man made his gut burn hot with anticipation.

  He feigned concern for the people around them and leaned in close to Cho. “What are you doing here? Lowering yourself to robbing coffee shops now?”

  “Just passing through. Usually I’m a morning person, despite my frequent late nights, but even I need a shot of caffeine to get going.”

  “Of course you’re a morning person,” Danny grumbled, honestly annoyed at that, but still playing into his game. “Well my morning is thoroughly ruined now, thanks.”

  “I’m sure you can get back in line for another cup.”

  “Was already planning to. The new girl doesn’t know what she’s doing.” Danny subtly insinuated himself beside Cho in line. To anyone watching they were just two friends catching up as they ran into each other on their way to work. “Want a hint? Request for Esther to make your order. She’s been here forever.”

  Cho stared at Danny as he stood there, holding his now half-empty coffee cup and not making any attempts to move away. “Are you angling to budge in line, Sparky? That’s awfully villainous of you.”

  Naturally, Cho fell into the pattern of their old banter—Danny barely had to make an effort. Pulling on a smile, he watched Cho’s expression shift into mild surprise. “It’s not budging if you’re going to pay for it.”

  “And why would I do that?”

  “You owe me,” Danny said, fighting to keep the loathing from his voice.